meaningless rambling

[unicorn83]

i sit here thinking of the past two years
in and out of depression
manic behaviour
suicide, suicide, suicide.
endless nights of crying, hurting so bad,
wanting to rip my heart out,
to ease the pain.
o sit here thinking how i've gradually gotten better,
thanx to strangers who listened to my ramblings
hugged me when i cried
told me i was going to be ok.
two years on and i am ok, they were right.
but i sit here thinking who am i today,
what has happened to the person i was before
who am i becoming?
i cried last night, why?
cause someone was opening up,
i couldn't handle seeing a person opening up
while there i was standing as closed up as can be.
getting the compliments, chat up ines, the 'oh your so nice'
'i love you' 'your the nicest person i ever met'....but is that really me?
they don't know how low i've sunk, they don't know how bad it got,
they don't know how desperate i was just to lift up my finger to the world
and jump off that cliff.
they don't know why i go silent all of a sudden
and not utter a word for hours.
'sleeping beauty' is my nickname, cause i sleep too much
but they don't know that sleeping is my escape.
rambling on and on but not finding an answer
will i ever find an answer?

 

[harraser]

yes you will find an answer.youre just looking at it the wrong way, youre not as closed up as you think, read your writing, sometimes youre as open as can be. thats the trick to being strong in life, being able to be open or closed as the situation calls for. youre ok darls, dont stress
luv n hugs ant

 

[shittykitty]

i really liked your ramble..alot of it i can relate to...i think im at the same point in life...shitty to be in between