This is the first time I’ve felt the need to write a trip report after a big weekend.
The setting was a house party. A lot of older kids and ex-ravers, most in their mid twenties. I’m a 25 year old male and attended the party with my girlfriend of 3 years. This was only the fourth time in my life I was going to take acid, although I’ve done shrooms and ecstasy dozens of times.
It wasn’t a perfect setting. Originally it was a roll party for a friend’s birthday, but it had grown into more than that. Only a few of us were tripping, many people there didn’t know each other, everybody was on different drugs and different levels. Our host was even slightly disturbed that I had brought the acid in the first place. I usually wouldn’t have tripped under those circumstances, but after having a wonderful experience hippy flipping I decided to give it a shot, this time with LSD. I figured, worst-case scenario, I’d make it through a few slightly uncomfortable hours of tripping and then two hits of E would smooth out all the edges. I was wrong.
At 8:45 p.m. I ingested one hit of liquid. A surprisingly powerful body high came over me, but other than that at first I felt the effects were muted. Acid has been such a surprise to me regarding how easy it is to handle, at least compared to shrooms, where for me there’s at least a chance of things getting really dark.
What I had succeeded in doing was socially isolating myself. Much of my thought for the first few hours was tied up in confusion and petty social anxieties. Without feeling comfortable enough to delve deep into conversation or even into my own deeper emotional currents, I was left kind of flailing. Walking aimlessly from room to room, completely unfounded fears of people being upset with me, worries about wasting this precious time, not connecting with the friends we’d come so far to see. It didn’t approach bad trip territory, I wasn’t tripping hard enough for that, but I just wasn’t getting anything done.
I was literally counting the clock until I could drop the E. Around 11:45, I dropped my first pill. I felt little change, and I was getting impatient. The pills weren’t great (are they ever?!), but this was crazy. Around 12:30 I dropped my second. Usually 45 minutes is more than enough for me to feel something, but the acid dominated. It was as if the acid absorbed my pills. At this point the only difference I could notice was a warmth, and a hint of that strange feeling of anxiety that precedes the ecstasy come-up.
I became more confused as time went by, although my thoughts seemed to...simplify. For a while I was reminded of why many trippers looked down on ecstasy, viewing it as a stupid “feel good” drug as opposed to the thinking man’s LSD. One thing was certain, I was primarily tripping, and the multiple hits of E I had taken were not going to change that.
This development required a change of plans. There was going to be no crazy extroversion tonight, no bouncing from person to person. For a few minutes at least, I needed my girlfriend. I found her and brought her into a spare room.
We both laid on the floor, and one of the most vivid drug experiences of my life began. I just wanted a moment to relax, to gather myself, and to come to terms with the fact that this night was not going to turn out the way I’d wanted. But I turned and looked at her, and realized for the first time that night that now I was HIGH….REAAALLY HIGH.
I was rolling! I hadn’t recognized it at first, but the full force of both drugs gripped me. I felt it in every breath, and I realized this was a headspace I’d never visited before.
I looked at her - my love, this wonderful girl that had meant so much to me these last few years. That empathy, that yearning pull towards another person’s energy that all who do E know, was there when I gazed at her face. I love looking at her during these times, because it’s like I can look at her entire face and take it all in at once, missing nothing. Such a comforting sight. So much love in her eyes. For the first time my heart relaxed and my imagination became a part of my trip.
Relieved by the effect she was having, I stared at her for a bit - her eyebrows, black eyelashes fanned over deep brown eyes. I stared at her eyes and something started to appear to me.
It wasn’t literally a vision, at least in that my eyes weren’t involved. If you’ve ever done salvia, you’ll remember the amazing way it conjures images that you see in your mind without actually visually taking them in. It’s as if it’s inside you, call it your third eye if you will. But when they come they can seem terrifyingly close and real. No drug other than salvia and MDA had ever done that for me.
But her eyes started a vision, and I looked away from her, staring into space. In my mind, I “saw” a head, in front of me but turned away. I saw brown hair, a sunlit room. For a second I was taken aback by the reality of this image, but even before I could speak, the head started to turn. I saw eyelashes and eyebrows come around the side….brown eyes...familiar. But was it male or female?! The head was still turning, I could tell the being was shorter than me. Suddenly I’m feeling it’s presence as if someone had suddenly walked into the room.
I was astounded as that head turned towards me in my mind, this feeling of wonder at life and at the course of this evening came over me. I was wonderfully alive, but scared at what was happening.
Then it finished turning it’s head, and looked up at me, straight in the eye.
I stopped thinking altogether for a moment. Then I realized, slowly, it’s my child. It was gone.
But the way it had looked up at me…mirrored my fear and my wonder. It was a questioning look, however short, and suddenly the responsibility of answering that look hit me. One day, someone was going to look to me with the fear and wonder I feel towards the world, and I’m going to have to guide them somehow.
After seeing those eyes, I could feel so much more tangibly the insane curiosity and love parents must feel for their children. The amazing reflection of one’s self children must provide, and the responsibility of playing for keeps. I wondered at this long tradition of parenthood, at the thousands and thousands of generations that came before me, to create the body I now inhabit.
I was brought back to that cheesy Richard Attenborough documentary on mammals, where he shows one of the earliest preserved human footprints in the world. Over a million years old(?), I believe, you can see the footprints of a mother and father, small child in between them, walking through volcanic ash, away from the dangerous explosion. How many of us are the descendents of those parents and their efforts? Millions, maybe more? In my candy-flipped state of mind, I was astounded by it
The rest of the night was less eventful. The acid tapered off, I felt like I was coming down off the rolls within just a few hours (as usual), I returned to the concerns of the early evening. The combination of drugs brought me to an incredible mindspace, and I’ve learned to respect combining MDMA with psychedelics. But the confusion, sheer power, and introspective nature of the experience will cause me to only do this alone or at home in the future.
Even though I know it’s just some fragment of my imagination, my vision had left me something to think about. This crazy circular process of life ….how do you answer those eyes?!?!
The setting was a house party. A lot of older kids and ex-ravers, most in their mid twenties. I’m a 25 year old male and attended the party with my girlfriend of 3 years. This was only the fourth time in my life I was going to take acid, although I’ve done shrooms and ecstasy dozens of times.
It wasn’t a perfect setting. Originally it was a roll party for a friend’s birthday, but it had grown into more than that. Only a few of us were tripping, many people there didn’t know each other, everybody was on different drugs and different levels. Our host was even slightly disturbed that I had brought the acid in the first place. I usually wouldn’t have tripped under those circumstances, but after having a wonderful experience hippy flipping I decided to give it a shot, this time with LSD. I figured, worst-case scenario, I’d make it through a few slightly uncomfortable hours of tripping and then two hits of E would smooth out all the edges. I was wrong.
At 8:45 p.m. I ingested one hit of liquid. A surprisingly powerful body high came over me, but other than that at first I felt the effects were muted. Acid has been such a surprise to me regarding how easy it is to handle, at least compared to shrooms, where for me there’s at least a chance of things getting really dark.
What I had succeeded in doing was socially isolating myself. Much of my thought for the first few hours was tied up in confusion and petty social anxieties. Without feeling comfortable enough to delve deep into conversation or even into my own deeper emotional currents, I was left kind of flailing. Walking aimlessly from room to room, completely unfounded fears of people being upset with me, worries about wasting this precious time, not connecting with the friends we’d come so far to see. It didn’t approach bad trip territory, I wasn’t tripping hard enough for that, but I just wasn’t getting anything done.
I was literally counting the clock until I could drop the E. Around 11:45, I dropped my first pill. I felt little change, and I was getting impatient. The pills weren’t great (are they ever?!), but this was crazy. Around 12:30 I dropped my second. Usually 45 minutes is more than enough for me to feel something, but the acid dominated. It was as if the acid absorbed my pills. At this point the only difference I could notice was a warmth, and a hint of that strange feeling of anxiety that precedes the ecstasy come-up.
I became more confused as time went by, although my thoughts seemed to...simplify. For a while I was reminded of why many trippers looked down on ecstasy, viewing it as a stupid “feel good” drug as opposed to the thinking man’s LSD. One thing was certain, I was primarily tripping, and the multiple hits of E I had taken were not going to change that.
This development required a change of plans. There was going to be no crazy extroversion tonight, no bouncing from person to person. For a few minutes at least, I needed my girlfriend. I found her and brought her into a spare room.
We both laid on the floor, and one of the most vivid drug experiences of my life began. I just wanted a moment to relax, to gather myself, and to come to terms with the fact that this night was not going to turn out the way I’d wanted. But I turned and looked at her, and realized for the first time that night that now I was HIGH….REAAALLY HIGH.
I was rolling! I hadn’t recognized it at first, but the full force of both drugs gripped me. I felt it in every breath, and I realized this was a headspace I’d never visited before.
I looked at her - my love, this wonderful girl that had meant so much to me these last few years. That empathy, that yearning pull towards another person’s energy that all who do E know, was there when I gazed at her face. I love looking at her during these times, because it’s like I can look at her entire face and take it all in at once, missing nothing. Such a comforting sight. So much love in her eyes. For the first time my heart relaxed and my imagination became a part of my trip.
Relieved by the effect she was having, I stared at her for a bit - her eyebrows, black eyelashes fanned over deep brown eyes. I stared at her eyes and something started to appear to me.
It wasn’t literally a vision, at least in that my eyes weren’t involved. If you’ve ever done salvia, you’ll remember the amazing way it conjures images that you see in your mind without actually visually taking them in. It’s as if it’s inside you, call it your third eye if you will. But when they come they can seem terrifyingly close and real. No drug other than salvia and MDA had ever done that for me.
But her eyes started a vision, and I looked away from her, staring into space. In my mind, I “saw” a head, in front of me but turned away. I saw brown hair, a sunlit room. For a second I was taken aback by the reality of this image, but even before I could speak, the head started to turn. I saw eyelashes and eyebrows come around the side….brown eyes...familiar. But was it male or female?! The head was still turning, I could tell the being was shorter than me. Suddenly I’m feeling it’s presence as if someone had suddenly walked into the room.
I was astounded as that head turned towards me in my mind, this feeling of wonder at life and at the course of this evening came over me. I was wonderfully alive, but scared at what was happening.
Then it finished turning it’s head, and looked up at me, straight in the eye.
I stopped thinking altogether for a moment. Then I realized, slowly, it’s my child. It was gone.
But the way it had looked up at me…mirrored my fear and my wonder. It was a questioning look, however short, and suddenly the responsibility of answering that look hit me. One day, someone was going to look to me with the fear and wonder I feel towards the world, and I’m going to have to guide them somehow.
After seeing those eyes, I could feel so much more tangibly the insane curiosity and love parents must feel for their children. The amazing reflection of one’s self children must provide, and the responsibility of playing for keeps. I wondered at this long tradition of parenthood, at the thousands and thousands of generations that came before me, to create the body I now inhabit.
I was brought back to that cheesy Richard Attenborough documentary on mammals, where he shows one of the earliest preserved human footprints in the world. Over a million years old(?), I believe, you can see the footprints of a mother and father, small child in between them, walking through volcanic ash, away from the dangerous explosion. How many of us are the descendents of those parents and their efforts? Millions, maybe more? In my candy-flipped state of mind, I was astounded by it
The rest of the night was less eventful. The acid tapered off, I felt like I was coming down off the rolls within just a few hours (as usual), I returned to the concerns of the early evening. The combination of drugs brought me to an incredible mindspace, and I’ve learned to respect combining MDMA with psychedelics. But the confusion, sheer power, and introspective nature of the experience will cause me to only do this alone or at home in the future.
Even though I know it’s just some fragment of my imagination, my vision had left me something to think about. This crazy circular process of life ….how do you answer those eyes?!?!
