emotionisdead67
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2004
- Messages
- 326
Okay, this happend all last night. I don't need to hear how stupid this was, or how fucked up you are etc. I know this, and typically I'd never do this type of combo but my everything was fucked up. Learning experience here. Listen to this report and if you have have the chance to do these combos, think back to this horrifying night. Grammer, run on sentences.. sorry, my minds hurting today.
The night started off great. I went to pick up 10 pills of blue dolphins which I heard some "decent" things about. I was reccomended to take two pills. So I dropped one on the way home(9:00). Once I got home I jumped on the computer to check out the pill reports on these blue dolphins which I should've before hand but basically come to find it's a heavy meth with mda in it. Just what I wanted to hear. Fuck pills with lots of meth in them! Dropped my other one beccause the reports I read about those blue dolphins looked and where from different areas so I was hoping for the best. Went to a local bar to meet up with some people. Sold the rest there. Started feeling absolutely amazing. So I lost the thought of them being complete meth bombs at that point. I went outside to awnser a phone call and as I come back in I get hugged by a friend and am called over to a table with some girls that I've meet there before and are friends with these kids I sold the pills to and they start giving me massaches, rubbing my hair, blowing on my neck. etc, AWESOME, just awesome.
After this goes on for awhile we head back to my friends girls place and start the after party. I get offered to do a line of coke.. so i say yeah, fuck it. I was feeling to good to say no. It kind of intensified my role and then we smoked alot of pot and drank beer. I'm still rolling nicely. Now around 230 those girls from the bar come back to the after party. I was started to get fucking werid. I did another line. Felt great Smoked another bowl and they get there and I have to goto the bathroom and the weird shit starts happening.
I started to get really quiet and I'm usually the type to be able to hold a conversation with just about anybody at a party on anything. Definitely not on this night. The feelings, the fear, the fight against these overwhelming negative things that these drugs combined inside of my head scared the ever living shit out of me and I never ever want to be back there again. EVER!
So wow, so many things happend. I don't know where to start. Okay, well the first thing that comes to mind after all the lines, beer, weed and the 3 pills I had taken mind you this being only my 3rd time rolling within 3 months but the other times I only had one pill each time. I was sitting on the couch actually starting to feel a bit more comftrable. Then this girl jumps right up into my lap. Now mind you I've been a sucker for her since I first saw her beautiful girl so I was happy about this but in my state of god knows what the fuck. I felt awkward. My pills were coming down, my coke high is to. Both of those at once sucked. I'm high as hell just off from pot and beer combined with those other two substances i'm sitting on the couch doing everything I can possibly do to get my act together and keep my mind intact so I dont freak out or anything as I never have before on drugs but I knew it was comming I could just feel it. So anyway, as shes sitting there i'm enjoying it but at some point as we were talking I looked up and for some reason she had this baseball cap on at that point and it looked cute on her. but then out of nowhere I look up and her face changed into a man like face and it got fat. This freaked me right the fuck out. I don't remember how I reacted but that was the end of that. After that. Comes the bug out.
Earlier that night another girl was helping me out with my roll. Grinding and stuff with her. She made out with me. It was cool. I thought it was all in good fun you know. As that girl I previously talked about left. This one came over and I just felt so damn awkward. Really strange conversation. Her saying all thise creepy shit like your not rolling anymore becuase you never had someone to make you roll again once you stopped and leaned in for a kiss then again I was fucked up but I know damn well what she was implying and I was kind of scared because of this. I was so creeped out but what probably was happening was I freaked her out.
After this, I get up stumbble into the bathroom. For the first time extremly paranoid and feard what people where thinking about me. I was a fucking schized out mess. Huge eyes, can't hold a normal conversation. Couldn't even begin to connect or attempt to be social although I wanted that more than ever. I was just completly torn apart mentally. Theres a feeling in my gut and just the thought of what happend last night fucking scares the piss out of me. I became something I never was and couldnt begin to imagine.
I'm out in the fucking livingroom on a chair and I light up a but. I can't focus or talk to anyone. My huge eyes are probably freaking people out that had just showed up to the party that i've never met. So picture this. Some long puffy haird 21 year old. comming down from 3 pills and 2 lines of coke who smoked about a whole 1/8th of pot with a few people and drank about 5 beers. Just starting out into nothing feeling no emotion just feeling scared and confused smoking a ciggarette not saying a word. In fact. I think people there those girls I met at the bars and others I could hear them talking in the backround saying I think hes going crazy. Another kid who I didin't know said that to another person as well. People were coming up to me saying they were worried and shit. I said I was to. "I've never felt this way. I don't know what the fuck is happening. I'm sorry i'm not myself tonight. Things are just fucking strange to me right now those pills fucked with my head"
I was horrified at this looking over at this group of girls who I was enjoying hanging out with the past couple of times and up until this point and the night and now they are all freaked out becuase I can't hold conversations, i'm not smiling, I've got a blank look in my eyes. And I felt all these insecurities about myself I never knew I had. I was a walking introspective fucker for that night. Nobody could understand me. People were honestly scared I think or freaked out for a better description except for the ones who knew me some what well which was 2 people.
I wanted out. I was willing to just walk the fuck home even though it would've been about a 2 hour walk to just get the fuck out of this hell. It wasn't becuase of the other people in fact thats the type of scene I love. Not this night though. I was thinking crazyyyy shit. Unreal, Not to mention the looks on these girls faces as I just stood in the kitchen smoking a butt not talking to anybody just standing there like a fucking lunatic or something. When I caught there stares I could tell the looked really, really sad that they were witnissing a person going crazy. The thing is I'm not crazy though. I don't hear voices, i'm a sensible guy, I get alone with people really well. I just tend to get introspective on drugs alot of the time and people take it the wrong way i guess. In this case I can totally understand there assumptions of that. I wasnt talking to anybody, when someone tried to talk to me i'd feel so uncomftrable becuase I had nothing protecting me I was vunerable, sad, confused couldn't speak to great. It was just horrifying. I can't even begin to explain. I just wish I could have these people and girls around sometime to explain. I doubt that they have any interest in me anymore after that disgusting display I made of myself. Staggering around, walking one direction and then after two steps deciding to do something completely different which must've been funny for some people to see. I mean what the fuck.
They finally get the nerve to ask if I want to go home. This one girl, I think she was a little freaked out by me that night so she had two other boys come with her to be safe with me i dont know why I never made threats or showed any signs of aggression. But then again she dropped them off first so maybe not. But as me and this one girl were outside with the chick who was going todrive waiting for the other girls this chick that i was talking about her kissing me and trying to reach in for a kiss was the one out there who said in a low voice this kid is crazy he called me 8 times tonight and the other girl was like I dont think hes crazy maybe just a bit loose. I thought she was talking about me and I'm like the fuck i did and then the other guy who was gonna come with us was like, nah, nah not you man shhh. as this other guy started coming up to drive with us. So i'm thinking she was talking about him.
I apologized to the driver once again for being a complete messs and she said it was okay and it was cool of her to drive me home while i was in that kind of state. I asked so how many people think i'm crazy becuase of the drugs I consumed turning on me in a bad way.. her response "ohh, nobody at all". Your still rolling aren't you? I said kindof and gave her a hug went to bed.
Fucked up night. I'm just glad I woke up not in the same state I went to sleep in.
The night started off great. I went to pick up 10 pills of blue dolphins which I heard some "decent" things about. I was reccomended to take two pills. So I dropped one on the way home(9:00). Once I got home I jumped on the computer to check out the pill reports on these blue dolphins which I should've before hand but basically come to find it's a heavy meth with mda in it. Just what I wanted to hear. Fuck pills with lots of meth in them! Dropped my other one beccause the reports I read about those blue dolphins looked and where from different areas so I was hoping for the best. Went to a local bar to meet up with some people. Sold the rest there. Started feeling absolutely amazing. So I lost the thought of them being complete meth bombs at that point. I went outside to awnser a phone call and as I come back in I get hugged by a friend and am called over to a table with some girls that I've meet there before and are friends with these kids I sold the pills to and they start giving me massaches, rubbing my hair, blowing on my neck. etc, AWESOME, just awesome.
After this goes on for awhile we head back to my friends girls place and start the after party. I get offered to do a line of coke.. so i say yeah, fuck it. I was feeling to good to say no. It kind of intensified my role and then we smoked alot of pot and drank beer. I'm still rolling nicely. Now around 230 those girls from the bar come back to the after party. I was started to get fucking werid. I did another line. Felt great Smoked another bowl and they get there and I have to goto the bathroom and the weird shit starts happening.
I started to get really quiet and I'm usually the type to be able to hold a conversation with just about anybody at a party on anything. Definitely not on this night. The feelings, the fear, the fight against these overwhelming negative things that these drugs combined inside of my head scared the ever living shit out of me and I never ever want to be back there again. EVER!
So wow, so many things happend. I don't know where to start. Okay, well the first thing that comes to mind after all the lines, beer, weed and the 3 pills I had taken mind you this being only my 3rd time rolling within 3 months but the other times I only had one pill each time. I was sitting on the couch actually starting to feel a bit more comftrable. Then this girl jumps right up into my lap. Now mind you I've been a sucker for her since I first saw her beautiful girl so I was happy about this but in my state of god knows what the fuck. I felt awkward. My pills were coming down, my coke high is to. Both of those at once sucked. I'm high as hell just off from pot and beer combined with those other two substances i'm sitting on the couch doing everything I can possibly do to get my act together and keep my mind intact so I dont freak out or anything as I never have before on drugs but I knew it was comming I could just feel it. So anyway, as shes sitting there i'm enjoying it but at some point as we were talking I looked up and for some reason she had this baseball cap on at that point and it looked cute on her. but then out of nowhere I look up and her face changed into a man like face and it got fat. This freaked me right the fuck out. I don't remember how I reacted but that was the end of that. After that. Comes the bug out.
Earlier that night another girl was helping me out with my roll. Grinding and stuff with her. She made out with me. It was cool. I thought it was all in good fun you know. As that girl I previously talked about left. This one came over and I just felt so damn awkward. Really strange conversation. Her saying all thise creepy shit like your not rolling anymore becuase you never had someone to make you roll again once you stopped and leaned in for a kiss then again I was fucked up but I know damn well what she was implying and I was kind of scared because of this. I was so creeped out but what probably was happening was I freaked her out.
After this, I get up stumbble into the bathroom. For the first time extremly paranoid and feard what people where thinking about me. I was a fucking schized out mess. Huge eyes, can't hold a normal conversation. Couldn't even begin to connect or attempt to be social although I wanted that more than ever. I was just completly torn apart mentally. Theres a feeling in my gut and just the thought of what happend last night fucking scares the piss out of me. I became something I never was and couldnt begin to imagine.
I'm out in the fucking livingroom on a chair and I light up a but. I can't focus or talk to anyone. My huge eyes are probably freaking people out that had just showed up to the party that i've never met. So picture this. Some long puffy haird 21 year old. comming down from 3 pills and 2 lines of coke who smoked about a whole 1/8th of pot with a few people and drank about 5 beers. Just starting out into nothing feeling no emotion just feeling scared and confused smoking a ciggarette not saying a word. In fact. I think people there those girls I met at the bars and others I could hear them talking in the backround saying I think hes going crazy. Another kid who I didin't know said that to another person as well. People were coming up to me saying they were worried and shit. I said I was to. "I've never felt this way. I don't know what the fuck is happening. I'm sorry i'm not myself tonight. Things are just fucking strange to me right now those pills fucked with my head"
I was horrified at this looking over at this group of girls who I was enjoying hanging out with the past couple of times and up until this point and the night and now they are all freaked out becuase I can't hold conversations, i'm not smiling, I've got a blank look in my eyes. And I felt all these insecurities about myself I never knew I had. I was a walking introspective fucker for that night. Nobody could understand me. People were honestly scared I think or freaked out for a better description except for the ones who knew me some what well which was 2 people.
I wanted out. I was willing to just walk the fuck home even though it would've been about a 2 hour walk to just get the fuck out of this hell. It wasn't becuase of the other people in fact thats the type of scene I love. Not this night though. I was thinking crazyyyy shit. Unreal, Not to mention the looks on these girls faces as I just stood in the kitchen smoking a butt not talking to anybody just standing there like a fucking lunatic or something. When I caught there stares I could tell the looked really, really sad that they were witnissing a person going crazy. The thing is I'm not crazy though. I don't hear voices, i'm a sensible guy, I get alone with people really well. I just tend to get introspective on drugs alot of the time and people take it the wrong way i guess. In this case I can totally understand there assumptions of that. I wasnt talking to anybody, when someone tried to talk to me i'd feel so uncomftrable becuase I had nothing protecting me I was vunerable, sad, confused couldn't speak to great. It was just horrifying. I can't even begin to explain. I just wish I could have these people and girls around sometime to explain. I doubt that they have any interest in me anymore after that disgusting display I made of myself. Staggering around, walking one direction and then after two steps deciding to do something completely different which must've been funny for some people to see. I mean what the fuck.
They finally get the nerve to ask if I want to go home. This one girl, I think she was a little freaked out by me that night so she had two other boys come with her to be safe with me i dont know why I never made threats or showed any signs of aggression. But then again she dropped them off first so maybe not. But as me and this one girl were outside with the chick who was going todrive waiting for the other girls this chick that i was talking about her kissing me and trying to reach in for a kiss was the one out there who said in a low voice this kid is crazy he called me 8 times tonight and the other girl was like I dont think hes crazy maybe just a bit loose. I thought she was talking about me and I'm like the fuck i did and then the other guy who was gonna come with us was like, nah, nah not you man shhh. as this other guy started coming up to drive with us. So i'm thinking she was talking about him.
I apologized to the driver once again for being a complete messs and she said it was okay and it was cool of her to drive me home while i was in that kind of state. I asked so how many people think i'm crazy becuase of the drugs I consumed turning on me in a bad way.. her response "ohh, nobody at all". Your still rolling aren't you? I said kindof and gave her a hug went to bed.
Fucked up night. I'm just glad I woke up not in the same state I went to sleep in.
