MDMA recovery, one time user. Please

[Justonce27]

In 2010 I used MDMA Once driving back from my family in Ohio to NY

My buddy had some and said it would be amazing. So I popped two.

I never felt any kind of high. But ever since that night I've felt weird dizziness, and when I talk it's like it's not natural. Same when I walk or run or play sports.

A week after this I started taking Xanax 3mg a day. I understand now that this was a bad move. I also started suboxone because I was convinced I had permanent brain damage and was extremely lost.

So I came off Xanax and suboxone 20 months ago, and since then I've been smoking weed.

So I quit weed two months ago just to realize that now I remember why I e been using these drugs. Because that one time I used ecstasy in 2010

I know understand that this is depersonalization. It completely fried my concept of reality. For the first time since this has happened I'm sober and ready to find myself again

I've been in a hospital twice in the last two months for suicide.

Does anyone have any insight to this? I have brief moments lately where I feel myself. And these are the only two months I've been trying to face reality again.
Is there hope for me??

Please

 

[Thanos90]

How often did you use weed?

 

[Justonce27]

Well . It's not a simple answer

I took ecstasy in 2010

The following weeks walking felt weird; nothing looked real. Nothing felt real ? Like I wasn't connected.

So I went and was put on Xanax. The Xanax helped it. But I was still empty so I started experimenting with pain pills

I eventually ended up on suboxone which actually intensified this weird strange feelings behind my eyes and ears.

So I came off suboxone 20 mo the ago along with Xanax and that's when I began marijuana

I smoked in the past and felt euphoric from weed. Even paranoid sometimes. But since this happened I can't get high from anything because I'm disconnected.

I started weed 20 months ago and quit a month ago. That's when I had the realization that the weird feeling I felt from ecstasy stayed.

Alcohol doesn't give me a buzz. Nothing does. I' do have random moments lately where thing s kind of click and I snap out of it. But when I wake up it's always back because that's when I used to feel the most anxious

It's like my anxiety manifests physically now instead of emotionally

I only did E once. I just got a $15k bill from being in the hospital for attempting suicide. I would be better off dead I think sometimes. I can't even cry about it I'm so detached

 

[Thanos90]

How much you consume,do you remember?

You told that are some times which you snap out
I think this is a healing process because you stop weed
Stop all the drugs also alcohol

I think ssris covered your problem(like weed)at all years passed
What brain wait from you?
Exercise
Meditate
Supplements
training games like chess etc
Change of bad thoughts,you have to continue your normal life even this is hard
You will generate new happy axons

Stay strong and try to find someone that can explain your situation better than me

Remember don't trust my opinions
I'm just a searcher on internet
I'm not a doctor I don't know neurology

Brain never stop to rewire you will feel better,don't try to suicide again!!!!Never!!!go out speak with people,take a dog or whatever to make you happy,teach your brain how to be happy

 

[Ksmut69]

did your friend take any? it doesn't sound like effects of MDMA. you need to find out what you took. sounds like garbage.