Fuck floaters kill me brahh so annyoing, physical pains go early in the morning? sleep related i assume get worse later in the day... weird. Anyways still enjoying life guys! its just a little hurdle life throws at you, nothing you can do but keep going
-
MDMA &
Empathogenic
Drugs
Welcome Guest! -
MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 3)
- Thread starter BlueBull
- Start date
- Status
bigmacdaddy
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2015
- Messages
- 10
Hi I am new to the forum. I am 30 and I have for the past 10-12 years been taking mdma, speed, coke, mephedrone. I am now 9 weeks sober after a break through in counselling, previous to this I was unable to stop my drug taking at all. I am now sober and hoping to recover.
However, from reading these forums I have noticed that alpha lipoic acid gets mentioned quite a bit as a supplement. I know this to be dangerous advice if the person has silver tooth fillings in their mouth as ALA is a chelator of mercury and will pull mercury out from the tooth and could distribute into the brain.
I know all this from being ill from dental amalgams for the past ten years and many symptoms are similar to MDMA damage.
Also with all the gurning that we do on MDMA, has it ever occurred that with a few of these fillings in our mouths we would be giving off high amounts of mercury vapour?
I just thought this subject needed mentioning. Mercury amalgams are a massive issue and they need to be banned, but it should also be common knowledge on these forums to NOT take any ALA with amalgams in your mouth.
However, from reading these forums I have noticed that alpha lipoic acid gets mentioned quite a bit as a supplement. I know this to be dangerous advice if the person has silver tooth fillings in their mouth as ALA is a chelator of mercury and will pull mercury out from the tooth and could distribute into the brain.
I know all this from being ill from dental amalgams for the past ten years and many symptoms are similar to MDMA damage.
Also with all the gurning that we do on MDMA, has it ever occurred that with a few of these fillings in our mouths we would be giving off high amounts of mercury vapour?
I just thought this subject needed mentioning. Mercury amalgams are a massive issue and they need to be banned, but it should also be common knowledge on these forums to NOT take any ALA with amalgams in your mouth.
ro4eva
Bluelighter
No I was thankfully spared HPPD-related adversities, but I've been dealing with floaters ever since I injured my left eye about 2 decades ago (way before LTC symptoms), and I'm sorry but I don't believe I recall anything related to 'after images' unless you mean memory triggers (which I've been dealing with since childhood-related trauma).
ro4eva
Bluelighter
That's good to know - I sure as hell never did.
One thing I do find fascinating about all of this is how similar and yet how different some of our symptoms are.
For me I have no HPPD but on my computer sometimes I see after images. When you get an email and outlook pops up for a second in the lower right corner, on my work computer I often think I see that pop up but there's no actual email.
My symptoms have been largely physical. Anxiety and depression sure, but moreso my body feels radically different than before this. To the point that I don't feel the pangs of hunger, or the desire to go to the bathroom as much, and when I satiate what hunger I do have or when I go to the bathroom I feel little pleasure. Also no sex drive at all. Watching porn is absolutely pointless for me, masturbation is not only difficult but impossible, I can't even get my dick halfway hard unless I'm with a living breathing woman and even then it is not like normal. Morningwood still not as hard. Occasional random nonsexual erections but like morning wood they are still squishy kind of. Very upsetting.
Also reduced motor coordination. Not that I was ever in the best shape, but little things are odd. I can't go down the stairs as fast as I used to be able to. Prior to this I could speed down the stairs like a madman, but now I have to walk at a fairly reasonable pace like an old person, even when I try to increase my speed I just can't rapidly descend like previously. Also I have noticed my speech is effected, I can't talk as fast, at first I thought it was a mental thing, and I do think it is to a degree, but now I also think it might be neuromuscular. I have also been having extreme problems with teeth grinding which was never a problem for me prior to this. Food still doesn't taste as good and smells aren't as strong, but it's been so long now I almost forgot how things felt before.
For me I have no HPPD but on my computer sometimes I see after images. When you get an email and outlook pops up for a second in the lower right corner, on my work computer I often think I see that pop up but there's no actual email.
My symptoms have been largely physical. Anxiety and depression sure, but moreso my body feels radically different than before this. To the point that I don't feel the pangs of hunger, or the desire to go to the bathroom as much, and when I satiate what hunger I do have or when I go to the bathroom I feel little pleasure. Also no sex drive at all. Watching porn is absolutely pointless for me, masturbation is not only difficult but impossible, I can't even get my dick halfway hard unless I'm with a living breathing woman and even then it is not like normal. Morningwood still not as hard. Occasional random nonsexual erections but like morning wood they are still squishy kind of. Very upsetting.
Also reduced motor coordination. Not that I was ever in the best shape, but little things are odd. I can't go down the stairs as fast as I used to be able to. Prior to this I could speed down the stairs like a madman, but now I have to walk at a fairly reasonable pace like an old person, even when I try to increase my speed I just can't rapidly descend like previously. Also I have noticed my speech is effected, I can't talk as fast, at first I thought it was a mental thing, and I do think it is to a degree, but now I also think it might be neuromuscular. I have also been having extreme problems with teeth grinding which was never a problem for me prior to this. Food still doesn't taste as good and smells aren't as strong, but it's been so long now I almost forgot how things felt before.
Also I have a question for all people either currently suffering from LTC or those who have recovered:
Have you taken Psilocybin Mushrooms or DMT/Ayahuasca at all during your recovery?
I have a theory, loosely based on research and posters on other forums, that these drugs may help. I saw a poster on another forum who "lost the magic" from rolls take some ayahuasca and then he "had the magic" again. Ayahuasca users do have more serotonin platelets in their blood which means their bodies produce more of it and it also can create more re-uptake sites. Perhaps it could be a treatment or potential cure for some of our long term comedown symptoms.
Have you taken Psilocybin Mushrooms or DMT/Ayahuasca at all during your recovery?
I have a theory, loosely based on research and posters on other forums, that these drugs may help. I saw a poster on another forum who "lost the magic" from rolls take some ayahuasca and then he "had the magic" again. Ayahuasca users do have more serotonin platelets in their blood which means their bodies produce more of it and it also can create more re-uptake sites. Perhaps it could be a treatment or potential cure for some of our long term comedown symptoms.
Londonscouser
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2015
- Messages
- 171
Skeeto i know for you the physical symptoms are more prominent, but do you experience any emotional numbness? like you can't cry or laugh ?
Emotional numbness is there for sure. For me though it has more so been numb to positive emotions. I have not felt true happiness or joy or excitement or anything since this happened.
I have been able to cry but not to the degree before.
I'm a highly emotional person. Before this if I read an inspiring story or something I would be able to cry easily. I credit this to early psychedelic experiences which opened me up emotionally.
Right now I can be depressed and sad but it truly feels like an absence of emotions more than anything. So many of my emotions seem so intellectual right now. In other words I experience something, and then logically I know I should feel a certain way. But I don't really experience that emotion.
I have been able to cry but not to the degree before.
I'm a highly emotional person. Before this if I read an inspiring story or something I would be able to cry easily. I credit this to early psychedelic experiences which opened me up emotionally.
Right now I can be depressed and sad but it truly feels like an absence of emotions more than anything. So many of my emotions seem so intellectual right now. In other words I experience something, and then logically I know I should feel a certain way. But I don't really experience that emotion.
Klaasvaak
Greenlighter
Emotional numbness is the only complaint I have actually. Even MDMA doesnt give me temporary good emotions(not that Im still trying). But I keep waiting, posts on this forum about recovery- especially those who have gone a lot further than I with the stuff- really give me hope. I appreciate that people take the effort to mention that they recoverd/are-recovering
LittleCrazy
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2015
- Messages
- 8
This is a story of how I have matured in a span of a few months, compared to 27 years of my life. Inspiration from Bluelight.
“I took the one less travelled by…And that has made all the difference” – Robert Frost
Let me begin with some details about myself. I am a 27 year old male, career-oriented pharmacist. This story is my road to recovery, mental and physical…always healing one step at a go. I never believed in writing, however reading a lot online has made me realise that this post may save one life, give that life hope, reading this may help those who feel hopeless. It surely helped me. A large part of my road to recovery was through positive posts that people posted online. Trust me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I promise, that this cliché line is actually true.
I’ve always been that party guy, went to uni till the age of 22, partied away. Alcohol and Marijuana was my medicine. Getting wasted and high was a 4-day week ritual. I moved back home after uni, where my alcohol consumption dramatically decreased, because my new toxin was weed. Oh how I loved it, never understood those who hated it. Smoking a blunt was a daily occurrence, working sober during the day, and post-work highness and binging on food. This went on for a good 2-3 years.
Note that I still had never done drugs to this date. Then came September 2014. I was at a house party, got quite tipsy. Went out to a night club after that, and one of my friends gave me a very tiny ecstasy pill. I swallowed half. Felt nothing. Thought it was just activated charcoal or a filler or something similar. So I decided to have another quarter. Still nothing. Note that all my other friends were rolling at this point and were dancing their night away. I was simply standing in the corner watching them as I was talking to another friend who doesn’t roll. Then it hit me. It was like a wave hit my head. At first I got worried and anxious, never felt anything strange like that before. My friend took me out to calm down. Then the music hit me. I had never felt so amazing in my life. I was blending in with the music, loved everyone around me. Oh I was rolling hard.
Next day went by, no come down, no suicide Tuesday as my friends call it. I even had an amazing afterglow for months after. Life was amazing, I looked at the whole world in a much more positive manner. Grass looked greener. Everything looked beautiful. So I decided to have my next roll in December 2015 for new years. I rolled hard again at a pool and beach party the day before new years, and again on new years night. Both nights were amazing. 1 pill on the first night and one MDMA capsule in water on new years night. Rolls on the successive nights were getting better and better. This was an amazing drug. Alcohol is a loser clearly. Again no come down, no suicide Tuesday, no depression, nothing! This drug was amazing! I could dance for hours, as long as I kept rehydrated etc. I rolled two times again after that. Once in February 2015 for my birthday and then in March 2015 for a house party. So basically, I was averaging a roll a month, if not longer. Everything was going perfect. Life was looking better and the afterglow was getting better. And clearly, smoking weed was helping the comedowns such that I didn’t even feel any.
Then at the end of March, I was smoking a joint at one of my friend’s house, and did ONE line of cocaine. Chilling, enjoying the moment, when suddenly I got a Panic Attack. My first one ever. It was the worst thing ever. It was a MASSIVE Panic Attack. Shortness of breath, hyperventilation, could not breathe, heart was pounding, I was thinking it was a heart attack and thought the cocaine had damaged my heart. I literally thought I was going to die. Pacing back and forth. Did not sleep the whole night, Panic Attacks were coming and going in waves, with extreme Anxiety in between. I did not know what was happening. I thought I had damaged myself. That was the last time I had ever done any toxin for a long time.
From this day I experienced daily shortness of breath for months, despite stopping all caffeine (coffee & tea), alcohol, cigarettes, sheesha, weed, drugs. I stopped everything. I felt like my condition was getting worse. A lot of anxiety. Frequent Panic Attacks. Depression. I felt like there was nothing worth living for, I was single, life was pathetic, what is the point of living like this. Will I ever recover. It is my fault for my stupidity. And none of my friends around me seemed to care, since this had not happened to any of them. Am I weak. Why is this only happening to me. I have ruined my life, my career, probably upset my Mum, who I am extremely close to. Started to lose majority of my friends who were in this drug binge, and clearly since I wasn’t doing any of that, they would not chill with me. The depression, anxiety, panic was taking over my life. Suicide was the only way out. Only thing that helped me not commit suicide is that it is against my religion.
I have always had OCD but to manageable levels, and now the OCD was getting unbearable. Social Anxiety went to the level where I couldn’t even have small meetings or hold a presentation at work without getting a severe Panic Attack and excusing myself from conducting them. And before this I was amazing at them. I used to be so brave and courageous. General Anxiety was taking over my life, which was leading to Agoraphobia. I just did not want to leave the house. Stopped talking to ALL my friends. These Panic Attacks would come and go in waves, especially when I first wake up in the morning, then in the afternoon and one at night, daily. Chest tightness, feelings of depersonalisation and derealisation was overshadowing my daily living. This shortness of breath continuously was killing me. My OCD was getting so bad, that I thought I had HIV, I thought I had Cancer, I thought I had brain lesions. Went for various tests. Spent so much money on these tests. I thought I had Schizophrenia, then Pyschosis, that I was going mental. Being in the medical profession made it worse. I thought I had everything. I live in Africa, and the sight of any disorganisation and dirtiness would send my brain spiralling out of stock. I was constantly restless and agitated. What had I done to myself. I did not even want to wake up in the morning. Just hope I would sleep and not wake up. I was a slave to my own mind.
I decided to go and see a doctor and psychologist, a month after my first panic attack, and that was around April 2015. The doctor said I suffer with Anxiety, Panic Disorder, Depression (I cried to the doctor like a small baby) and OCD. I was put on Benzos and Anti-depressants (Xanax & Prozac to be specific). But being a pharmacist, I knew about the adverse effects of these medications. The withdrawals associated with them. I messed myself with one drug, I didn’t want to mess myself up with other drugs. My anxiety was making me extremely anxious about medication itself. I stopped seeing the doctor. Stopped all medication, because I was getting worse.
But I promise, it gets better. Day after day, it gets better. It gets better in waves. I altered my lifestyle completely from April 2015 to date. I didn’t know I had so much will power, but I do. Months have gone by, I exercise very regularly. Ingest very little toxin, whatsoever (started drinking only a month ago, which I still do not enjoy as I get panic attacks when I drink). I started to meditate, pray, I am not back to 100% of my old self. Maybe 60-70%, but this is a far progress from where I have come from. I promise it gets better guys. Exercise. I cannot over emphasise on that. It helps so much. Positive thinking. It is so difficult but it helps. Multivitamins. Omega-3 Capsules. More exercise, going for nature runs in the forest, working out, yoga, playing squash.
And the best of all, I fell in love with someone who loves my condition alongside with me. I understand not many of you may be in this position, but I am just sharing so you know what has helped me. Initial reaction is to push everyone away. That is wrong. My mum and my second half have been by pillar through this tough time. You need comfort. I still get those days where I feel extremely anxious, extreme shortness of breath, negative thinking, depressed, panicky, or a mixture. But you know what, it is not forever. It is temporary and will go away. I have learnt to embrace my mental conditions. I have become a much better person. More caring and loving. This all was a blessing in disguise. Everyone has a wake up call sometime in their lives. This was mine. I have come to love my anxiety. I embrace it. And it is getting better, although in waves, there is an upward trend to recovery. I have learnt to have a few friends who are actually there for me and who will be there in sickness & in health, rather than having a gazillion fake friends, who are there just to party and blow money and show off.
I thought that posting my experience will help those who are on their road to recovery. I do not regret my past. I enjoyed. It is out of my system. I can focus on my life and my career now.
I promise, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I promise guys. Hang in there.
- Anonymous
“I took the one less travelled by…And that has made all the difference” – Robert Frost
Let me begin with some details about myself. I am a 27 year old male, career-oriented pharmacist. This story is my road to recovery, mental and physical…always healing one step at a go. I never believed in writing, however reading a lot online has made me realise that this post may save one life, give that life hope, reading this may help those who feel hopeless. It surely helped me. A large part of my road to recovery was through positive posts that people posted online. Trust me, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I promise, that this cliché line is actually true.
I’ve always been that party guy, went to uni till the age of 22, partied away. Alcohol and Marijuana was my medicine. Getting wasted and high was a 4-day week ritual. I moved back home after uni, where my alcohol consumption dramatically decreased, because my new toxin was weed. Oh how I loved it, never understood those who hated it. Smoking a blunt was a daily occurrence, working sober during the day, and post-work highness and binging on food. This went on for a good 2-3 years.
Note that I still had never done drugs to this date. Then came September 2014. I was at a house party, got quite tipsy. Went out to a night club after that, and one of my friends gave me a very tiny ecstasy pill. I swallowed half. Felt nothing. Thought it was just activated charcoal or a filler or something similar. So I decided to have another quarter. Still nothing. Note that all my other friends were rolling at this point and were dancing their night away. I was simply standing in the corner watching them as I was talking to another friend who doesn’t roll. Then it hit me. It was like a wave hit my head. At first I got worried and anxious, never felt anything strange like that before. My friend took me out to calm down. Then the music hit me. I had never felt so amazing in my life. I was blending in with the music, loved everyone around me. Oh I was rolling hard.
Next day went by, no come down, no suicide Tuesday as my friends call it. I even had an amazing afterglow for months after. Life was amazing, I looked at the whole world in a much more positive manner. Grass looked greener. Everything looked beautiful. So I decided to have my next roll in December 2015 for new years. I rolled hard again at a pool and beach party the day before new years, and again on new years night. Both nights were amazing. 1 pill on the first night and one MDMA capsule in water on new years night. Rolls on the successive nights were getting better and better. This was an amazing drug. Alcohol is a loser clearly. Again no come down, no suicide Tuesday, no depression, nothing! This drug was amazing! I could dance for hours, as long as I kept rehydrated etc. I rolled two times again after that. Once in February 2015 for my birthday and then in March 2015 for a house party. So basically, I was averaging a roll a month, if not longer. Everything was going perfect. Life was looking better and the afterglow was getting better. And clearly, smoking weed was helping the comedowns such that I didn’t even feel any.
Then at the end of March, I was smoking a joint at one of my friend’s house, and did ONE line of cocaine. Chilling, enjoying the moment, when suddenly I got a Panic Attack. My first one ever. It was the worst thing ever. It was a MASSIVE Panic Attack. Shortness of breath, hyperventilation, could not breathe, heart was pounding, I was thinking it was a heart attack and thought the cocaine had damaged my heart. I literally thought I was going to die. Pacing back and forth. Did not sleep the whole night, Panic Attacks were coming and going in waves, with extreme Anxiety in between. I did not know what was happening. I thought I had damaged myself. That was the last time I had ever done any toxin for a long time.
From this day I experienced daily shortness of breath for months, despite stopping all caffeine (coffee & tea), alcohol, cigarettes, sheesha, weed, drugs. I stopped everything. I felt like my condition was getting worse. A lot of anxiety. Frequent Panic Attacks. Depression. I felt like there was nothing worth living for, I was single, life was pathetic, what is the point of living like this. Will I ever recover. It is my fault for my stupidity. And none of my friends around me seemed to care, since this had not happened to any of them. Am I weak. Why is this only happening to me. I have ruined my life, my career, probably upset my Mum, who I am extremely close to. Started to lose majority of my friends who were in this drug binge, and clearly since I wasn’t doing any of that, they would not chill with me. The depression, anxiety, panic was taking over my life. Suicide was the only way out. Only thing that helped me not commit suicide is that it is against my religion.
I have always had OCD but to manageable levels, and now the OCD was getting unbearable. Social Anxiety went to the level where I couldn’t even have small meetings or hold a presentation at work without getting a severe Panic Attack and excusing myself from conducting them. And before this I was amazing at them. I used to be so brave and courageous. General Anxiety was taking over my life, which was leading to Agoraphobia. I just did not want to leave the house. Stopped talking to ALL my friends. These Panic Attacks would come and go in waves, especially when I first wake up in the morning, then in the afternoon and one at night, daily. Chest tightness, feelings of depersonalisation and derealisation was overshadowing my daily living. This shortness of breath continuously was killing me. My OCD was getting so bad, that I thought I had HIV, I thought I had Cancer, I thought I had brain lesions. Went for various tests. Spent so much money on these tests. I thought I had Schizophrenia, then Pyschosis, that I was going mental. Being in the medical profession made it worse. I thought I had everything. I live in Africa, and the sight of any disorganisation and dirtiness would send my brain spiralling out of stock. I was constantly restless and agitated. What had I done to myself. I did not even want to wake up in the morning. Just hope I would sleep and not wake up. I was a slave to my own mind.
I decided to go and see a doctor and psychologist, a month after my first panic attack, and that was around April 2015. The doctor said I suffer with Anxiety, Panic Disorder, Depression (I cried to the doctor like a small baby) and OCD. I was put on Benzos and Anti-depressants (Xanax & Prozac to be specific). But being a pharmacist, I knew about the adverse effects of these medications. The withdrawals associated with them. I messed myself with one drug, I didn’t want to mess myself up with other drugs. My anxiety was making me extremely anxious about medication itself. I stopped seeing the doctor. Stopped all medication, because I was getting worse.
But I promise, it gets better. Day after day, it gets better. It gets better in waves. I altered my lifestyle completely from April 2015 to date. I didn’t know I had so much will power, but I do. Months have gone by, I exercise very regularly. Ingest very little toxin, whatsoever (started drinking only a month ago, which I still do not enjoy as I get panic attacks when I drink). I started to meditate, pray, I am not back to 100% of my old self. Maybe 60-70%, but this is a far progress from where I have come from. I promise it gets better guys. Exercise. I cannot over emphasise on that. It helps so much. Positive thinking. It is so difficult but it helps. Multivitamins. Omega-3 Capsules. More exercise, going for nature runs in the forest, working out, yoga, playing squash.
And the best of all, I fell in love with someone who loves my condition alongside with me. I understand not many of you may be in this position, but I am just sharing so you know what has helped me. Initial reaction is to push everyone away. That is wrong. My mum and my second half have been by pillar through this tough time. You need comfort. I still get those days where I feel extremely anxious, extreme shortness of breath, negative thinking, depressed, panicky, or a mixture. But you know what, it is not forever. It is temporary and will go away. I have learnt to embrace my mental conditions. I have become a much better person. More caring and loving. This all was a blessing in disguise. Everyone has a wake up call sometime in their lives. This was mine. I have come to love my anxiety. I embrace it. And it is getting better, although in waves, there is an upward trend to recovery. I have learnt to have a few friends who are actually there for me and who will be there in sickness & in health, rather than having a gazillion fake friends, who are there just to party and blow money and show off.
I thought that posting my experience will help those who are on their road to recovery. I do not regret my past. I enjoyed. It is out of my system. I can focus on my life and my career now.
I promise, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I promise guys. Hang in there.
- Anonymous
I appreciate the post little crazy.
Always good to hear stories of recovery.
I don't want to diminish your experience because it seems like you've been through a lot. However, it seems like your main issues were extreme anxiety and panic attacks triggered by cocaine.
While it is great you are recovering from that, there are different symptoms that many here are suffering.
For myself, while anxiety is a part of what I'm going through it is not the whole story. The main things which bother me are extreme changes in the physical functioning of my body. My farts are not even the same.
Others have HPPD or other phenomena.
I think your story is powerful and inspiring. I have no doubt that I and many others here will recover mentally. I just also would like to recover physically as well.
Always good to hear stories of recovery.
I don't want to diminish your experience because it seems like you've been through a lot. However, it seems like your main issues were extreme anxiety and panic attacks triggered by cocaine.
While it is great you are recovering from that, there are different symptoms that many here are suffering.
For myself, while anxiety is a part of what I'm going through it is not the whole story. The main things which bother me are extreme changes in the physical functioning of my body. My farts are not even the same.
Others have HPPD or other phenomena.
I think your story is powerful and inspiring. I have no doubt that I and many others here will recover mentally. I just also would like to recover physically as well.
ro4eva
Bluelighter
I did not take any of the above while I was sick, however, I did do 'shrooms' about a year after I recovered. It was fun. I laughed a lot.
Edit - Oh, and I tried to play soccer / football while I was high on zee 'shrooms,' and whenever I'd get the ball passed to me, I'd look at it and burst out laughing for some reason. Ah, good times.
ShortTermExpert
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2015
- Messages
- 54
Hello again, not gonna be a long one but just thought I'd check in. Some may remember me, my last post was probably around July/early August time but maybe before.
Basically cured. I laugh at how I was this time last year. It was ridiculous. Of course at the time, I wanted to jump off a bridge. But if only I knew then what I know now. Still, live and learn.
I'm not going to go over a list of all my symptoms and various life difficulties, but they are now pretty much all resolved. Including the sexual functioning, hurray. Feels good to be back in the game again.
My number one tip for recovery, and one that needs to be mentioned more on this thread, is stop taking yourself so fucking seriously. You are a tiny fragment of an infinitely vast universe. Accept what happens to you and make the best of it. That's it. I recommend spiritual teachers such as eckhart tolle, mooji, Alan watts etc. Or you can get a similar message from most conventional religion if you read it the right way. After all, this is what all that stuff is for. I have acquired a deep spirituality from the pain I experienced and it has made me grow phenomenally as a person. People have noticed a change in me and good shit is starting to happen to me on a regular basis because I am working with the universe and not against it.
Of course, all this is easier said than done and it took me a very long time to stop starring into the abyss thinking I was gonna make it go away. But you need to train yourself to do it. Meditation helps, cognitive therapy etc. Not crying into your pillow, looking out the window of your room terrified at the universe, or anything like that. You need to catch yourself when you're acting like a pussy and correct yourself. Over time, you'll get better at it.
"Life is not as serious as the mind makes it out to be".
I have not so much recovered as become a new person. A person I much prefer I must say. Certainly stronger in many aspects. And it's not a finished process either, but then life never is.
I do hope this is encouraging to any of those who are struggling atm. For those interested, my last MDMA consumption was about a year ago, almost to the day. And it was a lot of consumption during my 6 month binge, but those interested in my story may find it in previous posts.
Peace.
Basically cured. I laugh at how I was this time last year. It was ridiculous. Of course at the time, I wanted to jump off a bridge. But if only I knew then what I know now. Still, live and learn.
I'm not going to go over a list of all my symptoms and various life difficulties, but they are now pretty much all resolved. Including the sexual functioning, hurray. Feels good to be back in the game again.
My number one tip for recovery, and one that needs to be mentioned more on this thread, is stop taking yourself so fucking seriously. You are a tiny fragment of an infinitely vast universe. Accept what happens to you and make the best of it. That's it. I recommend spiritual teachers such as eckhart tolle, mooji, Alan watts etc. Or you can get a similar message from most conventional religion if you read it the right way. After all, this is what all that stuff is for. I have acquired a deep spirituality from the pain I experienced and it has made me grow phenomenally as a person. People have noticed a change in me and good shit is starting to happen to me on a regular basis because I am working with the universe and not against it.
Of course, all this is easier said than done and it took me a very long time to stop starring into the abyss thinking I was gonna make it go away. But you need to train yourself to do it. Meditation helps, cognitive therapy etc. Not crying into your pillow, looking out the window of your room terrified at the universe, or anything like that. You need to catch yourself when you're acting like a pussy and correct yourself. Over time, you'll get better at it.
"Life is not as serious as the mind makes it out to be".
I have not so much recovered as become a new person. A person I much prefer I must say. Certainly stronger in many aspects. And it's not a finished process either, but then life never is.
I do hope this is encouraging to any of those who are struggling atm. For those interested, my last MDMA consumption was about a year ago, almost to the day. And it was a lot of consumption during my 6 month binge, but those interested in my story may find it in previous posts.
Peace.
Londonscouser
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2015
- Messages
- 171
Yeah i remember your last post, and i read through most of your posts/comments on these forums.
Congratulations on the recovery man ! and some great advice to those suffering.
Good luck in your future, and make sure you come down here every now and again to remind the new nervous wrecks about recovery!
For anybody with the head pressure, headaches and depersonalization / derealization due to an MDMA "LTC"....
I had all the symptoms listed above plus probably 15 more LTC symptoms. I spent 3 months on bluelight obsessively searching for answers to why I felt so shitty and couldn't even think. My mind would blank out and I would feel very spacey. I became an absolute shell of former myself.
Long story short, after 3 months of suffering, I found out that my "LTC" was actually a severe sinus infection. To anybody out there suffering with what they believe to be an LTC, it may be worth getting your sinuses checked out. A CT scan of my sinuses showed them completely packed with swollen tissue and fluid. My depersonalization / derealization faded away after I began antibiotics, along with many other symptoms.
I don't want to give anybody false hope, so I think it's important to understand my drug use leading up to it:
150 mg MDMA
2 weeks later... .5g high quality cocaine
2 weeks after that... 125 mg MDMA
My symptoms all began after the last dose of MDMA. I was 100% convinced I had an LTC based on comparing my symptoms with others on bluelight, and the fact that it all started right after MDMA. I could hardly believe it was a sinus infection because of how severe it was... and I could breathe fine, strangely. Usually I would have associated a sinus infection with slight cheek pressure, but the pressure/tingling in my forehead was so disturbing that I didn't ever notice pressure in my cheeks. It felt like I had a 2x4 pressing into my forehead all the time, and I had the most severe one-sided headaches that resembled a migraine.
Right now I am recovering from sinus surgery, so I'm still not back to normal, but I am positive that the rest of the symptoms are not permanent damage from drugs, like I had believed for so long. Hopefully this post finds someone out there who may have the same problem.
I had all the symptoms listed above plus probably 15 more LTC symptoms. I spent 3 months on bluelight obsessively searching for answers to why I felt so shitty and couldn't even think. My mind would blank out and I would feel very spacey. I became an absolute shell of former myself.
Long story short, after 3 months of suffering, I found out that my "LTC" was actually a severe sinus infection. To anybody out there suffering with what they believe to be an LTC, it may be worth getting your sinuses checked out. A CT scan of my sinuses showed them completely packed with swollen tissue and fluid. My depersonalization / derealization faded away after I began antibiotics, along with many other symptoms.
I don't want to give anybody false hope, so I think it's important to understand my drug use leading up to it:
150 mg MDMA
2 weeks later... .5g high quality cocaine
2 weeks after that... 125 mg MDMA
My symptoms all began after the last dose of MDMA. I was 100% convinced I had an LTC based on comparing my symptoms with others on bluelight, and the fact that it all started right after MDMA. I could hardly believe it was a sinus infection because of how severe it was... and I could breathe fine, strangely. Usually I would have associated a sinus infection with slight cheek pressure, but the pressure/tingling in my forehead was so disturbing that I didn't ever notice pressure in my cheeks. It felt like I had a 2x4 pressing into my forehead all the time, and I had the most severe one-sided headaches that resembled a migraine.
Right now I am recovering from sinus surgery, so I'm still not back to normal, but I am positive that the rest of the symptoms are not permanent damage from drugs, like I had believed for so long. Hopefully this post finds someone out there who may have the same problem.
LittleCrazy
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 18, 2015
- Messages
- 8
Cheers man. I just hope my post can help someone in one way or another.
Only thing that bothers me now is sudden bouts of mild depression and anxiety (feeling scared over nothing), this shortness of breath (the most annoying and scary) and a dry cough (doctors say it is anxiety-related, lungs are fine), and sudden bouts of dizziness and vertigo, very randomly.
ShortTermExpert
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2015
- Messages
- 54
Yeah I might pop in every now and then. I know how bad this shit can be, especially in the early stages, so if I can help people with encouraging words I will do so.
Hope you're feeling better Londonscouser, you sounded like you was in a bad place last time I was here.
That's very interesting. It makes sense that sinuses would be affected, especially if you're putting shit up your nose.
Glad to hear you're feeling better mate. And you are correct in assuming that you do not have permanent damage. This is a fallacy that everyone seems to associate with MDMA use. I have yet to see anyone where this is the case.
Redingtton
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2015
- Messages
- 8
hey budal
i can relate to alot of what ur feeling.
what u r suffering now is a little setback.. when u feel like u almost forgot of all this shit and then it comes back.
but if u have setback it means that u had improvement .
u say u are much better then the first week so its already good news and u can see that everything slowly gets better..
myb if u feel like ur stuck and not doing any better for the last months.. try to take the medicines that the psychiatrist prescribe . myb it can give a push to ur recovery.
im also suffering from this long term comedown alrdy 4 months.. and im much better then the first month.
also i didnt read anything in my language.. my lucky i googled my symptoms in english so i found this thread.
wish u the best !
i can relate to alot of what ur feeling.
what u r suffering now is a little setback.. when u feel like u almost forgot of all this shit and then it comes back.
but if u have setback it means that u had improvement .
u say u are much better then the first week so its already good news and u can see that everything slowly gets better..
myb if u feel like ur stuck and not doing any better for the last months.. try to take the medicines that the psychiatrist prescribe . myb it can give a push to ur recovery.
im also suffering from this long term comedown alrdy 4 months.. and im much better then the first month.
also i didnt read anything in my language.. my lucky i googled my symptoms in english so i found this thread.
wish u the best !
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