LuVbUg080
Bluelighter
My first experience with E (mostly MDMA) was a major eye-opening experience that let me see the bigger picture of my surroundings and let me open my mind to the range of emotions and thoughts within me that had only needed the right catalyst with which to become released.
(1) PRE-FLIGHT
The pill was green with what I think was either a flower or a clover logo, I can't remember now!?#@!, and was a 19th birthday present from my boyfriend at the time. My boyfriend, we'll call him P, had done E before so he was the designated "chaperone" for the evening - - (Ensuring water consumption, delegating back rubs, etc, etc.). I was house-sitting at this incredible 'mansion' with rooms that were all a different colour, hence setting a different mood in each, this crazy stereo system where you could choose which rooms to play music in, and windows covering nearly all of the side of the house that faced the sea.
Okay....now that I've rambled about setting, experience, background history, yada, yada.......now we'll get to the good stuff.
(2) PREPARE FOR TAKE-OFF
Since I had never done E before I only took 1/2 a pill, as did P. I think we dosed at around 11 pm. We decided to play a game of monopoly figuring that by the time we had bought all the property (that's the only fun part!!!) we would be royally gooned. About 20 mins after dosing, I'm starting to feel odd. Like little bursts of anxious energy are eminating from my stomach, out into my limbs and out my fingertips. Waves of almost hot and then cold, like when you get goosebumps, were travelling the length of my spine and out into each hair follicle. It's been about 45 mins now and I can't fucking concentrate on the game because I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is the E or if it's just my mind playing tricks on my body. We decide to move to another room.
(3) JET PROPULSION, FULL SPEED AHEAD, ......OHMIGOD!!!
It's been about an hour now and we're just wandering around the house, both coming up intensely and chattering about whatever relevant and irrelevant thoughts come out of our mouths. At this point we're both starting to get so ecstatic at just about everything under the sun and finding anything the other person talks about to be the most incredibly interesting and important thing we've ever heard.
After about 2 hours I am a goon. The moments of the peak are clear, but brief and scattered and I'll do my best to piece them coherently together. I am speechless one minute, muted by the waves of pure and utter bliss washing over me, and then talking a-mile-a-minute the next, about these waves of bliss. I can barely find the words to definitively explain what is going on inside my head. Only a stupid grin and occasional ooohs, aaahs and sighs seem to suffice. Because I'm a happy but fairly useless person at this moment, P gives me a back rub and massages my hands. I can't decide if I need to stand up or sit down and so we decide to stand up because the anxiety is killing us. Within moments we are back to wandering from room to room, seemingly going somewhere with a final destination in mind, as we only spend 5 or 10 mins in each room before deciding that "it's time to go". Where we're going? Neither of us have a clue.
I revert back and forth from jaw-clenching, hand-fidgeting room-explorer state to the state where all words are useless and I'm a teeth-chattering, sighing, motor-mouth puddle of goo who just cannot get close enough to P. We just stand in the hallway and hug for god-knows-how-long, while I tell him how thankful I am for this whole experience and how great my body feels. I start doing this thing where I stand really close to P and he holds my waist while I lean backwards as far as I can and then come back up really fast. The headrush is incredible and we both do this numerous times before we both feel sick and then just stand in the hallway glued to each other. We both get that anxious feeling and then decide we HAVE to go into the room with the "ocean windows". (The 'ocean windows' refer to this one room with mostly windows, that faced the ocean. Everything looks eerily black with tiny flecks of light far off in the distance from Washington State (we're in Canada) and passing boats. On E it's completely mezmerizing). P decides to chill and listen to music. He tells me to go look at my eyes which turns out to be a big mistake, seeing that I dissapear for 30 mins and he gets worried and then laughs his ass off when he finds me still in the bathroom. My eyes completely enthrall me. They are like big black saucers, shark eyes, that make me look perpetually shocked. I lean in close and then get lost because they are just so damn big and it's such a shock to me to see them THAT HUGE for the first time. I had seen my pupils dialated before but never that GODDAMN big.
It has to have been at least 4 hours into the whole eXperience and P and I decide to go back to the window room and chill. In hindsight, I realize I should have taken the other half and I wish desperatly that I could have gone back in time and taken the other half, but......oh well!!!! So now we're both chilling on the couch listening to the ocean and some music. Then "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaack comes on. I'm sitting there on the couch, on top of P, and he has his shirt off. Anyone who's heard 'Wicked Game' knows that it's a really sensual song.....anyways....I just start running my hands up and down P's chest and stomach and and we're both getting so into it, it's like we're having mind-blowing sex. The intensity and softness of his skin under my fingertips is so incredible that we end up doing this for 6 rounds of the song before we get bored. The thought of sex never crossed our minds at this point because what we were doing was as incredible as having sex, if that makes the least bit of sense. It's probably been close to 5 hours now, time seemed to either slither or whizz by too fast to measure so I'm not being too accurate on the time line here.
(4) PREPARE FOR LANDING
We spend the next 2 hours wandering slowly from the "ocean windows" room to the monopoly room (the room we started in) or the main hallway that connected those 3 rooms. It was strange how going outside of those 3 rooms made us uncomfortable and unsettled. As if the air went stale and cold and you felt out of place being there. I've noticed that now at parties --- if I make an effort to listen to music that i'm not really into I can't fake it. I try and dance but the movement is stiff and not convincing while I'm constantly looking around and can't seem to let myself get lost in the beats. There's no faking any emotions on E. There's no pretense. That's what I really woke up to that nite, was that I had to stop faking being a person that was not me just because that person pleased my parents, or my profs, or my friends, or new people I met. It sounds cliche and corny but having those wierd moments on E helped push me to reach that finalization of my reality and what I was/wasn't doing with it. Realizing that on E it was as easy as kicking a carpet down a hill.
We went to bed around 6:30 in the morning. P went to sleep pretty instantly while I tossed and turned. (Stupid fidgety comedowns !?#$@$!). I went to classes the next day at 10:30 AM after having slept for maybe 2 hours. I was in poor shape with teeth that felt like I'd pushed them halfway down into my gums from grinding so bad and eyes still noticeably blown enough for a couple of my friends to ask what was the deal with my eyes. Aside from my teeth/cheeks hurting, I had a pretty mellow comedown day as I was still processing what I'd experience the night before.
I have done E several times since then and all have been amazing, where the "magic" is still present but that first experience where the flood gates are first opened and you realize the power and intensity of what is available is the most awe-inspiring and humbling feeling one can imagine. That's it! That's the whole, entire rambling trip report and I hope at least one person has enjoyed this it and hasn't gotten too lost or confused!
peace. 8)
(1) PRE-FLIGHT
The pill was green with what I think was either a flower or a clover logo, I can't remember now!?#@!, and was a 19th birthday present from my boyfriend at the time. My boyfriend, we'll call him P, had done E before so he was the designated "chaperone" for the evening - - (Ensuring water consumption, delegating back rubs, etc, etc.). I was house-sitting at this incredible 'mansion' with rooms that were all a different colour, hence setting a different mood in each, this crazy stereo system where you could choose which rooms to play music in, and windows covering nearly all of the side of the house that faced the sea.
Okay....now that I've rambled about setting, experience, background history, yada, yada.......now we'll get to the good stuff.
(2) PREPARE FOR TAKE-OFF
Since I had never done E before I only took 1/2 a pill, as did P. I think we dosed at around 11 pm. We decided to play a game of monopoly figuring that by the time we had bought all the property (that's the only fun part!!!) we would be royally gooned. About 20 mins after dosing, I'm starting to feel odd. Like little bursts of anxious energy are eminating from my stomach, out into my limbs and out my fingertips. Waves of almost hot and then cold, like when you get goosebumps, were travelling the length of my spine and out into each hair follicle. It's been about 45 mins now and I can't fucking concentrate on the game because I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is the E or if it's just my mind playing tricks on my body. We decide to move to another room.
(3) JET PROPULSION, FULL SPEED AHEAD, ......OHMIGOD!!!
It's been about an hour now and we're just wandering around the house, both coming up intensely and chattering about whatever relevant and irrelevant thoughts come out of our mouths. At this point we're both starting to get so ecstatic at just about everything under the sun and finding anything the other person talks about to be the most incredibly interesting and important thing we've ever heard.
After about 2 hours I am a goon. The moments of the peak are clear, but brief and scattered and I'll do my best to piece them coherently together. I am speechless one minute, muted by the waves of pure and utter bliss washing over me, and then talking a-mile-a-minute the next, about these waves of bliss. I can barely find the words to definitively explain what is going on inside my head. Only a stupid grin and occasional ooohs, aaahs and sighs seem to suffice. Because I'm a happy but fairly useless person at this moment, P gives me a back rub and massages my hands. I can't decide if I need to stand up or sit down and so we decide to stand up because the anxiety is killing us. Within moments we are back to wandering from room to room, seemingly going somewhere with a final destination in mind, as we only spend 5 or 10 mins in each room before deciding that "it's time to go". Where we're going? Neither of us have a clue.
I revert back and forth from jaw-clenching, hand-fidgeting room-explorer state to the state where all words are useless and I'm a teeth-chattering, sighing, motor-mouth puddle of goo who just cannot get close enough to P. We just stand in the hallway and hug for god-knows-how-long, while I tell him how thankful I am for this whole experience and how great my body feels. I start doing this thing where I stand really close to P and he holds my waist while I lean backwards as far as I can and then come back up really fast. The headrush is incredible and we both do this numerous times before we both feel sick and then just stand in the hallway glued to each other. We both get that anxious feeling and then decide we HAVE to go into the room with the "ocean windows". (The 'ocean windows' refer to this one room with mostly windows, that faced the ocean. Everything looks eerily black with tiny flecks of light far off in the distance from Washington State (we're in Canada) and passing boats. On E it's completely mezmerizing). P decides to chill and listen to music. He tells me to go look at my eyes which turns out to be a big mistake, seeing that I dissapear for 30 mins and he gets worried and then laughs his ass off when he finds me still in the bathroom. My eyes completely enthrall me. They are like big black saucers, shark eyes, that make me look perpetually shocked. I lean in close and then get lost because they are just so damn big and it's such a shock to me to see them THAT HUGE for the first time. I had seen my pupils dialated before but never that GODDAMN big.
It has to have been at least 4 hours into the whole eXperience and P and I decide to go back to the window room and chill. In hindsight, I realize I should have taken the other half and I wish desperatly that I could have gone back in time and taken the other half, but......oh well!!!! So now we're both chilling on the couch listening to the ocean and some music. Then "Wicked Game" by Chris Isaack comes on. I'm sitting there on the couch, on top of P, and he has his shirt off. Anyone who's heard 'Wicked Game' knows that it's a really sensual song.....anyways....I just start running my hands up and down P's chest and stomach and and we're both getting so into it, it's like we're having mind-blowing sex. The intensity and softness of his skin under my fingertips is so incredible that we end up doing this for 6 rounds of the song before we get bored. The thought of sex never crossed our minds at this point because what we were doing was as incredible as having sex, if that makes the least bit of sense. It's probably been close to 5 hours now, time seemed to either slither or whizz by too fast to measure so I'm not being too accurate on the time line here.
(4) PREPARE FOR LANDING
We spend the next 2 hours wandering slowly from the "ocean windows" room to the monopoly room (the room we started in) or the main hallway that connected those 3 rooms. It was strange how going outside of those 3 rooms made us uncomfortable and unsettled. As if the air went stale and cold and you felt out of place being there. I've noticed that now at parties --- if I make an effort to listen to music that i'm not really into I can't fake it. I try and dance but the movement is stiff and not convincing while I'm constantly looking around and can't seem to let myself get lost in the beats. There's no faking any emotions on E. There's no pretense. That's what I really woke up to that nite, was that I had to stop faking being a person that was not me just because that person pleased my parents, or my profs, or my friends, or new people I met. It sounds cliche and corny but having those wierd moments on E helped push me to reach that finalization of my reality and what I was/wasn't doing with it. Realizing that on E it was as easy as kicking a carpet down a hill.
We went to bed around 6:30 in the morning. P went to sleep pretty instantly while I tossed and turned. (Stupid fidgety comedowns !?#$@$!). I went to classes the next day at 10:30 AM after having slept for maybe 2 hours. I was in poor shape with teeth that felt like I'd pushed them halfway down into my gums from grinding so bad and eyes still noticeably blown enough for a couple of my friends to ask what was the deal with my eyes. Aside from my teeth/cheeks hurting, I had a pretty mellow comedown day as I was still processing what I'd experience the night before.
I have done E several times since then and all have been amazing, where the "magic" is still present but that first experience where the flood gates are first opened and you realize the power and intensity of what is available is the most awe-inspiring and humbling feeling one can imagine. That's it! That's the whole, entire rambling trip report and I hope at least one person has enjoyed this it and hasn't gotten too lost or confused!
peace. 8)
