LightSeeker
Bluelighter
This was written last JUne, for the 2nd anniversary of my experience. Soon will come the third:
On June 2nd, 2001, I had two Green Euro Dollars, provided by an old friend who was very moved by MDMA several weeks prior to this, and happy to provide a well trusted contact. They were wide green pills in a little baggie made especially for them. According to a pill database site, checked several months after the experience, the pills contained only MDMA, and while weighing approximately 200mg, provided a perfect experience, which was most likely at the 120mg level.
I met my friend Trina at a train station, and we were waiting to go to Washington Square Park in Greenwich Village.
T 0:00 I drank orange juice prior to dosing, being advised to do so by my friend. However, I now know that the juice acidifies the stomach, actually making it more likely to decrease the effects of the MDMA, if drunk before the dose is fully digested. When I got on the train, I took one and Trina took the other one with some water. We got on our transfer and then we were on our way to 8th Street.
T 0:50 Quickly we made it there and right before the train stopped, I felt the butterflies in my stomach. I felt different body parts tingle and tingle and tingle until I was getting out of the turnstiles and saying to Trina, AOh my god, I=ve never felt like this before.@ It was true, I never felt anything like this, completely in tune to every movement I was making and every word I was saying. I ran up the stairs out of the station and running up seemed like the easiest task to do, and I felt like I was flying. Oh my god, I was flying.
We crossed the street and we were walking under the construction structure on E. 8th St. I kept saying that I never felt like that in my life, as it was building over me, rising and rising and rising. As we exited the construction site, Trina=s began to hit and I looked up at the buildings surrounding the Cube by St. Mark=s Pl. and they were sooooooo beautiful, this is when I realized the much spoken off attribute of E, everything looks and feels beautiful.
T 1:00 Trina complained that her stomach hurt a lot and I kept talking in Russian and telling her that everything will be fine the second we get to the park. And it did. We got there- a walk that I barely remember, except that I was comforting her and telling her that soon she will feel exactly what I am feeling, and that the world is perfect. She didn't believe me, and thought I was acting crazy. All I wanted to do was speak softly and tell her how beautiful everything is.
T 1:20 When we got to the park, Trina was already smoking cigarettes, and I was smoking too. She felt better and then we went into the circle. My leg flew up to enter it and I felt so light walking over to the other side. I said quite loudly and humorously, "I can suck my own cock".We sat down, finally and it felt very comfortable. We were sitting on stone, and it felt like the most perfect place to sit, exactly what I needed.
T 1:30 Trina turned on music and it sounded great. My body became a waterfall of sensation and emotion, with all this beauty from the world washing over me. This sensation, of the whole world being beautiful cannot be described. I was sweating heavily and I couldn't stop smoking. It was not that I wanted to smoke, but that I loved every sensation I was experiencing. I drank water and orange juice to make it all better, and it did get much better from then on.
T 2:00 Me and Trina engaged in amazingly deep conversations. Trina told me she's bi and we started talking about sexual orientation and how it doesn't matter at all and we finally pondered on the nature of PLUR- peace-love-unity-respect. It all makes sense. We decided that when straight guys are scared of physically touching members ofthe same sex: hugging, kissing, etc., is horrible. How can people deprive themselves of human contact. We looked at the people and they all seemed sooo beautiful.
T 2:30 We saw this juggler guy, who seemed like the most beautiful man who ever lived, but he was surely not, but then, I felt in love with everyone and everything. The homeless man who asked Trina for a cigarette walked away saying that it's pointless to ask us of anything, but she begged him to come back. This black man behind us, we asked him for a cigarette, was somewhat old, but very beautiful. I felt sooo good all over. It was amazing. This other guy whose hair was died white sat not too far away from us, and we looked at him and he was beautiful. I felt like it was fate that we were here on this day with all these people, aware of how amazing they all are.
Trina shared everything with me, and I with her. We talked about our friends and how it would be amazing to share this with them, to make them aware of, truly, how we have all been saved. My fears, my borders, they were gone. I could talk about anything without the fear of being judged or hurt. Trina said to look at how happy this woman was to get the juggler guy=s torch and I looked at her and I didn=t feel anything, it was gone. I took a drink of orange juice and it was all back.
T 3:00 We kept talking and looking at the people. The more I look back at the experience, I remember that there was an unexpected effect... an amazing effect, I could feel the emotions of anyone whose face I looked at. Seeing people happy, made me really happy, and seeing them sad, made me sad. This was the empathogenic effect. It seemed like the world was so beautiful, but I saw that absolutely nothing had changed about it. It was all in my perception of the world. MDMA is a substance that has so much promise because it lifts the barrier of hate and judgement and fear that we all build up after years of living in a society which encourages this. I learned so much from it, the entactogenic effect did indeed touch us from within.
At some points we were talking so fast that we stopped understanding each other and time seemed to slow down outside of us.
Then the moment came, which made me aware of God=s limitless and transcendent presence. Suddenly, at some point, a beautiful red butterfly flew up to Trina and sat on her shirt, it was an amazing moment of beauty and we felt like we were touched by God, at last, God revealed itself.
T 4:00 Then it started to rain and we went away. We were feeling the aftereffects, but the bulk of the experience- the realization of that beauty, the inexplicable feelings of love- they passed. I felt good, I felt friendly and beautiful, but then I started thinking about other people way too much. I smoked my last cigarette and we walked to Broadway Lafayette where my first visual hallucination occurred. The train that we got into was very shiny and it seemed to reflect a very radiant aura.
T 5:00 We got to our home neighborhood and I appreciated so much more about everything. We spent the next several hours reflecting on what happened, and seeing both my mom and her mom. I realized how much love they both have for us. In every motherly word, I could feel the love, and the care. As far as continuous physical effects, I had trouble eating at Trina=s house, because I felt no hunger. This is the result of MDMA being an amphetamine after all.
That night I had an extremely vivid dream about the people in school. It involved a group of people who I associated with, leaving me out. This would happen several months later.
The following day, I slept until 1 PM, having spent a lot of energy on the experience. It should be noted that I did not experience the teeth clenching while Trina did. I also did not experience any tremors or minor muscle spasms, only slight disorientation.
School continued the following week, exactly two years from when I am writing this. I felt so happy to be alive, and to see the people in school. Some people whom I told of my experience said that I am a fool, and that it is better to get over emotional problems through slow therapy. The experience did not solve any issues, it just made me aware of how pointless most of my problems are. I am loved and capable of loving others, completely in love with many others, and that made everything else seem rather small or non-existent.
The Thursday after my experience, I saw Trina forget all about it, and take LSD. This upset me. The one person I was completely in touch and unison with seemed to slip away. I cried as I walked home, yet quickly, I remembered what had happened to us, and I felt better.
Two years have passed. As I look back on it, I am so thankful that I was able to experience this. When people ask me what it was like, there are no words, because really, nothing happens, yet everything changes. I am not advocating the use of MDMA to anyone. The quality of pills is usually very low. People who get bunk pills are lucky they did not get something dangerous. However, I do believe that if people were able to realize how important love is, and how unimportant addictions to pain are, the world would be a better place. Because of MDMA, I am a better person. Because of my ability to share this experience, and after it, every day with people I love, I am a better person.
[Edited title -Splatt]
On June 2nd, 2001, I had two Green Euro Dollars, provided by an old friend who was very moved by MDMA several weeks prior to this, and happy to provide a well trusted contact. They were wide green pills in a little baggie made especially for them. According to a pill database site, checked several months after the experience, the pills contained only MDMA, and while weighing approximately 200mg, provided a perfect experience, which was most likely at the 120mg level.
I met my friend Trina at a train station, and we were waiting to go to Washington Square Park in Greenwich Village.
T 0:00 I drank orange juice prior to dosing, being advised to do so by my friend. However, I now know that the juice acidifies the stomach, actually making it more likely to decrease the effects of the MDMA, if drunk before the dose is fully digested. When I got on the train, I took one and Trina took the other one with some water. We got on our transfer and then we were on our way to 8th Street.
T 0:50 Quickly we made it there and right before the train stopped, I felt the butterflies in my stomach. I felt different body parts tingle and tingle and tingle until I was getting out of the turnstiles and saying to Trina, AOh my god, I=ve never felt like this before.@ It was true, I never felt anything like this, completely in tune to every movement I was making and every word I was saying. I ran up the stairs out of the station and running up seemed like the easiest task to do, and I felt like I was flying. Oh my god, I was flying.
We crossed the street and we were walking under the construction structure on E. 8th St. I kept saying that I never felt like that in my life, as it was building over me, rising and rising and rising. As we exited the construction site, Trina=s began to hit and I looked up at the buildings surrounding the Cube by St. Mark=s Pl. and they were sooooooo beautiful, this is when I realized the much spoken off attribute of E, everything looks and feels beautiful.
T 1:00 Trina complained that her stomach hurt a lot and I kept talking in Russian and telling her that everything will be fine the second we get to the park. And it did. We got there- a walk that I barely remember, except that I was comforting her and telling her that soon she will feel exactly what I am feeling, and that the world is perfect. She didn't believe me, and thought I was acting crazy. All I wanted to do was speak softly and tell her how beautiful everything is.
T 1:20 When we got to the park, Trina was already smoking cigarettes, and I was smoking too. She felt better and then we went into the circle. My leg flew up to enter it and I felt so light walking over to the other side. I said quite loudly and humorously, "I can suck my own cock".We sat down, finally and it felt very comfortable. We were sitting on stone, and it felt like the most perfect place to sit, exactly what I needed.
T 1:30 Trina turned on music and it sounded great. My body became a waterfall of sensation and emotion, with all this beauty from the world washing over me. This sensation, of the whole world being beautiful cannot be described. I was sweating heavily and I couldn't stop smoking. It was not that I wanted to smoke, but that I loved every sensation I was experiencing. I drank water and orange juice to make it all better, and it did get much better from then on.
T 2:00 Me and Trina engaged in amazingly deep conversations. Trina told me she's bi and we started talking about sexual orientation and how it doesn't matter at all and we finally pondered on the nature of PLUR- peace-love-unity-respect. It all makes sense. We decided that when straight guys are scared of physically touching members ofthe same sex: hugging, kissing, etc., is horrible. How can people deprive themselves of human contact. We looked at the people and they all seemed sooo beautiful.
T 2:30 We saw this juggler guy, who seemed like the most beautiful man who ever lived, but he was surely not, but then, I felt in love with everyone and everything. The homeless man who asked Trina for a cigarette walked away saying that it's pointless to ask us of anything, but she begged him to come back. This black man behind us, we asked him for a cigarette, was somewhat old, but very beautiful. I felt sooo good all over. It was amazing. This other guy whose hair was died white sat not too far away from us, and we looked at him and he was beautiful. I felt like it was fate that we were here on this day with all these people, aware of how amazing they all are.
Trina shared everything with me, and I with her. We talked about our friends and how it would be amazing to share this with them, to make them aware of, truly, how we have all been saved. My fears, my borders, they were gone. I could talk about anything without the fear of being judged or hurt. Trina said to look at how happy this woman was to get the juggler guy=s torch and I looked at her and I didn=t feel anything, it was gone. I took a drink of orange juice and it was all back.
T 3:00 We kept talking and looking at the people. The more I look back at the experience, I remember that there was an unexpected effect... an amazing effect, I could feel the emotions of anyone whose face I looked at. Seeing people happy, made me really happy, and seeing them sad, made me sad. This was the empathogenic effect. It seemed like the world was so beautiful, but I saw that absolutely nothing had changed about it. It was all in my perception of the world. MDMA is a substance that has so much promise because it lifts the barrier of hate and judgement and fear that we all build up after years of living in a society which encourages this. I learned so much from it, the entactogenic effect did indeed touch us from within.
At some points we were talking so fast that we stopped understanding each other and time seemed to slow down outside of us.
Then the moment came, which made me aware of God=s limitless and transcendent presence. Suddenly, at some point, a beautiful red butterfly flew up to Trina and sat on her shirt, it was an amazing moment of beauty and we felt like we were touched by God, at last, God revealed itself.
T 4:00 Then it started to rain and we went away. We were feeling the aftereffects, but the bulk of the experience- the realization of that beauty, the inexplicable feelings of love- they passed. I felt good, I felt friendly and beautiful, but then I started thinking about other people way too much. I smoked my last cigarette and we walked to Broadway Lafayette where my first visual hallucination occurred. The train that we got into was very shiny and it seemed to reflect a very radiant aura.
T 5:00 We got to our home neighborhood and I appreciated so much more about everything. We spent the next several hours reflecting on what happened, and seeing both my mom and her mom. I realized how much love they both have for us. In every motherly word, I could feel the love, and the care. As far as continuous physical effects, I had trouble eating at Trina=s house, because I felt no hunger. This is the result of MDMA being an amphetamine after all.
That night I had an extremely vivid dream about the people in school. It involved a group of people who I associated with, leaving me out. This would happen several months later.
The following day, I slept until 1 PM, having spent a lot of energy on the experience. It should be noted that I did not experience the teeth clenching while Trina did. I also did not experience any tremors or minor muscle spasms, only slight disorientation.
School continued the following week, exactly two years from when I am writing this. I felt so happy to be alive, and to see the people in school. Some people whom I told of my experience said that I am a fool, and that it is better to get over emotional problems through slow therapy. The experience did not solve any issues, it just made me aware of how pointless most of my problems are. I am loved and capable of loving others, completely in love with many others, and that made everything else seem rather small or non-existent.
The Thursday after my experience, I saw Trina forget all about it, and take LSD. This upset me. The one person I was completely in touch and unison with seemed to slip away. I cried as I walked home, yet quickly, I remembered what had happened to us, and I felt better.
Two years have passed. As I look back on it, I am so thankful that I was able to experience this. When people ask me what it was like, there are no words, because really, nothing happens, yet everything changes. I am not advocating the use of MDMA to anyone. The quality of pills is usually very low. People who get bunk pills are lucky they did not get something dangerous. However, I do believe that if people were able to realize how important love is, and how unimportant addictions to pain are, the world would be a better place. Because of MDMA, I am a better person. Because of my ability to share this experience, and after it, every day with people I love, I am a better person.
[Edited title -Splatt]
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