MDMA changed my life

[Chloemarchand]

I am a 21 year old female and this summer I stupidly heavily abused MDMA for three straight months. I didn't take any drugs before and was not aware of it's harmful effects and because everyone was doing it I thought it can't be that bad. I took it 2-3
Times a week sometimes more for three straight months plus sometimes I would take a pill. During the whole three months I felt happy, healthy, outgoing and didn't ever really have a comedown, it almost felt like the MDMA was making
my personality and life better. One day, I took two pills and was amitted to hospital due to an overdose which I believe caused serotonin toxicity. I couldn't walk properly my muscles went all weak, everything was blurry (noise, sound, vision) my brain was all foggy, I had crippling anxiety, my body felt like it was shitting down and I basically thought I was going to die. Since then after that incident I completely stopped taking drugs, I seemed to be fine at first just slight depression but since then I have slowly gone on a downhill spiral. First of all I noticed that I could no longer drink or smoke as my body would react badly to any kind of chemicals that I put in my body. Next thing I know I started to develop crippling anxiety and social awkwardness. I could not go out with my friends or go anywhere without feeling like I was having a panic attack, I can't socialise with people properly and am really socially awkward now, whenever people talk to me I get anxiety and sometimes can't even respond properly to what they're saying as my brain goes all foggy and I feel so down. I have developed major depression and have had numerous thoughts of suicide. i can't go to work because I've become so introvert and find easy tasks a challenge. I used to be a happy, bubbly, confident and outgoing 21 year old girl and I feel like I've ruined my life from three stupid months of partying. I have tried exercising, eating healthily, taking vitamin supplements, 5-htp you name it and whenever I think I might be getting slightly better it all comes chrashing down on me again and I feel worse that ever. This is really affecting me in all aspects of my life and people are noticing there is something wrong with me. I would appreciate it so much if anyone can shed some light on this situation or even to hear from someone that has had a similar experience I feel that would really help I feel so helpless and clueless.

 

[Molecular_Man]

Too sad. I wish you to soon rebound to a better than before state.

Lack of information seeking is disaster, you know. Too good you found some fora and posted about your situation.

I think there are some good protocols out there that can be of great help.

 

[Thanos90]

You will be ok,relax give it time

 

[OrangeFairySkruff]

wow I'm mixing see other post but I was 17 I'd had a fake at a rave 16 , we all ate pill five us with lil steel in abandoned school grounds I didn't care if its kill me I'd had enough I didn't care n best mate was sick of the scouse scenes drinking n violence in places we were going.

we hugged, shared perfect moments, stared at stars, made promises that 26 years later r mostly true...

once I'd come away from that sunrise my life was never the same

I've had bad acids like HORRIFIC spewed up on policeman's shoes out car window whilst carrying so much stuff n walked away with a warning to my mate to get me home hahaha he could killed me

or time on cb we mixed flakey coke with cb as we were already tripping we did 150mgs each on top of half g MDMA over few hours n had been raving since our club night finished, nobody call me an ambulance I couldn't see my fone bout ten GS worth of coke n cb n Mandy rock in house in Yorkshire so I blagged my ex n did sensible thing n walked down road varying my mate who had lost her ego n was going bannannas n my other mate who was super angry I wasn't making thing better going on what if its got that stuff cut in that killed that lad. in end we convinced em we were sane, used mental health n human rights loophole to sign out so rung our mates n they were nah uve only been gone a bit pick u up when we're less tripping.... found my mate who'd been tachycardia outa panic on ward.... we pulled him out of ego death by slipping him few blues Valium n like we had this perfect moment where it was let's blow this joint n walked out tripping more than I have ever. immediately got lost but they'd laffed at me in dress with dreads in buns, mate with no shoes n flowers in her hair n gay mate in shades with born to be wild on his t shirt

I almost let out I was senior nurse he asked what??? n I went I'm a solicitor n I know my rights etc n we walked out. I'll never see 2d bllllllland hospital pics go hologramatic ever again

haha we just buzzed round hozzie had enough for drinks, blagged a pick up. n boshed 100mg lines n loads of beak in pub toilet on the understanding if we didn't beat this wed ruin our heads n instead came out n sat looking at this big pind by pub in shef buzzzzzzzing

these days there's no need to take untested e
if ur in scene few months Mandy is easy to get
never regret. I was messy after one horridly strong acid n I beat it by dropping half at glasto seeing beach boys smoking bush splits with these cool south Africans

u can always beat bad psychological experiences by repeating i n controlled way

or do what I did when my kid died I got into h n was haunted by two kids deaths on myvwatch in resus both died due to them doing stupid things cardiac meds n steroids when we were told was brufen of n I tried to save the four lad cos I saw him going hypixic...I've wrapped few thousand BODYS in ten plus years I've told families their kids dead, picked up body parts on motorway as police said wasn't their job. n I'm still kicking. I'm a drug councillor for safe injecting n detox as well as a n e drug liasion n toxicology nurse

I'll carefully read ur post sober, those who know me, n I'll give u my opinion

u want it off med records if prob is u can get it altered etc by solicitor

depends what went down

hopefully u didn't mix SSRI n first e n freak out that'd be crap. e is beautiful n as bad as skag world mates music nothing will ever beat that last tune in the after hours club at 7.55 GBAR Liverpool adamski in city by way

I overcame my fears by retracing nbfacing them sensibly

eztest good health good vibes mates who were a n e nurses n drs at glasto...

private psych is 40-50 session ibdunno why two years CLEAN h I waited full of bitterness n head seeing dead kids when I fell asleep he wrote my Dr PTSD

she heard story listed me as sleepless, psych?, depressed (after months) I waited six months see councillor after kid died first session he looked at me in jeans n dress n wooly dreads in buns n said he'd been told he had cancer today and he would be off sick in few sessions. he was so depressed lol I was so what's point talking about my PTSD dead kid and gender dysphoric he said none I got up n left hvstarted on brown SMOKING IT! BUT I WAS DOING Q A DAY when I decided to stop mates were dead in club n h scene n I was MESSED UP. private psych first time I ended up crying I didn't say bout h I detoxed myself then cold turkeyed as soon as head was well. honest they're the bom

stupid hbis perfect emotional painkiller s why u see so many ex ravers n ppl get into it after failed lives n relationships. whole crew of us got into it just cos my mate found bags of white n brown dropped by lad being brought in for xray by police....

huge hugz

e made my life I lost two best mates one to 30 e s a night when they were good n she hung herself cox her bf got her into debt n washing n smoking come other mate picked up rc baggie bit drunk thought he'd got the flake coke but did 150mg of FENT n that was my closest mate

I've been thru anything u could imagine at work or home. tried jumping off bridge n train was five mins late at point they meet at bridge, serious soon as I climbed back over ledge train fly's thru n I laugh like mad

studied karma n soul n I'm scarrrrrrred of dying. according to Buddhism u can be rebornbn take ur sins or live em in this life n burnbem out n carry on with ur life. I did that. my life never will be same but occ acid as a sacrament or something funky like cb round fire on beach watching sunset over Wales goes down between two islands n u can see the seals shimmering. all that keeps me in the game

u give up u burn bridges it gets harder. I hope life picks up. I live semi countryside I go long walks speaking Spanish to a girl we know n I'm going Peru to work medic n teacher at orphanage in hills as a full stop to some of sadness instill carry bout a boy I was v v close good death on FENT. police found him n statements I heard at inquest were frightening he'd called 999 crying for help. on my soul that one burns into me...

I'll help u in any way I can its my job but just who I am lotsa nurses are like this. I took PMA once accidentally, smoked DMT in a spiked spliff. I'm a trained drug worker n councillor. seen EVERYTHING talk to me. u wanna pm reply so I know n I'll talk there. mad what u can't see or work out. psych had me sorted in three sessions but they brought out PTSD so next seven n letter got me on clonazolam 2mg n I didn't see dead faces anymore

clonazEpam is v good non sedating anti depssant qualities no MORE AXIETY. I know few mates unrecommended it too n they really got their life out a spin n like me went off in a diff direction n really started to care about themselves n being less anxious more conscious of others

we all have bad times, I've mad a tit out myself during my three days a week raving in teens twenty's n most of that was on good or bad e.

it's a very very strong drug. a full on MDMA experience is a full on as acid life changing. I do sessions with mates where we do 1plsd 100mcgs in two halves watching sunset round campfire drinking n by morning hugged under blankets we've usually got to route cause. buuut I'm drug councillor mates psych nurse other mates great with Lara suicides n does suicide prevention n education course so dropping acid n talking all night to us is different. ur mates r ur mates tho. they're the ones who can help

take my advise follow ur mates advise I didn't n crashed n burnt

seriously I'm one of them ppl talk to me, if u were older I'd say Pop up n I'd let u stay chat go for walk round here it's beautiful there's an island just off shore u can sit for a small tide on with old houses n buildings. wirral is beautiful. living here buying my house here is reason I'm not dead reason I'm miles away from sources of h n I have a beautiful five year old daughter...

if I'd have never picked myself up n carried on I'd missed so much of life

a mate died a bit ago n I've been binging the benzos. my life would be funny to someone else... that's worst thing when u bin thru it or had bad time, like I was sexually assaulted twice when I lived transgender that just drove me to smoke more h.

needles r bad
h is a form of self harm
probably all drugs are, were all a bit nuts u know

if I can do anything to help I will

well off tpoic but ur forum title kinda brought it outa me. but genuinely I'm as qualified in drugs n pych specialities as anyone to give u an opinion. I'd advise dropping 200 on four visit psychoanalyst psychologist the private ones really care NHS ones r shiiiit I know three their jobs to just get rid o that pt even if they're back next night. I sued my manager over a death n got a payoff n non disclosure form valid three years now over. I've seen it all. I hate NHS. if not for my kid I'd be in Peru with the orphans.

if ur heads scrambled eggs u don't need that sometime just long long talk with mate who's a girl n cuddle do it

ur welcome to contact me anytime

 

[OrangeFairySkruff]

u sound like u got ptsd I reread it
u friend supporting u?
if u cained real Mandy for six months I'd give it six months to heal min
er I'd personally avoid SSRIs they have chance freaking u out
Dr NHS doesn't have right councillors or psych facilities I fought for rights for ppl for ten years
huge hugz
man I've been silly silly on drugs after glasto n blade we taken everything inhugecammounts n done three extra days then done same at glade
did that two years running n was clubbing twice week n doing techno nite n working avn e resus ppl dying I had all them symptoms. I just took downers, wizz if I'd not slept, loadsa Indian rose water k we brought in through a mate nothing sorted it

then one day at my lowest I realised I'd been off e n stuff six months acid year. sat in park drew ducks n watched trees moving n fully meditated my mind, along with yoga n taibche che but that day was like the worst n it just flipped n I came back. took another month I dropped cid in absolutely perfect conditions with the girls n my lad mate who's gay n we tripped n got pissed n stayed up all night n by sunrise all remain symptoms had gone.

ur gaba, ie sleep, seratoin ie awake happyness, n melatonin coverts from sedation swhy depressed ppl don't sleep are very very fagile more so in girls who are easilier screwed up by scary omg I've ruined my life experience, mate had bad acid n took her year plus, mate geebed out n was raped, another geebed out but not before double dropping n an acid TWICE n came to completely FUBAR

were Guinea pigs caverat emperor etc

I doubt u have physical damage to brain a month on SSRIs might deregulate ur seratoin. sounds more like ur heads wonky ur having anxiety I personally give u clonazEpam omg u have no idea how much that changed my life with symptoms similar but different to urs. like a week man n I was me again plus I was totally happy

you're not fit to work, I doubt bipolar, u get two years in sick with ur symptoms n work thru it. I'm not trying to blag u a free holiday but u need rest, vits, food, mates, exersize -produces so much great chemicals, help ubrehain control of ur head.

I doubt bi polar etc off the experience really I could only be a variant PTSD n u need to relaaaaaax, tai chi poi, hula, yoga, yoga esp and meditation n massage. promise urself something like a tattoo when u heal. live ur dreams. don't put off psych go see private u were spiked even if u spiked urself... the private dude will help loads with gp. 14 nights of nitraz deep sleep heal ur brain, I read ambien cures MDMA related damage in a journal. u know u got severe anxiety problem. u need ur mates n some downers. anti depressants killed a mate n send few other odd as fook.

as a professional I advise all alternative complimentary medicine, six to two yr note VI's psych n once ur well get str as ight back into work

don't burn bridges with mates

wow well I gave u two hours there. read it disagree agree make a plan on paper for ur health n controlling anxiety. benzos arnt a cure but esp legal benzo maybe oxaz or loraz n Valium for emergencies u can ask for that extra in case u do need

if u say one word of depression they'll SSRI u. that's why I advise private psych. find one mate recommends

il be happy to talk you out of this capital its like persistent perceptive hallucination disorder ud get of trips but as u were pushing the adrenalin its PTSD u got. not sorting it out n fixi g it with h I so regret pysch u need to see gitP knows nout.

i can't tell u enough how many mates gone thru this either cb acid h or huge doses Mandy or k oh I fixed my mate who was a lot like u after doing GB few days running

helps here. I typecall kinds ppl don't like me sometimes but really truely I will help u in any way I can to identify prob n fix it...

hugz hope it just eases off like it did my mate. I'm Liverpool area if uvever wanna chat face to face n I'll teach u yoga n tai che?

whatever. u WILL HEAL it'll come from u n u can beat it xxxxx

 

[OrangeFairySkruff]

reading again that well sounds like my twenty's I just made new mates twice but took many drooogs n it crashd down. n by thirty like me basically its gone u need to fix it now. u have years ur life ahead of u. God u really sound like me. I'm on record for largest recorded 2cb of at 250mg plus on toxbase. funny thing was I'd only added cb the week before otherwise nurses in shef would of been what? u had e u had acid? No I had 2cb go log in toxbase print off show drs do bloods so I know I ain't got rabdo mylisis killing me. once I said that n they were looking right mescaline crossed with e is n u took 80 times ur usual dose of more n u been raving on everything three days right er we won't treat u like smashed Hippy's. er ur mate might have to go ITU due to his ECG. few benzos I smuggled him pulled his ego back thank God cb lasts so little time. I've had worse hallucinations off real mda mdea or too too much Mandy getting converted to trippy n my hearts going n I think I'm gonna die. lol maybe late 90s sneaking in clubs at ,14 n taking everything known to man may have given me few more please God I don't like this n ur drinking water n minerals r going n hearts rampingbup n ur crying with anxiety, always chewed up two vits after that, n my juice.. I'd get bottle water in club n get em to lash loadsa black current in. the sugar stopped me dehydrating

lol I was a medic for bank holiday Monday n new years day clubs sundissential north n insomniacs as well as synergy in manc and garland n all our Fred party's we still do. I normally getca set in before km trusting who needs running up road to hospital n who just needs benzos or who just needs to comedown n find I'd or ego. any violence n I sack em with a tube of Valium diazlimuls n throw em arse up on one t "beds"

I love my job saved six cardiac arrests on holiday, saved a drowning lad, fixed a mineral deficiency by diagnosis n twice stopped a plane being covered by insulin overdose stewardess gave n gallstones by a Dr who was kicking off to get us to land miles away just cos shed ate too much greasy food, went my nurse bag gave herctwlo dhc two PARACETAMOL I'm lisenced or was n injection of diclofenac n just told bitch it was morph like I'm gonna risk giving u skag with no narcan.

both times landed. at manc emergency n carried em out n handed obs n condition to paramedics.

thought about nursing? I had enough points n degrees n a levels n letter off main northern consultant saying take care (TS) as a Dr on four year PROGRAM. u skip a year if ur right type of nurse with right courses....

I was just about to start when my ex miscarried in bath flushed foetus bits down loo n I went downstairs not carin n smoked all her stashed heroin sent out for more till I woke up in my own spew, that was a shit two years my life ibshoulda seen private psych I just felt useless n I wasn't worth the expense. we all feel like that. just get well.

to quote ? the problem with e generation is were not used to dealing with failure we just wanna pop a pill n be happy pop a pill n go to sleep

7-8\10 ppl are depressed clinicly at any one time NHS figures so add to that

yeah life ain't all ur mates going rinse out n booting it till ur seventy. ppl get in relationships, drugs music fashions change. drugs change. but negative feelings are essential cos then u know what positivity is n good time is n why bouncing round at a rave is better than 9-5 at maccies etc or any job

BANGFACE TV DJ producer mark eg n ribbs talking about after the event, even they were shit man work meh. I realised there n then loadsa these DJ's still have actual jobs n stuff big realisation in my late twenty's that sorted my head out cos I just wanted to rinse it out all the time n its NAE possible. we all gotta do a job.

happily drug n general counselling few hours few days a week at mates business keeps me in check n I still get dole for my PTSD which i s handy cos I don't sleep n wakeup screaming at times lol

were all bit nuts, I like my niche, u need to get well n find urs

 

[ComfortablyNumb95]

I assure you that you'll be fine, it just takes time for the brain to recover from that sort of abuse.
Keep eating healthy, exercising, yoga and meditation can be of great help too.
Basically just make sure you live the healthiest live possible and abstain from any kind of drug (benzos can help but should be used for emergencies only) and give it time. You'll get better I'm sure of it.

 

[Molecular_Man]

Load plenty of B-Complex vitamins, add Magnesium, and fish-oils too.

Learn how to use some meditation techniques.

Grab some Nootrop (piracetam) or any other tested nootropic.

Redefine your purpose in life and set clear/ solid goals..

Consult some good psychotherapist if you need any further help.