modhead
Bluelighter
Hello everyone. This trip report takes place when I was only 15 years old. (18 now) Id like to share this experience because this was the starting line for all my future experimenting with drugs. Ill explain briefly the type of person I was before I tried Ecstasy. From about age 5 to 14 I felt like I never fit into society. As you know, schools have certain "groups". Even in elementry school I felt like I didnt fit into any category. Teachers always told me not to worry about bullies or trying to be popular and just use my smarts. I have an IQ around 143 which honestly seemed like a burden for most of my life. People always telling me how smart I am and expecting me to become some sort of scientist or laywer or some high paying job. Well I didnt worry about that kinda stuff. I just wanted to feel normal, to fit in. My biggest problem was people skills. I was always very undeveloped (physically). Mentally I was all over the place. If I wanted to, I could act serious and polite around adults but then other times I would be very silly and immature. All I wanted was to be "cool" and have at least 2-3 popular friends. I was sick of being at the nerd table at lunch!
15 years old, sophmore in highschool, and I'm still trying to figure out who I am. Most of my friends are outside of school and they are a little bit older than me. 1-3 years. I still feel like the tag along loser who they keep around for kicks. Even if it wasnt true, I felt like it all the time. I am starting to think Ill never grow up. Then one nite my best friend D, who is a year older than me, decides to take me to my first real party. Sneak out my window at 1 am and hop in our friends car. We drive to West Palm Beach and the whole time I'm so excited. My friends tell me to just chill out and not act stupid because people will get pissed. So we get there and its basically a house converted to a rave. I walk in the front door and this girl is screaming at me "YOU HAVE TO BUY A BRACELT, THEN YOU CAN BUY BEANS FOR 15". I was so happy to be there, the screaming lady didnt bother me. I pay 5 bucks for a braclet and my friend goes off with the lady. He comes back, I give him 15 bucks and stare at my green heart pill for 10 min straight. I was so nervous, flashbacks of D.A.R.E. and TV propaganda saying you can die from one time. I took my pill and hoped for the best...
So I'm at this rave/house. Theres people with eyes rollin the back of their head. Im sitting on this couch and like 5 different people are asking me if I'm lost... WTF? Like I said, I look about 2 years younger than I actually am. This one nice lady around 26 or so started talked to me. I told her it was my first time. She explained It was going to be very overpower and just let it happen. Drink water, dont do anything dumb ... etc She kinda watched me for the next 45 min. Unfortunatley, before my pill kicked in we had to leave. Somoene busted open a guys head and they kicked everyone out. NOOOO. My dreams are crushed. I was actually having fun becuase people were ACKNOWLEDGING ME. And I was at this super cool rave party. Beats my nerd friends LAN parties. Anyway... Off to the apartment.
So we go to this apartment. 5 Chicks and maybe 6-7 guys. My friends are fucked up and I'm just... chillin. This guy offers me a pill for 10 bucks. It was his last one he was selling and it was crushed to hell. I figured why not and parachuted the pill. 10 min later, my entire life changed.... To this day I dont know if it was the original pill (woulve been over an hour) or the parachuted one. All I know is, I stuck my head inbetween my knees and felt the biggest rush or warmth and comfort ever. The same lady I met earlier said "are you ok?" and I replied with "Im definaltey better than ok
" In the short 30 min we stayed. I had ran around, talked to every girl (i was very inexperienced with girls, never had a GF, never had sex, only hooked up with ugly girls just to say I did, etc) I was being very silly, loud, lost my wallet and phone. Didnt care. Just had the time of my life at the expense of everyone else having to watch me make a fool of myself. The sad part is, I actually watched myself do this and didnt care. Finally we left, on the way out the boyfriend of the girl I was hitting on (some other random chicks leg I was rubbing) actually gave me my wallet and phone and said to watch my back. Woahhhhhh, did I give a fuck ? Nope. Not at that time. Nothing matterd at all. I relized a lot of good things and bad things that night.
I went to school the following monday a different person. For some reason I felt like I didn't need to impress anyone more. I wasn't getting beat up (only 2 fights ever) and I wasn't getting pushed around. So why did I ever care so much? I wanted to fit in, but the again, why does that peticular crowd matter so much. I decided from that point on I was going to be ME and whoever didnt accept it, screw them. A new confidence that I never had before remained for a long time. I relized who my real friends were and stuck with them until today. Even an hour ago I just talked to the same friend D that I was with this night. The power of a drug like Ecstasy made me want to try other substances. I never thought I could reach that level of pleasure. It didnt seem possible. Since then, many good and bad things have happend.
GOOD:
1. Determined to ahcieve my goals.
2. Confident with who I am.
3. No longer afraid to talk to girls or even be in bed with them!
4. Can carry a conversation with anyone at any time.
5. Learned when to be immature and when to be serious. I found the middle ground.
6. Because XTC made me try other substances, I came to many revelations about GOD, Relgion, life in general. Not a direct cause of XTC but you get the point.
7. Opened my eyes that drugs are not the devil and used properly can help you a lot.
8. Found myself around people where there is no "leader" or "followers" its just "us". No more ranking like its the fucking army lol.
BAD:
1. Like all good things, it comes to an end. I have not done XTC in over a year because of a few reasons. Mostly because it has lost its magic.
2. Parents. They found out eventually I was taking these pills and since then they have faught with me to no end.
3. XTC indirectly lead to me to rehab for cocaine.
4. Money wasted and did stupid things that mightve hurt others.
So there it is. Today I have my own car, a job, going to community college after the summer. My dream of becoming a UFC fighter is closer then ever. I am a completly different preson. Im in very good shape. I train 4 different martial arts during the week. Overall I feel like my life is great. Please feel free to post any positive/negative comments. Thanks for reading!
-Jason
15 years old, sophmore in highschool, and I'm still trying to figure out who I am. Most of my friends are outside of school and they are a little bit older than me. 1-3 years. I still feel like the tag along loser who they keep around for kicks. Even if it wasnt true, I felt like it all the time. I am starting to think Ill never grow up. Then one nite my best friend D, who is a year older than me, decides to take me to my first real party. Sneak out my window at 1 am and hop in our friends car. We drive to West Palm Beach and the whole time I'm so excited. My friends tell me to just chill out and not act stupid because people will get pissed. So we get there and its basically a house converted to a rave. I walk in the front door and this girl is screaming at me "YOU HAVE TO BUY A BRACELT, THEN YOU CAN BUY BEANS FOR 15". I was so happy to be there, the screaming lady didnt bother me. I pay 5 bucks for a braclet and my friend goes off with the lady. He comes back, I give him 15 bucks and stare at my green heart pill for 10 min straight. I was so nervous, flashbacks of D.A.R.E. and TV propaganda saying you can die from one time. I took my pill and hoped for the best...
So I'm at this rave/house. Theres people with eyes rollin the back of their head. Im sitting on this couch and like 5 different people are asking me if I'm lost... WTF? Like I said, I look about 2 years younger than I actually am. This one nice lady around 26 or so started talked to me. I told her it was my first time. She explained It was going to be very overpower and just let it happen. Drink water, dont do anything dumb ... etc She kinda watched me for the next 45 min. Unfortunatley, before my pill kicked in we had to leave. Somoene busted open a guys head and they kicked everyone out. NOOOO. My dreams are crushed. I was actually having fun becuase people were ACKNOWLEDGING ME. And I was at this super cool rave party. Beats my nerd friends LAN parties. Anyway... Off to the apartment.
So we go to this apartment. 5 Chicks and maybe 6-7 guys. My friends are fucked up and I'm just... chillin. This guy offers me a pill for 10 bucks. It was his last one he was selling and it was crushed to hell. I figured why not and parachuted the pill. 10 min later, my entire life changed.... To this day I dont know if it was the original pill (woulve been over an hour) or the parachuted one. All I know is, I stuck my head inbetween my knees and felt the biggest rush or warmth and comfort ever. The same lady I met earlier said "are you ok?" and I replied with "Im definaltey better than ok
" In the short 30 min we stayed. I had ran around, talked to every girl (i was very inexperienced with girls, never had a GF, never had sex, only hooked up with ugly girls just to say I did, etc) I was being very silly, loud, lost my wallet and phone. Didnt care. Just had the time of my life at the expense of everyone else having to watch me make a fool of myself. The sad part is, I actually watched myself do this and didnt care. Finally we left, on the way out the boyfriend of the girl I was hitting on (some other random chicks leg I was rubbing) actually gave me my wallet and phone and said to watch my back. Woahhhhhh, did I give a fuck ? Nope. Not at that time. Nothing matterd at all. I relized a lot of good things and bad things that night.I went to school the following monday a different person. For some reason I felt like I didn't need to impress anyone more. I wasn't getting beat up (only 2 fights ever) and I wasn't getting pushed around. So why did I ever care so much? I wanted to fit in, but the again, why does that peticular crowd matter so much. I decided from that point on I was going to be ME and whoever didnt accept it, screw them. A new confidence that I never had before remained for a long time. I relized who my real friends were and stuck with them until today. Even an hour ago I just talked to the same friend D that I was with this night. The power of a drug like Ecstasy made me want to try other substances. I never thought I could reach that level of pleasure. It didnt seem possible. Since then, many good and bad things have happend.
GOOD:
1. Determined to ahcieve my goals.
2. Confident with who I am.
3. No longer afraid to talk to girls or even be in bed with them!
4. Can carry a conversation with anyone at any time.
5. Learned when to be immature and when to be serious. I found the middle ground.
6. Because XTC made me try other substances, I came to many revelations about GOD, Relgion, life in general. Not a direct cause of XTC but you get the point.
7. Opened my eyes that drugs are not the devil and used properly can help you a lot.
8. Found myself around people where there is no "leader" or "followers" its just "us". No more ranking like its the fucking army lol.
BAD:
1. Like all good things, it comes to an end. I have not done XTC in over a year because of a few reasons. Mostly because it has lost its magic.
2. Parents. They found out eventually I was taking these pills and since then they have faught with me to no end.
3. XTC indirectly lead to me to rehab for cocaine.
4. Money wasted and did stupid things that mightve hurt others.
So there it is. Today I have my own car, a job, going to community college after the summer. My dream of becoming a UFC fighter is closer then ever. I am a completly different preson. Im in very good shape. I train 4 different martial arts during the week. Overall I feel like my life is great. Please feel free to post any positive/negative comments. Thanks for reading!
-Jason
