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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 2)

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No one really suffers from severe chest pains and rib pains/numb left arm. It seems my LTC is way more physical than mental, i made bounding leaps in progress in the first month with headspace/brain fog but the pains are still present and dont feel to be getting any better, damn.
 
Nnzo did you check with a cardiologist. Does the pain get worst with activity. If it does not get worst with activity it may be severe muscle tension as most of us have this from the ltc.
 
No i havent i have to run tests ASAP, everyone thinks im crazy cause my ECGs came back normal but my fucking chest is in pain 24/7 and my left arm is like semi numb, its like pain in the bones as well and the muscle feels like its rotting...
 
look man you should get an echo done to see if there is any physical damage but I highly doubt it. I think your fine. Did do you abuse and 5ht agonists which are research chems as well.
 
nope never touched it! any ideas? i think it could be nerve damage
 
after taking 15 years of pills plus molly id say i have severe anxiety until 150 xanax bars were introduced into my life....now life is great..... i also get adderall and subutex.....all at the highest dose....see my dr twice a year....so its pretty great getting 5 refills after the first bottle....but id rather take pills in the morning and feel fucking great throughout work........ then be completely sober and hate life.... which i have done before.... im more productive....more excited....and get a lot more money....life couldnt be better? right? unless you are sober and never done any drugs...ive been through 14- 29 doing drugs everyday....hard drugs... too ...overdosing but not anymore.... im taking my prescribed dose and loving work and loving sleep and sex.... fuck drugs rock.
 
no opiates though.... heroin im talking about.... that killed me 5 times.... so erase that......3 years clean
 
Im leaving bluelight for 3 months, ill report back soon with any progress
 
Damn shortness of breath. Drives me really crazy. Someone has some helpfull words for this? How do I get rid of this ?
 
Yes. Think about it. Why does it drive you crazy? You think you will die? You think you are losing control of your breathing? Well both thoughts are irrational. Now how to get rid of this: instead of trying to control your shortness of breathing, try to make it as worse as possible. Go as short on your breathing as it can get and watch how you still breath and nothing bad will happen. It is anxiety. Trust me. Let it go. PM me if you need help.
 
I did what viking did. I always get anxiety and shortness when I dont sleep. That one time it really bad and I needed fresh air, I sat down and made it as horrible as possible. Even stopped breathing to make sure it was unbreable. I got hit with the anxiety ''shock'' where your heart skyrockets to 180 and it just passed, now it doesn't happen anymore. NEVER breathe manually, that's how shortness starts for me.
 
Thanks guys. Well breathing manually happens automatically when you havent enough air(or you feel like not getting enough) Its hard to get this working
 
inzania said:
interesting to see im 2 months behind you and the similarities. Tho i have 99% derealization. Biggest triumph is that the visual snow has lessend a lot during the 6 months.
Had major OCD about having HPPD and stuff. Tho this is not the case. A lot of people who have dp/dr have hypervigilance and see static/floaters etc a lot more.
My worst feeling personally is the hard time i have with time perception, in the sence of past events. In a sence its like a forced living in the moment feeling.
Tho it all fluctuates. Im happy you are doing better hoketus. Its deff a strugle. Combating so many things as once is hard. If i just had derealization that would still be hard enough.
I have tried a lot and for me personally id say L-theanine helps give me a relaxed state when i need to chill.
An interesting thing is that lately i have taken some Aspirin daily and for some reason it clears some of the fog. Enables me to think more broad.
Tho remember that L-theanine + benzo = bad and Aspirin + SSRI = bad. Im not on any meds yet.
Kinda funny how when my depression is high and i cry for help and maby going on meds then my symptoms decrease over time and i dont want meds or anything.
And this loops. Unfortenately because of the situation i have developed close to OCD behaviour and ive been manic for a long time.

I do talk a lot to the owner of DPselfhelp.com so if anyone has any questions regarding symptoms or anything in general im keen to help. Just remember im not a doctor.

Also a big thanks to you guys for your support. Even tho you struggle to! And thx ro4eva.
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Be careful with clinical terms such as 'OCD' and 'manic'. Anxiety (especially DP/DR related, in my experience) leads to a lot of Dr. Google in the search for the holy grail - the answer to why we all feel this way. There are a lot of great theories, but no concrete answers yet.

I really recommend you see a psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis and to start you on some psych meds. Mine have really saved my life. Life before and after clonazepam was honestly day and night. I felt like a whole new person, living a life in which I controlled the anxiety and not it me.

The Zoloft/Wellbutrin is a slow & steady build, but definitely doing their respective jobs.

CBT (as others have recommended) has also been quite instrumental in my recovery process. To a point where I don't feel the need to see my therapist regularly anymore (I think I did about 12 sessions - they were great - but at $150 a week, I can't justify it any longer).
 
ShortTermExpert said:
I don't buy this shit that there's anything physically wrong with ANYONE who has ingested MDMA. Not in the long term. How can literally thousands of people on a weekly basis take it year after year after year, and yet there's only a select handful of us on this thread, or lurking in this thread? If MDMA caused people to have an LTC, no one would take MDMA. I'm not suggesting that MDMA is good for you, all I'm saying is that it was the catalyst for the stress response you are now experiencing. For the vast majority of you, MDMA is gone from your system, the damage it caused you is being perpetuated by the stress, nothing more.

Anxiety. Nothing more. Anxiety is just a fancy word for stress, so if you want to de-stress, do it. Make a huge effort to relax and apply the principles of CBT and you'll begin to feel better because you'll be less stressed.
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This is where I disagree with you completely. MDMA is an extremely neurotoxic drug; it depletes crucial chemicals of the brain and affects a host of other networks of the human body. This we know. Is there a mental component to all of this? Absolutely. But we can't pretend that the drugs didn't play a hand in this.

I'm honestly not that anxious anymore. It's been months since a panic, zero thoughts of self-harm, and my nervous system is definitely much more calm. I have moodswings, some depression, and a wack of visual snow that pisses me off to no end. How do you explain that? It feels like neurological damage to me.
 
me2point0 said:
Alright most will probably ignore this but i'm starting to see patterns in this. I haven't got blurry vision and eye pressure for two weeks since I was in vacation. Anxiety was doing very well. I had sex and two minutes after, I get those red eyes with eye pressure, blurry vision and heart palpitation that hasn't faded after two hours. I mean it has to be something hormone related...
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I too experienced increased visual snow, irritability, and hyperthermia after a bout of particularly taxing sex (my girlfriend has a mobility issue thus I essentially do all of the work in bed - long story).
 
inzania said:
interesting to see im 2 months behind you and the similarities. Tho i have 99% derealization. Biggest triumph is that the visual snow has lessend a lot during the 6 months.
Had major OCD about having HPPD and stuff. Tho this is not the case. A lot of people who have dp/dr have hypervigilance and see static/floaters etc a lot more.
My worst feeling personally is the hard time i have with time perception, in the sence of past events. In a sence its like a forced living in the moment feeling.
Tho it all fluctuates. Im happy you are doing better hoketus. Its deff a strugle. Combating so many things as once is hard. If i just had derealization that would still be hard enough.
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That's great to hear about the visual snow. Mine does fluctuate a little. And certainly bothers me a LOT less (I was told that I would adapt to it and I have somewhat - thought it still annoys me quite a lot).

The derealization will clear. Trust me. I know what it's like to be in the throes of it. You can't comprehend that it will ever end because you don't know what time is, and don't remember a life before DR. I recall not being able to read a clock or a calendar just a few months ago. My short term memory is total shit - I'd have to think very hard if you were to ask me a simple question like 'what did you do yesterday', 'what did you have for breakfast' etc.

The ~6 months where I had TERRIBLE dissociation are basically lost forever. I barely remember most of it - not that I'd want to - I'm certainly not getting that time back. And you know what? I don't care. I care about getting better. If I lose 2 years of my life, so fucking be it.
 
hoketus said:
Be careful with clinical terms such as 'OCD' and 'manic'. Anxiety (especially DP/DR related, in my experience) leads to a lot of Dr. Google in the search for the holy grail - the answer to why we all feel this way. There are a lot of great theories, but no concrete answers yet.

I really recommend you see a psychiatrist for a proper diagnosis and to start you on some psych meds. Mine have really saved my life. Life before and after clonazepam was honestly day and night. I felt like a whole new person, living a life in which I controlled the anxiety and not it me.

The Zoloft/Wellbutrin is a slow & steady build, but definitely doing their respective jobs.

CBT (as others have recommended) has also been quite instrumental in my recovery process. To a point where I don't feel the need to see my therapist regularly anymore (I think I did about 12 sessions - they were great - but at $150 a week, I can't justify it any longer).
Click to expand...

See the thing about benzos though is that unless you use them sparingly/leave gaps all they will do is suppress your symptoms and taken everyday have a withdrawal. You arent fixing anything with them like CBT (or hormone treatments if applicable) does. That doesn't mean don't use them of course but they are just a coping tool.
 
Ill have to disagree with you on the neuro damage side of things here. Most of us here got the ltc on a delayed fuse. some guy told us he got this months after his last use. Even me for instance, I got anxiety the day after my last use wich was also my first use, and then all other symptoms 3 days after. wich is alot. It has to be a snowball effect or anxiety or something else. Neurological damage has to be ruled out. 75-100mg on my first time and I get damage? Fuck that, no way.
 
Hi everyone im kind of new to this but came on for some advice about 3 months ago I took mdma on the sat night couldn't tell you how much but was pretty high followed by mdma all day Sunday I even passed out on the Sunday night there was a lot of alcohol involved aswell since then Its been hell my memory is so bad vision is all blurry tingling in arms and legs and other places even, My moods been crazy and just feel terrible I have took Zoloft for 1 month never helped, I'm so scared now keep thinking it could me neurotoxcity ? I genuinely don't know what to do got an appointment with psychiatrist next week and also neurologist not came through yet. Was such a mistake I'm so scared and don't think a can go on much longer ?
 
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