MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 4)

[fnono33]

I actually lost my job because of this yeah I can try Klonopin...why is that preferable to Ativan?

 

[ADubbs]

Yeah, it's rough...considering how much progress was made. This is actually feels worse than square 1 so I think I am in for some long term recovery ahead as I don't think these symptoms could be any worse in anyone. My sleep is not good. I have had to take attivan over the last couple days to even get a few hours. The worst part is that the rhythm now is that I will be in the worst state during the night. I'm going to try to not take the attivan tonight.

I actually lost my job because of this yeah I can try Klonopin...why is that preferable to Ativan?

I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope you have some emotional support to help you along. I'm not sure why Klonopin is better but a few people on here say it's helped them.

 

[fnono33]

If it helps...I decided to consume alcohol about 5/6 months into my LTC (cant remember exactly when) and I tried 4 bottles of beer. Went okay and actually woke up the next day feeling really good. 2 weeks later, decided to have a pint and drank about 2/3rds of it. Alcohol has this effect on me of keeping me awake and I ended up sleeping about 2 hours of that night and the next day was the worst I ever had. The following day after was the best Ive had since the whole thing started. Then the following month I took a turn for the worse and started wanting to kill myself again, crying, thinking my life was over, but Ive slowly got better since and my anxiety is pretty low, but my vision is slightly worse than before but im hoping thatll calm eventually too! Anyway what im saying is, setbacks are normal, and they make you feel worse than ever because you started to feel better. Just hang in there, and in a couple of weeks you'll have gone back to baseline. These things take time. Hope that helps

I appreciate it. alcohol might be safer than caffeine. Caffeine is a stimulant and neurotoxic ike MDMA? Right? So I think it has the same effects on the brain although on a much smaller scale? I'm not 100 percent sure on the science. But it would make sense considering how the symptoms developed. Much like my dose of mdma, took two weeks to get to its worst.

 

[ADubbs]

I appreciate it. alcohol might be safer than caffeine. Caffeine is a stimulant and neurotoxic ike MDMA? Right? So I think it has the same effects on the brain although on a much smaller scale? I'm not 100 percent sure on the science. But it would make sense considering how the symptoms developed. Much like my dose of mdma, took two weeks to get to its worst.

When I had my initial comedown, I was feeling quite a better after a week and I had 5 beers one night and didn't notice any issues (still a bad idea) I think when I retriggered my comedown a few weeks later it was the weed.

 

[fnono33]

my fear is that won't be able to sleep without benzos. I actually looked up how long the human body can stay awake before death. Seems like you go insane before you die. Awesome.

 

[martainnn]

I appreciate it. alcohol might be safer than caffeine. Caffeine is a stimulant and neurotoxic ike MDMA? Right? So I think it has the same effects on the brain although on a much smaller scale? I'm not 100 percent sure on the science. But it would make sense considering how the symptoms developed. Much like my dose of mdma, took two weeks to get to its worst.

No caffiene is not neurotoxic and its debatable that MDMA is neurotoxic too. And alcohol is much more harmful than caffiene! In fact, its one of the worst drugs for you.

I think whats happened is the coffee markedly increased your anxiety, which in turn increased your dp/dr and made you feel worse, now your stuck in this heightened state of anxiety, but itll slowly return back to baseline. Just dont drink any caffeine containing drinks anymore!

I personally drink a lot of redbush tea, which is caffeine free, and full of antioxidants which will always do you good. You dont have milk in it and I like it with a slice of lemon too. Maybe give that a try if youre missing hot drinks

Also, give chamomile tea a go in the evening to help you sleep and reduce anxiety. It works in a similar way to benzos but on a much milder level.

 

[ADubbs]

No caffiene is not neurotoxic and its debatable that MDMA is neurotoxic too. And alcohol is much more harmful than caffiene! In fact, its one of the worst drugs for you.

I think whats happened is the coffee markedly increased your anxiety, which in turn increased your dp/dr and made you feel worse, now your stuck in this heightened state of anxiety, but itll slowly return back to baseline. Just dont drink any caffeine containing drinks anymore!

I personally drink a lot of redbush tea, which is caffeine free, and full of antioxidants which will always do you good. You dont have milk in it and I like it with a slice of lemon too. Maybe give that a try if youre missing hot drinks

Also, give chamomile tea a go in the evening to help you sleep and reduce anxiety. It works in a similar way to benzos but on a much milder level.

What about valerian root tea? Like in sleepy time extra? I found it makes me feel a little weird but helps me sleep....I think.

I just ate chicken pot pie for lunch (work lunch, not the healthiest) and feel really sick all of a sudden and my legs can't stop contracting...ughhh wtf!!!

 

[ADubbs]

Anyone try gabapentin for sleep and anxiety ? Looks like benzo's little brother from what I read but less Addicting.

 

[BelgianBear]

Fnono33 - if you don't mind me asking, did any of the symptoms that we share subside or get better?

 

[fnono33]

I am 2 and a half months in and they got less noticeable over time. To the point where I didn't notice them 24/7. Although last two weeks have been hell. My opinion is that this is due to caffeine use. Although that's debateable.

 

[fnono33]

Is it possible for a follow-up substance to re-trigger the Comedown? I had a bad one for two days after the drop, was ok during the week and then drank caffeine and did accupuncture. I wonder if these things triggered what I'm going through.

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

I appreciate it. alcohol might be safer than caffeine. Caffeine is a stimulant and neurotoxic ike MDMA? Right? So I think it has the same effects on the brain although on a much smaller scale? I'm not 100 percent sure on the science. But it would make sense considering how the symptoms developed. Much like my dose of mdma, took two weeks to get to its worst.

Caffeine isn't neurotoxic (mdma probably isn't either) but it does increase the excitability of the brain and that's where you run into trouble

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

Anyone try gabapentin for sleep and anxiety ? Looks like benzo's little brother from what I read but less Addicting.

I really like Gabapentin. It is great for sleep, and if anyone is at their wits end it is definitely something to try, and if that doesn't work, the benzo klonopin is probably preferred over other benzos.

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

Hi guys,

I am looking to find some helpful advice from members who have undergone a similar experience to myself

Hi there, welcome to the recovery thread and Bluelight Sorry that you're having all these issues.

Its very possible (in my opinion, extremely probably) that you are experiencing neuropathy and musculoskeletal issues for some portion of your symptoms (this could be intertwining with and amplifying your more typical LTC symptoms, and vice versa).

Muscles like the scalenes and SCM can cause neuropathy of the nerves that travel to the hand, and they can also cause jaw pain and headaches as well (this is well recognized in the physical therapy community). Stretching those anterior neck muscles would be great to start as long as you don't go into it too quickly and back off if you get lightheaded or anything like that. You could also have degenerative disk disease, although this is less likely.

It is important that when you breathe, you do not breathe too much with your ribcage/upper neck muscles - the scalenes are essentially hyperventilation muscles, and neuropathies like thoracic outlet syndrome (affecting the hand, and also leading to jaw pain/headaches) are associated with hyperventilation/anxiety. I would definitely start learning to diaphragmatically breathe through your stomach. MDMA can cause a lot of excess muscle tone, I think it would be good to start stretching and relaxing those anterior neck muscles like the anterior/medial scalene and SCM. A physical therapist would be good to see.

I should mention that your headache patterns match with what you would expect from scalene/SCM musculoskeletal issues.

Any questions are welcome, feel free to private message me as well.

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

my fear is that won't be able to sleep without benzos. I actually looked up how long the human body can stay awake before death. Seems like you go insane before you die. Awesome.

Gabapentin (or better pregablin) is probably more sustainable and less likely to incur withdrawal with than benzos, although people have widely different experiences with gabapentin/pregablin, some having very very little withdrawal issues and then some having more typical benzo type withdrawal, but leaning towards less withdrawal than benzos (and of course different effects to begin with).

And humans can probably do around 6 months or more straight (absolutely zero sleep) before coma. Meth users go 2 weeks with no sleep quite frequently, with varying results. The important thing is that even if you're only sleeping 2-3 hours a day for the next 2 months, that you will start to pay your sleep debt after that. I personally have had severe insomnia since infancy and then after I stopped using drugs/had my LTC I was sleeping 2 hours every other day for quite a while, sometimes 3-4 days with zero sleep if my mind got real busy. It taught me an important lesson: your mental health is very dependent upon sleep.

It took me way too long to realize that I need to make a conscious effort to quiet my mind with mindfulness. Avoiding substances like caffeine that trigger anxiety and cause insomnia is important, because anxiety/insomnia have some momentum to them. I found that the better I slept, the easier it was to sleep after that. And conversely if I skipped a night, it usually meant when I laid down to sleep that night my brain was incredibly busy from the sleep deprivation so it was even harder to sleep, hence I would usually skip a couple nights in a row if I did skip a night. Other people might have this sort of experience, in the sense that if you skip one night or sleep crappy your brain is going to stay excitable for a little while. If you just recently had an LTC (with 6 months) its understandable that this effect would be very magnified. It's also important to understand that this momentum effect works both for excitability and relaxation - once you get some relaxation going things get much easier.

Drugs like gabapentin might be something that could break this cycle of excitability causing excitability. My IRL friend has had long term success with Klonopin for insomnia after ecstasy (your mileage may vary).

 

[ADubbs]

I really like Gabapentin. It is great for sleep, and if anyone is at their wits end it is definitely something to try, and if that doesn't work, the benzo klonopin is probably preferred over other benzos.

man how have you tried all these things being only 20?!! Did a doctor prescribe all these things? My stomach has also been on fire the past few days and now my feet are starting to throb. I hate providing a play by play like this but nobody else seems to understand.

 

[Cotcha Yankinov]

A psychiatric nurse prescribed most of the meds I've been on, especially the more serious ones like antipsychotics (which were indeed helpful) but the Gabapentin came from a neurologist for neuropathy and I noticed it really helped with other things.

Heartburn from anxiety is pretty common. You might try something for that, prescription proton pump inhibitors or an OTC Zantec type thing. And never worry about venting about specific symptoms, it's good for you and can help outline what's going on, as well as give me some info to make suggestions off of.

 

[LTCsufferer]

I know its probably not healthy but I keep going back to the night this all started. I wish I could change things so bad. I had already made a solid decision to not do drugs that night, after ruminating on it for hours. Everyone around me was candy flipping and this one guy kept offering me molly repeatedly despite me declining every time. Finally immediately after I made a solid decision to not do drugs he hands me a pill again and I figured I'll just do half it probably wont effect me too much, and here I am 4 months later wishing I could take that back. I knew I shouldn't have done it and yet I let some douche peer pressure me into it. It was by far the biggest mistake of my life. I'm so scared that I will never get back the passion for life I used to have. I just want this to be over.

 

[Amml]

What happened this time @LTCsufferer?

 

[martainnn]

I know its probably not healthy but I keep going back to the night this all started. I wish I could change things so bad. I had already made a solid decision to not do drugs that night, after ruminating on it for hours. Everyone around me was candy flipping and this one guy kept offering me molly repeatedly despite me declining every time. Finally immediately after I made a solid decision to not do drugs he hands me a pill again and I figured I'll just do half it probably wont effect me too much, and here I am 4 months later wishing I could take that back. I knew I shouldn't have done it and yet I let some douche peer pressure me into it. It was by far the biggest mistake of my life. I'm so scared that I will never get back the passion for life I used to have. I just want this to be over.

I can relate to this strongly. I mean, I spent 8 years of my life, since I was 14 taking various substances, smoking loads of weed, and apart from some anxiety and depression, my life was okay. Then one bad trip, one night, changed everything for me. And now its like I regret it all, instead of doing drugs, I could have spent all that time making something more of myself, going out and discovering the world, meeting new people blah blah blah....but I was more concerned with looking forward to my next roll or mushroom season or whatever shit I could get my hands on. I mean in the last year, I had a mild dependance to valium and came of them cold turkey(which fucked me up for about a month after), I then found out my fiance who id been with for 8 years had been cheating on me with a guy at work - a job I got for her, then she fucked off with him, then one of my best friends of 10 years decided he didnt want to talk to me anymore. Then things started looking up, got myself a massive house with a few friends, but it didnt last long. 2 months in, thought I was gonna die whilst on a mdma+ket+nos combo and its fucked me up ever since. HPPD and fucking derealisation. On top of that, since I got ill, I found out my ex was having twins, the friend I was living with couldnt deal with my illness and left me to run the house and pay all the bills, and I essentially have no social life, barely any friends because I cant go out and drink. I live back with my parents (for the time being), and my parents or my brother dont know anything. Quite often I just lay in bed and think, 'how much bad shit can actually happen to one person in such a short space of time'. If there is a god, then hes a fucking prick, thats for sure. The worst thing is I cant remember what my old life was like. I live in a dreamworld constently, where everything looks fake and the outside world is to bright. Going into public places and artificial lighting makes me feel like im swimming through tar. Ive mostly come to piece with what visual snow i get and the mild afterimages, they dont effect me, but the light sensitivity and everything looking weird is just fucking me up.

On that note, there has been a few good things; my anxiety has got somewhat better so hopefully thatll continue, Ive been seeing a girl Ive known for a while and shes been so fucking supportive its unreal, Ive never been so determined to be fit and healthy and I go to the gym pretty much 6 days a week now every week and im started to get pretty hench. I also got 2.1 for my second year at university, which im happy with seeing as I stopped going quite a bit, and revising is a joke when you dont feel real haha.

Enough ranting anyway lol.... seriously though, if anyone wants to add me on facebook, or skype or whatever platform, Ill always be happy to chat to people going through the same thing and share ideas. Theres nothing worse than feeling alone going through something as terrible as this.