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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 4)

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This was before i went on the meds, about 6 months post roll.
i've tried weed 3-4 times since and every time it's paranoia horror, before MDMA weed was fantastic. same with LSD.
 
jaiho said:
This was before i went on the meds, about 6 months post roll.
i've tried weed 3-4 times since and every time it's paranoia horror, before MDMA weed was fantastic. same with LSD.
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Had the same experience with Shrooms in the 2nd month, it was pure horror, only pain, absolutely no psychedelic effect. It has improved extremely, the trip experience isn't the same as before but it's getting slowly close to. I'm in year 1 now.
 
I've started to believe that out of the people that recover 100 percent (or close to 100) not a lot come back to post here because they fear it might re-trigger symptoms and don't want to jinx themselves either. I think I can say that since this started I have become a bit superstitous as they probably are. You basically do everyting you can to protect your progress. If you recover, you move on as quickly as possible. No looking back. I wish that the people from the first threads would come back but, I can't really blame them either.
 
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same here. LSD had all the joy sucked out of it. I had the flashes of visuals and CEVs, but i felt extremely numb and disconnected. It's like all the dopamine was dry, or something.
 
It takes time to feel yourself again. Try to go a lot outside, especially in forests and find your emotions again. They come with time. I started to feel much better after 9-10 months, the time before there was no notable improvement, so it's different in everyone, some need only 2 months, others much more.
 
Cotcha I sent you a message and tried to send a part 2 message but it wouldn't let me only allows me to message every hr and half:/
 
0 sleep last night. I had 2 nights without any meds.... But not last night. Waited too long into the night to take anything. Had some sleep paralysis too...I'm so fucked up lol. My head feels like a giant rubber band is around it and is tingling, my sinuses Are so pressurized. Anyone else have these symptoms? Does anyone get flashing lights when they close their eyes? When it's dark and I close my eyes I get like a strobing effect. I try not to focus on it but I just stare into the back if my eyelids.

I've kinda accepted the fact that I'm gonna be on sleep meds for the rest of my life. Even my doc said this is a possibility. I've also kinda accepted the fact that I'm gonna have permanent insomnia and tinnitus....but it still sucks. I used to sleep 8 hours uninterrupted every night, now it's a massive struggle and stressful event. I used to look forward to it.

I mean.... When am I going to see improvement? I'm doing everything I can, except maybe try harder at mindfulness and not typing this in bed. But honestly the nights I sleep with out meds....I don't even know how I do it..I just lay there and next thing I know I'm waking up 5 hours later.

I see all these recovery stories, but honestly I don't see that being me. I'm getting no better than and it's been 5 months since the initial comedown/OD. I could give 2 shits about the mild HPPD and tics and tingling....but if I can't sleep I'm miserable.
 
Sleep was one thing I personally never had issues with. From the start of the comedown I was able to sleep like a rock and still do. If anything I sleep harder than ever before haha. Give it more time and possibly stay off this forum and google. It sounds like you are just looking for new symptoms. Like I said before, try treating this as a general anxiety disorder rather than a LTC.
 
I have only minor DR remaining. Don't be scared of SSRIs people, they helped me a lot.

I have taken coke and weed since coming through the worst of my 2nd LTC all with positive experiences.

No MDMA like drugs ever again
 
rorymullan said:
I have only minor DR remaining. Don't be scared of SSRIs people, they helped me a lot.

I have taken coke and weed since coming through the worst of my 2nd LTC all with positive experiences.

No MDMA like drugs ever again
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Can you elaborate on your positive experiences with SSRI's? Any negative experiences? Thoughts? Many people say they help in these threads, but nobody goes into specifics
 
CloudIX said:
Can you elaborate on your positive experiences with SSRI's? Any negative experiences? Thoughts? Many people say they help in these threads, but nobody goes into specifics
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They where horrible for ages, made the anxiety a lot worse and my head even more scrambled. This was for about 8 weeks but I stuck with them on the docs orders. At this point my brain started to calm down, I stopped focusing on the LTC and have had lower anxiety than I have had in a long time.

I have minor anxiety left - though I think I always have had. I still have easily dealt with minor DR at times (Not all the time like the horrible constant DP/DR at the start) Vision has also cleared up other than minor snow. I also have slight tingling still in my left leg and on my head but only when alone, if distracted I don't notice it at all. Overall week by week, it just keeps getting better. Mentally I am 100% recovered.

It is a horrible experience, but it will end. All I'm saying is that for me anyway SSRIs helped alot. I was terrified I had scrambled my receptors/brain. I've take MDMA 3 times in my life, once 10 years ago that resulted in a LTC that ended naturally on its own. I forgot about that, moved on and took MDMA again at a festival 10 years later. Same horrible experience.

My LTC was anxiety based, both times. It's in my nature to overthink. I suffered from all the symptoms listed here apart from brain zaps

I don't think my brain is unique and different, I don't think I caused any brain damage, I just think my natural anxiety was triggered to a very high level due to the stress of draining all the brains serotonin. MDMA(and certain RCs) are unique in this nature, and I think this can account for its ability to trigger anxiety based LTC in susceptible indivuals.

I'm no scientist though, this is just my thoughts on the experience I've been through twice.

I can also tell by the way people on here type and analyze that a lot of us are intelligent thinkers. We internalize our anxiety and thoughts which just stresses our brains even more.



Stay strong and positive people, it took me 5 months to get through it to where I am now, 3 months of which where living hell.


I hope this answers your question, if you have anymore fire away.
 
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ADubbs said:
I think there's two camps to this...

One is a group of folks who didn't feel "right" after a few days....and started to go downhill badly. Their roll was more or less fine as well. To me it seems some sort of underlying anxiety order was brought to the surface. I feel ADs help these people as there's minimal "damage" per say. Often times there's a lack of true HPPd symptoms in these people.

Then there's a group of people who had a Horrible Roll and OD, and are still feeling effects of that (Nambo, Futura, FBC, myself?). I feel this group has some actual "brain damage" if you want to call it that. ADs might or might not help these folks....since the serotonin system is so screwed up. Typically HPPD symptoms are shown on this group as well...which are anxiety related but not entirely.

Just my thoughts.... I've read through almost all the threads, and these seem to be the two common groups.

Just me thinking out loud.
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Haha then I fall in both categories......my first symptoms of LTC happened so long ago I can't remember the date but I do remember that it hit me days after a roll in the form a panic attack....I've never been the same since which would put me in category one that being said I rolled again a month after that and I had the worst roll possible.....it wasn't even a roll it was just me basically trying to cling on to life through the course of the high........it's been a long time for me I am finally recovering and the last month I have felt the old feelings of truly living and loving life again....it's crazy to look back on what my life could have been if I didn't ever mess with MDMA but I know that I have learned so much enduring this LTC.....I am a better man and more focused on important things......you'll get better my friend guaranteed you will I know that because my LTC was as bad as it gets trust me.......I never felt sober, things looked like they were in a dreamlike or video game state....not like real life was, I had the worst tinnitus and brain zaps, anxiety that would make me feel like I was suffocating and on the verge of passing out, I felt in a constant state of tripping being tired but my brain also feeling super wired. I had brain fog like you couldn't believe like a thunderstorm was over my brain and not even a tiny ray of sun could penetrate. Couldnt keep boner for anything even when I desperately wanted to (sorry for tmi). Had basically no emotion including fear of death.....the thought of dying didn't scare me at all, I would have trouble speaking and doing anything cognitive.....multiple occasions where I felt like I was done for had no hope and felt psychotic. Never could sleep through a night and always clenched my jaws and grounded my teeth. My brain patterns were altered so greatly that only you people on here can understand because it's nothing like anything else out there. People around me claimed anxiety and depression saying they could relate and I always had to just agree even though I knew they weren't even coming close to the hell I was going through.......that's all I can come up with off the top my head about it but you get the point I had FULL BLOWN LTC every symptom you can think of I had......well guess what it heals and it gets good again. I have felt like a normal human being for the last month and it's the best.......don't give up on yourself ever you will come out it.....it's an LTC for a reason.....you will comedown after time.....for me it took a couple years(somewhere in between two and three). I am still not 100 percent yet but I'm so close that I know it's not far away......5 years from now we are all gonna be loving life so much.......just never do drugs again our minds are our most valuable possession treat them right..... doesn't matter what "category" you fall under....recovery will come
 
fnono33 said:
I've started to believe that out of the people that recover 100 percent (or close to 100) not a lot come back to post here because they fear it might re-trigger symptoms and don't want to jinx themselves either. I think I can say that since this started I have become a bit superstitous as they probably are. You basically do everyting you can to protect your progress. If you recover, you move on as quickly as possible. No looking back. I wish that the people from the first threads would come back but, I can't really blame them either.
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The better you feel the less you think about logging on to bluelight it's as simple as that:) I used to post so much......now I just come on every now and again to see how people are doing.....great life returns and it is ahead of you still I promise you that
 
fnono33 said:
If some of us had axonal injury, would it show up in the MRI?
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No, because serotogenic axons only are a very small part of all axons so even if you would destroy all of them it wouldn't show up. Like it's in the case of this one man that took over 40,000 pills, 4 years with about 25 pills a day. They couldn't find anything in the MRI.
 
I don't know, but there are other factors that could cause unconsciousness, like someone said (think cotcha) some time ago that amphetamines cause loss of condition. In combination with increased anxiety I would say this could be the factor. It's my hypothesis.
 
fnono33 said:
If some of us had axonal injury, would it show up in the MRI?
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I suppose if it was very prolonged you might see some brain atrophy, but you see atrophy (of the hippocampus) and reversal of the atrophy in normal conditions like depression as well.

But I'm sure people with LTCs will come back with normal MRIs, I know several of us have. I was expecting a horrible MRI back when I was only sleeping 2 hours a night and losing my mind but sure enough it came back normal.
 
Adubbs, a doctor once told me I would have to be on meds the rest of my life as well. Don't listen to that sort of talk - and do remember you're only 5 months in. LTCs can take a year or two to improve sometimes, and insomnia especially is one of those things that you feel like will never get better but it really does get better. It helps if you can move your mind "out of the way" with mindfulness. It's good that you notice that there are some nights where you do just sleep and it sounds like you don't think about it too much then. That's the right strategy.

The other thing I really stress is that don't assume your baseline is what it is after being off a med for only a couple days - it's going to take longer for you to hit whatever your baseline is. I would expect probably about 2-3 weeks for things to calm down from mirtazapine.

Hang in there. I promise you that your sleep will get better and better, but it really helps if you practice mindfulness dutifully and give it time to work, and practice mindfulness as you're trying to sleep. The thing to not do is to keep on thinking to yourself while you're trying to sleep.
 
Cotcha Yankinov said:
The thing to not do is to keep on thinking to yourself while you're trying to sleep.
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This! It took me a long time to actually go to sleep, without fear. Sometimes I have that underlying fear, but it deludes more and more with time. It's been 2 years from my LTC now.
 
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