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Mdma recovery! Please help.. anyone with similar experience ? Please! This is hell

That would be sad but it's your life in the end. Is it too much to postpone this plan? Mark each day for 365 days and if you still feel this is the only way then do it exactly a year from now. Just like you just did today, don't stress about the exercise and whatnot just do what you can, eat, sleep - that's it. You are now in a very acute state but it would not stay this way.

When you get even 20-30% of emotion it becomes much more bearable. That's about my state.. Years ago I went through something similar and had complete anhedonia for a good 6 months, then I could gradually start at least watching movies etc. I think about death too a lot, but since I've recovered from that experience I belive this too can heal. But I have my doubts too.. I don't know if my central nervous system can really repair all this repeated hammering. I can't even control my eyes anymore for fucks sake.. but I'm not going yet, I'll see at least a year and then I might opt for suicide too. I can't do much either. The only productive thing I did today was go for a walk.. I felt today again like I was having a stroke so I just sat and breathed for about 3 hours. Tried watching some youtube but couldn't pay attention, also randomly reading this forum and others, lounging around, eating.. that's my life pretty much now just minute by minute getting through. That's all I can do. I'm hoping at 3-6 months I can do more but now this is it.

If you can just wait the anhedonia will fade. Gradually it will dull down to a flat feeling of just constant boredom and apathy. First emotions to come are usually the bad ones anger, irritability, anxiety etc. And then windows of happiness come, only to go away again. But in time they get more and more common. I've read so many recovery stories and my own past experience too even tho it was caused by a different source the damage was still to the same serotonin system.

I wish you peace no matter where you end up.
 
Ihatenotfeeling said:
And he will probably just tell me to give it more time. It's not going to work though. They need to come up with anti depressant shots that work faster or something
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please go back to the doctor and tell him how seriously you want to take your life and that those meds aren't working, or better yet find a different doctor... hang in there... it will get better, and when it does, you'll be glad that you stuck it out.
 
Ihatenotfeeling said:
I think I'm really going to jump off the bridge tonight.. I'm going to try and force myself. I have to. This is just too much. I can't handle it. I'm weak af.*Snipped name* will be my name if anyone sees me on the news or on someone's online article.. New river gorge bridge is 800 feet so it's a for sure death. Not sure what time I'll do it. i just want to end this awful suffering.
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Please please please please take a step-back and think this through.

Think how much your parents love you. Don't go through with this.

You need to re-asses what is important in life and that's your health. You need to postpone everything that society deems important (a job, money, partying etc) and tell someone close to you how you really feel. Download shed loads of boxsets and just wait it out bro. At least give this another 6 months, hopefully after one month, you might be able to go to the gym regularly. Baby steps.
 
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Don't do anything rash... I think you should drive yourself to a different hospital and tell them everything...
 
I've told my mom numerous times I wanted to kill myself and I don't want to be locked up in another psych ward for 2 weeks just to be miserable in there and want to die then be released and be in the same boat again.. I just need to end it. I can't watch tv.. I can't focus on it all I think about is how I need to die and I'm too terrified to even have a drink.. and I can't relax.. I haven't had that relaxed feeling since this whole thing happened... I feel like I'm constantly in the fight mode and I need to figure out something to help myself and suicide is the only thing that can help me.
 
Your thread of how you got better in 8 days does not make me feel any better.. I'm almost on month 4 and feel absolutely no different.
 
Have you taken any meds such as benzos or beta-blockers? Propranolol could be a good option for a while. It removes physical symptoms of anxiety such as fast heart beat, sweating, shaking.....could help you relax a tad more.

Are you drinking caffeine?

Maybe you're just depressed. Millions of people in this world are and they need to take medication for up to a YEAR to re-balance their seratonin levels. You most likely just need to find the right med

FYI, I currently take Citalopram and Propranolol Do you have KIK per chance? I wanna keep you busy.
 
I don't even feel like I have anxiety I'm just completely blank.. I just can't get that relaxed feeling.. I'm always on edge.. thinking of suicide 24/7 and no I don't have kik.
 
You said you can't relax? So you must be anxious :)

Can you please answer my questions one by one?
 
I wish I could explain exactly what this is like... i don't even feel sad.. it's just nothing.. and I feel like all day I just don't know what to do.. but I want to do something.. if that makes any sense. This is just fucking awful. I wish I could explain better.
 
and meds? Have you googled those I suggested?

Do you use any kind of chat room / app where I can talk to you away from the forums so you don't do anything silly?

Sorry if you already said it, but how old are you? By the way, feeling nothing is pretty much the description of depression. You don't care or get excited about anything.

Which if any, SSRIs have you tried and for how long? You need to be on these for at LEAST 8 weeks before reviewing the situation, usually more.
 
I don't get the fast heart beat or sweating or anything though.. it's just my brain won't stop thinking for 2 seconds to let me relax.. and when I'm laying down or sitting I just feel uncomfortable and like I need to get up and do something.. it's like my adrenaline is in full force all day or something. Idk.. I feel like I'm not making sense but I'm trying to explain the best I can. I've never had issues with depression before.. this is definitely because of the mdma it must have depleted everything or fucked up my serotonin anox..
 
I was only on Zoloft for a week and they switched me to Wellbutrin which I don't even think is an ssri and I've been on it for 3 weeks. I just can't wait any longer though is what I'm saying every single day is a living hell and it just creeps by and I'm just sitting here thinking all damn day, every second of the day.
 
Propranalol works on adrenaline, when your body goes in to flight or fight mode, you release adrenaline. Propranolol could help you!

Read this

https://patient.info/forums/discuss/propranolol-from-devestating-anxiety-to-calm-in-1-day-40199

I have to go to bed in 10-15 mins, I'd really appreciate it if you answered all my questions rather than being selective with your answers.

Ihatenotfeeling said:
I was only on Zoloft for a week and they switched me to Wellbutrin which I don't even think is an ssri and I've been on it for 3 weeks. I just can't wait any longer though is what I'm saying every single day is a living hell and it just creeps by and I'm just sitting here thinking all damn day, every second of the day.
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Go back and ask for an SSRI, any SSRI and stay on it for at least 8 weeks. This will most likely help to start re-balance the chemicals in your brain. Think about it, 8-12 weeks is nothing in the grand scheme of things. Just 3 months away from potentially feeling on the mend.
 
It's not depression, as in the garden variety. Are you stuck in your head with a constant chatter that makes it impossible to distract? What you have really is temporary but I guess this is just repetition.
 
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