I realize that parts of this reply may be rhetorical (and perhaps not necessarily directed towards myself), but I'd like to answer nonetheless.
We will have to agree to disagree. My problems stem from doing MDMA for the 3rd or 4th time in my life and I've never sought it out. Every time I've done it it's just sort of been around, but that is neither here nor there.
That is a fundamental difference between you and I, or others perhaps, as I've actively sought out MDMA for decades.
I have strong feelings about the drug, as I suffer from some PTSD due to experiencing some childhood things which I wish I could forget. And while other prescription medications have not done a very good job (in my case at least) of exerting an effective therapeutic effect, my first time using MDMA was profound, in that, I felt as if all those mental walls I put up over the years due to childhood trauma were somehow gone.
How important is your actual life to you vs certain friends or a scene or whatever?
If you were to ask me this question 10-20 years ago, my answer would most certainly be much different from what it is now.
That being said, I value my life very much, as well as my health. After becoming ill and thankfully recovering, I've learned (the hard way) that it certainly (must take) precedence over almost everything, including friends, hobbies, raves, recreational drugs, etc. That is, if I wish to make it to my retirement and beyond.
IMO, my greatest failure is that I was extremely reckless for a period of about 5 years leading up to my date with a shitty ass fate.
If it was known that doing a drug again would almost certainly kill you, would you ask "do you think I can do it again" or would you do it again? I think not. And if you would, you are, as I said, insane or trying to commit suicide.
If I knew that there was an "almost certain" chance that using a specific drug would very likely kill me, of course I wouldn't use it. That is regardless of the fact that the drug would cause me to feel pure euphoria for several hours.
Be that as it may, I don't consider MDMA use to have an "almost certain" chance of killing me. Never have, never will. Countless people around the world use the drug every day. And if almost all of those people died, you'd read about it here (and the ones that did manage to survive would probably be in some hospital, and you'd read about that here as well).
Furthermore, a little over 7 months after I recovered, I went to my first rave in 2+ years. And after a bit of indecision and doing some testing on the MDMA (which I had never bothered to do in the past), I decided to roll.
Boy, was I terrified that I was gonna undo all the work/time/effort I put in towards my recovery, which took 19 months. Was so worried in fact, that I ended up using some Xanax to calm me down. Thankfully, in the end, I was fine, and I had a
fantastic night. Felt like old times, which I really missed (and still do).
As insane as it would be to use a drug which would "almost certainly" kill me, I think it's also insane to discuss MDMA use as if it's just about, or more dangerous than PMA. And to be honest, I've seen legal drugs (alcohol and nicotine) do a lot more damage than any MDMA ever did (
1 death every 8 seconds due to tobacco use and
1 death every 10 seconds due to alcohol consumption) yet the mainstream media rarely seems to give a shit, where as if one person dies from ecstasy use, it's front page news. That doesn't mean the latter drug isn't dangerous (it's a potent drug after all), but again, certainly not something with a very high mortality rate.
