MDMA - Second time - The solo roller strikes back!

[Amygdala]

Here is the adventures of my first time?€? just getting my toes wet: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=469787

Last time, I took half a pill, to try it out and to make sure I wasn?€™t going to have a seizure and die, or have a panic attack in front of everyone and ruining their time or something like that. I *did* want to either have people over, or go out this time. I don?€™t know many people into it, and I chickened out on asking someone. So I decided that Friday night, when everyone was getting out of the house, would be the perfect time. It had been just over a month since my first experience and this time, I couldn?€™t wait. I had the other one and half waiting there. I also reasoned that I could talk to people online instead and of course my video camera.

To prepare, I wrote a check list of things that I needed to try out. This included things like ?€˜vicks inhaler?€™, ?€˜pat cat?€™, ?€˜dance with glowsticks?€™, ?€˜talk to people online; etc. So I was ready at about 7:30, when I took them. About 15 minutes later, I didn?€™t see pupil dilation, so I thought ?€˜this isn?€™t going to work?€™. I told myself to relax, effects aren?€™t supposed to start that early. So I went and took a shower. When I came out of the shower, and back to my room, it was really weird. Everything was nice and bright, yet there was like fog around. The fog was really weird because when I focused on it, it wasn?€™t there. And it was as if the fog was making things clearer rather than blurring everything like fog normally does. The feeling was weird to. It was a kind of derealization, except I normally associate derealization with panic. This was like I died and was in some sort of limbo. But a good kind of limbo. It made perfect sense at the time. It?€™s hard to describe something I haven?€™t experienced before.

After about 40 mins after drug administration, the ?€˜everything is awesome?€™ effect started coming on. I was just lying on my bed with a huge pile of pillows and my ?€˜emazing playlist?€™ playing. I started with the first thing on my list, the vicks inhaler. That inhaler became the best thing ever, and it was funny to watch later on, I left the camera on my desk recording it. I got myself a glass of guava juice, and omg that was so nice! 'I like how it's cold' was my comment about it. Things didn?€™t physically feel any different, only emotionally if that makes any sense. This time, all I wanted to do was just lie there. I could barely think straight. I couldn?€™t concentrate on anything. And omg the songs. That song ?€˜haven?€™t met you yet?€™ by Micheal Bublé came on, and I felt like it was describing how I was feeling. That some things haven?€™t gone well in the past, but now everything was going to be alright. And the future is going to be absolutely fantastic. It was that feeling of being relieved from a massive amount of stress and that stress being replaced by something really good. For about two hours, I just lied there like that. That time flew by so fast. I also had the teeth clenching thing, so I was chewing random things. That was amusing at the time. I also said about the clenching 'I wouldn't wanna give a blow job right now. I'd chew their dick off'.

I also couldn?€™t care less about doing that list of things. I didn?€™t really want to talk to anyone. And techno music wasn?€™t as good as the ?€˜emotional?€™ songs. I transcribed what I had to say about this:

"Hello me when I am going to watch this again. I know you're going to be annoyed for not doing the things on that list. But you'd understand that I just wanted to live in the moment. Something we don't usually do. Life is more important than making lists [of goals] and trying to accomplish them. It's all about enjoying it in the now. That is the words of wisdom. From the Ecstasy."

Later on (after that two hours of lying there), I did feel like talking and I could think better. I did some introspecting like above. I won?€™t go through it all, but here is one for an example. Living in the moment is what made this so good, but I also recognized that there needs to be a middle ground, where I have the lessons from the past in mind and a purpose in the future while still living in the present. Anxiety feeds off things that haven't happened yet and are even unlikely to happen. We should prepare for the future instead of worrying about it. Being prepared means doing the best we can with the things we have to do, such as going to work and if there are problems, identify them and work through them realistically. You can't just forget about them to live in the moment, because they will still be there. These are all things I have heard of before, but it's not something that you can be really told. You have to learn it yourself.

Later, I tried listening to some electronic music again. I turned the lights off and got out my glowsticks and ?€˜danced?€™ (i.e jumped around and swung and thumped the glowsticks everywhere) in front of the mirror in the dark. I realise the music was only really good if you dance to it. And oh my goodness, that was so much fun! The song ?€˜listen to your heart by Cascada was so amazing, because it had the perfect beat or whatever (sorry, I know nothing about music). But it was the best thing ever to ?€˜thump?€™ those glowsticks in time to the beat, which had to be nice and fast. Haha, now I get why raves are so popular. During my peak I didn?€™t get how people would want to get up and dance all night, all I wanted to do was lie there in bliss. I think I would like doing this sober, except for feeling like an idiot dancing by myself in my room with glowsticks.

The comedown was good too, my mood just gradually returned to a ?€˜normal?€™ good mood. The week has been pretty good too. I pretty good about the experience and was glad I did it. And I want to do that again. The thing is, my motivation was curiosity. I have been interested in MDMA academically for a while, because it?€™s an ?€˜emapathegon?€™. I?€™m interested in the neuroscience of social cognition (such as empathy) and am studying the hormones oxytocin and vasopressin (started my PhD a few months ago). And I wonder things like ?€˜does it give you feelings of empathy, or does it really increase empathy??€™. Then I started having dreams about taking it and wondering what it felt like for a while. I was only going to do it this once, just to see what it?€™s like. The thing I have against drugs is that they are illegal and friends and family are pretty anti-drug. I hate being all paranoid and hiding things like that. Haha, I really wanted to tell some people what a good time I had, but couldn?€™t.

Thanks for reading :D

Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_mdma
substancecode_empathogens
explevel_secondtime
exptype_positive
roacode_oral

 

[dropsonde]

music is amazing when it's so loud you can feel the bass shattering your internal organs.

but it's just so good you don't care

 

[wizardSD]

Thanks for the reports, I've rolled by myself once before and had a similar experience. It was like seeing my bedroom in a completely new light, it looked like my little piece of home away from home. =)

I know you said you would only try it once, but I'd like to suggest that you find a group of people to share an experience with. Rolling alone can be rewarding if done right (and you did it right I'd say!), but rolling with other people is really special and essential to an experience with Ecstasy. You can do this in someone's living room or at an electronic music festival where the bass shakes the ground and literally shakes up your bones and flesh, it's just absolutely fantastic and unforgettable.

That's just my two cents, =].

 

[Ryan_Nunya]

Ahh, that was great to read. It brought back memories and feelings for sure, and had my adrenaline pumping for a minute when I was reading your come-up.

I've also rolled solo in my bedroom a few times, it is wonderful, and I also usually experience the feeling of just being more than content laying on my bed zoning out, listening to music and enjoying the experience rather than trying to accomplish my pre-established list of things to do. I usually just give up on it and go with the flow, end up having a great time anyway.

This makes me eager to roll again soon, thanks for taking the time to share.

 

[Amygdala]

Thanks for the reports, I've rolled by myself once before and had a similar experience. It was like seeing my bedroom in a completely new light, it looked like my little piece of home away from home. =)

I know you said you would only try it once, but I'd like to suggest that you find a group of people to share an experience with. Rolling alone can be rewarding if done right (and you did it right I'd say!), but rolling with other people is really special and essential to an experience with Ecstasy. You can do this in someone's living room or at an electronic music festival where the bass shakes the ground and literally shakes up your bones and flesh, it's just absolutely fantastic and unforgettable.

That's just my two cents, =].

I said that I would try it only once (well technically twice) *before* actually trying it. But after... um, I think I change my mind.

 

[Psilo707]

Awesome report, makes me want to roll right now even though I dont really do it much anymore, lol. Thanks for the submission.

 

[MissJenn]

Great review! I love what you said about living in the moment and not worrying about doing everything on your list. I'm glad you accomplished what you set out for. I only listen to trance/house and go to raves when I roll but I like all different types of music in general. Its good to know you can have just as much fun by yourself listening to emotional songs and dancing up a storm in your own bedroom!