Budal202
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 13, 2015
- Messages
- 73
Brazilian MDMA Abuse - Ansiety, insomnia, low libido and premature ejaculation
Hello guys. The reason i'm creating a new thread is because english is not my native language, and I'm having a hard time trying to study and understand the experiences reported here. so I would love to receive specific advice in my experience to facilitate my understanding.
it took me about 3 hours to write this, please do not delete my thread .
First of all, i'm brazilian and i'm feeling so alone when it comes to mdma abuse discussion. There are no forums or any other place i can have a conversation about what happened to me in my language. Luckely i know a little english but i'm pretty sure that incorrect things will be written here, but please, try to read my story because i have no one to help me in here. I'll try to resume it in every way i can.
So I started doing mdma december 2014. First time i took it was the best day of my life, that happened after the end of a 2 years relationship and i felt like that was exactly what i needed. I don't know what the fuck is happening with my country but in here it seems to be normal to take 2, 3 pills at night, everyone talks like it was normal (i think the ammount of mdma in a brazilian pill is a little less than in other countries, so the second time i took 2 pills, just 2 weekends after first time. my eyes turned, i was really drugged but i was cool. i Started to take ecstasy every three weeks, but when it came fifth time it became clear that the same dose had no effect anymore.
Well i kept taking it, never more than 2 pills. I reduced the frequency of use to once in a month and the quantity too, sometimes i just needed 1 pill and partied whole night. my count is approximately 26 pills from december to July. Let's disconsider 6 of them that was probably fake or very very weak; the beginning of my downfall was on July 13. I went to a electronic music party and bought 4 pills to take there. I took the first pill at 9 p.m., before even getting into the party. I did not felt even close to 1/10 of the feeling I had the first i did E, but i felt the effects of mdma. After an hour I took another one, felt the music but i was still i little tired, looked like it was pretty weak pills. I took one every hour but still have not had a satisfactory effect. I really don't know if those were weak pills or not, it gives me a little hope to think they were, so i actually didnt had an enormous quantity in that night. Not satisfied, bought two more pills from random guys and took then both. Now yes! I felt the vibe, it was awesome. I've read many stories in this forum, and I know most of you use to buy the drugs before going to the parties, but I'm almost 100% sure it was real ecstasy. There could be other substances together but I think the problem I had was caused by MDMA.
So, just recapping, i took 6 pills of E from 9 p.m. to approximately 4 a.m. I really think the first 4 pills were weak, from all i learned reading in here and with previous experiences i would guess 40 ~ 60 mg of mdma maximum in each of. the other two was pretty powerful, like 60 ~ 100, i couldn't know. Well, with that 6 pills i felt a bit like the second time I took E in my life.
Next day i'm feeling fine, i could talk normally to my parents in the morning even still being very high. Spent all day smoking weed. Go to sleep normally, i think.
Another day goes and after smoking a joint, I was sitting on the couch and my body started shaking a lot from nothing, it was shaking A LOT. I began to think i was gone mad. I began to feel I was floating. I obviously had a panic attack. I called one thing to another. Realized that my vision was grainy and I could see a lot of floaters when scaring light. The next week was horrible, I thought I had lost my mind and would never recover. I went into a deep depression and could only feel better when sleeping. Never had any visions with eyes closed. I decided to forget about it and after a week I began to improve and get used to the snow vision, and with time i forgot about what happened. I was living a practically normal life, working, going to college. Noticed a decrease in my libido, and still had a lot of anxiety, but it was something that i could live with.
An important fact : during this time I was feeling good , I've never done any research here in Bluelight , I preferred to abstain from any information and it made me forget a little. This leads me to believe that many of us may have created adictional problems just for beeing constantly searching about it .
I noticed i could not smoke pot anymore (damn, i miss getting high). Every time I smoked my anxiety increased so much and I had another panic attack. Stopped smoking weed and started to drink a lot more. Noticed that when I drank, I would wake up with anxiety the next day, and if not controlled had another panic attack. 2 months later I started having insomnia. I was wakin up 3-4 times a night and could not sleep again. I got to wake up seven times in one night. I continued living normally, even bothered with insomnia. I stopped drinking coffee. My work performance was good, socially also had no problems.
But about 2 weekends ago, when everything seemed to be normal again, disregarding anxiety, and insomnia, I woke up with my heart racing. I had a panic attack and went into a depression only thinking that night messed my neuro system. I researched a lot about neuro system damage with ecstasy and we all know by the facts that it happened to me. I now know a lot about low production of serotonin. I wanted to know from you guys experience whether ecstasy causes low production of serotonin or damages to the serotonin receptors, do any of you know? I believe that a good night's sleep would help but there's been two months that I can't sleep more than 4 hours straight.
Do any of you identify with my story?
I went to a psychiatrist and he prescribed me Paroxetine, but I didnt take it, read that one of the most common side effects are insomnia and very real nightmares. (lol)
I scheduled another psychiatrist and a neurologist to have second opinions.
I tried exercising 1 night, but that didn't helped me to sleep a all, it was worse because I was more tired and had insomnia the same way. Do i need to keep exercising?
My biggest concerns are:
I'm Having a lot of Difficulty to concentrate. My memory is a crap, I do not know if it's because of the anxiety, insomnia, or due to the damage caused by mdma. Can i get better? Based on my history that could be a permanent damage?
Right now i just needed a good night of natural sleep, can someone give me any tips about it?
My libido is low and I'm having erectile difficulties, even with viagra, had premature ejaculation. This may be due to anxiety or permanent damage caused by ecstasy? How can I improve? 5 HTP would help with isomnia and sexual problems?
The funny thing is that, three weeks ago I had relations with my girlfriend and I did pretty well, after the anxiety attack i'm not being able even to fap. I Can force a erection but the muscle below my scrotum (i don't know how you say it haha) hurts a little. Sometimes, only by thinking about sex it starts to hurt.I feel my heart beating fast pretty much all day, and when I go to sleep I feel very strong pulse and heartbeating fast. I feel my pulse beating very strongly sometimes in the head and other parts of the body. Besides waking up several times during the night feeling my heart pounding. I'm afraid of having a heart attack. My heart is racing all day, my legs are shaking all day. How can get better of this?
Depression is gone because I accepted my condition, but also do not feel mood for anything, I've wasted my life, I always considered myself a very intelligent guy and now I can't even focus right. I'm afraid of losing my job, had already quit college.
I can say I'm 85% better than the first week in August (i would say i was 95% before two weeks ago) but need to know if there still hope to stop the ansiety without meds, and principally, recover my libido and sexual function (believe me, that's what worries me the most).
if you've read this far, even with the bad writing, I sincerely thank you, seriously. I appreciate the attention.
Plus: i used to have a sincere love for nature, used to admire trees, rivers, birds, and i dont feel it anymore. I don't love anyone. This apathy must be irreversible, right?
Hello guys. The reason i'm creating a new thread is because english is not my native language, and I'm having a hard time trying to study and understand the experiences reported here. so I would love to receive specific advice in my experience to facilitate my understanding.
it took me about 3 hours to write this, please do not delete my thread .
First of all, i'm brazilian and i'm feeling so alone when it comes to mdma abuse discussion. There are no forums or any other place i can have a conversation about what happened to me in my language. Luckely i know a little english but i'm pretty sure that incorrect things will be written here, but please, try to read my story because i have no one to help me in here. I'll try to resume it in every way i can.
So I started doing mdma december 2014. First time i took it was the best day of my life, that happened after the end of a 2 years relationship and i felt like that was exactly what i needed. I don't know what the fuck is happening with my country but in here it seems to be normal to take 2, 3 pills at night, everyone talks like it was normal (i think the ammount of mdma in a brazilian pill is a little less than in other countries, so the second time i took 2 pills, just 2 weekends after first time. my eyes turned, i was really drugged but i was cool. i Started to take ecstasy every three weeks, but when it came fifth time it became clear that the same dose had no effect anymore.
Well i kept taking it, never more than 2 pills. I reduced the frequency of use to once in a month and the quantity too, sometimes i just needed 1 pill and partied whole night. my count is approximately 26 pills from december to July. Let's disconsider 6 of them that was probably fake or very very weak; the beginning of my downfall was on July 13. I went to a electronic music party and bought 4 pills to take there. I took the first pill at 9 p.m., before even getting into the party. I did not felt even close to 1/10 of the feeling I had the first i did E, but i felt the effects of mdma. After an hour I took another one, felt the music but i was still i little tired, looked like it was pretty weak pills. I took one every hour but still have not had a satisfactory effect. I really don't know if those were weak pills or not, it gives me a little hope to think they were, so i actually didnt had an enormous quantity in that night. Not satisfied, bought two more pills from random guys and took then both. Now yes! I felt the vibe, it was awesome. I've read many stories in this forum, and I know most of you use to buy the drugs before going to the parties, but I'm almost 100% sure it was real ecstasy. There could be other substances together but I think the problem I had was caused by MDMA.
So, just recapping, i took 6 pills of E from 9 p.m. to approximately 4 a.m. I really think the first 4 pills were weak, from all i learned reading in here and with previous experiences i would guess 40 ~ 60 mg of mdma maximum in each of. the other two was pretty powerful, like 60 ~ 100, i couldn't know. Well, with that 6 pills i felt a bit like the second time I took E in my life.
Next day i'm feeling fine, i could talk normally to my parents in the morning even still being very high. Spent all day smoking weed. Go to sleep normally, i think.
Another day goes and after smoking a joint, I was sitting on the couch and my body started shaking a lot from nothing, it was shaking A LOT. I began to think i was gone mad. I began to feel I was floating. I obviously had a panic attack. I called one thing to another. Realized that my vision was grainy and I could see a lot of floaters when scaring light. The next week was horrible, I thought I had lost my mind and would never recover. I went into a deep depression and could only feel better when sleeping. Never had any visions with eyes closed. I decided to forget about it and after a week I began to improve and get used to the snow vision, and with time i forgot about what happened. I was living a practically normal life, working, going to college. Noticed a decrease in my libido, and still had a lot of anxiety, but it was something that i could live with.
An important fact : during this time I was feeling good , I've never done any research here in Bluelight , I preferred to abstain from any information and it made me forget a little. This leads me to believe that many of us may have created adictional problems just for beeing constantly searching about it .
I noticed i could not smoke pot anymore (damn, i miss getting high). Every time I smoked my anxiety increased so much and I had another panic attack. Stopped smoking weed and started to drink a lot more. Noticed that when I drank, I would wake up with anxiety the next day, and if not controlled had another panic attack. 2 months later I started having insomnia. I was wakin up 3-4 times a night and could not sleep again. I got to wake up seven times in one night. I continued living normally, even bothered with insomnia. I stopped drinking coffee. My work performance was good, socially also had no problems.
But about 2 weekends ago, when everything seemed to be normal again, disregarding anxiety, and insomnia, I woke up with my heart racing. I had a panic attack and went into a depression only thinking that night messed my neuro system. I researched a lot about neuro system damage with ecstasy and we all know by the facts that it happened to me. I now know a lot about low production of serotonin. I wanted to know from you guys experience whether ecstasy causes low production of serotonin or damages to the serotonin receptors, do any of you know? I believe that a good night's sleep would help but there's been two months that I can't sleep more than 4 hours straight.
Do any of you identify with my story?
I went to a psychiatrist and he prescribed me Paroxetine, but I didnt take it, read that one of the most common side effects are insomnia and very real nightmares. (lol)
I scheduled another psychiatrist and a neurologist to have second opinions.
I tried exercising 1 night, but that didn't helped me to sleep a all, it was worse because I was more tired and had insomnia the same way. Do i need to keep exercising?
My biggest concerns are:
I'm Having a lot of Difficulty to concentrate. My memory is a crap, I do not know if it's because of the anxiety, insomnia, or due to the damage caused by mdma. Can i get better? Based on my history that could be a permanent damage?
Right now i just needed a good night of natural sleep, can someone give me any tips about it?
My libido is low and I'm having erectile difficulties, even with viagra, had premature ejaculation. This may be due to anxiety or permanent damage caused by ecstasy? How can I improve? 5 HTP would help with isomnia and sexual problems?
The funny thing is that, three weeks ago I had relations with my girlfriend and I did pretty well, after the anxiety attack i'm not being able even to fap. I Can force a erection but the muscle below my scrotum (i don't know how you say it haha) hurts a little. Sometimes, only by thinking about sex it starts to hurt.I feel my heart beating fast pretty much all day, and when I go to sleep I feel very strong pulse and heartbeating fast. I feel my pulse beating very strongly sometimes in the head and other parts of the body. Besides waking up several times during the night feeling my heart pounding. I'm afraid of having a heart attack. My heart is racing all day, my legs are shaking all day. How can get better of this?
Depression is gone because I accepted my condition, but also do not feel mood for anything, I've wasted my life, I always considered myself a very intelligent guy and now I can't even focus right. I'm afraid of losing my job, had already quit college.
I can say I'm 85% better than the first week in August (i would say i was 95% before two weeks ago) but need to know if there still hope to stop the ansiety without meds, and principally, recover my libido and sexual function (believe me, that's what worries me the most).
if you've read this far, even with the bad writing, I sincerely thank you, seriously. I appreciate the attention.
Plus: i used to have a sincere love for nature, used to admire trees, rivers, birds, and i dont feel it anymore. I don't love anyone. This apathy must be irreversible, right?
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