My second MDMA trip was quite different from the first. Very enjoyable, but probably less interesting reading than the first report (especially as I don't feel comfortable sharing the most interesting bits with you all), but here it is for completeness.
The first time was with a good friend- a delightful day of conversation and physical affection that would not have happened otherwise, but less physically or emotionally intense than I had expected. This second time was with my wife (it was her first time with MDMA, though she'd had plenty of experience with other drugs many years ago), so close communication and affection were a starting point, not a destination. In fact I wasn't sure in advance what the purpose of the trip would be- maybe (gosh) just to have fun? One thing I was hoping for was a more intense experience than the previous time- I planned to take a full capsule at once (last time we'd done half a capsule, then another half one hour later), and maybe follow up with an additional half later on. So at 4pm on a Sunday afternoon at home, we each took one gelcap containing maybe 100 mg of pure MDMA, keeping one more capsule in reserve for later. Then we went into the garden to plant bulbs for the following Spring. For a while, I just concentrated on digging the soil and putting in the bulbs- a satisfying and sensual experience in itself.
I was digging a hole for some daffodils 45 minutes later when the coming up sensation began quite suddenly- I quickly decided I couldn't concentrate on the bulbs any more and went to sit down and appreciate the experience. With the staggered dose last time, the onset had been very gradual, so I'd missed this. There was a very physical, very pleasant whole-body tingling sensation along with a feeling of great happiness and calm- I was very happy just looking out across the garden and staring at the trees beyond. The experience wasn't overwhelming, but very enjoyable. Unlike last time, I definitely had an altered sense of touch- rubbing my hands together felt fascinating and I spent several minutes doing just that. Later on, my wife said she felt "silky", and though she wasn't referring to a physical sensation in her case (she meant that the world seemed smooth and easy), silky was a good word for how my hands felt just then. I was pleasantly aware of everywhere my clothes touched my body. My wife wasn't feeling much yet, and finished up the garden work before coming to join me. Then she rubbed my hair and face- very nice. Her voice sounded different- very calm, soft, sure- who knows whether it was her voice or my perception of it that had changed.
The sun was getting lower and it was starting to get chilly, so we came inside and installed ourselves on a sofa by the window. A row of trees were catching the last rays of the sun and looked utterly stunning in their autumn colors- it was fascinating to look at them. Maybe the trees seemed abstracted- a gorgeous painting rather than a familiar part of our environment. Music was sounding very good too- Loreena McKennitt's voice was ecstatic, enveloping, mesmerizing, even more than usual. We sang along to the music- such a simple and old-fashioned pleasure.
I cuddled up to my wife, nestling in her arms and legs at one end of the sofa and feeling very cherished. Not feeling the need for meaningful conversation, I found great delight in meaningless conversation. We repeated the same words over and over, and had conversations composed entirely of nonesense words, just because it felt so good to do so. My rational self was still there and in full possession of its faculties, but was very happy to take a back seat and let the silliness take over. It felt really good, too, to take deep breaths and let them out with a long audible sigh, so we did that a LOT. We lay on the floor and tried to cuddle with our dog, though as she was sober she wasn't as interested in this as we were.
It was interesting to me that the drug required my active participation to get the full effect. Just lying there and spacing out was pleasant enough, but I felt the most when I really concentrated on the music, or those trees, or made those silly noises. The most *what*, you ask? Just simple happiness, I guess. Lots of happiness. I don't think the physical sensations persisted very long beyond the comeup, but I didn't mind that at all.
Though I had wanted a more intense experience this time, and we had the remaining capsule waiting for us, for a couple of hours into the trip everything seemed perfect and I had no desire to change a thing. Eventually, after about three hours, we split the last capsule, but at that late stage the effect was probably to prolong, rather than intensify the experience. Now I regret that we didn't take the second dose earlier, and I have to remind myself to honor the person I was then, and the decisions I made. I guess my sober self is more interested in an intense experience than my fairly-high self was.
Most of the rest of the trip is not for public consumption- suffice to say that we explored the sensual aspects of the drug fairly extensively. Mirrors and chakras were involved. The whole chakra concept, which normally seems like mumbo-jumbo to me, seemed to make perfect sense. A good time was had.
Eventually, around 11pm, we were finally getting sleepy. We were surprised how quickly the time had gone. I suppose we were coming down, though still not feeling entirely sober, but we had no disappointment that the trip was nearly over. Off to bed for more cuddles and a night of fitful sleep.
In the morning I still felt a little high- spacey, music still sounding really good. My wife felt quite hung over- very tired. I wasn't really tired but I was *very* mellow, happy, and unambitious- I didn't get much done all day, other than writing up a first draft of the experience.
As I'd hoped, this second experience was a bit more intense than the first- I can add the physical rushes, and enhanced visual, touch, and musical appreciation to my experiential checklist. Some jaw tension, pupil dilation, and day-after tiredness too. But still not overwhelming. Maybe I'd like to be overwhelmed sometime. And though I shared it with the love of my life it was not a particularly emotional experience, simply happy and fun. I'm finding that MDMA makes me very mellow- none of those surges of energy that some people talk about. My wife had a great time too, though she didn't find the drug particularly insightful. Something that bothers me is that even at these doses my memory of the experience seems a bit fuzzy- it would be a shame to take more, have an amazing time, and not remember it clearly the next day.
I think my two recent MDMA experiences have sharpened my appreciation for "normal" conciousness, at least for a while- I find myself more appreciative of a beautiful scene, or amazing music, or a great conversation, than I did before, if only because I'm comparing it to similar experiences on E. I'm paying more attention.
Anyway that's it for now- we aren't likely to have access to any more MDMA for a while. But someday...
The first time was with a good friend- a delightful day of conversation and physical affection that would not have happened otherwise, but less physically or emotionally intense than I had expected. This second time was with my wife (it was her first time with MDMA, though she'd had plenty of experience with other drugs many years ago), so close communication and affection were a starting point, not a destination. In fact I wasn't sure in advance what the purpose of the trip would be- maybe (gosh) just to have fun? One thing I was hoping for was a more intense experience than the previous time- I planned to take a full capsule at once (last time we'd done half a capsule, then another half one hour later), and maybe follow up with an additional half later on. So at 4pm on a Sunday afternoon at home, we each took one gelcap containing maybe 100 mg of pure MDMA, keeping one more capsule in reserve for later. Then we went into the garden to plant bulbs for the following Spring. For a while, I just concentrated on digging the soil and putting in the bulbs- a satisfying and sensual experience in itself.
I was digging a hole for some daffodils 45 minutes later when the coming up sensation began quite suddenly- I quickly decided I couldn't concentrate on the bulbs any more and went to sit down and appreciate the experience. With the staggered dose last time, the onset had been very gradual, so I'd missed this. There was a very physical, very pleasant whole-body tingling sensation along with a feeling of great happiness and calm- I was very happy just looking out across the garden and staring at the trees beyond. The experience wasn't overwhelming, but very enjoyable. Unlike last time, I definitely had an altered sense of touch- rubbing my hands together felt fascinating and I spent several minutes doing just that. Later on, my wife said she felt "silky", and though she wasn't referring to a physical sensation in her case (she meant that the world seemed smooth and easy), silky was a good word for how my hands felt just then. I was pleasantly aware of everywhere my clothes touched my body. My wife wasn't feeling much yet, and finished up the garden work before coming to join me. Then she rubbed my hair and face- very nice. Her voice sounded different- very calm, soft, sure- who knows whether it was her voice or my perception of it that had changed.
The sun was getting lower and it was starting to get chilly, so we came inside and installed ourselves on a sofa by the window. A row of trees were catching the last rays of the sun and looked utterly stunning in their autumn colors- it was fascinating to look at them. Maybe the trees seemed abstracted- a gorgeous painting rather than a familiar part of our environment. Music was sounding very good too- Loreena McKennitt's voice was ecstatic, enveloping, mesmerizing, even more than usual. We sang along to the music- such a simple and old-fashioned pleasure.
I cuddled up to my wife, nestling in her arms and legs at one end of the sofa and feeling very cherished. Not feeling the need for meaningful conversation, I found great delight in meaningless conversation. We repeated the same words over and over, and had conversations composed entirely of nonesense words, just because it felt so good to do so. My rational self was still there and in full possession of its faculties, but was very happy to take a back seat and let the silliness take over. It felt really good, too, to take deep breaths and let them out with a long audible sigh, so we did that a LOT. We lay on the floor and tried to cuddle with our dog, though as she was sober she wasn't as interested in this as we were.
It was interesting to me that the drug required my active participation to get the full effect. Just lying there and spacing out was pleasant enough, but I felt the most when I really concentrated on the music, or those trees, or made those silly noises. The most *what*, you ask? Just simple happiness, I guess. Lots of happiness. I don't think the physical sensations persisted very long beyond the comeup, but I didn't mind that at all.
Though I had wanted a more intense experience this time, and we had the remaining capsule waiting for us, for a couple of hours into the trip everything seemed perfect and I had no desire to change a thing. Eventually, after about three hours, we split the last capsule, but at that late stage the effect was probably to prolong, rather than intensify the experience. Now I regret that we didn't take the second dose earlier, and I have to remind myself to honor the person I was then, and the decisions I made. I guess my sober self is more interested in an intense experience than my fairly-high self was.
Most of the rest of the trip is not for public consumption- suffice to say that we explored the sensual aspects of the drug fairly extensively. Mirrors and chakras were involved. The whole chakra concept, which normally seems like mumbo-jumbo to me, seemed to make perfect sense. A good time was had.
Eventually, around 11pm, we were finally getting sleepy. We were surprised how quickly the time had gone. I suppose we were coming down, though still not feeling entirely sober, but we had no disappointment that the trip was nearly over. Off to bed for more cuddles and a night of fitful sleep.
In the morning I still felt a little high- spacey, music still sounding really good. My wife felt quite hung over- very tired. I wasn't really tired but I was *very* mellow, happy, and unambitious- I didn't get much done all day, other than writing up a first draft of the experience.
As I'd hoped, this second experience was a bit more intense than the first- I can add the physical rushes, and enhanced visual, touch, and musical appreciation to my experiential checklist. Some jaw tension, pupil dilation, and day-after tiredness too. But still not overwhelming. Maybe I'd like to be overwhelmed sometime. And though I shared it with the love of my life it was not a particularly emotional experience, simply happy and fun. I'm finding that MDMA makes me very mellow- none of those surges of energy that some people talk about. My wife had a great time too, though she didn't find the drug particularly insightful. Something that bothers me is that even at these doses my memory of the experience seems a bit fuzzy- it would be a shame to take more, have an amazing time, and not remember it clearly the next day.
I think my two recent MDMA experiences have sharpened my appreciation for "normal" conciousness, at least for a while- I find myself more appreciative of a beautiful scene, or amazing music, or a great conversation, than I did before, if only because I'm comparing it to similar experiences on E. I'm paying more attention.
Anyway that's it for now- we aren't likely to have access to any more MDMA for a while. But someday...
