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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

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Also, change of subject but to anyone who wants to learn to meditate but wants some extra help/something to motivate you to keep it up, i highly recommend trying the app for this:
http://www.getsomeheadspace.com

There's daily guided meditations you can download onto your phone, they're really good and there's a whole bunch of other stuff on there too. Unfortunately it's only free for ten days and then it's paid but I've been fairly impatient with meditation so for me it's worth it.
 
Pmz i did the same last night dude, unfortunately my night didn't turn out so well, my boyfriend and his friend were doing coke and being drunk i thought it would be a good idea to join in...big mistake! I took a really small bump and it hit me way harder than normal, immediately after i did it i seriously didn't think i'd live to post on here, went into a massive panic attack with horrible chest pain, took nearly two hours to calm me down, long after the effects had worn off. Woke up this morning with a pounding headache (though I'm hoping thats just the hangover) and still some chest pain and a fuckload of anxiety ): ugh. So pissed off at myself, i don't think i can trust myself to get drunk again because i just can't seem to leave the coke when i do
Oh shit. How do you feel today? Sad to hear India!
 
Not good Thejibberman, not good. I'm not as anxious as i was this morning but I'm having a pretty bad time today. Just hope i feel better again tomorrow
 
I think that for all of us, regardless of our differing journeys that got us to the places where we are currently suffering physical ailments notably of the brain, there are a few general things that will always help speed up the recovery process, in the unpredictable ways in which it is possible for us to return to the pre-existing conditions before the drug abuse (although we will on average generally become functional at some point):

-healthy eating (everyone will have their own opinion here... personally I eat a variety of fresh garden herbs (basil, cilantro, mint, sage, thyme, etc), plenty of fresh spices (ginger, galangal, garlic, and turmeric are huge for me), hot peppers (habanero, jalapeño, thai chili), lots of other vegetables (zucchini, eggplant, broccolli, kale, swiss chard, red lettuce, red onion, green onion, etc), I take a liquid vitamin B supplement, a variety of exotic and domestic fresh fruits, organic milk, plenty of seeds (walnuts, hemp hearts), and I don't shy away from high quality cuts of delicious meat, especially seafood.

-The healthy foods that I need to stay away from unfortunately because they agitate my anxiety are the following: cocoa (it contains theobromine, a stimulant like caffeine), any kind of caffeinated tea (white tea, green tea, black tea) although I do drink plenty of camomile and herbal blends, coffee (hell I'd never go near that one...), cocaine and methamphetamine (just kidding, and I would probably die of a heart attack off the tiniest bump)

-Keep hydrated, preferably adding some freshly squeezed lemon to every glass of water

-Physical exercise, I like biking and yoga but whatever floats your boat. Sweat out those toxins and get the heart pumping

-I prefer to stay away from alcohol completely and I find this helps a lot, and how can I handle the stress of a hangover if I can't handle the stress of a normal day. But this might be different for you, I used to abuse alcohol and my body doesn't process it properly nowadays, and I often have more than I intended, so I haven't had a drink in 4 months and never will again.

-Cannabis is the primary drug that I need to never put in my body ever again. However, I have also lost interest in psychedelics for the time being. This is actually a good thing as I am connecting with the "Godhead" or "The Void" through other more reasonable means that do not have potentially damaging effects such as the study of mathematics and theoretical physics, the study of musical theory and playing of instruments, spiritual readings (Tibetan Book of the Dead, the I Ching etc.). I feel more "out there" or "deeper into the true nature of reality" than ever before despite the fact the for the first time ever I'm not using any sort of drug that causes drastic alterations in consciousness. I will probably revisit psychedelics at some point in the future though, but for my present self they are just another unnecessary drug to put in my brain that will slow down my recovery to a stress-free sober state, like the way things used to be. But I think that finding more ways to utilize and exercise your brainpower and get yourself thinking might help.

-There are some drugs that I use to help ease my chronic stress, racing thoughts, debilitating panic disorder with physical symptoms notably tension and discomfort in my chest, and chronic spinal nerve pain which probably will never go away. I see no shame in this, as otherwise I would be too busy panicking to cook myself a healthy meal or sleep. This is just me, but I am still welcome to "downer" drugs in moderation: etizolam, a little xanax, a little ativan, and low doses of opiates are just fine in my case. Some people are prone to addiction with these / will quickly get out of control but that's not me. I am pretty much able to live a normal life these days, but this is all just my personal scenario and how I am able to deal with it, everyone will have a different journey. If you need them, you will know that you need them and nothing will stop you from being properly medicated. Otherwise, I would bear the suffering as much as is possible and reasonable.

-After 9 months there is PLENTY of improvement but I am still nowhere near being able to function normally. Keep in mind I was a full blown addict too, it was more than just the one experience that set off my panic attacks... it took me a good 5 - 6 months to stop obsessing and craving and fiending for the drug that I was using from morning until night. I was a pot fiend for a decade and by the end of that decade my whole entire life was completely consumed by all things weed, and I had no interest in anything else whatsoever. I gave up on science, foreign languages, my career path, and music, just didn't give a fuck because I had lost the ability to concentrate and my memory was shot. Plus I had brutally horrible social anxiety when I was stoned. I was smoking 50 bong rips a day, while hitting up the volcano, dabbing hash oil through rigs, wasting tens of thousands of dollars on the highest grade weed and imported hash and oil I could find, it was NEVER enough, I always wanted more and more and more, new strains, if I didn't smoke for a mere 2 hours I would begin to FREAK; if I actually tried to take a day off I would skip all my meals because I knew I would just puke my guts out if I tried to eat even a piece of fruit - so not smoking weed meant not eating food - this obviously made it VERY HARD to stop even though I knew I had to quit forever to get my brain back. And if I managed to take a break and my tolerance dropped, it wasn't a good thing because then I couldn't handle weed anymore and I would have light panic symptoms smoking it until I built my tolerance back up... but eventually I couldn't hold that weed-induced panic down anymore and it sprung out with a vengeance no matter how much I was using. I now have full blown panic disorder as a result of this blatant drug abuse. So although other factors were surely at play (chronic pain causes a lot of stress and I have a history with Mdma and other drugs, although I never really abused anything else, it was only weed I lost control with) I'm pretty sure what the main issue behind my descent into madness was... my hardcore addiction to cannabis.

I don't think about that drug at all anymore, it is worthless garbage to me. It sickens and disgusts me to be anywhere near the stuff, and I understand this is an unreasonable point of view, and that most people don't get in too deep with weed, but that is just who I am and the feelings I get around stoners are reasonable considering that I essentially destroyed myself with weed. So I generally avoid putting myself in those situations, I find it awkward and agitating to be around weed and heavy users.

-Keep in mind I did my fair share of crystal Mdma (and the odd sketchy E pill dammit) back in 2010 - 2011 ; ) so I am not just a dope fiend posting on the wrong page. Besides, the conventional stoner would deny that a lot of what happened to me was possible at all, and start flaming me for providing anecdotal input that cannabis can be heavily addictive, both mentally and physically, and lead to non pre-existing mental health issues, which although an uncommon occurrence I know to be a valid and very real risk from personal experience. Quite simply, that silly weed completely fucked up my life and I am struggling to pick up the pieces of my screwed up life and physically heal from the weed-induced brain damage / post acute withdrawal syndrome / whatever you want to call it: I fucked myself up really bad primarily through weed abuse which was fuelled by constant cravings to smoke and unbearable withdrawal symptoms. There was never any point to it, the stuff had no medical value whatsoever in my case, it actually increased my sensitivity to the chronic pain and there's nothing else in my life to be all that depressed or anxious about.
 
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Pmz i did the same last night dude, unfortunately my night didn't turn out so well, my boyfriend and his friend were doing coke and being drunk i thought it would be a good idea to join in...big mistake! I took a really small bump and it hit me way harder than normal, immediately after i did it i seriously didn't think i'd live to post on here, went into a massive panic attack with horrible chest pain, took nearly two hours to calm me down, long after the effects had worn off. Woke up this morning with a pounding headache (though I'm hoping thats just the hangover) and still some chest pain and a fuckload of anxiety ): ugh. So pissed off at myself, i don't think i can trust myself to get drunk again because i just can't seem to leave the coke when i do

When mixing alcohol with cocaine, it's quite common to experience a pounding headache the next day (especially in the morning).

I've used the combination on quite a few occasions after I became ill from a bad roll and recovered. And every time, I'd wake up the next day with a pounding headache, which decreased in intensity as the day went on.

I believe it's a mixture of a typical alcohol hangover combined with a cocaine-induced "pounding headache" (or cocaethylene for short) due to its vasoconstrictive effects on the circulatory system.

Did you notice that the pounding was worse when you tried to change positions, such as standing up quickly? It's tied to the adverse effects of both the booze and the coke, which when combined form cocaethylene (basically, an alcohol+cocaine hybrid drug which has a significantly longer half-life compared to just cocaine).

Anyways, you should be feeling back to normal soon.

With regards to the anxiety and panic attacks - I used to experience them as well. That is, until I made sure to have some Aplrazolam (Xanax) with me just in case. It has been a life-saver in terms of quickly and completely stopping massive panic attacks related to anything, but especially when it comes to the use of stimulants such as cocaine, amphetamines, etc.

Therefore, perhaps see if you can get a script for some benzos, if you believe that you can use them only when needed.

Also, if you're thinking of taking some OTC painkillers for the headache, I'd recommend that you stay away from Acetaminophen/Paracetamol (Tylenol), as it doesn't mix well with booze.

Rather, perhaps you could try taking some baby Aspirin, as they are Enteric-Coated, and also will thin out your blood, thus, lowering your chances of sustaining a cardiovascular problem. And if you happen to mix them with Alprazolam (Xanax), this combination has been shown to offer a unique protection against heart attacks and such, as is stated here: http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Anti-anxiety+drug+may+help+nix+heart+attacks.-a010808891

Good luck with everything :)
 
India - I mixed blow and booze a few times later in my come down. It definitely did not help my recovery as stimulants of any kind really did a number on my anxiety. However I do not think it was a huge setback. Sure I felt like shit for a few days after but I did not really dwell on it.

Keep positive. Slip ups happen. What is important is to keep your mindset positive and keep moving forward with your life. You will feel better.
 
Sorry you had a bad time India, I went to Holi One festival as well and had an awesome time. I only had one drink and my attempts to get high got as far as worrying about whether to take a nitrous oxide balloon or not with my friends! I decided not to in the end and just had a good time dancing and enjoying the paint! I went out on friday as well and had four drinks. Both nights have proved that i don't need to get fucked to have a good time and i enjoyed myself like i only could before i got sick. Dp/Dr was almost 0% both nights as i was on such a high from having a good time. It tells me that my dp/dr derives from being in a stressed state, indeed i went out on friday feeling stressed and slightly lightheaded after working hard earlier on. It was when i settled into the night that things improved.
 
When we talk about anxiety, what does your anxiety look/feel like to you guys?

For me it's mostly constant rumination about possible going crazy/losing touch with reality as well as almost a compulsive checking of my mental state and symptoms. Also I can't sit still and at times I feel like a floating sense of persistent unsafe/fear feeling.
 
When we talk about anxiety, what does your anxiety look/feel like to you guys?

For me it's mostly constant rumination about possible going crazy/losing touch with reality as well as almost a compulsive checking of my mental state and symptoms. Also I can't sit still and at times I feel like a floating sense of persistent unsafe/fear feeling.
It's like you said, checking that I'm not going crazy. It's gotten million times better than months ago. If I heard a noise from like the fridge downstairs, I would question if I actually heard something or if I'm going mental and would have to head downstairs to check if the sound source is real. It's just being super scared about not being able to be careless again, then I panic for a couple of seconds (adrenaline shots) that I'm not going to get better then I feel really like... dark inside, like I know I'm in a dark spot in my life. I've also noticed I'm very hyperactive out of being nervous still. Luckily it's more nervousness than anxiety/worry these days. Like I'm excited I'm getting better but I'm also getting the little doubts about once a day.

Is anyone else extremely bored? Like do they find anything is fun anymore, and if so, For how long? My boredom levels are at it's peak. It might just be because I live in Cornwall and there is nothing to do, haha! Then I just get really agitated about it, but like I said it's all getting better. I've calmed down so much, and the longer I feel normal, the more I convince myself I'm already myself.

I'm not sure if this applies to everyone else but I see when I snap out of all this, it will take a long time for me to forget about it and it become a memory. This is has probably been the most mentally enduring situation I've ever been in!


EDIT: It's sad. We don't have any other anxiety, other than for our mental health. I went to a Skrillex gig a couple of days ago and got bumps and bruises all over my head, yet I do not question that, and only a small bomb of MDMA that I have been close to obsessive about for nearly 4 months.
 
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Hopefully you'll be able to tolerate the breathing apparatus.

I was diagnosed with central sleep apnea, but, I could not fall asleep with it, nor handle it.

Maybe I had a broken and/or improperly calibrated model, but it was rather loud, and actually made it harder to breathe.

Not to worry, I was told most people get along with them just fine.



Reading this really worries me.

Have you checked your blood glucose levels lately?

Excessive thirst is associated with type 2 diabetes (among other things).

Do you have a family history of diabetes? In any case, you should let your doctor know about your excessive thirst for water, as it may (or may not) indicate abnormally high blood glucose levels.

Please know that I'm not trying to scare or stress you. If I didn't care, I wouldn't bother saying anything.



I understand it can frustrating as hell. You'd probably give anything to get back to your old self.

Even after I managed to recover after 19 months, I still had to take medication for a number of medical issues (and it continues to this day - for the most part).

There are days where I get extremely frustrated, and I think about how I would flush all my remaining meds down the toilet if I could without going into massive withdrawal.

Even so, whenever I get asked by family/friends/acquaintances how I'm doing, I tell them that I have a lot to be grateful for, because it could be A LOT worse.

For example, I'm so grateful that I'm not dependent on others to help me take a bath/shower, use the toilet, eat, drink, etc.

Don't get me wrong, I would do it for my loved ones if I had to, but, I'd feel terribly guilty if it was the other way around.

Also, I'm beginning to wonder if all of us who have experienced this condition all have something in common (other than MDMA use) which led us to eventually react in a similar fashion? A really stressful and traumatic childhood perhaps?

Thanks for the concern! I think the thirst deal was just a stage in the recovery process. I am not overweight or not by much anyway and I work out every day just about. Plus, I had all my blood work done within the last few months and my blood sugar levels were fine. I think all of our symptoms are seratonin related and it controls so many things. I would be willing to bet that my levels are pretty low.

That being said, I'm approaching 5 1/2 months and I'm certainly improving. I have zero panic attacks and I can function normally in society i.e. go to the store, restaurant, socializing, etc...I guess my anxiety levels have dramatically decreased. It's just that I feel "dull" like I've had a minor lobotomy and I'm missing a level of thinking. Can anyone else relate to this? I guess it might be the same as "brain fog." I play chess, scrabble, and read just as well as always, but I'm always comparing my thinking ability to "before." Fuck me. This is all just so insane. I've had one CBT session and my therapist said, "at least you are steadily improving, that is a positive sign." My thinking has always gravitated toward the negative and I really have got to change that mindset.

As for the sleep apnea, I've got to make it work. I've only been fitted with a mask thus far, but it's really uncomfortable trying to breath with air blowing back at you. I liken it to sticking your head out the window in a car and you get that surge of air that takes your breath away. That is the sensation it gave me.
 
Coder, for me anxiety manifests itself in being 100 % sure ill feel like this for the rest of my life. Also the compulsive checking of mental state. Im at an all time low right and I dont understand why. Ive been taking such good care of myself lately. Im back at the point where i cant enjoy anything at all and live in constant terror of being like this for life. Still there are some people who recovered after even longer periods of anxiety, so we should try to think about that.
 
If the excessive thirst is still persisting, you may also want to check a urine specific gravity and urine osmolality level.
The excessive thirst could also be secondary to the diabetes insipidus (which is different than diabetes milletus caused by high blood glucose), or it could be due to polydipsia (excessive thirst) secondary to hypothalamic disturbances or psychogenic in nature (psychogenic polydipsia). MDMA causes the posterior pituitary gland to secrete high levels of Antidiuretic Hormone (ADH), which causes the kidneys to reabsorb a lot of the water it filters out back into the bloodstream, which dilutes of the sodium concentration of your blood, resulting in hyponatremia. In the acute phase, MDMA puts a very high demand on your pituitary gland (one study showed cortisol levels to be 800% of normal), which can result in injury to the pituitary gland if the blood supply to the pituitary cannot match the demand. If the "burnt out" pituitary cannot make enough ADH, not enough water will be reabsorbed by the kidneys, which will result in hypernatremia, which is called diabetes insipidus. In order to correct the hypernatremia, the hypothalamus will kick in and activate thirst mechanisms, causing you to drink water to dilute your sodium concentration in your blood back to normal. Getting urine labs like urine specific gravity and osmolality can help rule this out.

On the other hand, serotonin networks play a large part in various hypothalamic functions, probably including the hypothalamic thirst mechanism. Disturbances in hypothalamic serotonin networks may induce excessive thirst, but your kidneys may be compensating by pissing out the excess water, thus keeping your sodium levels normal. Finally, anxiety can trigger feelings of dry mouth, causing you to want to drink fluids, which is known as psychogenic polydipsia.

I would also like to report after so many months my tinnitus seems like it finally gone! I can enjoy silence again for the first time in forever, and it feels great. I am at 12 months now, and I can say that everyone of my symptoms has resolved except for intermittent brain fog, and intolerance to alcohol. This includes memory, concentration, speech problems, sleep, fatigue, anxiety, depression, and now tinnitus. I can only hope this brain fog lifts, as I consider it to be the most annoying symptom of all. However, the tinnitus resolving is encouraging, as this was a "physical" symptom that I expected to be with me forever, and gives me hope that real full recovery may be possible.


Meh, i doubt he has anything serious, but its good to gt checked. I would bank more on the fact that its a thirst derived from anxiety as a mental thing to "water down" the anxiety. I remember when I used to trip alot. I felt like I had to constantly be drinking water for some reason. It for some reason kept me safe in my trip. Still hard to explain why I always needed to drink water. But it seemed my way of the more water i had in me, the more comfortable I was. Could be the same for him, and his brain is constantly telling him he is thirsty. Is he experiencing a dry mouth, or just feeling thirsty?
 
Meh, i doubt he has anything serious, but its good to gt checked. I would bank more on the fact that its a thirst derived from anxiety as a mental thing to "water down" the anxiety. I remember when I used to trip alot. I felt like I had to constantly be drinking water for some reason. It for some reason kept me safe in my trip. Still hard to explain why I always needed to drink water. But it seemed my way of the more water i had in me, the more comfortable I was. Could be the same for him, and his brain is constantly telling him he is thirsty. Is he experiencing a dry mouth, or just feeling thirsty?
This sounds correct to me. I believe the serotonin in our guts and brain can sort itself out with a reasonable amount of time (couple of days-weeks). It's all psychological in my viewpoint, unless you were of course eating them like skittles.
 
In the first weeks I had abnormal hunger and also a very heightened sensitivity of taste. I can remember eating a scrambled egg with my hands and feeling like it was the best thing in the world lol.
 
Also a bit of an update on my SSRI. I am still on 5mg, for 17 days now (so a bit more than 2 weeks).

The first 1,5 week was definitely a rough ride. Increased nasty anxiety, sedation and somewhere between day 4-10 I tanked and was very depressed and derealized.

I was told the effects of an SSRI are very subtle, I think I'm getting some positive effects already. I can remember the weeks before I started I would cry almost every day and only play World Of Warcraft and never leave the house. Although I don't feel happy I do notice that in the last week I haven't really felt that crushing depression where I had to wish for the night to come so I could go sleep anymore. Also I've somehow managed to get over one of my biggest fears last friday (going to the cinrna) and I've noticed that I started to work on a client project again as well as working on a small coding project of my own. I also noticed that my evenings are getting a bit more relaxed. I thought about this because just now was the first time in 4 months that I laughed with my dad at something that happened on TV and for a split second I thought to myself "hey, I remember this feeling".

Although I'm still an agoraphobic neurotic and it hasn't been doing anything for my anxiety, I still am curious to see how I'll feel when I titrate up to a therapeutic dosage of 20mg.

Not excited for the startup blues when I go up to 10mg though.
 
Quick update:
I'm FINALLY beginning to forget about this. On Wednesday I saw Skrillex live, felt fine, had a good time, got beaten around in the crowd a bit but overall nothing stressed me out. On saturday I had no thought, or anxieties at all. I forgot all about it. On sunday I woke up quite stressed and all those floaters and what-not was back. I went out tonight for a couple of drinks with my friends and once again I didn't think about it at all (and this wasn't even from the alcohol). No brain fog, no worry, no symptoms. Finally getting windows. It's only when I think about it I get my symptoms, super nervous figgity and very uncomfortable overall. STOP CHECKING YOURSELVES. Tonight was the most normal I have ever felt since March the 7th. I reckon in about another 4 months or so, these windows will be a permanent thing.

However, in the daytime I get crazy boredom. I think it's because I'm finally breaking this OCD of checking bluelight and checking my symptoms that I've been doing for the last almost 4 months. I genuinely have no idea what to do. It's come to great use though, I'm picking up my cinematography books, updating my website and starting to shoot my new short film next week. And I start work again next week too. Things are brightening up to this terribly shit 2014.

There's no such thing as an LTC. We've just got anxiety. Everything we all list out is a symptom of anxiety. Honestly, I think we'd all get 10x better if we stopped coming on this website, as this is still a form of checking up on ourselves! Stay strong peeps.
 
Haha ^ you're on to something. Every one who has recovered has said that chilling out and resuming life does wonders.

If bl is impeding your come down - take a break. You can come back when you're feeling better.
 
Hello Everyone. I posted my story a while back in this thread and this will be my last post on BL ever.

It all started 1.5 months after a bad roll and for the past 2 months I have had panic attacks, anxiety, extreme fear of death, suicidal thoughts and all the rest of the physical symptoms that go with it.

2 days ago I have attended my best friends wedding and I had my first drink and socialized for the first time in 3 months. At the beginning I felt anxious but then I said screw it I want to so badly be normal again....and continued having the best time. And then something happened. Something broke in me and when I woke up I magically felt 100per recovered. It just sort of happened (of course my condition was dramatically improving every day but you def do remember that moment when you feel like your oldself again :)

I want to say that 100% RECOVERY IS POSSIBLE and I know you all will be where I am now very soon!! A little background I was doing 2.5grams of mdxx every second weekend on average for the past 2 years , combined with other stimulants.

I thought I will never be normal again but now that I am, everything I felt back then seems very distant. Its just a memory I cant grasp anymore. Or at least the depth of it. I learned so much from this and I will never touch drugs again (apart from alcohol occasionally).

If you feel that you wont be able to ever get out of this, you will! :) Our brains do recover! I honestly also think this was the best thing that could have happened to me (and to you too for that matter)! If it wasnt for this LTC I would still be taking drugs, which could have lead me to a possible death! I would keep on smoking and throwing my life away by too much partying. I am so thankful for this experience and from now on am living my life to the fullest! Sounds like a cliche but not for us my friends! not for us:)))

As I said I wont be coming here anymore but still will check my inbox so if anyone has a question please PM me anytime. I am very happy to help or give advice.

What i did in those past hell of a 2 months was:

- exercising twice a day, wake up at 6, do yoga, go for a run or swim. Then around 5 another run, some stretching and more joga. Bedtime was always between 9 and 9:30

- healthy diet: very little meat (only chicken or fish as other types of meat I found my body took more time and energy to digest which could have used for a faster recovery), raw vegetables and fruit everyday, beans, soya, no milk , 2 eggs per week on average, breakfast was usually : seeds, oats, nuts, honey, cinnamon with soya milk

- reading a scientific or economics books - kept my thinking sharp where I had to concentrate on the text so had no time to think about my LTC most of the time.

- listening to music every day as much as I could - i just cant be without music full stop and i am so happy i didnt lose this passion during my LTC but there were times when I felt like didnt feel like listening to it but i still forced myself :)

- talking to my friends as much as i could even if sometimes i didnt feel like it (just as with music). skype here was quite powerful as I moved back home few days after my bad roll and so felt quite lonely as all my friends were back in the city.

I hope this post was helpful, I SO CROSS FINGERS FOR ALL OF YOU and wish you a speedy recovery! It has been my pleasure to have found this website and I wish you best of luck!

See you at the 100% soon! xxxxxx
 
I wish it was the case for me that it was only anxiety - all of the mental symptoms have passed a while ago. But I still have physical symptoms, ectopic heartbeats. It was one that triggered my first panic attack 3 days after 'that night'. I've had them documented by a cardiologist as purely benign but they are truly terrifying and don't seem to be lifting. Essentially my heart stops for a second or so and then beats out of my chest, this happens a few times a day. It seems my MDMA / stim abuse left me with both mental and physical scars...
 
I wish it was the case for me that it was only anxiety - all of the mental symptoms have passed a while ago. But I still have physical symptoms, ectopic heartbeats. It was one that triggered my first panic attack 3 days after 'that night'. I've had them documented by a cardiologist as purely benign but they are truly terrifying and don't seem to be lifting. Essentially my heart stops for a second or so and then beats out of my chest, this happens a few times a day. It seems my MDMA / stim abuse left me with both mental and physical scars...

I get those beats all the time.

Well, okay, not all the time, but I've been experiencing them for over a decade at least.

Since I suffer from Panic Disorder, I used to freak out whenever I'd get one, but as the years passed, and I kept getting them, and after countless heart-related tests which came back negative, I've slowly accepted the fact that they will probably be around to stay.

I know they can be very uncomfortable, and unsettling, and frankly scary because it feels like your heart is stalling.

Try not to let them bother you too much, and be sure to see how fast your resting heart rate is, as well as your blood pressure. And if those two are within normal ranges, and you're not obese, and you're active, then chances are that you have little to worry about regarding your cardiovascular system.

Asking your family doctor to refer you to a cardiologist may also provide you with peace of mind, as will avoiding stimulants in general.

Best wishes Tpchan85 :)
 
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