MDMA addiction?

[krashk]

Well, sorry if this thread doesn't go here. I just needed to ask to people who know about this because i'm starting to feel i need help.

8 months ago I went in School Exchange to Belgium, in that moment i was completely new to MDMA, just tried some xtc pill before but nothing impressive. Once being in Belgium I made really cool friends in no time who introduced me to MDMA. I tried it for the first time in Mr.Scruff concert this year, for me it was life changing, never felt so pure and happy before, I tried around 180mg parachuted +2 finger dips, a total of around 250 mg I guess. My friends warned me it was a strong dose but that the MD was tested and pure. There was barely any comedown and the experience was exquisite. They explained me about the 1-3 months gap between doses. Next time I did it was exactly one month after, some friends went to visit me and I took them to party to brussels, we had around 200mg each +1 finger dip. Again extremely nice. Third time was 1 exact month after, I read that Anton Kollisch wanted it to be called empathy instead of ecstasy, because it was not created to be a party drug. So i went with some friends to some woods, with no music, no party, and we took around 250 mg each +1 finger dip. We danced with no music, we talked, it was amazing. So far, so good, all the experiences were nice and even though I was always looking forward to the next time i made MDMA, i never had any kind of need of it. Then i started to make it more often, controlled, but often. Each 20 days. If there was no occasion i made one. In my last party before leaving Europe I made almost 1g all by myself (6 august) . My friends told me i looked wasted, that my eyes would roll up all the time and i couldn't even speak. But i felt incredibly good. Even thought i felt sometimes like fading out, In my head i was repeating to myself that if i continued dancing everything would be ok. And actually it was haha.

That was the last time I made MDMA. I arrived to my home country (México) and haven't been able to find MDMA in crystals, i've found pills but it's not the same at all.

The problem is that without taking it, for the last 2 or 3 weeks i've been feeling really bad, not motivated, even kind of depressed. Some times i have really hard anxiety moments and a CRAVE for MDMA. I feel this empty whole in my stomach and a lot of anxiety in my hands and head. A need. I don't know if it's a physical or a psychological need. But it is indeed a need. I read that MDMA is barely addictive, but right now i'd disagree. Again it might be purely psychological. or not, I don't know, but at the moment at least 10 times per day i'm thinking of when i'm gonna get MDMA again.

As i wasn't able to find in my city I ended buying some in «no sourcery». Hopefully will arrive within 2 weeks. Still i'm worried. Before europe i used to be a good, responsible college guy. Made my homework and that shit. But now i'm almost failing a course and not doing ANYTHING, I find no motivation for anything at all. I think my biggest motivation atm is waiting for my MDMA. I even have felt kind of suicide tendencies lately. I have a complete lack of will of doing anything. I want to drop school but this inner me stops me from doing something that stupid. But still the feeling is really strong.

I don't know if MDMA is to blame, maybe is just some depression post-exchange, maybe it's MDMA, maybe it's just me, I don't know. That's why i wanted to read from you guys, who have more experience with this. Do you think MDMA has something to do? Maybe i'm just being dramatic, but i'm writing my heart out. I don't have will to do anything and i'm just waiting to be happy again.

Any thoughts?

Thanks.

 

[BlueBull]

Hey krashk, welcome to bluelight. I have edited the source out that you mentioned in your text. We don't allow people mentioning where they are going to buy/have bought their drugs.

1g in a night is a very big dose, that means you either have weak MDMA or you have built up a very big tolerance. Was everything you took tested with a testkit?

Anyways depression is one of the most common after-effects of MDMA (ab)use. This will pass after a while but you need to be careful, it's a sign that you have used too often and too much. You are going to start noticing you need more and more to get the same effects and the side-effects are going to get worse if you continue like this.

If you feel like MDMA has a negative effect on your life - you mention that you are failing courses and have lost motivation - after only a relatively short period of use you should take a good long break, there are things more important than drugs. Besides if you still have lingering depression you are going to enjoy your roll much less. A lot of the effects MDMA has are very reliant on environment and mindset. If your mindset isn't good your roll will be less enjoyable as well and this has a bigger impact than you might think

MDMA can be slightly addictive psychologically but I think in your case it's because you are still discovering the magic of the drug. It's like buying a ferrari, in the beginning you want to ride it every day if you can, but once you get used to it you will learn to only ride it on special occasions. I don't think you are addicted, I think you are still in the honeymoon phase. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't use less often, you absolutely should, using MDMA like that is very unhealthy and it can lead to all sorts of problems, both physical and psychological. Take care and if you have any more questions don't hesitate to ask

 

[AcidDrumAndBass]

I kinda know what you're going through. When I first took MDMA I fell in love & wanted to do it every weekend & sometimes I would. I'd find any excuse to roll with my friends. I just loved the way it made life. Like I had no worries at all. You've gotta try to stay positive though & keep your head up. Try doing other things that you enjoy. You're still pretty new to MDMA so it's still pretty damn exciting for you. Just remember that it can have some negative effects if used to often & if you take to much. You've got to use it responsibly & reasonably. I'm sure you'll be fine bro. Like I said, just try to stay positive. Plus, Bluelight is always here if you need people to talk to. I hope I helped you out in some way.