Lvs_Xtc
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 23, 2005
- Messages
- 12
I wrote this while under the infuence of MDMA....It amazed me when I read it the next day. I really looked into my soul, and this it what came out.....
There is a beauty beyond ourselves, A greater essence that goes beyond the depths of our souls.
But, what is this beauty ?
Where does it lie and how do I find it ?
I know it’s there, trying to push it’s way outward
But life’s madness, ugliness and hate keep it at bay
I know when I look into my soul, it’s here hiding beneath the surface
Why is it we feel that we need to protect it, cover it, hide it away?
If we could just let go, and let it come forth
Our lives would be fulfilled, complete
But we insist on burying it.
I know who I am , I know who I am capable of being
I feel so much, yet so little in the exact same instance
How is this possible ?
Am I insane? Or am I just human ?
Either way I don’t want to be any of those things
It seems to be that with humans comes great horror, sadness and pain
But also great love, joy and ecstasy
But why does the horror out way the joy ?
Maybe I’d rather be insane, then I wouldn’t know the difference
I want to be good, not bad, I want to love and not hate
I want to feel joy and not sadness
I really just want these things
But for me, are they attainable ?
I have many faces, which one is me?
I don’t even know anymore
I’ve hurt others
I’ve hurt myself
I’ve loved and been loved back
We are so insignificant
We focus on our selfish little lives, not taking the time to care about anyone
Who are ‘they” and why would someone put us here for this journey of life?
We hurt each other, kill each other
I don’t know?
Is this a test? Did I pass or fail?
I think I may have failed, but only you know
I believe myself to be good and kind…..
But am I really?
Or is this just another face?
Do I even have a soul left? Or did I destroy it many years ago?
I’m closed off, I keep my TRUE feelings to myself
I’m very outspoken, but what the hell am I saying?
Does anyone listen? Or does anyone really care?
I don’t know my purpose in life, does anyone?
Is it just me?
No, it’s millions of me’s who feel no purpose
No reason for being
I want to show mercy, you need to show it to receive it
I try to be kind and good, but it seems I’m just missing it
I feel like a stranger looking in
I’m so emotional and yet so cold in the same
How ? Why?
I want good things, I want love, I want to just find me
In 35 years of searching I still have no clue
I’ve done some terrible things, mean things
I don’t know if I’ve been forgiven
But can I forgive myself? Probably not
That poor baby , that poor girl, that poor man
I’m sorry to all of you
Maybe I’m just eternally fuc*ed
Dammed for all damnation
Nobody knows the real me, they can’t
I’m afraid they wont like what they see, I don’t like what I see sometimes
What do I want? Who do I want?
I loved you once, and may still, who knows, who cares
We are a defective product
A defective product capable of so much joy, peace and greatness
So why don’t we?
Is it just easier to strive for nothingness?
That way you’re never let down
Do I have walls so impenetrable that no one can break through?
Maybe I should just accept that I will never find that beauty within
Maybe it was never there
I try to help people when I can
I can be anyone’s strength, mother, daughter, lover, confidant, friend, sister
But who is mine
I don’t think I have enough left to give, I am drained
We all walk the journey alone, Why?
What is it that we are struggling for?
I miss you soul, I miss you Angela, come back to me soon
Lover, mother, daughter, friend, nurturer
I am there for what they all need, but who in the end gives me what I need?
I guess if we can’t give it to ourselves we may never receive it
But do I have any left for me?
I am who I am whether I like it or not
It’s just me
I hope to meet you again sometime…..True self
It will then be a happy day
I just hope it’s sooner than later…….
There is a beauty beyond ourselves, A greater essence that goes beyond the depths of our souls.
But, what is this beauty ?
Where does it lie and how do I find it ?
I know it’s there, trying to push it’s way outward
But life’s madness, ugliness and hate keep it at bay
I know when I look into my soul, it’s here hiding beneath the surface
Why is it we feel that we need to protect it, cover it, hide it away?
If we could just let go, and let it come forth
Our lives would be fulfilled, complete
But we insist on burying it.
I know who I am , I know who I am capable of being
I feel so much, yet so little in the exact same instance
How is this possible ?
Am I insane? Or am I just human ?
Either way I don’t want to be any of those things
It seems to be that with humans comes great horror, sadness and pain
But also great love, joy and ecstasy
But why does the horror out way the joy ?
Maybe I’d rather be insane, then I wouldn’t know the difference
I want to be good, not bad, I want to love and not hate
I want to feel joy and not sadness
I really just want these things
But for me, are they attainable ?
I have many faces, which one is me?
I don’t even know anymore
I’ve hurt others
I’ve hurt myself
I’ve loved and been loved back
We are so insignificant
We focus on our selfish little lives, not taking the time to care about anyone
Who are ‘they” and why would someone put us here for this journey of life?
We hurt each other, kill each other
I don’t know?
Is this a test? Did I pass or fail?
I think I may have failed, but only you know
I believe myself to be good and kind…..
But am I really?
Or is this just another face?
Do I even have a soul left? Or did I destroy it many years ago?
I’m closed off, I keep my TRUE feelings to myself
I’m very outspoken, but what the hell am I saying?
Does anyone listen? Or does anyone really care?
I don’t know my purpose in life, does anyone?
Is it just me?
No, it’s millions of me’s who feel no purpose
No reason for being
I want to show mercy, you need to show it to receive it
I try to be kind and good, but it seems I’m just missing it
I feel like a stranger looking in
I’m so emotional and yet so cold in the same
How ? Why?
I want good things, I want love, I want to just find me
In 35 years of searching I still have no clue
I’ve done some terrible things, mean things
I don’t know if I’ve been forgiven
But can I forgive myself? Probably not
That poor baby , that poor girl, that poor man
I’m sorry to all of you
Maybe I’m just eternally fuc*ed
Dammed for all damnation
Nobody knows the real me, they can’t
I’m afraid they wont like what they see, I don’t like what I see sometimes
What do I want? Who do I want?
I loved you once, and may still, who knows, who cares
We are a defective product
A defective product capable of so much joy, peace and greatness
So why don’t we?
Is it just easier to strive for nothingness?
That way you’re never let down
Do I have walls so impenetrable that no one can break through?
Maybe I should just accept that I will never find that beauty within
Maybe it was never there
I try to help people when I can
I can be anyone’s strength, mother, daughter, lover, confidant, friend, sister
But who is mine
I don’t think I have enough left to give, I am drained
We all walk the journey alone, Why?
What is it that we are struggling for?
I miss you soul, I miss you Angela, come back to me soon
Lover, mother, daughter, friend, nurturer
I am there for what they all need, but who in the end gives me what I need?
I guess if we can’t give it to ourselves we may never receive it
But do I have any left for me?
I am who I am whether I like it or not
It’s just me
I hope to meet you again sometime…..True self
It will then be a happy day
I just hope it’s sooner than later…….
