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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 5)

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Cotcha Yankinov said:
Baclofen is primarily a muscle relaxer and anti-spasmodic ;)
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o_O Lol I was thinking of some complicated brain neurosteroid mechanism and totally forgot about Baclofen's primary usage and the connection between that and what you said earlier about neck+jaw muscles.

I have definitely had jaw pain in the past on occasion and I have noticed that yawning briefly increases the volume.
 
Clenching pretty commonly worsens tinnitus, and jaw clenching on E is.. enigmatic to say the least.

Jaw pain is also very common in TOS - the condition where arteries to the brain can occasionally be compressed. That jaw pain (among various other symptoms) is relieved with Botox injections into the scalene neck muscles - these anxiety related breathing muscles.

There just isn't an intuitive link between such musculoskeletal phenomenon and these symptoms so it's difficult to connect the dots at first.
 
Hey guys,


I'm new here so trying to keep this short. I posted on another thread as well, but feel like I want to post here as well as there are so many of you suffering from same problems as I.


I have had HPPD since last October when I had 120mg's of MDMA. (It was my first time trying it). I know it is a small amount but for me it was clearly enough. The evening was fun and the only weird thing that happened was that I lost the control in my left eye. I was feeling pretty normal for the first 2 weeks before the symptoms started. First intense headaches, dizziness and panic attacks + brain fog and DP/DR + memory problems. Then the visual distortions (the halos, starbursts, after images, the feeling of movement in a static setting, sensitivity to lights, visual snow / static and floaters).


I saw quite a few doctors about this (my GP, an optician, three different ophthalmologists, a neurologist, a doctor specialized in drug related problems, a psychiatrist and had an MRI. All the test results came back as normal. The only problem they found, but which did not explain my problems was a bilateral angle closure and transient myopia in my left eye.


Same as this: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1954731/


As no-one was able to help, I went on a complete sobriety for 5 months (I did not even drink caffeine) and did all the vitamins and 5-htp etc.. I have seen a massive improvement in my condition and most of the symptoms have vanished + rest of them drastically diminished. Currently I am experiencing mild tinnitus (or it is more like hissing sound) which is the most annoying symptom, plus the floaters, which are also less visible and mild starbursts.


Over the last few weeks I have had a bit of alcohol. I feel like it is setting me back a little bit but I am quite desperate to start living a normal life again!


How long did you guys sustain a complete sobriety? I'm soon hitting my 6th month of recovery. Do you think it is ok to start drinking small amounts at this point? (I guess it goes without saying that I will never touch drugs again). The only thing I want is to feel 100% healthy again!


Any opinions and advices are appreciated!
 
So I attempted Tianeptine again and I always get the same result. It gives me bad dry mouth and makes me just feel off as if im not really there. Kind of DP/DR like which I dont normally have.

Also gives me nausea. Is this just not a suitable med for some people?
 
Tianeptine is an odd one pharmacologically, one that people have pretty varied reactions to from what I've heard.
 
emo1 said:
Hey guys,

I'm new here so trying to keep this short. I posted on another thread as well, but feel like I want to post here as well as there are so many of you suffering from same problems as I.


I have had HPPD since last October when I had 120mg's of MDMA. (It was my first time trying it). I know it is a small amount but for me it was clearly enough. The evening was fun and the only weird thing that happened was that I lost the control in my left eye. I was feeling pretty normal for the first 2 weeks before the symptoms started. First intense headaches, dizziness and panic attacks + brain fog and DP/DR + memory problems. Then the visual distortions (the halos, starbursts, after images, the feeling of movement in a static setting, sensitivity to lights, visual snow / static and floaters).


I saw quite a few doctors about this (my GP, an optician, three different ophthalmologists, a neurologist, a doctor specialized in drug related problems, a psychiatrist and had an MRI. All the test results came back as normal. The only problem they found, but which did not explain my problems was a bilateral angle closure and transient myopia in my left eye.

Same as this: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1954731/

As no-one was able to help, I went on a complete sobriety for 5 months (I did not even drink caffeine) and did all the vitamins and 5-htp etc.. I have seen a massive improvement in my condition and most of the symptoms have vanished + rest of them drastically diminished. Currently I am experiencing mild tinnitus (or it is more like hissing sound) which is the most annoying symptom, plus the floaters, which are also less visible and mild starbursts.

Any opinions and advices are appreciated!
Click to expand...

I really recommend taking care of your physical health with exercise and stretching.

I have a little theory about some people's symptoms being due to issues with a particular artery. The neck muscle that can compress this artery has reportedly caused some ocular symptoms in some patients, and it is known to cause visual disturbances (among other things). The artery primarily supplies the rear region of the brain (the visual center).

With a doctor's permission, you could look up a stretch or two for your neck on YouTube - in particular the anterior scalene, medial scalene and SCM.
 
Hello friends! I just wanted to share my symptoms because I'm feeling especially depressed and having a hard time finding people in a similar situation.

I've been suffering for the last 8 years! 8 years ago I tried ecstasy for the first and only time. Mixed it with adderall. I am pretty certain it wasn't actually MDMA though, as I never really experienced a strong high (thats why I also dosed the adderall after a couple hours). I wonder if I suffered some kind of stroke? Ever since, my mind has been blank! Before this condition, I always had a thought in my head and always had words available, every waking moment. After the drug use, I literally cannot hear the voice in my head, my brain is blank, I cannot focus, I struggle to reason logically, I struggle with attention, I literally lost almost all my memories because I cannot consult/recall my thoughts during those memories (sounds weird, but basically I cannot retrieve my memories because I am not mentally capable of thinking like I was during the experience that I'm trying to recall). I also experience some of the apathy that many of you are experiencing, but it's related to the fact that I literally cannot think in my head. This has been going on for 8 freaking years and it has wrecked havoc on all aspects of my life. I cannot connect with friends or family because I never have anything to say. I never have thoughts so I don't have anything to say. I had to drop out of school, quit my job as a scientist, etc.

Anyway, like I said, this has been going on for so long that years ago I lost any hope of recovery. I've moved around the country to escape my family (I love my family dearly! I just don't want them to discover what a mindless fool I've become, but when I interact with them it becomes obvious that something isn't right) and at times I've felt some relief when living in the mountains and away from any intellectual culture. But I'm back at home now and my "condition" is weighing heavily on my life. That's why I signed up for BL because I'm feeling the depression coming back with a vengeance. I'm just curious if anyone can relate to this mindlessness. I don't have a lot of the other symptoms that some of you are struggling with, such as anxiety. I hope you all find yourselves again!!!!

Ive gone through phases of exercising and eating healthy. However, my sleep hygiene has been consistently terrible and I haven't tried any supplements. Im trying my best to research them now, but its hard for me to focus or think about anything at all. Im basically a body without a mind. 5 years ago I made my one attempt at seeking medical help and was referred to a neurologist (of sorts, I think her official specialty was neuropsychiatry). She basically just gave me an IQ test and told me that I was fine. She referred me to a therapist but I never went. As you can see, part of my problem is that I havent really tried to help myself enough. I should of sought medical attention right away, but it's been really hard to do anything because of my inability to think, reason, and focus. I'm going to make another doctors appointment today. I'm hoping to receive some type of neuroimaging. But I'm not too hopeful; maybe that's my problem though.

Thanks for reading!! I'd love to hear if anyone can relate (specifically to their mind going blank/empty). Best wishes in your recoveries!

-T
 
I guess people don't really come back once they've recovered from tinnitus to support others, or they never recover. I swear that I will come back to offer support if I am ever able to recover. This past 7 weeks has been the hardest I've ever been through. Harder than taking my mother off of life support after a car accident. Im in a bad way.

about my status. I just went to a hearing test and exam and my hearing is normal. They even did a test to make sure the little hairs that pick up sound were ok. My tinnitus can only really be heard when it's quiet (the hearing test was a struggle because of the ringing).

The tinnitus is also my only symptom that is obvious to me. Vision and emotional health feel normal until I obsess about them and then it may well be anxiety causing issues. I think some of the fear and depression come from the thought that I've ruined my life for a high. I take responsibility for my actions but they are very hard to deal with. Like many other people here I keep asking myself why. Why did I take so much? Why is everyone else that dosed just as much doing normal? Why can't I just be myself again?

So I'm struggling. Everyday is a new challenge when I wake up to the hiss. Every quiet moment with my girlfriend that I used to cherish is ruined because I was stupid. My life will be defined by drugs. There is me before I did this, and me after. I know that if I am ever able to free myself from this hell I will be a changed person. I will be more patient and more understanding of the world around me. The deep painful fear that i've been living in has taught me a lesson. I was taking my life for granted. I took all those moments for granted. All the peaceful times with a clear mind. I cry every day. I don't care about anything.

I'm sorry I wasn't here before I had a problem. Now I'm here asking for help. I promise I'll come back if I get better so I could maybe offer help back.
 
Hi woodfordthecat. I know it is of little solace but after such a large dose you really could have so many more horrific symptoms. Blurry vision, anhedonia, depresonalisation, derealisation, ego death, etc.

Try think of it as you are lucky that tinnitus is all that has happened and hope with time it will subside (which happens for some) or alternatively you just get used to it to a point you don't notice it. I know the latter seems impossible but 6 weeks is not very long in the bigger scheme of things. If it stays, with time your body will eventually adapt to a point where it tunes it out. I know that seems impossible now but trust me that does eventually happen. I of course hope it subsides and try not beat yourself for a silly mistake.

All the best
 
@MdmaRegret

I can definitely relate to the empty mind that results from drug-use

For me, the worst aspect is the lack of an emotional connection/attachment to friends and even family...

I do miss being able to naturally synchronise with another person's thought patterns and overall emotional status

I think if you do go for some brain scans...go for a fMRI because I doubt that there is any actual damage...but an fMRI may show any hypoactivity of specific regions
 
Woodfordthecat said:
I guess people don't really come back once they've recovered from tinnitus to support others, or they never recover. I swear that I will come back to offer support if I am ever able to recover. This past 7 weeks has been the hardest I've ever been through. Harder than taking my mother off of life support after a car accident. Im in a bad way.

about my status. I just went to a hearing test and exam and my hearing is normal. They even did a test to make sure the little hairs that pick up sound were ok. My tinnitus can only really be heard when it's quiet (the hearing test was a struggle because of the ringing).

The tinnitus is also my only symptom that is obvious to me. Vision and emotional health feel normal until I obsess about them and then it may well be anxiety causing issues. I think some of the fear and depression come from the thought that I've ruined my life for a high. I take responsibility for my actions but they are very hard to deal with. Like many other people here I keep asking myself why. Why did I take so much? Why is everyone else that dosed just as much doing normal? Why can't I just be myself again?

So I'm struggling. Everyday is a new challenge when I wake up to the hiss. Every quiet moment with my girlfriend that I used to cherish is ruined because I was stupid. My life will be defined by drugs. There is me before I did this, and me after. I know that if I am ever able to free myself from this hell I will be a changed person. I will be more patient and more understanding of the world around me. The deep painful fear that i've been living in has taught me a lesson. I was taking my life for granted. I took all those moments for granted. All the peaceful times with a clear mind. I cry every day. I don't care about anything.

I'm sorry I wasn't here before I had a problem. Now I'm here asking for help. I promise I'll come back if I get better so I could maybe offer help back.
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Hey man, I haven't drank anything, or fapped or had sex with my GF in NINE months, in an effort to try and help me heal. My hissing has been non stop as well, in addition to face/scalp tingling and all kinds of floaters. I'm 31, so my body can't heal as well either... As you younger folk ( I assume you're younger)

What can we do though? Just have to push through.
 
@londonscouser
Thanks for the recommendation on the MRI. I also struggle to connect with people, buts it's because I really can't think of anything to say. Which is a dramatic change from who I was before the dose.

@kactus
I can't remember the dose unfortunately. It was one pressed pill. But I'm pretty certain it wasn't actually MDMA or it was very low % MDMA. I think mixing it with adderall probably caused my problems.

Thanks for your replies guys/gals!

I'm seeing a GP next Tuesday. Previously she prescribed me amitryptiline (an old school TCA) for my migraines, but I've never taken it for fear of it worsening my cognition. Anyone have any experience with TCAs?

Anyone have any luck with supplements?
 
@Mdmaregret

What other symptoms do you have - visual disturbances, lightheadedness, pins and needles and such? Neck or spine pain? I hope your migraines get better soon.
 
MdmaRegret said:
@londonscouser
Thanks for the recommendation on the MRI. I also struggle to connect with people, buts it's because I really can't think of anything to say. Which is a dramatic change from who I was before the dose.

@kactus
I can't remember the dose unfortunately. It was one pressed pill. But I'm pretty certain it wasn't actually MDMA or it was very low % MDMA. I think mixing it with adderall probably caused my problems.

Thanks for your replies guys/gals!

I'm seeing a GP next Tuesday. Previously she prescribed me amitryptiline (an old school TCA) for my migraines, but I've never taken it for fear of it worsening my cognition. Anyone have any experience with TCAs?

Anyone have any luck with supplements?
Click to expand...

Idk if fMRIs (the f is key) are generally available. Regular MRIs only look at structure while fMRIs are more so used in research settings. I may be totally wrong but is there anything anybody can do even if a fMRI shows something?? I had asked my dr a long time ago about it but he said that there isnt a clinical use right now.

But tbh I would try to get hormones tested like Testosterone and maybe Cortisol as well. Idk how expensive it is in UK though :(. My guess is probably less than an MRI though. It is one thing I believe LTC sufferers should rule out and investigate whether T levels, among other hormones in the steroidal cascade, have crashed.

Low Testosterone can cause social withdrawal I think--mine wasn't *clinically* low but I suspect MDMA did something to lower it down. I cannot know for sure but that was the only somewhat weird thing that showed up in medical tests I got. I have not addressed it yet since I'm hoping I can naturally get it up to recover from the LTC. So far, things are positive and with the "healthy lifetstyle" recommendations my T levels are better than a few months back. But I still get mood swings which I suspect are correlated to fluctuations here.

I only got it since there were some past posts I saw from a very long time ago referencing that and also posts talking about HPA dysregulation.

Whatever it is though definitely see a doctor about everything and be honest.


@Cotcha

What do you think of hormone testing?
Tbh I think it needs to be a standard workup in mental illnesses. Why isn't it explored further at all in MDD/GAD?!
I understand that depression can cause low T as well but still why the hell aren't psychiatrists out there regularly treating low T. Besides the knowledgeable ones??
There is all this talk about there being "no blood test for depression" but evidently there are a whole bunch of testable biomarkers aren't there?!
 
@Socrilus

The depression researchers are interested in hormones but they seem to just not think that testosterone is particularly involved causally in the majority of cases, and to boot may not be very helpful to elevate in most people. So it's sort of an opportunity loss thing I suppose.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5031462/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/19752841/

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/15084139/

"Studies have not consistently supported an integral role of reduced testosterone levels in major depressive disorder, although levels may often be reduced in men with treatment-refractory depression and older men with dysthymia"

Now what I think should be standard in a work up for neuropsychiatric disease is some genome sequencing..


RE: fMRI, unfortunately it's very hard get.

But if someone has depression or depersonalization, just based on the symptoms alone with a diagnosis, transcranial magnetic stimulation of a particular brain region could be chosen. Magnetic stimulation is used to effect in both depression and depersonalization.
 
MdmaRegret said:
@londonscouser
Thanks for the recommendation on the MRI. I also struggle to connect with people, buts it's because I really can't think of anything to say. Which is a dramatic change from who I was before the dose.

@kactus
I can't remember the dose unfortunately. It was one pressed pill. But I'm pretty certain it wasn't actually MDMA or it was very low % MDMA. I think mixing it with adderall probably caused my problems.

Thanks for your replies guys/gals!

I'm seeing a GP next Tuesday. Previously she prescribed me amitryptiline (an old school TCA) for my migraines, but I've never taken it for fear of it worsening my cognition. Anyone have any experience with TCAs?

Anyone have any luck with supplements?
Click to expand...

Hey I mixed it with Adderall too, and I'm positive that's why I had issues. The last week it seems there's a lot of sufferers who mixed with Adderall who are having issues, and usually the worst.

I was prescribed amitryptaline by my GP for sleep, I've only taken it about 10 times, and 10 mg dose. I don't think it was enough to really knock me out, it was more a placebo effect. I didn't notice any adverse effects from it really but I want taking it long. It seems up in the air whether it's good for HPPD or not. If you don't have visual issues I'm sure you'll be fine taking it.
 
Regarding supplements, I think they're mostly placebo. Just eat right. That being said, I often take a B supplement, zinc, magnesium, a bit of fish oil, and vitamin C. I've had very bad experiences with kava, turmeric curcumin, lots of garlic, ginger, and green tea. Passionflower makes me feel a little weird too. I like to drink chamomile tea, or gota Kula.
 
I've got experience with supplements in my 7 months recovery. There are lot of it. St. Johns worth, natural antidepress, for me work very well and is my favourite suplement. I take all kinds of vitamins, especially b complex, Magnesium, vitamin K2, Q 10, choline, lecithine, n-acetyl cysteine, l carnitine, creatine. But i rather like natural herbs: panax ginseng, spiruline, ginkgo biloba, lions mane, schisandra, catuaba, propolis, pepermint, chamomile, nettle, alpinia officinarum, gotu kola, vilcacora, ashwagandha, nutmeg, cinnamon, clove. Many of this herbs are use in kitchen, but they have a special features, for example nettle is very good for brain circulate. Alpinia officinarum is very good for heart. I readed old blulight posts and find some sugestions about that but also i have made my own research. In my opinion this mix of this herbs & suplements work good. Some of these are good for gut, some for brain, some for mood, fatigue and motivation. I suffer since october last year, first 3 months was terrible, in 4 month appeared improvent but i still suffer. I feel some dizzines in my head, some fatigue, low mood, etc. I wish all of You fast and full recovery!
 
Could use a recovery story right about now. My visual snow is worsening. I just had to pass up a job because of it. I'm struggling a great deal. Anyone recovered from mdma induced hppd?
 
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