I have taken online tests that put me in the category of having Asperger's Syndrome, though I think it could also be other issues like social anxiety disorder that present similarly. And I do not know if this is a real biological condition or psychological (the latter giving more hope for achieving normalcy without medical / pharmaceutical intervention).
IMO, everyone is weird in their own way, and this is not just "people are people" but is a new phenomenon like due to people all having such unique life experiences. The combinations of movies we saw, tv shows we folowed, books we read, places we lived or visted, and now online experiences we've had, and drug usage as well, means we all have a level of profound uniqueness that did not exist 10,000 years ago. Or 5,000 years go. Or even 100 years ago.
This uniqueness must have ramifications for our ability to relate to one another, for our sense of alienation from one another, or alienation from society at large. We can find consolation that we are all experiencing a similar level of alienation and struggling with this. But I digress...
I always felt I was extra empathetic with people, with animals, etc., despite being Aspie, but after taking MDMA numerous times and other psychedelics to try to figure out why I did not feel normal, I think I feel others' emotions very strongly, but without much nuance. Like others may see an elephant but I only see a large gray blob. I feel that large gray blob very strongly, so I feel that I have empathy, but maybe some nuances are missing. And, more importantly, I do not instinctively reflect back to others what I am feeling about what they are feeling.
That last bit is critical and almost got me divorced. My wife would be depressed, I felt her sadness and depression. I knew I feel it. I knew I was empathetic in the sense that her emotional state rubbed off on me. I was sad that she was sad. I offered to fix whatever was wrong. She would scream at me for not being empathetic.
It turns out, empathy requires a display to the other person that shows them you feel what they are feeling. I thought this was just implied. I see some one in pain, I feel that pain. Doesn't everyone do this? Why make a big deal over it? Why notate it orally? But Neurotypicals (those lower on the spectrum than autism or aspergers) require feedback of their emotional state from those roudn them. If you are not providing that feedback, you are not going to be liked. You may be respected, admired, but you are not "in" with the others emotionally.
This emotional feedback is a way that people nourish one another. You cannot blame neurotypicals for requiring this, as it is natural and necessary like food is needed for the body to thrive.
What I am not entirely clear on is whether I need emotional feedback. I think my recognition that all people empathize naturally with those around them means I do not need constant reassurance of this. So neurotypicals around me are "feeding me" this emotinoal feedback and begin thinking that I am selfish for not giving any of this back to them, when I actually have no use for their feedback and would just as well have them keep it to themselves. In my perfect relationships, I get to a point of silent harmony with those around me where we understand and help each other without constantly having to give each other verbal cookies.
~psychoblast~
