MDMA “Amethyst” and Mushrooms

[helpingout]

Had a fucking experience last night. Railed a bit of
MDMA. Ate two very good sized Gold Caps. Never been satisfied railing it so I took a large chunk less than 500 mg afterward. Took a shower. Go to my bed. Sitting watching a movie. Start to feeling pretty good. Enjoying it. Then the mdma hits and I’m like no I hate this fucking feeling. I hate doing fucking drugs. Why did I have to do drugs? I was having a pretty great day beforehand. Truth be told. I wanted some fucking
Opiates.
I didn’t want to pick up tho. Not trying to die. Back in the day it would be alright. Nowadays it’s just fucking fent and fentalogues or buprenorphine and an accoasional hydrocodo ne. Utterly bunk market for a user.
But a hippy flip is better than an OD. I ended up feeling pretty awful and just resolved that I wasn’t going to use drugs anymore. I’ve used them long enough to know that every drug, taken in a quantity more than a one off or a joy shot, inevitably ends up feeling bad. Amphetamine comedowns, benzo withdrawal, heroin sickness, alcohol feels bad while you drink it, psychedelics produce bad trips in those with mental illness and sometimes uncover mental illnesses you didn’t know you had, and weed the mother of all harmless drugs is just about as hard to quit as any of em except you have less of a physical compulsion to use. So that’s it.

I’m done taking drugs except for my meds and possibly opiates if I should ever have need to take them. The drug world just isn’t fun for me anymore.

I want a house. I want a garden. I want my
Girlfriend to be my wife. I want
Something more. I want something better.

I’m choosing life.

 

[Jabberwocky]

This is so relatable. That's why I love psychedelics. They don't lie to you. They don't coddle you. They don't bullshit you. They don't hold your hand.

They tend to tell you exactly what you need to hear in that moment.

But opioids are the opposite......

They lie. They coddle you. They hold your hand and drag you down to the abyss. They steal your soul instead of enhancing it.

Opioids will interfere with your goals of a house garden and marriage. They make people complacent in life.

Psychedelics just focused you towards your goals.

 

[negrogesic]

I took some crystalline MDMA on New Years Eve 2 years ago, at home, with just myself and girlfriend. I didn't tell her I was going to take it.

Not long after taking it I began a crazy anxiety-filled white knuckle comeup that lasted for a solid hour and half, so I just went into the other room waiting for it to end. Finally, after what was nearly 2 hours, the serotonin release was sufficient to where I could breathe again. The actual "roll" was disproportionately mild relative to that crazy comeup (and I know it was good MDMA because i tested on other people first and they thought it was great). What was different was me. I'm just more tense and anxious than I used to be.

I guess I thought it would be an insightful experience or something, that I'd be able to reflect positively on my life with some new found appreciation etc.

Its funny, before I had sampled it myself, I gave a heavy dose of that same MDMA to a tweaker friend of mine right before we went to go play pool. I gave him a large dose because he was an active meth user and figured he didn't have much serotonin left to release. He took the capsule of crystalline MDMA about twenty minutes before we started playing pool. Shortly after we started playing I told him I needed something from my car. I spent quite abit of time looking for some loose kratom capsules in my car, and then went to the bathroom, and by the time I went back to the pool room I had been gone for maybe 25-30 minutes total.

But whenc I got back he looked pale faced and stressed out and he said, "Dude, you can't just leave me like that!". After finally taking some of that MDMA myself a few months later, I fully understood why my friend was so stressed out when i left him alone while he was coming up on that shit . Difference is, he ended up having a great time whereas I regretted ever taking it since I guess I can no longer handle the comeup from a heavy dose of MDMA.

 

[helpingout]

But opioids are the opposite......

They lie. They coddle you. They hold your hand and drag you down to the abyss. They steal your soul instead of enhancing it.

Opioids will interfere with your goals of a house garden and marriage. They make people complacent in life.

Psychedelics just focused you towards your goals.

Absolutely. I have a profound and terrible respect for psychedelics. I wouldn’t have taken them if I wasn’t willing to listen to what I know to be true. I know that I’ve got to stop using drugs. It’s been a long time getting off the heroin. An incredible amount of my effort, discipline, and willpower went into doing so. I feel wasted and spent. Yet, life is still there demanding that I try even harder to get what I want.

You’re right. I’ve been complacent. The opioids had me living in a one room rent. Strung out with less than twenty four hours sobriety over five years. Kicking was insane. Precip withdrawals. 7 8mg subs in four hours. Finally well and a one and a half year comedown with about a month of sub stability transitioning to kratom transitioning to a number of kicks. Finally free of the me on my back demanding I get high. The me that was satisfied with being dirt poor, strung out, and deeply unhappy.

Complacency is a bitch.

You think life is good until you look back and realize, “my god, it wasn’t good at all.”

And you either change things or return to what made you complacent.

Change is detestable. But more detestable with a complacency towards things that need to change?

No. One must change.

There is no other course in life but to change.

 

[helpingout]

I took some crystalline MDMA on New Years Eve 2 years ago, at home, with just myself and girlfriend. I didn't tell her I was going to take it.

Not long after taking it I began a crazy anxiety-filled white knuckle comeup that lasted for a solid hour and half, so I just went into the other room waiting for it to end. Finally, after what was nearly 2 hours, the serotonin release was sufficient to where I could breathe again. The actual "roll" was disproportionately mild relative to that crazy comeup (and I know it was good MDMA because i tested on other people first and they thought it was great). What was different was me. I'm just more tense and anxious than I used to be.

I guess I thought it would be an insightful experience or something, that I'd be able to reflect positively on my life with some new found appreciation etc.

Word. It ended up being extremely insightful for me. Profoundly warm. Hot even. But after years of heroin addiction and two years of being freezing fucking cold it was almost a welcome discomfort to be so warm.

I personally got what I was looking for. But I was watching a scanner darkly which may have made extreme my self reflection. I guess the discomfort actually was what I was truly looking for.

If I had wanted a comforting experience, I would have bought the opiates. I’m glad of my choice. I’m glad I took the mushroooms in a pair as they were talking about me and helped me to participate in a conversation to my benefit. The Molly filled me with warmth and enough discomfort to at first which I had taken some junk and then a certain surrender to my experience.

It wasn’t all roses. Honestly I was just waiting for it to end. But it kind of ended without even beginning. While also having begun so strongly so profoundly that I feared it might never end.

In terms of my trips it was one of the least psychedelic but most profoundly self-critical experiences of my life. I did not pick up opiates today either and I hope to continue like this.

I’m truly hoping for a better life.

I’ve seen a lot of poppies growing around locally. I know there’s hope for the future. Maybe one day I’ll get high again. But for now, I’m focusing on the goals mentioned above.

I’ve got a girlfriend who needs me. Her mom needs me. I need me.

We’re all counting on me making everyone come up golden. If I don’t manage to make something happen, I’ll have failed the strong me, the guy who spent five years dependent and decided to change everything. I can’t fail that dude, my girlfriend, even the me that continues to not use drugs. I owe it to us all to get clean.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

I want a house. I want a garden. I want my
Girlfriend to be my wife. I want
Something more. I want something better.

I’m choosing life.

Don’t kid yourself that getting those things will magically eliminate the obsession with drugs.

I think we’re stuck like this for life whether we happen to stay on drugs or not.

Some doors can’t be unopened, even if you never get back through them.

 

[helpingout]

Don’t kid yourself that getting those things will magically eliminate the obsession with drugs.

I think we’re stuck like this for life whether we happen to stay on drugs or not.

I mean possibly man. You might be right. I know in Trainspotting 2 that was kind of the message, speaking of choosing life, macgregors character ends up returning from America, he’s clean and sober, and well things happen. Watch it. I thought it was beautiful. But you’re right.

The obsession isn’t likely going to go away. My brain chemistry has likely been changed forever. I fucked up hardcore.

I don’t go to meetings. I’m not in recovery perse.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in disguise. Pretending to be a straight. Waiting to be called out on what I am so I can go back to doing the worst things I like best.

So you’re right. For sure.

But in another way you’re wrong.

I don’t know how you’re wrong but maybe it’s the cynicism. Maybe you’ve just been burning yourself into believing that we’re all stuck this way. Maybe you’re just feeling burned by the shit hand we’ve been dealt trying to make things chemically better.

But I don’t feel burned.

I feel like I’ve been exceptionally lucky. And I might have to just keep making the right decisions. But I really believe I can do this.

I mean I got off heroin right? Why couldn’t I stay off?

I don’t mean any thing by saying “burned” I just mean to address the cynicism behind the ethos that no one gets out of here alive kinda vibes.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

This is so relatable. That's why I love psychedelics. They don't lie to you. They don't coddle you. They don't bullshit you. They don't hold your hand.

I disagree to an extent. LSD. 2CB. The fun psychedelics. They might as well be cocaine or meth in my book. Rarely produce a bad trip,highly euphoric. Addictive. Yes addictive I did them multiple times a week for years…every time my brain would let me get high off them basically.

And talking about drugs lying to people?

Psychedelics in general lie more that any single drug class I can think of and make the user more delusional about their justification of drugs use than any drug I can think of.

All kinds of totally bonkers delusions about spirituality and life too…it’s straight up delusion and lie. And if it wasn’t a lie you didn’t need a drug to tell you it.

Pretty much everyone figured out quickly that heroin and coke are bad news. Psychedelics mind fuck ppl into thinking the misfiring of a psychotic drugged brain are some sort of supernatural truth and knowledge. Its more delusional and more of a lie than the “hard” drugs imo.

I don’t know of any fentanyl addicts that result in believing in other dimensions and spiritual beings with zero evidence as a result of their drugs use. Psychedelics, pretty much everyone does fall into that BS at least until they grow out of it. It’s not even true psychosis like meth psychosis which is what makes it weirder. Ppl come out of these psychedelics trips with a sober mind and beleieve this insane shit they “learned” during the trip

 

[Jabberwocky]

I think you misinterpreted what I said, I was speaking metaphorically. I agree with most of your points.

I've never seen someone overdose on psychedelics, wake up in a hospital, and immediately want more psychedelics. That's the "lies" I'm talking about.

 

[someguyontheinternet]

Around 500mg is a pretty hefty dose, I'm not surprised it was rough. Usually doses around 200mg are pretty strong for most people if its good stuff

 

[LucidSDreamr]

I've never seen someone overdose on psychedelics, wake up in a hospital, and immediately want more psychedelics. That's the "lies" I'm talking about.

I could introduce you to a now dead guy that was like this…he’s certainly the exception to the rule though.

I bet a very large chunk of those psychedelic “overdose victims” (and I’ve done this myself) will wake up in the hospitals and be like “that was cool until it got too strong . It I just took too much; next time I’ll get the dose right and have a great trip.” So that’s the lie. Even though they aren’t fiending to get more right away…they’ve already planted the seed and decided they will do it again before they leave the hospital.

 

[helpingout]

There are so many times I should have been hospitalized for my psychedelic usage. I just ended up going to jail. You ever been in jail on acid just struck with the amazing gratitude to a police officer who didn’t include it in his report so that your charges didn’t include that aspect. It makes the going easier but it’s not easy going when in jail on acid.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

There are so many times I should have been hospitalized for my psychedelic usage. I just ended up going to jail. You ever been in jail on acid just struck with the amazing gratitude to a police officer who didn’t include it in his report so that your charges didn’t include that aspect. It makes the going easier but it’s not easy going when in jail on acid.

I’ve never been in jail in my life but

If I had to go to jail I think I would either elect to be on weed or be totally sober. Can’t think of any drug that would make it any easier or make me less of a target to the others or the guards. Any drug that would make me run my mouth in any number of ways like acid would be a no for me in that environment.

Now if I was in prison long term I would do any drug I could get my hands on in there and thanks to our failed drug war they are all in there

 

[paltatomate]

I need me

That's the important thing!

If I had to go to jail I think I would either elect to be on weed or be totally sober. Can’t think of any drug that would make it any easier or make me less of a target to the others or the guards. Any drug that would make me run my mouth in any number of ways like acid would be a no for me in that environment.

Staying sober and especially minding your own business is the way to go. Don't know about prisons where you are from, but in my experience guards dislike trouble makers and snitches more than what they condone drug use.

 

[Chihuahua gang]

Had a fucking experience last night. Railed a bit of
MDMA. Ate two very good sized Gold Caps. Never been satisfied railing it so I took a large chunk less than 500 mg afterward. Took a shower. Go to my bed. Sitting watching a movie. Start to feeling pretty good. Enjoying it. Then the mdma hits and I’m like no I hate this fucking feeling. I hate doing fucking drugs. Why did I have to do drugs? I was having a pretty great day beforehand. Truth be told. I wanted some fucking
Opiates.
I didn’t want to pick up tho. Not trying to die. Back in the day it would be alright. Nowadays it’s just fucking fent and fentalogues or buprenorphine and an accoasional hydrocodo ne. Utterly bunk market for a user.
But a hippy flip is better than an OD. I ended up feeling pretty awful and just resolved that I wasn’t going to use drugs anymore. I’ve used them long enough to know that every drug, taken in a quantity more than a one off or a joy shot, inevitably ends up feeling bad. Amphetamine comedowns, benzo withdrawal, heroin sickness, alcohol feels bad while you drink it, psychedelics produce bad trips in those with mental illness and sometimes uncover mental illnesses you didn’t know you had, and weed the mother of all harmless drugs is just about as hard to quit as any of em except you have less of a physical compulsion to use. So that’s it.

I’m done taking drugs except for my meds and possibly opiates if I should ever have need to take them. The drug world just isn’t fun for me anymore.

I want a house. I want a garden. I want my
Girlfriend to be my wife. I want
Something more. I want something better.

I’m choosing life.

Never snort MDMA, you want it in your belly it needs to go there. That's a combo that requires a lot of respect and has to be timed correctly ime. Iv went into full blown psychosis before couldn't catch my breath was hell then iv had 1 of the best nights of my life on that combo.

I can relate about drugs it's happened to me multiple times over the years and I know others that have experienced the same thing. Your also eating mushrooms which are king at making you think "what the fuck am I doing?" "why am I doing this to myself?" "I need to stop and take better care of myself!" "I don't need any drugs to live!" realizations like that especially if your using to escape life. I love mushrooms for that reason.

That's drugs telling you to hang up the phone already you've got the picture. If you don't do something about it it will keep getting louder until you listen.

I can seriously relate. Iv quit daily cannabis use recently. It's the last thing I'm letting go of thats apart of my old way of life. I'm not going to lie I still have fun and dabble occasionally because I do enjoy a few quality drugs in moderation(benzos, MDMA, Ketamine, mushrooms, real cocaine, nitrous). You need to let go of opiates unless your getting them prescribed. Best thing you can do for yourself. Coming from someone who loved to be high on opiates 24/7. Get some Fet test strips if don't already have some.

 

[LucidSDreamr]

Never snort MDMA, you want it in your belly it needs to go there. That's a combo that requires a lot of respect and has to be timed correctly ime. Iv went into full blown psychosis before couldn't catch my breath was hell then iv had 1 of the best nights of my life on that combo.

I can relate about drugs it's happened to me multiple times over the years and I know others that have experienced the same thing. Your also eating mushrooms which are king at making you think "what the fuck am I doing?" "why am I doing this to myself?" "I need to stop and take better care of myself!" "I don't need any drugs to live!" realizations like that especially if your using to escape life. I love mushrooms for that reason.

That's drugs telling you to hang up the phone already you've got the picture. If you don't do something about it it will keep getting louder until you listen.

I can seriously relate. Iv quit daily cannabis use recently. It's the last thing I'm letting go of thats apart of my old way of life. I'm not going to lie I still have fun and dabble occasionally because I do enjoy a few quality drugs in moderation(benzos, MDMA, Ketamine, mushrooms, real cocaine, nitrous). You need to let go of opiates unless your getting them prescribed. Best thing you can do for yourself. Coming from someone who loved to be high on opiates 24/7. Get some Fet test strips if don't already have some.

MDMA only seems to work “right” snorted after you’re on an oral dose and take a bump.

Also snorted or IV it’s almost a different drugs than oral. I would think it’s not even the same drug on a blind route of administration test

 

[Chihuahua gang]

MDMA only seems to work “right” snorted after you’re on an oral dose and take a bump.

Also snorted or IV it’s almost a different drugs than oral. I would think it’s not even the same drug on a blind route of administration test

I agree. I have not experienced the IV route but I could only imagine. You know I actually haven't bumped some in a hot while like you mentioned now that I think about it. Got me thinking now.

 

[helpingout]

Yeah I bumped then oral dosed. The oral dose definitely worked though the bump did not.