MDMA - New Experience - (old file)

[Liquid Sunshine]

A couple of days ago, I took MDMA for the first time (alone). I had
previously taken it at the same time as mushrooms, believing that it was
not something I was interested in trying by itself for naive and
complicated reasons that weren't logical, but have long since passed.

At 12am, we dosed. I snorted a pill, then swallowed two approximately
twenty minutes later. Just as I finished eating the second pill, I felt
a strong sense of excitement tainted with a touch of anxiety. My
muscles felt mildly tenser, but before about ten minutes, the pleasant
effects had begun. I was blown away utterly.

I had expected it to be more of an intoxicant, something that 'fucked
me up'. No. Absolute and utter clarity. No inhibitions, no
insecurities. Only peace, honesty, and empathy. My body felt electric,
both cold and hot at the same time, but in a mild and pleasant way. I
was happy and good natured. I wanted everyone else to be happy, to do
what I could to make them happy. I became very talkative, and
surprisingly articulate and eloquent. There was a filter between what I
said and what I meant that stripped every impurity and inessential
impulse from my expression; I said what I meant, instead of saying
something that partially contained what I meant. Now, I am a fairly
literate person, and I've been a writer for years, and I was utterly
shocked at the spontaneous analogies and metaphors and expressions I
was just using naturally, without any kind of forethought or planning.
To be communicative and expressive felt like the most natural thing in
the world.

After some time, everyone else was up (I had mostly been talking to a
friend of mine waiting for the others) and we began the first of our
activities: Face painting. My face was painted as a frog, the feeling
of the brush on my skin sending electric tingles of pleasure throughout
my body. It was hard not to smile constantly, or talk to the people
around me.

After face painting, I looked at one of my oldest and best friends, and
I thought about a lot of the things that had gone on between us. J and
I had been friends for about six to seven years now, a long time for
someone who has just turned twenty. Over the years, through childish
drama and girls and him moving away, we had become estranged, and I
knew that a large part of that was my fault. I walked up to him and
immediately expressed my regret, and apologized. We talked about it for
a long time, and in less than a half hour, we worked through six years
of buried feelings. It is the single best thing that has happened for
our friendship. We share a hug, and I can feel nothing but overwhelming
kindness and goodness. We go back inside, where the other two rollmates
were (presumably) talking. This is when the massages began.

I cannot describe the absolutely wonderful feeling of skin on skin when
you are at the peak of your roll. I was first, with the other three
giving me a massage or tickling gently. I could barely contain the
pleasure. This was not a sexual pleasure, it was partly tactile (It was
so soft, and yet so intense and powerful and pleasurable) and partly
emotional (Touch is a very powerful method of human contact when you
are sober. Imagine it with a thousand times the empathy and none of the
insecurities or hang-ups). After some time, we go back to talking and
telling stories and playing guitar. I was surprised to find that
playing guitar was easy; pieces that I had trouble playing came out
unconciously, and my improvisations sounded intricate and complicated
but somehow simple. I do not want to seem like I was high and therefore
overestimating my opinion of my playing; I was simply capable of
playing music easily and playing pieces naturally that I could only
play after a warm-up and concentrating.

Over time, talking, and smiling, we all came down one by one, though
surprisingly, after everyone else had finished, I began to roll anew. I
had been nigh baseline, and just as I began to settle down, whoosh. I
felt a rush and then proceeded to roll for about twenty minutes before
coming down again. During this time discussion continued, though I was
the only one rolling, I seemed to bring the others back into that open,
talkative state with my enthusiasm. It was almost as if when they were
not thinking about how they were coming down, they stopped coming down.

I understand why this chemical is being considered for psychotherapy. I
do not understand why it is not already in use, because its benefits
are obvious. Yes, there are some controversial dangers about it's
alleged neurotoxicity, but it is at most no more dangerous than alcohol
if a user is responsible and educated, and at minimum, with caution,
far safer.

This was one of the most powerful experiences of my life, and while I
am eager to repeat it, I think I am going to wait at least a month.
This is something for special occasions. It is far to beautiful a thing
for it to be normal, and there are frequent reports of the effects
diminishing permanently if the drug is abused.

I will always be thankful to J, because without him, I do not think I
would have met this wonderful chemical at this point in my life, and I
am glad for our mutual friendship that we were together when I did.

 

[crazynate:]]

Awesome report man and I'm glad to hear you;re going to wait a month before rolling again, it is very easy (and many people do) to fall in love with ecstasy and throw themselves into a wild and crazy period of fun, that will ultimately end in disaster... but seriously, that was cool story

 

[Liquid Sunshine]

Awesome report man and I'm glad to hear you;re going to wait a month before rolling again, it is very easy (and many people do) to fall in love with ecstasy and throw themselves into a wild and crazy period of fun, that will ultimately end in disaster... but seriously, that was cool story

To be honest, it is definitely tempting to just roll whenever I get the chance, but I want to preserve that specialness, and also my serotonin supplies

 

[yucatanboy2]

Awesome

This made me smile:

"
I had expected it to be more of an intoxicant, something that 'fucked
me up'. No. Absolute and utter clarity. No inhibitions, no
insecurities. Only peace, honesty, and empathy. My body felt electric,
both cold and hot at the same time, but in a mild and pleasant way. I
was happy and good natured. I wanted everyone else to be happy, to do
what I could to make them happy. I became very talkative, and
surprisingly articulate and eloquent. There was a filter between what I
said and what I meant that stripped every impurity and inessential
impulse from my expression; I said what I meant, instead of saying
something that partially contained what I meant. Now, I am a fairly
literate person, and I've been a writer for years, and I was utterly
shocked at the spontaneous analogies and metaphors and expressions I
was just using naturally, without any kind of forethought or planning.
To be communicative and expressive felt like the most natural thing in
the world."

That's exactly why when i took MDMA at 17, it helped make me a much much better person.

 

[yellow_sunglasses]

i really liked your trip report, it really captured the way i felt when rolling for the first time. mdma is a beautiful drug if used with respect im glad that you enjoyed it