pmz
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 11, 2013
- Messages
- 550
how have the ssri been working for ya so far. Ive been very reluctant to go on any meds for this.
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MDMA &
Empathogenic
Drugs
Welcome Guest! -
MDMA abuse/ Long term comedown - the Cognitive aspect
- Thread starter dpd_mnk92
- Start date
how have the ssri been working for ya so far. Ive been very reluctant to go on any meds for this.
Nice. I can't wait to hear about your experience once you're back. I think it'll be something you'll carry with you for life, and your recovery will become something much more than just "getting back to normal." Damn I wish I could go on this trip too lol..
My 1 month 10mg of celexa has been very helpful. Celexa is a mild SSRI, and 10mg is a small dose, so it just basically gives me that extra "umph" to push myself forward into the right direction and not let the depression/anxiety take over. Also, it's helping tremendously with the head pressure. I was taking everyday for two weeks. Now I'm taking it every other day to taper off a little. Soon, I'll taper off completely. I just needed an extra push. If your symptoms are clearing up pretty noticeably, I wouldn't worry about an SSRI. Just use 5-HTP if it works for you in the meantime.
pmz
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 11, 2013
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- 550
yeah well see how it goes. I feel kind of weird going on it. Its pretty much a "behavioral modification therapy program"
Email from the program of the group ill be in:
Ive always felt pretty secure in my life. I had a good job, and good parents, so to go on such an extreme program with people who are in a far worse situation than me is kinda awkward. Yet to be honest. I have some issues im hoping I can address out there and seeing other people in worse places than me might help snap me back into things alot faster. Plus im not working or seeing friends all that much and being hard to get my ass up, it should be a constant distraction and keep me positive and occupied and busy and eventually happy again
pmz
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 11, 2013
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Kinda late now for me to experiment with ssri I think, its either take the trip or not. Ill be going next week. in the begining it was far worse than anxiety or depression, I literally felt like I had demons in my head and I needed to kill my self to stop the suffering. Like crippling anxiety every day and I could not even feel like I can think straight. tried the 5-htp for a while and felt like it did nothing. I was far too afraid to take a ssri. mabye if I wasnt going on this trip I would try it, but fuck, if in 2 months if I dont feel significantly better, im gonna go on some type of med
Yes the program will be good for you. Evaluate yourself throughout the trip. I'm pretty positive it'll help you improve, but if you only see very mild improvement if any at all, then yes... meds are there for a reason. Take user catinthehat for example... He's much better now. They put him on some pretty hardcore stuff, but I think something mild will suit you if you see fit. Tapering off is easy... Just make sure you don't stop abruptly if you start SSRIs/ADs. Listen to your doc. But anyway, take a little notepad with you or something on the trip. Document how you feel everyday, and look back on the previous weeks to see if you note any improvement. I'm sure there will be plenty. I wish you the best of luck man.. I have hope
pmz
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 11, 2013
- Messages
- 550
thanks dude. Ill check in before I leave
pmz
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 11, 2013
- Messages
- 550
for the first time in weeks I would say im having the most grounded mental clearity that i ever had. It started with a depressed morning, then just by going out in the sun for a few hours, then I just kept busy followed by putting together piece of gym equipment which i figured out far better than I thought I would. Yay I guess.
Really interesting thread guys - thought I would post about my personal experience with mdma over the past year or so.
I probably began using mdma fairly regularly about 14 months ago. I started using at outdoor psy trance festivals here in Australia along with lsd k 2cb and a fair amount of weed. About 6 months ago I started using more heavily around 250-300 mg every month at least, sometimes twice a month. In Jan this year I began to over do it. I used 1g over 5 days at a festival then 0.5g in March and April, then 300mg at the start of March. Through this time I had a large amount of stress with my relationship and continued to study at university through it all.
There were some Monday mornings where I would rock up to university and can't remember what I did that morning or hold proper conversations with my friends. 4 week's ago however I had exams, rolled the weekend before then studied for a week and did the exams. I passed well and got a distinction but have no idea how I did it all, if you askedme now I couldn't tell you anything on those papers.
So now I am on a big break from mdma, I am slowly starting to regain my cognitive function but oh so slowly. My anxiety levels have decreased the most and my relationship has gotten a hell of a lot better. I still get dizzy and sometimes get some brain zaps - how long does anyone reckon they will last for?
I probably began using mdma fairly regularly about 14 months ago. I started using at outdoor psy trance festivals here in Australia along with lsd k 2cb and a fair amount of weed. About 6 months ago I started using more heavily around 250-300 mg every month at least, sometimes twice a month. In Jan this year I began to over do it. I used 1g over 5 days at a festival then 0.5g in March and April, then 300mg at the start of March. Through this time I had a large amount of stress with my relationship and continued to study at university through it all.
There were some Monday mornings where I would rock up to university and can't remember what I did that morning or hold proper conversations with my friends. 4 week's ago however I had exams, rolled the weekend before then studied for a week and did the exams. I passed well and got a distinction but have no idea how I did it all, if you askedme now I couldn't tell you anything on those papers.
So now I am on a big break from mdma, I am slowly starting to regain my cognitive function but oh so slowly. My anxiety levels have decreased the most and my relationship has gotten a hell of a lot better. I still get dizzy and sometimes get some brain zaps - how long does anyone reckon they will last for?
pmz
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 11, 2013
- Messages
- 550
Just curious. Is serotonin the only network at question here with MDMA abuse, or would dopamine be at risk as well. Looking at the way dopamine works (reward system, joy and motivation) being that I feel like I lack all of that and yet do not feel all that depressed. Would I have reason to believe that my dopamine system has been placed in jeopardy as well?
pillsnpowder
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2013
- Messages
- 20
hey everyone i just wanted to say that to everyone who is overcoming any drug related issues or addictions, good for you and keep it up!
anyways before i start my story some background info is necessary.
im a high school, student who just finished grade 11. ive got a 70 average and i won the election for student council along with 8 of my peers. this is a pretty big deal because the race for student council is competitive at my school and i go to a rather large highschool of just under 2000 students. so basically i dont think of myself as a messed up crazy kid.
ive got a pretty close group of friends and an awesome girl friend of a year and a half so im pretty lucky in that respect.
my family life is a little different. im the middle child and only boy out of 3 kids and my family is tight on money. ive got a killer relationship with my mother and im not embarrassed to say that shes one of my best friends. but my dad on the other hand i do not get along with. hes got some pretty nasty anger issues and usually blows up every day. its not uncommon for him to throw stuff or put hands on me. not severely usually, just like grabbing my arm and shaking me and stuff but he did choke me one time and another he hit my head off the car window.
my older sister is extremely spoiled, we put her through private school for 2 years when we couldnt afford it and my parents even took me out of sports when i was in grade 6 so that she could stay in hers. she causes lots of issues and has extreme rage problems that have been recognized by doctors but my mom refuses to put her on meds. my younger sisters pretty good. apart from the usual sibling bickering me and her have a pretty descent relationship.
i can honestly say that i go out of my way to avoid family dramas but i am still affected by them.
when i was in grade 8 i discover marijuana. i hangout with alot of older kids so they were all smoking it. i did it once or twice a month but at the time i was the only kid at my school who did it. when i went to highschool i began smoking every day, 1-4 times a day and probably 5-6 times on weekends. i didnt smoke at school and maintained a 70 average without really trying. about halfway through grade 10 i got caught by my parents and decided to stop smoking weed and i did so with no withdrawal or noticeable problems.
after a few weeks tho i realized i could not stand to go so long being sober. looking back i realize that i couldn't handle my life for some reason. i still dont know why i felt and still do feel this way. i know that compared to lots of people i have an amazing life and i have no reason to be ungrateful. my best guess is that the words of my father affect me more than i care to admit to myself.
my father was than prescribed some percocets (5mg oxy in each) for his shoulder because he had just gone through surgery, i stole 10 of them and he didnt notice. at the time i didnt really realize what they were but i heard you could get high off them. they were small, and scentless and taking a pill is much more discreet than ripping a bong. they were the perfect drug for me to do since i was scared to get caught with weed. i first popped 2 at a time than began to snort them. i developed a dependency to oxy and an addiction to any painkiller. in about 6 months i had gone through an entire vile of OC40s, an entire vile of vicodine, 3 viles of codeine and the equivalent to atleast 2 more and about a vile of purcocet. my marks were dropping i wasnt talking to my friends that much and i was on my way downwards.
my best friend saved my life. he stole a fresh vile of oc40s from my locker that i had just bought and flushed them down the toilet. i still remember screaming at him in the middle of the entrance way of my school for my pills back. he monitored me and checked in on me to make sure i was doing okay even though for the next few weeks i was being awful to him. he allowed me to take only a few codeine pills at a time as they arent very addictive and helped with the withdrawal (i was sick and throwing up often).
once i was over the physical withdrawal but still mentally addicted and craving the drugs he introduced me to my now girlfriend. shes helped me through my addiction and got me through it. i have not touched any painkiller or opium derivative since than. but i have noticed that ever since i quit my memory has been terrible. for example ill have to get my girlfriend to remind me of what days shes working that week many many times. i even forget the set shifts that she works every week that never change. school-wise, i have to work alot harder to maintain a descent average. for example math was always one of my stronger subjects and i could easily get low to mid 70s in academic/university math without studying, doing the homework or really putting any effort in at all. in grade 11 however, to my grate surprise i was averaging a 35% at midterms, the lowest mark ive ever achieved. with alot of hard work, studying, homework doing, and getting a tutor i finished with a 66.
basically im saying that opiates have severely severely impaired my mental functions and cognitive abilities in a way that drinking, weed, salvia and every other drug ive ever done did not do to me. i have really not noticed it getting any less sever since i quite and its been over a year now. at this point ive given up all hope of ever being as smart as i was and i really wish that i had worked to the best of my abilities instead of taking my brain for granted.
however, despite this awful experience and the constant support from my gf, i cannot help but crave the feeling of drugs, especially painkillers. i do party on weekends and drink quite a bit, ill even smoke the odd joint sometimes. (now im getting to the MDMA part of my story). about 2 months ago i decided to try MDMA. the person i get it from is someone who i would consider trustworthy enough to believe them when they say that it is uncut. i buy the MDMA in 100mg doses and it is crystalline and pure. since i tried it i have been doing it at least once every weekend (usually twice)(i did stop for the weekend before exams). i snort the entire 100mg along with drinking and toking but i do not redoes that night. my girlfriend does know about this and doesnt really care because i wasnt addicted to it before, i dont use it alone, and as far as either of us know MDMA is not really an addictive substance. although ive only been using MDMA for a fairly short time i can say that i have not become any stupider than i already am thanks to the oxy.
i know that this post is long and goes off topic, i didnt really know where else to put it and i was inspired to share my experiences after reading all of your struggles with mdma and mental functions as a result. and i still think that this post is relevant. i talked about my cognitive damage as a result to drug use and my experience with MDMA. id say that only 2 or 3 people actually know the full story of my struggle with drugs since throughout all of it my family remained blind. so i have to say that it feels good to dump it all on some strangers on the internet. in conclusion thank you to all who suffered through my post to the end. i hope that some of you can relate to me and that you found some value in my story.
anyways before i start my story some background info is necessary.
im a high school, student who just finished grade 11. ive got a 70 average and i won the election for student council along with 8 of my peers. this is a pretty big deal because the race for student council is competitive at my school and i go to a rather large highschool of just under 2000 students. so basically i dont think of myself as a messed up crazy kid.
ive got a pretty close group of friends and an awesome girl friend of a year and a half so im pretty lucky in that respect.
my family life is a little different. im the middle child and only boy out of 3 kids and my family is tight on money. ive got a killer relationship with my mother and im not embarrassed to say that shes one of my best friends. but my dad on the other hand i do not get along with. hes got some pretty nasty anger issues and usually blows up every day. its not uncommon for him to throw stuff or put hands on me. not severely usually, just like grabbing my arm and shaking me and stuff but he did choke me one time and another he hit my head off the car window.
my older sister is extremely spoiled, we put her through private school for 2 years when we couldnt afford it and my parents even took me out of sports when i was in grade 6 so that she could stay in hers. she causes lots of issues and has extreme rage problems that have been recognized by doctors but my mom refuses to put her on meds. my younger sisters pretty good. apart from the usual sibling bickering me and her have a pretty descent relationship.
i can honestly say that i go out of my way to avoid family dramas but i am still affected by them.
when i was in grade 8 i discover marijuana. i hangout with alot of older kids so they were all smoking it. i did it once or twice a month but at the time i was the only kid at my school who did it. when i went to highschool i began smoking every day, 1-4 times a day and probably 5-6 times on weekends. i didnt smoke at school and maintained a 70 average without really trying. about halfway through grade 10 i got caught by my parents and decided to stop smoking weed and i did so with no withdrawal or noticeable problems.
after a few weeks tho i realized i could not stand to go so long being sober. looking back i realize that i couldn't handle my life for some reason. i still dont know why i felt and still do feel this way. i know that compared to lots of people i have an amazing life and i have no reason to be ungrateful. my best guess is that the words of my father affect me more than i care to admit to myself.
my father was than prescribed some percocets (5mg oxy in each) for his shoulder because he had just gone through surgery, i stole 10 of them and he didnt notice. at the time i didnt really realize what they were but i heard you could get high off them. they were small, and scentless and taking a pill is much more discreet than ripping a bong. they were the perfect drug for me to do since i was scared to get caught with weed. i first popped 2 at a time than began to snort them. i developed a dependency to oxy and an addiction to any painkiller. in about 6 months i had gone through an entire vile of OC40s, an entire vile of vicodine, 3 viles of codeine and the equivalent to atleast 2 more and about a vile of purcocet. my marks were dropping i wasnt talking to my friends that much and i was on my way downwards.
my best friend saved my life. he stole a fresh vile of oc40s from my locker that i had just bought and flushed them down the toilet. i still remember screaming at him in the middle of the entrance way of my school for my pills back. he monitored me and checked in on me to make sure i was doing okay even though for the next few weeks i was being awful to him. he allowed me to take only a few codeine pills at a time as they arent very addictive and helped with the withdrawal (i was sick and throwing up often).
once i was over the physical withdrawal but still mentally addicted and craving the drugs he introduced me to my now girlfriend. shes helped me through my addiction and got me through it. i have not touched any painkiller or opium derivative since than. but i have noticed that ever since i quit my memory has been terrible. for example ill have to get my girlfriend to remind me of what days shes working that week many many times. i even forget the set shifts that she works every week that never change. school-wise, i have to work alot harder to maintain a descent average. for example math was always one of my stronger subjects and i could easily get low to mid 70s in academic/university math without studying, doing the homework or really putting any effort in at all. in grade 11 however, to my grate surprise i was averaging a 35% at midterms, the lowest mark ive ever achieved. with alot of hard work, studying, homework doing, and getting a tutor i finished with a 66.
basically im saying that opiates have severely severely impaired my mental functions and cognitive abilities in a way that drinking, weed, salvia and every other drug ive ever done did not do to me. i have really not noticed it getting any less sever since i quite and its been over a year now. at this point ive given up all hope of ever being as smart as i was and i really wish that i had worked to the best of my abilities instead of taking my brain for granted.
however, despite this awful experience and the constant support from my gf, i cannot help but crave the feeling of drugs, especially painkillers. i do party on weekends and drink quite a bit, ill even smoke the odd joint sometimes. (now im getting to the MDMA part of my story). about 2 months ago i decided to try MDMA. the person i get it from is someone who i would consider trustworthy enough to believe them when they say that it is uncut. i buy the MDMA in 100mg doses and it is crystalline and pure. since i tried it i have been doing it at least once every weekend (usually twice)(i did stop for the weekend before exams). i snort the entire 100mg along with drinking and toking but i do not redoes that night. my girlfriend does know about this and doesnt really care because i wasnt addicted to it before, i dont use it alone, and as far as either of us know MDMA is not really an addictive substance. although ive only been using MDMA for a fairly short time i can say that i have not become any stupider than i already am thanks to the oxy.
i know that this post is long and goes off topic, i didnt really know where else to put it and i was inspired to share my experiences after reading all of your struggles with mdma and mental functions as a result. and i still think that this post is relevant. i talked about my cognitive damage as a result to drug use and my experience with MDMA. id say that only 2 or 3 people actually know the full story of my struggle with drugs since throughout all of it my family remained blind. so i have to say that it feels good to dump it all on some strangers on the internet. in conclusion thank you to all who suffered through my post to the end. i hope that some of you can relate to me and that you found some value in my story.
pmz
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 11, 2013
- Messages
- 550
Has anyone here been able to just get their love for music back? Some songs would just make me laugh it sounded so good. I just need that. Listening to music is just empty to me now. Its so disturbing. Its all I want back. I can be a little bit slower, but I just want to love my music again. I know im being repetitive, but I lived for my music. I lived for the shows. Not even the drugs, I just loved the music.