Thanks for getting back to me
I've noticed that I don't have tachycardia as much anymore and my full-blown panic attacks have gotten smaller (although my generalized anxiety is now through the roof and I have agoraphobia as well) but I still notice my heart when I think about it, I have constant chest tightness, I'll feel it throughout my whole body if I exert myself (including standing up too quickly), and if I lie on my back, it actually hurts.
You're welcome.
I'm almost the same as you with respect to what will make me feel it. For me, the biggest trigger is exertion or exercise. When I step off the treadmill after a 30 min jog, that's when I can feel it the most, and the hardest - pretty much as if my entire torso is pounding away at 170bpm. When I take a shower and I'm in a hurry, again, I can feel it. Thankfully, the sensation does subside once my heart slows down.
If I'm ever in a situation where my heart is beating really fast due to exertion, exercise, and so forth, I will usually lay down flat on my back, on a couch or bed if I'm home. Then I will begin to take slow, deep breaths in and out. I find this works great for attempting to get the pounding sensation to stop, and also for slowing down my heart rate. Sometimes, I'll grab a book or something and try to concentrate on it if my heart rate is still really high after 5 minutes or so.
Valium doesn't work as well as Klonopin did but that crapped out on me one day and had a lot of interdose withdrawal symptoms plus on Klonopin I had rage issues that I don't have as much with Valium unless I mix it with too much alcohol. Sleep has gotten better lately. Ironically I sleep better now that I stopped drinking and started my taper. Kind of the opposite of what would be expected.
Benzos are a case of diminishing returns. When you start taking them daily or even every other day, its just a matter of time before tolerance renders them ineffective and there is plenty of evidence that long term use of benzos can precipitate the formation of new conditions - I didn't have agoraphobia and GAD until I had been on benzos for years. I started out on them for severe panic attacks and now I'm on them for agoraphobia, GAD, and because the withdrawal symptoms without them are severe.
I started off with Xanax in 2004... quickly got up to 8mg a day between IR and XR, switched to Klonopin at 4mg, dropped down to 3mg and remained stable there for years before it just up and stopped working (up to 6mg had no positive benefit for anxiety) at which point I switched to 80mg of Valium which I tapered down to 20mg and remained stable, +/- 10mg, for a couple years. Now I've been on a taper to get off of them and I'm noticing some symptoms have improved while others have gotten worse. I've kind of painted myself into a wall with the dosage right now. I'm at 7.5mg and can't seem to go down and I can't go back up. I figure at some point Valium will stop working entirely as well and I'd rather get off of it now than be stuck up a creek without a paddle when it does.
Yes, they can definitely stop working. And the withdrawal is unimaginable.
For the past 8 years, I've been on Xanax. The odd thing is that even after this long, a dosage as low as 0.5mg TID PO (3 times a day, orally) still retains a remarkable therapeutic effect for me.
Could it be that one or more of my medications (or diet?) is potentiating the Xanax's GABA-A modulating effects? Unlikely because I have not been on another medication nearly as long as the Xanax. I have also obsessively studied for a little over a decade every Rx medication I've been taking, as well as recreational drugs I've used.
In any case, I took the following steps after this very unpleasant feeling began:
- Saw two cardiologists, and had them perform every test available to check whether my heart is physically damaged. The results always came back negative.
- Did some very reckless tests of my own to check whether my heart would give out. Involved was basically a bunch of different stimulants, such as cocaine, methamphetamine, ephedrine, caffeine, nicotine, etc. I used them on separate occasions to see whether I'd live through it. And thankfully, I did.
- Began a long and difficult process of trying to convince myself, and accept the fact that it's all mental.
- Went to see a psychiatrist, and was completely honest and thorough about my recreational drug use.
- Went on disability to aid in my recovery by keeping stress levels much lower than if I was at work.
- Started a period of trial and error with different Rx psychotropic meds indicated for anxiety, panic attacks, and insomnia. To the best of my ability, I kept records of how I was feeling every day; which symptoms were relieved; which symptoms were still bothering me.
- Was started on Xanax in late 2005, and I noticed that it was the first medication which significantly reduced the severity of my pounding heart - even when exerting myself.
- Was started on Zoloft in early 2006 IIRC, and after a few weeks, some of my other symptoms slowly began to improve and disappear altogether.
- Was started on Wellbutrin XL in late 2006 because I felt the Zoloft had begun to do more harm than good as I had gained over 70 pounds since starting it, and I still had unresolved symptoms. Within, a few months, the rest of the unresolved symptoms were resolved, with the exception of the awareness of my heartbeat.
- In late July 2007, I used MDMA at a rave for the first time ever since I got sick back in 2005. I was very concerned that I was undoing years of hard work and patience. Apparently, I didn't. At the same time however, I was very careful with mixing other drugs and not taking too much, and so forth.
- Stopped the Wellbutrin XL a few months ago, symptoms did not return.
I should also note that throughout this ordeal, I did a lot of praying out of sheer despair.
I was born into a religious home, was Christened as a baby, was dragged to church every weekend, was baptized in water at the age of 16, and yet I began to hate attending even more. And I stopped going when I hit 18 years of age, which is around the time I began to recklessly use any drugs I could get my hands on.
As the years passed and I forgot about how boring church was (because I didn't understand it, among other things), I truly believe that my God didn't forget about me. Some really amazing things happened to me which I've tried repeatedly to explain through scientific means, but I've failed repeatedly.
Understand please that I'm not trying to preach. That being said, as someone who believes in a God, I would feel like I'm betraying everything He may have done for me if I didn't include this. So there it is - only a few short paragraphs.
Doesn't make me uncomfortable. I honestly figured that my specific worst symptom was unique to me so its weirdly relieving to know that I'm not alone in it, even though it makes me feel bad for thinking that way because I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
I too thought for a time that I was the only one living with this unpleasant awareness of my heart beating, but I'm sure there are many others.
You might wanna try a low dose of the beta blocker Propranolol to see if it helps with the heart pounding, because it has with me. If I combine it with my Xanax, I cannot feel my heart pounding even after exercising. However, the combination is very sedating for me. And unfortunately, it has forced me to stop taking it.
Low doses of Diphenhydramine also helps with lowering the severeity in my case, as does Coenzyme Q10.
I used to always sleep on my right side to help lessen the pounding when trying to rest.
I reduced salt in my diet, resorted to drinking concentrated chamomile tea at times, and still take Omega 3 fat supplements.
I try to keep busy so that I don't have time to even think about it. You can keep busy without exerting yourself. Watch a good movie, see if it helps? Read a good book, see if you managed to forget about the pounding.
Hope that any of this helps. There is more stuff that I will add asap, but now I really gotta get some sleep.
Take care of yourself.
