Claudia Sass
Bluelighter
Background Information
I'm a leaner. I like to read and research, theorise and experiment, question and prove.
I'm controlling. I like to know what actions and products do to my body, how it effects my physical organs and mental abilities.
I'm a documenter. I write down my thoughts, feelings and actions in real time. I take photos and write notes about them immediately. I turn my thoughts into journal entries, my feelings into music, and my photos into memories.
Eventually what you end up with is a very determined girl with an extremely detailed log of her whole life. Good news for you Bluelighters, as today I have grabbed a chunk of that data to share with you.
This is an account of the last MDMA journey I went on with the guy I live with. Throughout the journey, I had alarms set for half hour intervals, I took some time-stamped notes in between, and many photos and videos were taken.
My report is spoken in real-time, however I would like to disclose that the report was re-written after the journey was complete, to clean up the jargon and improve readability.
Personalities
Me: Female, Mid 20’s. Sensible, Controlling, Bubbly, Organised, Cautious, Shy
Housemate: Male, Mid 20’s. Carefree, "YOLO", Calm, Bubbly, Optimistic, Energetic,
Thursday
Housemate and I have decided to Roll on the weekend. We have no plans, I have obtained some pretty little crystals, and happy that we have something to look forward to. I always feel a tiny twinge of butterflies when I have a Roll planned. Excited about travelling to that place where life is wonderful, and nervous about what new feelings and adventures may come of it. You know when you get a new job, you're happy and confident but an annoying, little, pessimistic atom inside is really secretly afraid, hoping you don't fuck it up? That feeling right there. We have 2 days to plan.
We are going to Roll at home. We have everything we need to be comfortable and we enjoy each other's company. I don't see much reason for it to be any less than perfect.
I've just tested the product with a few regent testers, and they are all coming up with perfect results. I've never had an issue with my supplier, and have never had reason to doubt them. I just enjoy watching the chemicals react in that perfect, predictable way.
Shopping List
Bananas
Chocolate
Sugar-free gum
Sports drink (Gatorade)
Bottled water
Orange Juice
Vicks Inhaler
Vicks Vaporub
Glowsticks
Menthol Cigarettes
Pop Rocks
Trying to get the housemate to take vitamins is damn impossible. I live off Soylent but he is more socially normal with his food choices. I will be damned if his body turns against him for the week ahead, I simply cannot stand the complaining.
I'm still adjusting my pre-drop soylent, and my period is due in a week, so I need to add and take away a few micronutrients to compensate for that. I can generally experience a productive and serene afterglow for a week after my drop, and I cannot seem to push it further. Maybe ive found my bodies limit, or maybe I'm missing something.
Housemate isn't interested in this stuff anyways. He just takes what I give him, does the journey and then continues on with life. Times like this remind me why I take MDMA. To be like him. To enjoy those sweet hours where my brain slows down enough to enjoy the current moment instead of dissecting it all into bite-sized pieces.
He has agreed to take a few multivitamins.
He threw the banana back at me.
Saturday Morning
Tonight we Drop.
I have some study to do, and I want to visit family, go to gym and do some yoga. Housemate has work so I scour the internet for funny memes, to keep him smiling throughout this day. Hoping my family doesn’t throw much baggage at me today. If they do, or Housemate has a shit day at work, I will call tonight off. Experience has taught me that what we feel and experience today will have a direct impact on our roll.
Last meal is at 7pm, chocolate is for munching while we prep, and I am letting the housemate decide on capping, plugging or drinking. Not into parachuting, snorting hurts and the taste is too unbearable to be sitting underneath ones tongue.
Saturday 10.00pm – Time to Drop
Housemate has decided we are going to drink it. 125mg will suit us both for this way. I measure it out, add it to test-tube shooters, and pour in some Gatorade to mix. Not into drinking with my drugs, but at the last minute, surprised myself by agreeing to a mixer as a chaser.
Down the hatch, with a Gatorade refill in the test tube shooters, in case of residue.
10.10pm
We start feeling a little excited. Most likely due to the psychological impact sinking in of what we have consumed. This part is predictable and calming to me. Feeling nothing physically, but knowing that it's all going to change is enough for the brain to try and dash ahead of itself. Housemate has an excited and nervous look to his eyes, as usual for this time.
I've taken us into the bathroom, turned on the bright heat lamp, and told Housemate to watch his eyes. Our pupils seem to be pulsating. If you ever want to see how the body fights for normality, just watch your pupils. They don't just dilute. They fight it. The body is trying to fight it. It's failing. It’s giving into the drug. So perfect a reaction. So Predictable.
We have headed into the lounge room to fight over which playlist to pump. (I like RnB and Hip Hop but he prefers Dance/Trance). I win as he is still talking about his eyes, and I have connected up my iPod to the sound system. Spotify playlist chosen, and time for the down lights to go off, and the dim lamps around the room to go on instead. Set an alarm for 30 minute intervals, because I'm weird like that.
10.30pm
It's been 20 mins and we are starting to get super excited at this point. Our eyes are starting to "shake". Why would you take a cap and wait around so long, when you can be experiencing it 20 mins after dropping? Convenience and lack of taste, I assume.
My body is tingly, my eyes are quivering, and if I close my eyes and concentrate enough, I can feel it creeping to home. For me, it always seems to be when the tingle has passed all through my body, then settled back up and on a finger.
A predictable, perfect come up. I know I've got more to give, but this is the particular shelf where I'm not really bothered about feeling it travel any more. And I want to dance, not meditate.
Housemate seems to be coming up slowly, so I dance to the music while I wait for those tell-tale signs that he's reaching his "fun starts here" shelf. It's harder to tell when he has come up as he doesn't ever seem to keep still when he is sober, so slight flecks of the shoulder and fingers are near impossible to see, and I cannot feel his come up. It's all on him. I'm feeling the need to smile and giggle.
He's starting to get wilder with his dance. He has a beautiful, almost cheeky grin on his face. His eyes are wide and I'm glad his come up has been easy.
I just unleashed the first memorable quote of the night.
"It's kicked it. Come back to the bathroom, I want to put on makeup cause I'm starting to think I am hot".
11.00pm
After a play with makeup, I scribble some time stamps on a post it note for future reference, regarding come up time via drinking it, my reactions and observations of housemate. I'm currently observing him standing on my bathtub, pointing to a crack that has appeared on the skirting board, from house movement. He's still happy as shit but land movement has been a huge issue on many homes in the area. It's a sensitive spot. Cuddles and come down here and dance with me! Dropping it in the bathroom while brushing my hair. My hair is so damn long. My eyes look incredible.
Turned up the music so we could feel the bass and opened up the packet of glowsticks. We choose our colours wisely and I put them on us as housemate always has trouble connecting his up.
Putting them on was fun but now they are just pretty jewellery so they've lost our attention.
Costume time.
When rolling, I get super confident and just want to do fashion shows and photo shoots. To the point where I have a costume box specifically for this very moment.
We crack it out and I choose a lingerie play suit, thigh-high stockings and decide on jewellery and shoes to match. Housemate seems to have dashed off while I accessorize.
11.30pm
We meet in the living area. He seems to have changed into jocks, suspenders and a bow tie.
"Oh my god that's awesome. Wait, let me take a selfie"
"Wait I accidentally uploaded that one to Snapchat."
"Hahahahaha! Not even mad."
"We should chew gum. Cause jaw clenching"
A few dozen photos and a deep and meaningful conversation about how we are doomed to be alone, but together, we decide its cigarette time.
"Wait, this song speaks to me. Let's dance to it".
I grab an extension lead and phone chargers so we can charge our phones whilst outside, he grabs a duvet and water bottles. The duvet feels like warm, feathered pancakes and the water tastes like strawberries. It's seriously delicious but Housemate thinks it's just "Meh".
It's amazing how much smoother menthol cigarettes go down. We cuddle up on our chair swing, with the duvet around us. We continue deep and meaningful about girlfriends, boyfriends, families and babies. Wide smiles and sparkly eyes.
12.00am
It's midnight. Time to turn the music down, as we have neighbours after all.
We move into his bedroom so we can listen to music through his stereo, and I've introduced him to the beautiful sensation of the Vicks inhaler. We crack open another box of sugar-free gum. It tastes like candy explosions.
I discover a tie of his and try to put it on. I don't know how to do a Windsor knot so get him to do it. Take a selfie then decide I need a wardrobe change to match it. Dash to the bedroom to sink my hands into that costume box. The stockings can stay but a black leather lingerie "thing" catches my attention. Selfies.
No need to waste time with jewellery and shoes. My glowsticks are incredible but I need more in other colours. The connectors are all over the floor and it's hard to find them with the dim lights. Put on about 5 of them and finally get them all connected. Fabulous.
12.30am
Turned around to run back into the bedroom and he has dressed up in tradesman pants, Santa hat and a hi-vi, and is dancing in the living room. He starts singing to me, then twirls me around as I walk towards him. Laughter, Smiles, Duets.
Completely disrespect the neighbours at this point, we turn back up the music volume and dance in our new threads. Selfies start to get sent to a particular tasty boy I've had my eye on. He ends up calling me after a few snaps, asking where I am and chatting about his night. He's in the city partying with friends, so I make sure he has a drink on my behalf before letting him go, cause I wanna go dance. The glowsticks look amazing and I wish I had more, and I've remembered I have Vicks Vaporub so I want to do massages now.
Housemate has called a friend so I make him put it on speaker so we can all chat about what we are doing. Selfies to send to him.
1.00am
I want a massage so we turn back down the music but housemate wants a smoke first. Deep and meaningful before dancing our way to his room. Hi-vi and pants are off at this point and we are suddenly on the floor in the hallway, taking photos and texting them to each other.
1.30am
Massage time! And more bubblegum. This shit tastes extremely sweet now. How on earth is this sugar-free?
I do him first. His body feels warm so I start gentle with my fingers, then as the rub sinks in, I start working on knots with my knuckles. His jocks are becoming problematic, and my leather thing is digging into me, so they come off.
Full body massage later and it's my turn! I can feel tiny engines of heat radiating from his hands. He has the Vicks inhaler shoved up his nostril and the Vaporub smells great but doesn't feel as good as it could. Quick dash to my bedroom to get body oil, back into his room, then a quick dance cause his song just came on. Kisses happen because friends!
Laying down on the bed, he starts massaging my back, butt and thighs. Turned off the interval alarm as it was ruining the music.
"Oh my god you must try this!" He shoves the inhaler up my nose and yells to me to breath it in. Amazing sensation, I wish I had purchased one for each nostril. Flip over to my back and enjoy the inhaler while I get my front massaged.
Suddenly my nether regions are being massaged with fingers and tongue and holy crap it feels good. Pretty sure this is heaven. I cannot orgasm when rolling, but who needs to when you feel this damn good.
It's 3am. We are coming down, or have come done and just didn't know it as we were too distracted with each other bodies. We were going to save the rest of the crystal but we are feeling good, we have nowhere to be tomorrow, and yeah. We should head to the kitchen now so I can prep.
I measure up 2 more doses of 125mg, and we drink it like the first lot, only saving a little bit to do a line each. He racks it because I'm terrible at these things and get impatient. I pour out the rest of the Gatorade into glasses for us to drink afterwards.
It occurs to me that I am naked and cold. The duvet is outside so smokes and Gatorade on the chair swing, while we gabble.
Feeling a little nauseous. Make a note on my phone not to take a full dose for the second one in the future. 80 maybe. I think that's what I was supposed to do for my bump. Housemate looks concerned when I let him know I feel a little sick, so I remind him that last time we rolled, I threw up after my bump and that brought me up. His concerned look fades but he stops swinging the chair, wraps me up in the duvet and holds me while it passes. Deep yoga-breaths in the fresh, cool air, with small sips of water helps calm the stomach. Housemate is feeling great, and is happily sitting here, holding me and lighting up our cigarettes. I've lived with this guy for years and we've never ran out of things to talk about.
Cigarettes probably helped aggravate the stomach. Or hydration levels, or body temp.
Back inside to check how much fluids we've been drinking (I keep the bottles on the bench to keep track). Satisfied that our hydration levels are fine, adjust the heating to accommodate for our rise in body temperature, alongside being naked.
I REALLY want to take a selfie with red lipstick on. Get distracted by checking out my eyes and pupils in the bathroom mirror, which just look so unbelievably beautiful.
Lipstick is on and selfies.
New bubblegum tastes like being punched in the face with a truck of sweet-n-low. Spit it out and stick to the older stuff, which is tough but least it's lost it's taste. Water still tastes delicious.
Back to the housemates room. Soft music, body oil, massages, oral sex, vicks inhaler, bubblegum, kisses, cuddles.
No time seems to have passed but suddenly we hear birds and the sun is coming up.
Check the time in the kitchen and it's 7am. The hell did the time go?
We agree that we feel good and have come down again, probably some time ago. Lay down on the living room sofas, chatting about our night while our bodies slowly grow heavy, telling us it's time to sleep, heal and regenerate. A few assorted vitamins with a glass of water, goodnight hugs to the housemate and then crawl into bed.
Wake up to pee like every 30 mins! There are benefits of not having to pee while rolling in clubs. When you're at home with access to a clean loo and no wait lines, I would rather need to pee while partying, then have to go when I'm snuggled in a warm bed.
Day and Week after
Even with the multiple loo-dashes in the night, my sleep post-MDMA is always deep and refreshing. I curl in a ball and that's where I stay, until urge to pee wakes me up. When I wake up, I can bounce out of bed, smooth my hair and make the bed in seconds.
This is drastically different to my normal sleeping patterns, which is to generally turn myself into a bucketload of different origami animals, get cross at the tangle of sheets, glare at the ceiling, research frogs, check my phone calendars, todo lists and shopping lists, and emerge in the morning resembling the love child of the Hulk and a rotting pile of twigs.
I envy those that get to experience MDMA sleep every night. "pams" causes irregular, unpredictable effects to me, chamomile tea tastes odd, and yoga only helps so much, when it comes to bedtime routines.
Day after is cleanup day. Housemate is still sleeping, so the costumes are packed up, bottles and gum wrappers are thrown out, dishes, vacuuming and mopping done. A short nap soon, and then study time for me.
Food tastes awful, but Soylent was never pleasant to start with. Some cinnamon and vanilla essence help it go down.
For the following week, I feel like a robot that accidentally had neutral feelings programmed into it. Everything I do feels mechanical. I don't feel any heightened feelings of happiness or depression. They are more content, serene, calm. I can concentrate on some tasks, like study and yoga, however talking to people or going to gym makes me feel like I'm going in slow motion.
Or maybe this is what normal feels like.
Xo
I'm a leaner. I like to read and research, theorise and experiment, question and prove.
I'm controlling. I like to know what actions and products do to my body, how it effects my physical organs and mental abilities.
I'm a documenter. I write down my thoughts, feelings and actions in real time. I take photos and write notes about them immediately. I turn my thoughts into journal entries, my feelings into music, and my photos into memories.
Eventually what you end up with is a very determined girl with an extremely detailed log of her whole life. Good news for you Bluelighters, as today I have grabbed a chunk of that data to share with you.
This is an account of the last MDMA journey I went on with the guy I live with. Throughout the journey, I had alarms set for half hour intervals, I took some time-stamped notes in between, and many photos and videos were taken.
My report is spoken in real-time, however I would like to disclose that the report was re-written after the journey was complete, to clean up the jargon and improve readability.
Personalities
Me: Female, Mid 20’s. Sensible, Controlling, Bubbly, Organised, Cautious, Shy
Housemate: Male, Mid 20’s. Carefree, "YOLO", Calm, Bubbly, Optimistic, Energetic,
Thursday
Housemate and I have decided to Roll on the weekend. We have no plans, I have obtained some pretty little crystals, and happy that we have something to look forward to. I always feel a tiny twinge of butterflies when I have a Roll planned. Excited about travelling to that place where life is wonderful, and nervous about what new feelings and adventures may come of it. You know when you get a new job, you're happy and confident but an annoying, little, pessimistic atom inside is really secretly afraid, hoping you don't fuck it up? That feeling right there. We have 2 days to plan.
We are going to Roll at home. We have everything we need to be comfortable and we enjoy each other's company. I don't see much reason for it to be any less than perfect.
I've just tested the product with a few regent testers, and they are all coming up with perfect results. I've never had an issue with my supplier, and have never had reason to doubt them. I just enjoy watching the chemicals react in that perfect, predictable way.
Shopping List
Bananas
Chocolate
Sugar-free gum
Sports drink (Gatorade)
Bottled water
Orange Juice
Vicks Inhaler
Vicks Vaporub
Glowsticks
Menthol Cigarettes
Pop Rocks
Trying to get the housemate to take vitamins is damn impossible. I live off Soylent but he is more socially normal with his food choices. I will be damned if his body turns against him for the week ahead, I simply cannot stand the complaining.
I'm still adjusting my pre-drop soylent, and my period is due in a week, so I need to add and take away a few micronutrients to compensate for that. I can generally experience a productive and serene afterglow for a week after my drop, and I cannot seem to push it further. Maybe ive found my bodies limit, or maybe I'm missing something.
Housemate isn't interested in this stuff anyways. He just takes what I give him, does the journey and then continues on with life. Times like this remind me why I take MDMA. To be like him. To enjoy those sweet hours where my brain slows down enough to enjoy the current moment instead of dissecting it all into bite-sized pieces.
He has agreed to take a few multivitamins.
He threw the banana back at me.
Saturday Morning
Tonight we Drop.
I have some study to do, and I want to visit family, go to gym and do some yoga. Housemate has work so I scour the internet for funny memes, to keep him smiling throughout this day. Hoping my family doesn’t throw much baggage at me today. If they do, or Housemate has a shit day at work, I will call tonight off. Experience has taught me that what we feel and experience today will have a direct impact on our roll.
Last meal is at 7pm, chocolate is for munching while we prep, and I am letting the housemate decide on capping, plugging or drinking. Not into parachuting, snorting hurts and the taste is too unbearable to be sitting underneath ones tongue.
Saturday 10.00pm – Time to Drop
Housemate has decided we are going to drink it. 125mg will suit us both for this way. I measure it out, add it to test-tube shooters, and pour in some Gatorade to mix. Not into drinking with my drugs, but at the last minute, surprised myself by agreeing to a mixer as a chaser.
Down the hatch, with a Gatorade refill in the test tube shooters, in case of residue.
10.10pm
We start feeling a little excited. Most likely due to the psychological impact sinking in of what we have consumed. This part is predictable and calming to me. Feeling nothing physically, but knowing that it's all going to change is enough for the brain to try and dash ahead of itself. Housemate has an excited and nervous look to his eyes, as usual for this time.
I've taken us into the bathroom, turned on the bright heat lamp, and told Housemate to watch his eyes. Our pupils seem to be pulsating. If you ever want to see how the body fights for normality, just watch your pupils. They don't just dilute. They fight it. The body is trying to fight it. It's failing. It’s giving into the drug. So perfect a reaction. So Predictable.
We have headed into the lounge room to fight over which playlist to pump. (I like RnB and Hip Hop but he prefers Dance/Trance). I win as he is still talking about his eyes, and I have connected up my iPod to the sound system. Spotify playlist chosen, and time for the down lights to go off, and the dim lamps around the room to go on instead. Set an alarm for 30 minute intervals, because I'm weird like that.
10.30pm
It's been 20 mins and we are starting to get super excited at this point. Our eyes are starting to "shake". Why would you take a cap and wait around so long, when you can be experiencing it 20 mins after dropping? Convenience and lack of taste, I assume.
My body is tingly, my eyes are quivering, and if I close my eyes and concentrate enough, I can feel it creeping to home. For me, it always seems to be when the tingle has passed all through my body, then settled back up and on a finger.
A predictable, perfect come up. I know I've got more to give, but this is the particular shelf where I'm not really bothered about feeling it travel any more. And I want to dance, not meditate.
Housemate seems to be coming up slowly, so I dance to the music while I wait for those tell-tale signs that he's reaching his "fun starts here" shelf. It's harder to tell when he has come up as he doesn't ever seem to keep still when he is sober, so slight flecks of the shoulder and fingers are near impossible to see, and I cannot feel his come up. It's all on him. I'm feeling the need to smile and giggle.
He's starting to get wilder with his dance. He has a beautiful, almost cheeky grin on his face. His eyes are wide and I'm glad his come up has been easy.
I just unleashed the first memorable quote of the night.
"It's kicked it. Come back to the bathroom, I want to put on makeup cause I'm starting to think I am hot".
11.00pm
After a play with makeup, I scribble some time stamps on a post it note for future reference, regarding come up time via drinking it, my reactions and observations of housemate. I'm currently observing him standing on my bathtub, pointing to a crack that has appeared on the skirting board, from house movement. He's still happy as shit but land movement has been a huge issue on many homes in the area. It's a sensitive spot. Cuddles and come down here and dance with me! Dropping it in the bathroom while brushing my hair. My hair is so damn long. My eyes look incredible.
Turned up the music so we could feel the bass and opened up the packet of glowsticks. We choose our colours wisely and I put them on us as housemate always has trouble connecting his up.
Putting them on was fun but now they are just pretty jewellery so they've lost our attention.
Costume time.
When rolling, I get super confident and just want to do fashion shows and photo shoots. To the point where I have a costume box specifically for this very moment.
We crack it out and I choose a lingerie play suit, thigh-high stockings and decide on jewellery and shoes to match. Housemate seems to have dashed off while I accessorize.
11.30pm
We meet in the living area. He seems to have changed into jocks, suspenders and a bow tie.
"Oh my god that's awesome. Wait, let me take a selfie"
"Wait I accidentally uploaded that one to Snapchat."
"Hahahahaha! Not even mad."
"We should chew gum. Cause jaw clenching"
A few dozen photos and a deep and meaningful conversation about how we are doomed to be alone, but together, we decide its cigarette time.
"Wait, this song speaks to me. Let's dance to it".
I grab an extension lead and phone chargers so we can charge our phones whilst outside, he grabs a duvet and water bottles. The duvet feels like warm, feathered pancakes and the water tastes like strawberries. It's seriously delicious but Housemate thinks it's just "Meh".
It's amazing how much smoother menthol cigarettes go down. We cuddle up on our chair swing, with the duvet around us. We continue deep and meaningful about girlfriends, boyfriends, families and babies. Wide smiles and sparkly eyes.
12.00am
It's midnight. Time to turn the music down, as we have neighbours after all.
We move into his bedroom so we can listen to music through his stereo, and I've introduced him to the beautiful sensation of the Vicks inhaler. We crack open another box of sugar-free gum. It tastes like candy explosions.
I discover a tie of his and try to put it on. I don't know how to do a Windsor knot so get him to do it. Take a selfie then decide I need a wardrobe change to match it. Dash to the bedroom to sink my hands into that costume box. The stockings can stay but a black leather lingerie "thing" catches my attention. Selfies.
No need to waste time with jewellery and shoes. My glowsticks are incredible but I need more in other colours. The connectors are all over the floor and it's hard to find them with the dim lights. Put on about 5 of them and finally get them all connected. Fabulous.
12.30am
Turned around to run back into the bedroom and he has dressed up in tradesman pants, Santa hat and a hi-vi, and is dancing in the living room. He starts singing to me, then twirls me around as I walk towards him. Laughter, Smiles, Duets.
Completely disrespect the neighbours at this point, we turn back up the music volume and dance in our new threads. Selfies start to get sent to a particular tasty boy I've had my eye on. He ends up calling me after a few snaps, asking where I am and chatting about his night. He's in the city partying with friends, so I make sure he has a drink on my behalf before letting him go, cause I wanna go dance. The glowsticks look amazing and I wish I had more, and I've remembered I have Vicks Vaporub so I want to do massages now.
Housemate has called a friend so I make him put it on speaker so we can all chat about what we are doing. Selfies to send to him.
1.00am
I want a massage so we turn back down the music but housemate wants a smoke first. Deep and meaningful before dancing our way to his room. Hi-vi and pants are off at this point and we are suddenly on the floor in the hallway, taking photos and texting them to each other.
1.30am
Massage time! And more bubblegum. This shit tastes extremely sweet now. How on earth is this sugar-free?
I do him first. His body feels warm so I start gentle with my fingers, then as the rub sinks in, I start working on knots with my knuckles. His jocks are becoming problematic, and my leather thing is digging into me, so they come off.
Full body massage later and it's my turn! I can feel tiny engines of heat radiating from his hands. He has the Vicks inhaler shoved up his nostril and the Vaporub smells great but doesn't feel as good as it could. Quick dash to my bedroom to get body oil, back into his room, then a quick dance cause his song just came on. Kisses happen because friends!
Laying down on the bed, he starts massaging my back, butt and thighs. Turned off the interval alarm as it was ruining the music.
"Oh my god you must try this!" He shoves the inhaler up my nose and yells to me to breath it in. Amazing sensation, I wish I had purchased one for each nostril. Flip over to my back and enjoy the inhaler while I get my front massaged.
Suddenly my nether regions are being massaged with fingers and tongue and holy crap it feels good. Pretty sure this is heaven. I cannot orgasm when rolling, but who needs to when you feel this damn good.
It's 3am. We are coming down, or have come done and just didn't know it as we were too distracted with each other bodies. We were going to save the rest of the crystal but we are feeling good, we have nowhere to be tomorrow, and yeah. We should head to the kitchen now so I can prep.
I measure up 2 more doses of 125mg, and we drink it like the first lot, only saving a little bit to do a line each. He racks it because I'm terrible at these things and get impatient. I pour out the rest of the Gatorade into glasses for us to drink afterwards.
It occurs to me that I am naked and cold. The duvet is outside so smokes and Gatorade on the chair swing, while we gabble.
Feeling a little nauseous. Make a note on my phone not to take a full dose for the second one in the future. 80 maybe. I think that's what I was supposed to do for my bump. Housemate looks concerned when I let him know I feel a little sick, so I remind him that last time we rolled, I threw up after my bump and that brought me up. His concerned look fades but he stops swinging the chair, wraps me up in the duvet and holds me while it passes. Deep yoga-breaths in the fresh, cool air, with small sips of water helps calm the stomach. Housemate is feeling great, and is happily sitting here, holding me and lighting up our cigarettes. I've lived with this guy for years and we've never ran out of things to talk about.
Cigarettes probably helped aggravate the stomach. Or hydration levels, or body temp.
Back inside to check how much fluids we've been drinking (I keep the bottles on the bench to keep track). Satisfied that our hydration levels are fine, adjust the heating to accommodate for our rise in body temperature, alongside being naked.
I REALLY want to take a selfie with red lipstick on. Get distracted by checking out my eyes and pupils in the bathroom mirror, which just look so unbelievably beautiful.
Lipstick is on and selfies.
New bubblegum tastes like being punched in the face with a truck of sweet-n-low. Spit it out and stick to the older stuff, which is tough but least it's lost it's taste. Water still tastes delicious.
Back to the housemates room. Soft music, body oil, massages, oral sex, vicks inhaler, bubblegum, kisses, cuddles.
No time seems to have passed but suddenly we hear birds and the sun is coming up.
Check the time in the kitchen and it's 7am. The hell did the time go?
We agree that we feel good and have come down again, probably some time ago. Lay down on the living room sofas, chatting about our night while our bodies slowly grow heavy, telling us it's time to sleep, heal and regenerate. A few assorted vitamins with a glass of water, goodnight hugs to the housemate and then crawl into bed.
Wake up to pee like every 30 mins! There are benefits of not having to pee while rolling in clubs. When you're at home with access to a clean loo and no wait lines, I would rather need to pee while partying, then have to go when I'm snuggled in a warm bed.
Day and Week after
Even with the multiple loo-dashes in the night, my sleep post-MDMA is always deep and refreshing. I curl in a ball and that's where I stay, until urge to pee wakes me up. When I wake up, I can bounce out of bed, smooth my hair and make the bed in seconds.
This is drastically different to my normal sleeping patterns, which is to generally turn myself into a bucketload of different origami animals, get cross at the tangle of sheets, glare at the ceiling, research frogs, check my phone calendars, todo lists and shopping lists, and emerge in the morning resembling the love child of the Hulk and a rotting pile of twigs.
I envy those that get to experience MDMA sleep every night. "pams" causes irregular, unpredictable effects to me, chamomile tea tastes odd, and yoga only helps so much, when it comes to bedtime routines.
Day after is cleanup day. Housemate is still sleeping, so the costumes are packed up, bottles and gum wrappers are thrown out, dishes, vacuuming and mopping done. A short nap soon, and then study time for me.
Food tastes awful, but Soylent was never pleasant to start with. Some cinnamon and vanilla essence help it go down.
For the following week, I feel like a robot that accidentally had neutral feelings programmed into it. Everything I do feels mechanical. I don't feel any heightened feelings of happiness or depression. They are more content, serene, calm. I can concentrate on some tasks, like study and yoga, however talking to people or going to gym makes me feel like I'm going in slow motion.
Or maybe this is what normal feels like.
Xo
