quintessence
Bluelighter
MDMA
One capsule swallowed
5th time
This took place at a psychedelic trance festival last weekend. It is both the rockiest, strangest, yet most enlightening experience I have had on E so far.
Around nine, Goa Gil and Ariane started spinning, but they took a long time warming up. I was itching to dance, but the music was too slow. Finally, around ten, I decided it was time to drop some E and get moving. I got a cup of water and a new friend helped me loosen the gel cap so I could put half in there and save the other half for later. Unfortunately, it was hard to manage, and I ended up with 3/4 in my cup instead of half. I had no choice but to down it all.
Coming up took a long time, it seemed. The music was still a little slow, so I joined the cuddle puddle with the candy kids I'd met earlier, and we talked for a bit. Then, starting to feel smothered, I wandered off a little bit to an alter of candles, where I saw a boy holding his hand out to the big one in the middle. After a couple minutes, I said hi to him, and he told me that he was putting good energy into the candle so that when someone looked at it, they would recieve the energy. From there, we launched into a discussion on positive and negative states of mind, school, work, the world, mushroom hunting, and other things. I wanted to stay longer, but the music was getting faster and I felt called to dance, so I gave him a hug and told him I'd see him later. [interesting note: I /always/ end up having deep conversations while on MDMA!]
Then I danced, and for about fifteen minutes I was happy. Then the drug hit hard, my legs turned to rubber, and I found that I could no longer stay on my feet. I lay on the carpet in the chill area, curled up and starting humming some tuneless song. The thought crossed my mind that I might be this fucked up all night, and that I wouldn't be able to dance or do anything but lie there, and I began to get scared. Very quickly, the fear escalated, and all the good feelings disappeared. I jumped up and went around trying to find my friend M., who has incredibly calming energy. A., who had helped me with the pill before, walked me down to the shiva shack (pot smoking haven) and sure enough, I found M. there. I was crying hard and shaking and basically having a bad panic attack, but my levelheaded friends fixed me up quite well with hugs, healing crystals, and a couple hits of weed ("Here's the proof folks," announced L.,"Medical marijuana!") Within fifteen minutes, I had calmed down and was starting to feel good again. But it was at that time that I realized how important it was to take a long break from doing E, not just because other people were telling me to but because I actually wanted to.
The next few hours were very good. I took the rest of the E and munched on some espresso beans.. a risky move, but it turned out well. Once I started dancing for real, the adrenaline kicked the high back up full-force, and I was in complete bliss. It started drizzling, and the rain felt good on my skin, and it made the light from the projection stand turn into tons of rainbow sparkles. Psychedelic as all heck! As I danced, I thought a lot about things I'd been struggling with, and realized that they didn't actually matter as much as I thought they did. For instance, for a long time I've had this paranoia that people are making fun of me behind my back, saying that I'm annoying, childish, etc. When I thought about it this time, though, I realized that there will always be people who will do that, and that can't be helped, but there are an equal number or greater number of people who respect me and love me to pieces, and I am so lucky to have them. I gave myself a mantra to repeat out loud to the music -- "I am filled with love and light" -- and said this to myself for what seemed like hours. That night I realized that I'm a good person and no one can take that away from me, and I still think that. Why, I wonder now, have I surrounded myself all my life with people who have made me feel bad about myself and the rest of the world?
I took a break from dancing to get water, and then cuddled some more with the candy kids. Some boys with photons came over and gave us lightshows, until our eyes were popping out of our heads! The rest of the night was spent by going back and forth between dancing, talking to people, looking for things, and getting lightshows. All the while I was still working things out in my head, having mini-conversations with myself and other people. Finally, though, I started coming down, so I smoked a bowl and then went into the camping area to grab my sleeping bag and blanket. On the way, I saw the craziest hallucinations. I saw fairies and elves watching me from the trees, but I knew they were friendly and I was not afraid. I ended up hugging a few trees (I'm such a hippie), then went down to the teepee and curled up in front of the fire. It ended up being two hours before I /could/ get to sleep, though, because I was hallucinating so much. I finally fell asleep at sunrise, and the conversations in my head finally slowed to a crawl (if not stopped entirely).
I had other interesting experiences at this festival (chakra opening, energy healing..) that didn't have to do with E., but since this is a trip report I am cutting it short.
General thoughts: This was not my best time on E. It was rocky, unpredictable, and pretty crazy in places. Yet I also feel like I gained a lot more from it than I did any of my previous times. Because I made a conscious choice to work through my issues while I was rolling, my revelations have stayed with me all through this week while I've been sober, and I have been continuing to change my thoughts for the better and learn something from this. I am sure I have a long way to go, but for the next couple months I will keep working with my mind and emotions through other means (psychedelics, energy healing, writing etc.) because E has taken a too much of a toll on my body -- my immune system was at an all-time low and I'm sick now
Despite that, I feel quite a bit more happy and free than I have for ages. Yay.
One capsule swallowed
5th time
This took place at a psychedelic trance festival last weekend. It is both the rockiest, strangest, yet most enlightening experience I have had on E so far.
Around nine, Goa Gil and Ariane started spinning, but they took a long time warming up. I was itching to dance, but the music was too slow. Finally, around ten, I decided it was time to drop some E and get moving. I got a cup of water and a new friend helped me loosen the gel cap so I could put half in there and save the other half for later. Unfortunately, it was hard to manage, and I ended up with 3/4 in my cup instead of half. I had no choice but to down it all.
Coming up took a long time, it seemed. The music was still a little slow, so I joined the cuddle puddle with the candy kids I'd met earlier, and we talked for a bit. Then, starting to feel smothered, I wandered off a little bit to an alter of candles, where I saw a boy holding his hand out to the big one in the middle. After a couple minutes, I said hi to him, and he told me that he was putting good energy into the candle so that when someone looked at it, they would recieve the energy. From there, we launched into a discussion on positive and negative states of mind, school, work, the world, mushroom hunting, and other things. I wanted to stay longer, but the music was getting faster and I felt called to dance, so I gave him a hug and told him I'd see him later. [interesting note: I /always/ end up having deep conversations while on MDMA!]
Then I danced, and for about fifteen minutes I was happy. Then the drug hit hard, my legs turned to rubber, and I found that I could no longer stay on my feet. I lay on the carpet in the chill area, curled up and starting humming some tuneless song. The thought crossed my mind that I might be this fucked up all night, and that I wouldn't be able to dance or do anything but lie there, and I began to get scared. Very quickly, the fear escalated, and all the good feelings disappeared. I jumped up and went around trying to find my friend M., who has incredibly calming energy. A., who had helped me with the pill before, walked me down to the shiva shack (pot smoking haven) and sure enough, I found M. there. I was crying hard and shaking and basically having a bad panic attack, but my levelheaded friends fixed me up quite well with hugs, healing crystals, and a couple hits of weed ("Here's the proof folks," announced L.,"Medical marijuana!") Within fifteen minutes, I had calmed down and was starting to feel good again. But it was at that time that I realized how important it was to take a long break from doing E, not just because other people were telling me to but because I actually wanted to.
The next few hours were very good. I took the rest of the E and munched on some espresso beans.. a risky move, but it turned out well. Once I started dancing for real, the adrenaline kicked the high back up full-force, and I was in complete bliss. It started drizzling, and the rain felt good on my skin, and it made the light from the projection stand turn into tons of rainbow sparkles. Psychedelic as all heck! As I danced, I thought a lot about things I'd been struggling with, and realized that they didn't actually matter as much as I thought they did. For instance, for a long time I've had this paranoia that people are making fun of me behind my back, saying that I'm annoying, childish, etc. When I thought about it this time, though, I realized that there will always be people who will do that, and that can't be helped, but there are an equal number or greater number of people who respect me and love me to pieces, and I am so lucky to have them. I gave myself a mantra to repeat out loud to the music -- "I am filled with love and light" -- and said this to myself for what seemed like hours. That night I realized that I'm a good person and no one can take that away from me, and I still think that. Why, I wonder now, have I surrounded myself all my life with people who have made me feel bad about myself and the rest of the world?
I took a break from dancing to get water, and then cuddled some more with the candy kids. Some boys with photons came over and gave us lightshows, until our eyes were popping out of our heads! The rest of the night was spent by going back and forth between dancing, talking to people, looking for things, and getting lightshows. All the while I was still working things out in my head, having mini-conversations with myself and other people. Finally, though, I started coming down, so I smoked a bowl and then went into the camping area to grab my sleeping bag and blanket. On the way, I saw the craziest hallucinations. I saw fairies and elves watching me from the trees, but I knew they were friendly and I was not afraid. I ended up hugging a few trees (I'm such a hippie), then went down to the teepee and curled up in front of the fire. It ended up being two hours before I /could/ get to sleep, though, because I was hallucinating so much. I finally fell asleep at sunrise, and the conversations in my head finally slowed to a crawl (if not stopped entirely).
I had other interesting experiences at this festival (chakra opening, energy healing..) that didn't have to do with E., but since this is a trip report I am cutting it short.
General thoughts: This was not my best time on E. It was rocky, unpredictable, and pretty crazy in places. Yet I also feel like I gained a lot more from it than I did any of my previous times. Because I made a conscious choice to work through my issues while I was rolling, my revelations have stayed with me all through this week while I've been sober, and I have been continuing to change my thoughts for the better and learn something from this. I am sure I have a long way to go, but for the next couple months I will keep working with my mind and emotions through other means (psychedelics, energy healing, writing etc.) because E has taken a too much of a toll on my body -- my immune system was at an all-time low and I'm sick now
Despite that, I feel quite a bit more happy and free than I have for ages. Yay.
