MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 7) [ALL LTC posts go here]

[Needhelp123]

How would this explain many people taking it for years and being fine and taking a small dose and getting messed up? Or inversely someone taking it only a few times?

 

[ASX]

How would this explain many people taking it for years and being fine and taking a small dose and getting messed up? Or inversely someone taking it only a few times?

Well it would explain why it happened to me after one dose. There is obviously two groups of LTC sufferers, people predisposed through the lack of a certain enzyme then people who abuse the substance to the same effect

 

[ZeroLuck]

I've read the article about the genetic predisposition about an year ago, but yet even if it's 5-10% that would make a huge impact on the overall understanding of the drug. That's hundreds of thousands of people through the years, and in the internet it's just too small of a fraction.

btw, I've started medicating myself with Xanax, I've tried 0.25 yesterday and today 0.5. Can confirm that at 0.5 its effect is sufficient, I'm very wary for addiction and will space as much as possible.

 

[shouldvestayedhome]

First Happy New Year to everyone!

This post is just to let everyone know where I am at with the illness.

http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/689516-MDMA-Recovery-(Stories-amp-Support)?p=12358435

I know I shouldnt compare situations however, I find similarities in what FBC had to say about Somedud. Although I havent touched any drugs other than Alcohol during this 18 month period. I still find myself searching for a cure to heal this MDMA damage I did to myself.

I couple of days ago I felt suicidal again. That feeling of something clenching my chest and just legitimately wanting the sadness to end. I am beginning to feel that I will never be the same. I think I may have to use anti depressants for the rest of my life and I am only 27. The happiness has permenantly left me.

Just to make it clear my depression is NOT situational. I messed and damaged the very system that makes people happy. The serotoninic system wasn't meant to be abused. It does explain my lingering symptoms.

Just hoping for a happy ending to this nightmare.

 

[ZeroLuck]

shouldvestayedhome,

What healthy lifestyle practices you do?

 

[shouldvestayedhome]

Zeroluck,

Honestly I dont do much in terms of living a healthy life style. I dont smoke, drink (not as heavy) but then again I don't really do much exercising either.

To be real I know what I am doing is complaining and not taking action to help my situation but like FBC said about somedud "The suffering can be so immense, so complete, that the soul itself is destroyed. And must be rebuilt.
If you can't rebuild it, then you should not have to go on living an empty life."

But all the productive things that I've tried this past 18 months haven't helped me "rebuild". I am forever damned to live a hollow life.

 

[ZeroLuck]

What I know for myself is that when I'm tired of my situation I start living healthy and then I feel alright, and the results come just within a week. You've been reading a lot in the form, you've seen all the recovery stories, why lose hope?

Have you tried hormone therapy? I would give testosterone a chance.

Have you tried very intense workout schedule? It could help you rewire your brain.

Have you tried intesne nutrient dense diet? I can make you one.

There's so much to do bro, please be positive

 

[lionheart90]

Should've stayed home - sometimes it takes up to 2 years and sometimes a bit more. 18 months isn't what most people say a full recovery is. 3 years is the accepted limit for most people. I've only read of like 4-5 cases where someone had long term (5-10 years) of negative effects and those people were abusing MDMA for years and going up to multiple weekly doses near the end before the crashed and gave it up.

There seem to be multiple groups of people who recover at different time lengths. For some people it takes 6 months, for most its 18-24 months, and for some it takes 36 months. Think of it like a bell graph or bell chart or whatever. The majority are in the 18-24 month zone, only a small portion are in the 6 months and 3 year time zone.

and yeah man you have to do the good health practices if you want to feel as good as possible. Quitting drugs and negative habits is only half the battle.

If you're like me and you don't like weight lifting then do some yoga. Also running 30 minutes in the morning is the best way to burn off anxious energy. During the first 2 months when things were the worst for me I was running a minimum of 10 minutes each morning but usually 25 minutes. Running is the best way to burn off the negative energy that builds up each day. It takes consistent effort to keep the negativity away and train the brain to operate in a more beneficial way.

try 25 minutes of running or heavy biking each day (need to aim for 50-70% of maximum heart rate to get the effect). you should see a lot of the effects you desire with that one change.

also cut out porn and masturbation if you can. it's basically a drug because the stimulation is more powerful than just sex and when a person is extra stressed or depressed they might lean on masturbation and porn to alleviate the anxiety temporarily. its only after a few weeks without it that they realize the porn and masturbation is contributing to their depression and anxiety.

 

[Needhelp123]

Zeroluck,

Honestly I dont do much in terms of living a healthy life style. I dont smoke, drink (not as heavy) but then again I don't really do much exercising either.

To be real I know what I am doing is complaining and not taking action to help my situation but like FBC said about somedud "The suffering can be so immense, so complete, that the soul itself is destroyed. And must be rebuilt.
If you can't rebuild it, then you should not have to go on living an empty life."

But all the productive things that I've tried this past 18 months haven't helped me "rebuild". I am forever damned to live a hollow life.

What are your remaining symtoms. Did anything go away or get better at all? Or everything is the EXACT same as day 1?

 

[fogmaker]

@brucey, you should definitely move forward with the SSRI. There is a good chance it will do a world of good for you, maybe even break the cycle of depression and anxiety. And tbh I cant even see any possible negative side effects. I have no clue why dany would suggest that it's not a good idea to take it. Plus hes not a doctor, so yeah def. don't let that guys opinion sway your decision. Honestly you have so much to lose and everything to gain from trying an ssri, you really should give it a try and keep trying until you find one that matches well with your body. It took me 4-5 tries before I found the right ssri for myself.

It's best to just let nature heal your brain man. Messing with chemicals is what got our brains into this in the first place, the last thing we should be doing is trying to use chemicals to mess with it again. Just exercise and work on getting through each day one step at a time. It's gonna take a lot of time, that is the bottom line. IMO things you do like exercise and meditation just make you feel better, they dont shorten the amount of time it takes to recover.

Hello everyone, longtime lurker in these threads for years. Will probably post my story, experiences and findings later. But for now i must ask lionheart, since these two quotes makes me a bit confused. Are you on a SSRI right now or were you on it before the LTC?

 

[ZeroLuck]

What are your remaining symtoms. Did anything go away or get better at all? Or everything is the EXACT same as day 1?

Yeah my concentration is back, I don't have DPDR. The thing is I make progress, but I forget about it, because happens so slowly. Right now my memory is shitty, I don't "record" anything, memory recall is alrightish, also sometimes I'm just not sharp. I feel a little slow overall.

 

[Needhelp123]

Yeah my concentration is back, I don't have DPDR. The thing is I make progress, but I forget about it, because happens so slowly. Right now my memory is shitty, I don't "record" anything, memory recall is alrightish, also sometimes I'm just not sharp. I feel a little slow overall.

sorry was talking to shouldhavestayhome

 

[Needhelp123]

Yeah my concentration is back, I don't have DPDR. The thing is I make progress, but I forget about it, because happens so slowly. Right now my memory is shitty, I don't "record" anything, memory recall is alrightish, also sometimes I'm just not sharp. I feel a little slow overall.

was your DR visual or was it more emotional? (I.e who am I am, is this real vs. everything around me is hard to process and my eyes are out of focus)

 

[ZeroLuck]

was your DR visual or was it more emotional? (I.e who am I am, is this real vs. everything around me is hard to process and my eyes are out of focus)

Well I've woke up one morning and I've felt very different... my parents didn't felt like my parents, my room all objects were alien, but I knew they're mine. I felt like I'm a robot on autopilot and I'm not the person who speaks. The weirdest was that no one could notice anything different in me.

The only visual would be that at the worst peak of dpdr I would get this... zooming? Like totally blanking my peripheral vision. Thankfully all this is gone. I can enjoy stuff now, music could be fun. Things are getting better when I think about it and look back. But if you didn't force myself to remember I would have hard time to recall how it was and realize it's definitely better now.

If I manage to boost my cognition overall everything will be fine with me. I feel sometimes I'm like getting some kind of dementia, it sucks.

 

[Needhelp123]

Has anyone tried CBD oil? I hear it’s a good anti inflammatory

 

[ASX]

Has anyone tried CBD oil? I hear it’s a good anti inflammatory

Yeah I posted earlier in the thread saying I take it. Helps a lot with anxiety. I take 12mg in the morning.

Anti inflammatory could be a great thing to aid the healing process

 

[lionheart90]

@fogmaker - I took the SSRI a year or so before getting into mdma and lsd. I was on it for about 1.5 years and it greatly helped to get my mind out of depression and anxiety. It was as close to a magic bullet that I've ever had. I got off it because a side effect of the happiness was complacency. I wasn't doing anything to better myself at all. I would just go to work and school and come home and do whatever I felt like, which was mostly just smoke weed and play video games. I did almost nothing to better my life in terms of finding a better job, working on long term goals, etc. I'd have ideas but just write them down and forget them. At some point I decided that the suffering is an essential part of life and I'd rather just have it in my life than go on in that happy stupor.

that was back when things were going well though. In this hell that I'm in now, I'd kill for a little bit of happy stupor lol. I'm confident that this whole LTC thing is just a time game and all we have to do is wait it out. A ssri would make the time go much faster and more pleasantly.

@ needhelp - I think i know what you are getting at. What you mean is something like "did your DPDR feel so foreign because it was blurry or did everything feel unreal because you suddenly felt very different about everything. If that is what you meant, then my answer would be both. The blurriness is a temporary thing that would hit me a few times a day for 10-30 second windows. but there was a persistent feeling that something is off because I felt much different. My room didnt feel like my room because I normally feel good and happy in my room, but after this experience I felt foreign and spacey and not good while in my bedroom. Everything about life felt off becuase I felt emotionally off my center. Everything was bland and lacked the emotional vibrancy that I had experienced my whole life up until that point.

and I have been taking CBD oil for a few months. It has a small effect but if I ran out tomorrow I wouldn't go rush and get more. The effect isn't enough for me to really care about it like that. I heard it helps some people more though, a few of my friends swear by it for anxiety.

 

[adumbral]

@ needhelp - I think i know what you are getting at. What you mean is something like "did your DPDR feel so foreign because it was blurry or did everything feel unreal because you suddenly felt very different about everything. If that is what you meant, then my answer would be both. The blurriness is a temporary thing that would hit me a few times a day for 10-30 second windows. but there was a persistent feeling that something is off because I felt much different. My room didnt feel like my room because I normally feel good and happy in my room, but after this experience I felt foreign and spacey and not good while in my bedroom. Everything about life felt off becuase I felt emotionally off my center. Everything was bland and lacked the emotional vibrancy that I had experienced my whole life up until that point.

I know this exact feeling. nothing feels the same, my bedroom feels like a hostile environment, things that used to comfort me now feel subtly scary and inexplicably different. how long did this symptom take to go away for you? for me it's one of the worst, that and the headaches. I just want to feel like 'myself' again and not some alien impostor in my life and body. I think if I had that, the physical stuff would be easier to deal with.

 

[ASX]

I know this exact feeling. nothing feels the same, my bedroom feels like a hostile environment, things that used to comfort me now feel subtly scary and inexplicably different. how long did this symptom take to go away for you? for me it's one of the worst, that and the headaches. I just want to feel like 'myself' again and not some alien impostor in my life and body. I think if I had that, the physical stuff would be easier to deal with.

Do you have trouble sleeping? I feel like my bedroom is hostile too.

 

[Needhelp123]

Thanks! Yeah for me I feel fine in my room and I nothing feels emotionally alien. It’s all visual like my brain can’t process my environment.