Elliot2147
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 11, 2015
- Messages
- 4
My friends decided after reading online that MDMA is used in a psychiatric environment in order to help people resolve issues and experience empathy that they would do 0.6mg each of MDMA across an evening and talk as opposed to doing the drug in a club environment to see how different the experience was. I joined them because the club scene and 'party drug' reputation were putting me off trying MDMA. This was planned a week or so in advance.
I had very little idea of what an MDMA experience was like, and so I was slightly nervous. The only drug aside from alcohol that I had done was cannabis, and so assumed that effects would be similar in certain ways because I was incapable of imagining the feelings that people described in any other way. I thoroughly enjoyed the first part of the evening in which we sat around and talked. I felt happy (not overwhelmingly happy, but very happy) and as if I could talk about anything with the people that I was with, who are close friends of mine. I had recently done another bomb and a dab and was waiting to come up again, but I had done mine later than the others. My friends wanted to smoke weed for their come down as a way of combating depression etc and I was adamant that I wanted to wait until after I had come up again.
eventually I assumed that I was not going to come up again because it was taking longer than usual, and so agreed to go to the summerhouse to smoke the eighth we had brought. By this point I had done almost all of the 0.6mg of MDMA. It was after the first few tokes on the first spliff that I began coming up from the MDMA and as I felt myself getting higher and higher I felt more and more uneasy about the sensations. After we had finished two spliffs I left the others to get some air because I wasn't feeling too good. I sat on a bench in my friend's garden for a while (not sure how long, time was fluctuating between going fast and slowly). This was the moment that I first discovered what MDMA was capable of. I experienced my first hallucination and realised what a hallucination actually was. Until this point I had never imagined seeing something so real with my eyes that didn't exist, it was like something the mind could do that I had never known of or experienced. I was looking into the summerhouse window, from my bench, which was a square shape with four panes of glass separated by small lengths of wood. Through the window I saw two of my friends, one in a chair, and one slightly lower down on a bean bag talking to him. The window became the painting 'The Creation of Adam' painted by Michelangelo, except it was my friends faces and the background was a deep fluorescent green. The painting obstructed all view through the window and gave off an unnatural light. It took me a while to come to terms with experiencing such a vivid hallucination. I stared for what seemed like quite a while without the painting disappearing at any point.
One of my friends then came out to sit with me on the bench. I felt embarrassed to tell him that I was having such a trip but it felt necessary because I was genuinely terrified of how it was going to go. I felt as if he wasn't understanding my fear as he seemed to be having such a normal, calm conversation. I soon tuned out from my friend and looked around the dark garden seeing a large calculator towering over the trees behind us, and a huge 2 dimensional wall of small fluorescent green and red 'Reebok' logos stretching into the sky about 50 meters away. There were lots of these sorts of visual hallucinations although it seems unnecessary to list all of them as this was not the peak of the trip. Some other hallucinations appeared to be inside of my eye. I find it difficult to explain. It was as if I was seeing through a filter that was showing a video. Everywhere I looked I would see the hallucination plastered over my vision, yet I could see past it and through parts of it, like a HUD in a video game, built into your vision. The most vivid and memorable of this type was of two lanes starting at the top and bottom of my field of vision which were very wide, and as they went further away they moved into the middle and became thinner. Down these two lanes scrolled endless Tetris style bricks in differing colours into the centre of my vision.
I think it would have been wise to stay outside alone for the duration of the peak of the trip, as I think it might have been enjoyable. But instead I tried to escape it by going back to talk to my friends inside. I was embarrassed again because I thought people would assume I was making it up, nobody else seemed to be having a trip anything like I was having in any way. It was when my friend used the phrase 'auto-pilot' that I thought he was experiencing something similar to me because I realised at that point that I had been having conversations with people unconsciously whilst tripping without even hearing what they were saying. It was like I was slipping in and out of the trip, I couldn't tell if my eyes were open or closed and I was auto-piloting all interaction with my friends. The brief moments I got control over myself I urged my friends to ignore me and explained I was having a really really bad trip. By this point my jaw was shaking uncontrollably and I had turned very white.
The peak was certainly the worst part of the night. I began to see real world scenes with my eyes as if I was present there, unsure of whether my eyes were open or not in real life. It was as if I was spectating different parts of the world away from my body as a spectator and there was nothing to distinguish these scenes from real life. It was like going back to a memory and experiencing it through my eyes once again. As I slipped in completely I still felt sane and as though I was thinking rationally. I saw the scene of the room we were sat in with myself in it and watched my body crush up a lit cigarette in its hand but did not feel the pain. I then opened my eyes and saw that I had, in fact, crushed my cigarette in my hand. I felt as though my body had two operators. There was me, and then there was another entity (entity was the word I repeated in my head to describe it at the time) which could take control of my body and I could only watch myself either as a spectator or through my eyes doing things completely without meaning to or thinking about it. When I felt in control I apologised repetitively for the seemingly external force controlling my speech and actions. I was also unaware that we had continued to smoke more weed as I entered the peak. The trip brought on a lot of philosophical questions which I still think about now (This is being written 3 days after the experience) concerning mind and body and the five senses. I was sure I had experienced new senses at the time whilst spectating things through my eyes but later wrote down that this must have been "camera tricks". I'm still unsure of what I meant by that. The last part of the peak that I remember was snapping back to the room and seeing my friends sat in a circle on chairs except there were no walls. Behind the circle of chairs were intense visuals and colours that seemed to go on forever, only the floor was visible. I couldn't hear anybody speaking because they seemed so tiny compared to the vast space around the room we were in.
Once I had left the peak I found myself inside the house (no longer the summerhouse at the end of the garden) and became obsessed with writing. I wanted to write everything down because I had heard hours before that I would not remember it in the morning, although I feel like I can remember it very well now that it has passed. I used my friend's Chemistry exam paper that he had done for revision to write everything down in felt-tipped pen. I spent an hour alone scrawling down three pages of nonsense. My vision was still fuzzy and I was still definitely under the influence of the drugs but the intensity had died down very significantly. The only sort of hallucination that existed at this point was an auditory hallucination of 'Don't you (forget about me)' by Simple Minds playing for the entire time, but only a small section of the song. The song had played once hours before the trip and I am guessing that this is the reason, the song is of no significance to me. I then went to lie on a sofa in the lounge and fell asleep clutching the exam paper that I had written on. I don't remember any dreams that I had during that sleep and felt considerably better when I woke up.
For the next day or so my brain felt like mush and it was like I just wasn't thinking about anything in particular all day. Conversation was quite meaningless and I was generally traumatised by what had happened. All I could speak about after was the trip and I felt obsessed by it. I think the reason it went so badly was because I had never experienced it before, and it caught me off guard. I had never heard of anyone experience a trip like that from these drugs, although after doing some research online I saw that a few people had had similar visual and mental effects to what I had.
I had very little idea of what an MDMA experience was like, and so I was slightly nervous. The only drug aside from alcohol that I had done was cannabis, and so assumed that effects would be similar in certain ways because I was incapable of imagining the feelings that people described in any other way. I thoroughly enjoyed the first part of the evening in which we sat around and talked. I felt happy (not overwhelmingly happy, but very happy) and as if I could talk about anything with the people that I was with, who are close friends of mine. I had recently done another bomb and a dab and was waiting to come up again, but I had done mine later than the others. My friends wanted to smoke weed for their come down as a way of combating depression etc and I was adamant that I wanted to wait until after I had come up again.
eventually I assumed that I was not going to come up again because it was taking longer than usual, and so agreed to go to the summerhouse to smoke the eighth we had brought. By this point I had done almost all of the 0.6mg of MDMA. It was after the first few tokes on the first spliff that I began coming up from the MDMA and as I felt myself getting higher and higher I felt more and more uneasy about the sensations. After we had finished two spliffs I left the others to get some air because I wasn't feeling too good. I sat on a bench in my friend's garden for a while (not sure how long, time was fluctuating between going fast and slowly). This was the moment that I first discovered what MDMA was capable of. I experienced my first hallucination and realised what a hallucination actually was. Until this point I had never imagined seeing something so real with my eyes that didn't exist, it was like something the mind could do that I had never known of or experienced. I was looking into the summerhouse window, from my bench, which was a square shape with four panes of glass separated by small lengths of wood. Through the window I saw two of my friends, one in a chair, and one slightly lower down on a bean bag talking to him. The window became the painting 'The Creation of Adam' painted by Michelangelo, except it was my friends faces and the background was a deep fluorescent green. The painting obstructed all view through the window and gave off an unnatural light. It took me a while to come to terms with experiencing such a vivid hallucination. I stared for what seemed like quite a while without the painting disappearing at any point.
One of my friends then came out to sit with me on the bench. I felt embarrassed to tell him that I was having such a trip but it felt necessary because I was genuinely terrified of how it was going to go. I felt as if he wasn't understanding my fear as he seemed to be having such a normal, calm conversation. I soon tuned out from my friend and looked around the dark garden seeing a large calculator towering over the trees behind us, and a huge 2 dimensional wall of small fluorescent green and red 'Reebok' logos stretching into the sky about 50 meters away. There were lots of these sorts of visual hallucinations although it seems unnecessary to list all of them as this was not the peak of the trip. Some other hallucinations appeared to be inside of my eye. I find it difficult to explain. It was as if I was seeing through a filter that was showing a video. Everywhere I looked I would see the hallucination plastered over my vision, yet I could see past it and through parts of it, like a HUD in a video game, built into your vision. The most vivid and memorable of this type was of two lanes starting at the top and bottom of my field of vision which were very wide, and as they went further away they moved into the middle and became thinner. Down these two lanes scrolled endless Tetris style bricks in differing colours into the centre of my vision.
I think it would have been wise to stay outside alone for the duration of the peak of the trip, as I think it might have been enjoyable. But instead I tried to escape it by going back to talk to my friends inside. I was embarrassed again because I thought people would assume I was making it up, nobody else seemed to be having a trip anything like I was having in any way. It was when my friend used the phrase 'auto-pilot' that I thought he was experiencing something similar to me because I realised at that point that I had been having conversations with people unconsciously whilst tripping without even hearing what they were saying. It was like I was slipping in and out of the trip, I couldn't tell if my eyes were open or closed and I was auto-piloting all interaction with my friends. The brief moments I got control over myself I urged my friends to ignore me and explained I was having a really really bad trip. By this point my jaw was shaking uncontrollably and I had turned very white.
The peak was certainly the worst part of the night. I began to see real world scenes with my eyes as if I was present there, unsure of whether my eyes were open or not in real life. It was as if I was spectating different parts of the world away from my body as a spectator and there was nothing to distinguish these scenes from real life. It was like going back to a memory and experiencing it through my eyes once again. As I slipped in completely I still felt sane and as though I was thinking rationally. I saw the scene of the room we were sat in with myself in it and watched my body crush up a lit cigarette in its hand but did not feel the pain. I then opened my eyes and saw that I had, in fact, crushed my cigarette in my hand. I felt as though my body had two operators. There was me, and then there was another entity (entity was the word I repeated in my head to describe it at the time) which could take control of my body and I could only watch myself either as a spectator or through my eyes doing things completely without meaning to or thinking about it. When I felt in control I apologised repetitively for the seemingly external force controlling my speech and actions. I was also unaware that we had continued to smoke more weed as I entered the peak. The trip brought on a lot of philosophical questions which I still think about now (This is being written 3 days after the experience) concerning mind and body and the five senses. I was sure I had experienced new senses at the time whilst spectating things through my eyes but later wrote down that this must have been "camera tricks". I'm still unsure of what I meant by that. The last part of the peak that I remember was snapping back to the room and seeing my friends sat in a circle on chairs except there were no walls. Behind the circle of chairs were intense visuals and colours that seemed to go on forever, only the floor was visible. I couldn't hear anybody speaking because they seemed so tiny compared to the vast space around the room we were in.
Once I had left the peak I found myself inside the house (no longer the summerhouse at the end of the garden) and became obsessed with writing. I wanted to write everything down because I had heard hours before that I would not remember it in the morning, although I feel like I can remember it very well now that it has passed. I used my friend's Chemistry exam paper that he had done for revision to write everything down in felt-tipped pen. I spent an hour alone scrawling down three pages of nonsense. My vision was still fuzzy and I was still definitely under the influence of the drugs but the intensity had died down very significantly. The only sort of hallucination that existed at this point was an auditory hallucination of 'Don't you (forget about me)' by Simple Minds playing for the entire time, but only a small section of the song. The song had played once hours before the trip and I am guessing that this is the reason, the song is of no significance to me. I then went to lie on a sofa in the lounge and fell asleep clutching the exam paper that I had written on. I don't remember any dreams that I had during that sleep and felt considerably better when I woke up.
For the next day or so my brain felt like mush and it was like I just wasn't thinking about anything in particular all day. Conversation was quite meaningless and I was generally traumatised by what had happened. All I could speak about after was the trip and I felt obsessed by it. I think the reason it went so badly was because I had never experienced it before, and it caught me off guard. I had never heard of anyone experience a trip like that from these drugs, although after doing some research online I saw that a few people had had similar visual and mental effects to what I had.
