I'm glad you guys recovered and are doing much beter. I got a lot better but then I thought I could drink heavily again and I went into a period of severe anxiety after that. It went up and down til I was nearly suicidal and my doctor started me on lexapro. It's keeping me stable for now but I feel the ups and downs and occasionaly lose hope. I am trying to keep myself occupied though. Did you guys have any issues being sensitive to sound and light? I know futura did and he got better but it still freaks me out.
Thank you
I definitely had issues with both sound and light.
Re. sound - I had to buy ear plugs to be able to sleep because even the slightest low frequency noises really used to drive me crazy. It wasn't limited to low frequency sounds though, as even mid to high frequency stuff would be very distracting while awake, and annoying as hell while trying to get some shuteye.
For example, I remember being woken up all the time by the sound of birds chirping away, early in the morning at about 4:00 to 5:00am. And, I completely obliterated my alarm clock one morning because it wouldn't snooze. It met the painful end of my baseball bat.
Worst of all, was the fact that after becoming sick, for some reason I no longer could stand to listen to any hard/fast music, such as trance, hard trance, hardstyle, hardcore, etc. Basically, anything 140 beats per minute or faster made me feel like I was gonna lose it. To this day, I'm not sure why my taste in music took such a huge turn towards slow stuff after becoming ill.
Here I was, playing trance tracks which used to make the hair on the back of my neck stand up, and which used to provoke my body into making the skin on my limbs full of goosebumps. And now, there was none of that anymore, only a feeling of irritation, and a desire to turn off the music a.s.a.p. It was a really messed up feeling. Totally didn't feel like myself, but rather, as if everything was inverted, and as if I was now living in some ass-backwards dimension. Thankfully, it's all back to "normal" now. I use quotation marks because for a human being to consider himself/herself "normal" is most likely subjective.
With respect to light sensitivity - I recall being extremely sensitive to light while on any SSRIs. But, later on I found out that it's a common side effect of SSRI use in general.
To be honest though, I'm not quite sure that I understand what it feels like to be sensitive to light - at least in the context of light sensitivity due to an illness. If someone could give me an example, I'd appreciate it. Yes, it's true, I'm quite stupid when it comes to certain things - sorry
I'm trying to be healthier with my diet and exercise but I notice if I exert myself intensely my symptoms increase for a while but taper off. I'm trying to do lighter weights/yoga/walking for now.
I believe that's due to a "runner's high." Basically what happens after you work out is that your body produces large amounts of natural painkillers, which then bind themselves to opioid receptors in the brain and CNS, which typically results in an opioid-type feeling, which lasts for about 2-4 hours and varies in intensity depending on the intensity and length of your workout routine.
For myself, I've noticed that the best "runner's high" I achieve is always when my workout is cardio-based (jogging, running), rather than weightlifting. And it really does feel like I'm high on a potent opioid afterwards. I would also say that, out of all the usual opioids used therapeutically and/or recreationally, a runner's high resembles a cross between IV morphine and PO (orally administered) oxycodone, only, it feels like a cleaner high, if that makes sense (obviously it would feel cleaner, as it's manifested from painkillers made by my body instead of a flower. Too bad it only lasts up to 3 hours in my case, but at least there doesn't seem to be any issues with tolerance or withdrawal.
The worst part is that my anxiety revolves around "what if it wasn't the MDMA" because after my roll i felt fine until a month later when I felt all the classic long term comedown symptoms. SO my brain thinks "shit it was a while after so what if this isn't even related to MDMA, what if something went wrong with your natural chemistry and your fucked."
I obviously have no way to prove this, but I strongly believe that I fucked up my brain chemistry big time due to my reckless use of pretty much every recreational drug in existence. Anyways, I recall doing some research on the long term effects of SSRI use, and I remember reading about how at least 2 months of SSRI (more specifically, Zoloft) use may promote the brain's serotonin system to regulate itself back to normal.
At the start of 2006, I began taking Zoloft (Sertraline) - at first, 50mg OD (once daily), then, after a month, 100mg OD. I don't remember exactly anymore how long I used it, but it was for at least a few months (definitely longer than 2).
To this day, I credit the use of Zoloft with partly aiding me in my recovery. I'm not saying it's a wonder-drug that's free of adverse side effects, as it definitely carries certain risks associated with its usage. Also, I'm not recommending anyone should use it. All I'm saying is that, some of my most severe symptoms (such as brain fog, depersonalization, derealization, dizziness, and numbness and tingling in my extremities) began to improve only after I started using Zoloft, and, once I successfully got off of Zoloft, the symptoms did not return.
Zoloft didn't help with every symptom. I had to also use Wellbutrin XL (Bupropion) and Xanax (Alprazolam) in order to rid myself of all but one symptom, which continues to affect me to this day, but, its severity has decreased ten-fold. So, out of about 20 symptoms, 19 of them were completely gone within about 19 months. And the last one, "uncomfortable awareness of heartbeat," which used to torture me constantly, now only manifests itself when I'm severely stressed out, when experiencing a panic attack, or when I over-do my workouts. All in all, it's very rare now - thank God.
Sorry for babbling on and on...
