hi all
after a few years of therapy (no concrete mania indicated) i believe i am subthreshold for a mood disorder/mood dysregulation.
with plans to go to a music festival next week, complete with a bag of mdma.
i am prescribed xanax (8 years for sleep, very occasional abuse with etoh but never sniffed) and most recently ambien to get off the xanax (which i did cold turkey...idiot) but now have nights when ambien just doesnt do the trick and have resorted back to my usual sleeping dose of 1.5mg xanax (after hours of reading these forums i realize how ridiculous it is that im on such a high dosage - thank you america) for sleeping purposes.
now my question is, im set to do about .1-.12 of molly next week (2 days in a row, probably a little more the 2nd day because of tolerance effects) and im wondering about maybe NOT doing it.
im very resourceful and knowledgeable about this type of stuff, have spoken to loads of friends about it, have predosed bombs perfectly, but feel 15% ambivalent about having mood dysregulation issues and taking a serotonin depleter with known depression after effects.
i began a preloading treatment (who knows) of 5HT for 4 days into (3 day washout before dosing) it, and plan to post-load.
1) should i really be doing this at all?
2) should i be taking xanax for the come down or ambien? my gut says xanax because of the neuroprotective effects of glutamate, etc) and part of me is like "why are you doing this at all" but i am very PLUR oriented and respect drugs. ecstasy was my first drug at age 15, never touched much again after that except a bit of green in uni.
thoughts? if i am ambivalent beforehand does that really increase my chances of getting agitated if i dose or am i just ruminating?
overcomplicated scientist brain, drat!
after a few years of therapy (no concrete mania indicated) i believe i am subthreshold for a mood disorder/mood dysregulation.
with plans to go to a music festival next week, complete with a bag of mdma.
i am prescribed xanax (8 years for sleep, very occasional abuse with etoh but never sniffed) and most recently ambien to get off the xanax (which i did cold turkey...idiot) but now have nights when ambien just doesnt do the trick and have resorted back to my usual sleeping dose of 1.5mg xanax (after hours of reading these forums i realize how ridiculous it is that im on such a high dosage - thank you america) for sleeping purposes.
now my question is, im set to do about .1-.12 of molly next week (2 days in a row, probably a little more the 2nd day because of tolerance effects) and im wondering about maybe NOT doing it.
im very resourceful and knowledgeable about this type of stuff, have spoken to loads of friends about it, have predosed bombs perfectly, but feel 15% ambivalent about having mood dysregulation issues and taking a serotonin depleter with known depression after effects.
i began a preloading treatment (who knows) of 5HT for 4 days into (3 day washout before dosing) it, and plan to post-load.
1) should i really be doing this at all?
2) should i be taking xanax for the come down or ambien? my gut says xanax because of the neuroprotective effects of glutamate, etc) and part of me is like "why are you doing this at all" but i am very PLUR oriented and respect drugs. ecstasy was my first drug at age 15, never touched much again after that except a bit of green in uni.
thoughts? if i am ambivalent beforehand does that really increase my chances of getting agitated if i dose or am i just ruminating?
overcomplicated scientist brain, drat!
