nothinginside
Bluelighter
two mda trips.. a bipolar event?
In the past week I have tried MDA twice.
Green Spades
Last sunday, I bought two pills from a source that implied the words "more euphoric" than most extacy pills. From the information I gathered, the substance sounded more likely to be MDA than MDMA. I looked up the pill on pillreports and just as I suspected, the hits had definate MDA on a couple different reports.
I take them home to my appartment, and plan to "test" the potency of the tabs myself. I start by taking one half a pill
After about 15 minutes i notice the coming up. This was the first definitive alarm I had. Socialization was becoming more fluid, this was one of the first things i noticed after smoking some chron with a friend. I noticed this because normally I am quite the antisocial personality. Not in a cold and distant way, I'm just quite self-oriented and even though it's sad but true, I'm not interested in people's small talk.
At about 30 minutes in, I decided to take the other half of the pill. So i popped it and crunched it with my tmj-disorder-plauged jaws, and I feel the sensation of the powder in my mouth. I let as much as i can dissolve in my saliva, then swallow.
At the hour point. I was well and off. My pupils had reached a larger dilation, and i felt the archtype MDxx signiture. Smooth rolling silk.
I pop the second pill after contemplating the euphorium world i had already entered.. i was making a choice to plunge deeper into this world of bliss i had found.
Not too long after, people started showing up at my appartment. My roommate was aware of my experiment and seemed ok with it.. Nobody was using the substance other than myself. They all seemed curious, simply, because they had never seen me so blissful before. I wasn't exactly talking much, because i felt i might be too much for my company. I kept my eyes shut to hide the nystgmus(sp can't). This shaking was extreme. any time i would focus on something objects would start to lose their staticity, would start to wave about like flowing liquid.
-I am extremely sensitive to altered states of consciousness... I tend to be able to see subtle visual changes on any substance, and amp it.
This first experiment was awesome. I felt more social and more accepted by everyone, even non-drug users. I carried on elaborate conversation with anybody that could hang with me. My verbal capacities were flawless, annunciation and articulation of thought and speech were as intact as they would be on a good line of cocaine, but better. Creativity was of the free associative nature, yet I could lead people very well as to the direction i wanted. They understood everything i said.
The whole night, I felt resonant with beauty and serenity. Nothing was wrong with anything.
Stange occurance? Well... we were up til 530-600 am on a sunday night, people stayed at our house til 2 or 3....
the crazy part? it never happens like that.. I was happy.. and everyone was happy.
__________________________________________________
____
Three days later, my friend R and I go to pick up a quanity of the same pill. We end up driving 4 hours total that day and end up with only 17 hits. Rolexs, pink and green spades. So we drive home, take a break.. then eat the hits prior to a traditional thanksgiving party at my friend J's house.
This day. Three days later.. I was depressed. Neurochemically of course. I was aware of my state and tried to be objective throughout the day. But the pain of my jaw and lack of transmissions to filter the pain added up.
Now it was around 1130... finally everyones down at Js... night seems normal, yet people seem distant from me. I remind myself that they are distant from me only because I am distant from them. I also realise I am a little more quiet than usual, which people might take personally if they attempt conversation with me.
at around midnight the pill is dropped. R takes his, and another friend S decides to join in with us. We take a country roadie to come up a little, smoke a bowl of Michigan kind and some hash (more like keif dust, although quite a bit of it). The whole ride I just thought to myself... hoping my mental state (or lack of energy) wouldn't effect the night of my friends.
Well i get back, feeling ok, just a little goofy.. definately not feeling good though.. not as good as R and S. They were rolling. I was not.
I get inside, I can tell the drug is working on me. I can't look at anyone. My eyes are not shaking yet, I'm not peaking yet I can tell. So i sit down at the card table to drink a beer and a water and my ex sits down with me, telling me how worried about me she is... and that we need to talk. She proceeds to play a game with me, of cards.. kind of like a true or false type game.. she asks the question, and lifts a card, the card answering yes or no depending on what color shows up. Yes is Red, Black is No.
I have to get up. I just can't socialize right now. I feel totally dissatisfied with the situation but i realize this wouldn't be a problem at all if i was sober, and wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't drained from taking twice the amount three days before.
I sit back down.. and drift back into a state of nothing. The vibes are growing worse. I don't speak more than a couple words to anyone.
I go outside, feel as if i'm getting sick... I try to expell something from my pit but nothing happens.. just a lot of air. The whole time the drug was teasing me.. It would creep in, as if it were about to take over... Then the pain would come...
Anyways.. to make a long story short. I had a psychedelic experience. I was only comfortable alone this night, nobody else could give me comfort because the only concern they had for me was to tell me about their concerns for me. so I would isolate myself even more. keep in mind, none of these people understand the world of 'drugs'.. they dabble with alcohol, and maybe weed at times, but never any thing higher.
Mirror reality came into full play.... i realised that the only reason i felt this depression the way I was was because these people that I care about were voicing reason for me to. I was so open and vulnerable, empathetic with their emotions and feelings..
The night boiled to a head when my friend J told everyone to shut the fuck up do to his parents telling him to quiet everyone down... it was thanksgiving that day, after all.. one guy decided to say something back, and hence was thrown out of the house. His grouping of friends started shit with anyone who they could.. more like two of them did. A fight almost happened between J (host-lives in house) and T... (another face in the crowd) The party was exed at around 3 am.. I tried to help. Tried to get the situation resolved.. as everyone was.
then one guy.. we'll call him G.. yelled at Js mom, saying he would hit her. Telling me T would hit her if i went over to where they were barking. I didn't doubt it.. since i have an authoritarian style in these situations... I've always been a little stronger than the rest.. a little smarter.. a little wiser.. and some people can't handle people like me. so I didn't try anymore. anything i would say or anything anyone would say would seem to be wrong in some way or another..
This was a time when nothing could be right. It's amazing.. the first time i took this, everything was ok.
well... eventually things calmed down.. my mental state ravaged by the chaos. R had been a good mediator, even talked Js parents down and also his younger sister.
at this point.. I needed a purpose. Was in shock that my old social group had degraded to this point of disgusting meaninglessness. I felt responsible somewhat. Felt I might have fueled the fire maybe by just a look of extreme dissaproval or something. I have no idea.
Then G came back... said he wanted to make things right.. I let him speak knowing full well his intentions.. (to speak his own mind... thinks he has something to say)... i tried to tell him just to leave.. i told him the situation was fragile.. but he didn't listen.. he persisted.... Js dad comes outside to see what the comotion was about.. and says "he's here, he's back janet call the cops"... G proceeds to try to go inside.. saying i'll fucking hit her.. i'll fucking hit her..
or something along those lines..
so me.. on MDA.. looking schizoid and like a wearwolf with my eyes like pennies... I take him down.. This macho alpha male that was once popular and is still respected among my old townies and old friends.. I took him down..
yelling at him.. telling him how stupid he is.... this guy had a two year old baby.... i reminded him.. and called him a fucking pussy.. told him i'd give anything for his life.. and to just go home to his son.. that's his life.. not his words..
well as he went down i felt i might have hurt him.. he did hit his head as he hit the ground.. his eyes were closed.. his body was limp.. i released him.. then he tried to attack me again.. so i came back at him.. locked his arms and drove my knee into his ass and forearm into his trachea...
fixed my eyes on him.. said "oh your playin dead now huh josh, you fucking pussy! GO HOME, You're so fucking stupid for even thinking you have even a word to say here.. well.. you don't go home." so i fix my eyes on him, realising that this guy used to be my friend when i was younger, played soccer with him. went through some shit with him.. I just wanted to see if that guy was still in there..... maybe he knew what i was doing.. His last words to me were "I got you".
so we let him leave... then he talks more shit as he's walking.. so my friends Rich and Mike chase him down... and soon I hear the police come down the street ... I wish it didn't end that way.. I tried to keep him away for his own sake... I knew the situation was fucked and just escalated with no known cause... accept....
reactions..
all we are.. are reactions...
this was a bi polar experience.. how in the hell? First night on this drug, was so happy, everyone was happy and everything was crazy but an awesome crazy... everyone was having a good time..
this time? I was depressed.. and the night sucked...
coincidence?
can a single mind effect an entire group? is this possible? I was a topic of some of the fire that fueled the situation.. I am not as liked as i used to be by my group of friends that i used to associate with.. not friends.. just classmates... I'm very different from all of them... i could hear people talking about me all night as i isolated myself.. actually arguing, some taking sides with me or against me..
i know this wasn't psychotic, because i know how to distinguish between whats in my head and what isn't..
nothinginside
Bluelighter
POSTS: 415
JOINED: Sep 2002
30-11-2003 23:32 (#1440379)
not to say that i effected the night.. just that it was a strange coincidence...
however, has anyone witnessed similar effects on mda? I've heard of people almost seeing the wave of things.. before they happen.. i felt this.. I think it might've been why I was in the state of mind i was in. aside from depression from ingesting the pills three days later...
maybe this might be better in trip reports
In the past week I have tried MDA twice.
Green Spades
Last sunday, I bought two pills from a source that implied the words "more euphoric" than most extacy pills. From the information I gathered, the substance sounded more likely to be MDA than MDMA. I looked up the pill on pillreports and just as I suspected, the hits had definate MDA on a couple different reports.
I take them home to my appartment, and plan to "test" the potency of the tabs myself. I start by taking one half a pill
After about 15 minutes i notice the coming up. This was the first definitive alarm I had. Socialization was becoming more fluid, this was one of the first things i noticed after smoking some chron with a friend. I noticed this because normally I am quite the antisocial personality. Not in a cold and distant way, I'm just quite self-oriented and even though it's sad but true, I'm not interested in people's small talk.
At about 30 minutes in, I decided to take the other half of the pill. So i popped it and crunched it with my tmj-disorder-plauged jaws, and I feel the sensation of the powder in my mouth. I let as much as i can dissolve in my saliva, then swallow.
At the hour point. I was well and off. My pupils had reached a larger dilation, and i felt the archtype MDxx signiture. Smooth rolling silk.
I pop the second pill after contemplating the euphorium world i had already entered.. i was making a choice to plunge deeper into this world of bliss i had found.
Not too long after, people started showing up at my appartment. My roommate was aware of my experiment and seemed ok with it.. Nobody was using the substance other than myself. They all seemed curious, simply, because they had never seen me so blissful before. I wasn't exactly talking much, because i felt i might be too much for my company. I kept my eyes shut to hide the nystgmus(sp can't). This shaking was extreme. any time i would focus on something objects would start to lose their staticity, would start to wave about like flowing liquid.
-I am extremely sensitive to altered states of consciousness... I tend to be able to see subtle visual changes on any substance, and amp it.
This first experiment was awesome. I felt more social and more accepted by everyone, even non-drug users. I carried on elaborate conversation with anybody that could hang with me. My verbal capacities were flawless, annunciation and articulation of thought and speech were as intact as they would be on a good line of cocaine, but better. Creativity was of the free associative nature, yet I could lead people very well as to the direction i wanted. They understood everything i said.
The whole night, I felt resonant with beauty and serenity. Nothing was wrong with anything.
Stange occurance? Well... we were up til 530-600 am on a sunday night, people stayed at our house til 2 or 3....
the crazy part? it never happens like that.. I was happy.. and everyone was happy.
__________________________________________________
____
Three days later, my friend R and I go to pick up a quanity of the same pill. We end up driving 4 hours total that day and end up with only 17 hits. Rolexs, pink and green spades. So we drive home, take a break.. then eat the hits prior to a traditional thanksgiving party at my friend J's house.
This day. Three days later.. I was depressed. Neurochemically of course. I was aware of my state and tried to be objective throughout the day. But the pain of my jaw and lack of transmissions to filter the pain added up.
Now it was around 1130... finally everyones down at Js... night seems normal, yet people seem distant from me. I remind myself that they are distant from me only because I am distant from them. I also realise I am a little more quiet than usual, which people might take personally if they attempt conversation with me.
at around midnight the pill is dropped. R takes his, and another friend S decides to join in with us. We take a country roadie to come up a little, smoke a bowl of Michigan kind and some hash (more like keif dust, although quite a bit of it). The whole ride I just thought to myself... hoping my mental state (or lack of energy) wouldn't effect the night of my friends.
Well i get back, feeling ok, just a little goofy.. definately not feeling good though.. not as good as R and S. They were rolling. I was not.
I get inside, I can tell the drug is working on me. I can't look at anyone. My eyes are not shaking yet, I'm not peaking yet I can tell. So i sit down at the card table to drink a beer and a water and my ex sits down with me, telling me how worried about me she is... and that we need to talk. She proceeds to play a game with me, of cards.. kind of like a true or false type game.. she asks the question, and lifts a card, the card answering yes or no depending on what color shows up. Yes is Red, Black is No.
I have to get up. I just can't socialize right now. I feel totally dissatisfied with the situation but i realize this wouldn't be a problem at all if i was sober, and wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't drained from taking twice the amount three days before.
I sit back down.. and drift back into a state of nothing. The vibes are growing worse. I don't speak more than a couple words to anyone.
I go outside, feel as if i'm getting sick... I try to expell something from my pit but nothing happens.. just a lot of air. The whole time the drug was teasing me.. It would creep in, as if it were about to take over... Then the pain would come...
Anyways.. to make a long story short. I had a psychedelic experience. I was only comfortable alone this night, nobody else could give me comfort because the only concern they had for me was to tell me about their concerns for me. so I would isolate myself even more. keep in mind, none of these people understand the world of 'drugs'.. they dabble with alcohol, and maybe weed at times, but never any thing higher.
Mirror reality came into full play.... i realised that the only reason i felt this depression the way I was was because these people that I care about were voicing reason for me to. I was so open and vulnerable, empathetic with their emotions and feelings..
The night boiled to a head when my friend J told everyone to shut the fuck up do to his parents telling him to quiet everyone down... it was thanksgiving that day, after all.. one guy decided to say something back, and hence was thrown out of the house. His grouping of friends started shit with anyone who they could.. more like two of them did. A fight almost happened between J (host-lives in house) and T... (another face in the crowd) The party was exed at around 3 am.. I tried to help. Tried to get the situation resolved.. as everyone was.
then one guy.. we'll call him G.. yelled at Js mom, saying he would hit her. Telling me T would hit her if i went over to where they were barking. I didn't doubt it.. since i have an authoritarian style in these situations... I've always been a little stronger than the rest.. a little smarter.. a little wiser.. and some people can't handle people like me. so I didn't try anymore. anything i would say or anything anyone would say would seem to be wrong in some way or another..
This was a time when nothing could be right. It's amazing.. the first time i took this, everything was ok.
well... eventually things calmed down.. my mental state ravaged by the chaos. R had been a good mediator, even talked Js parents down and also his younger sister.
at this point.. I needed a purpose. Was in shock that my old social group had degraded to this point of disgusting meaninglessness. I felt responsible somewhat. Felt I might have fueled the fire maybe by just a look of extreme dissaproval or something. I have no idea.
Then G came back... said he wanted to make things right.. I let him speak knowing full well his intentions.. (to speak his own mind... thinks he has something to say)... i tried to tell him just to leave.. i told him the situation was fragile.. but he didn't listen.. he persisted.... Js dad comes outside to see what the comotion was about.. and says "he's here, he's back janet call the cops"... G proceeds to try to go inside.. saying i'll fucking hit her.. i'll fucking hit her..
or something along those lines..
so me.. on MDA.. looking schizoid and like a wearwolf with my eyes like pennies... I take him down.. This macho alpha male that was once popular and is still respected among my old townies and old friends.. I took him down..
yelling at him.. telling him how stupid he is.... this guy had a two year old baby.... i reminded him.. and called him a fucking pussy.. told him i'd give anything for his life.. and to just go home to his son.. that's his life.. not his words..
well as he went down i felt i might have hurt him.. he did hit his head as he hit the ground.. his eyes were closed.. his body was limp.. i released him.. then he tried to attack me again.. so i came back at him.. locked his arms and drove my knee into his ass and forearm into his trachea...
fixed my eyes on him.. said "oh your playin dead now huh josh, you fucking pussy! GO HOME, You're so fucking stupid for even thinking you have even a word to say here.. well.. you don't go home." so i fix my eyes on him, realising that this guy used to be my friend when i was younger, played soccer with him. went through some shit with him.. I just wanted to see if that guy was still in there..... maybe he knew what i was doing.. His last words to me were "I got you".
so we let him leave... then he talks more shit as he's walking.. so my friends Rich and Mike chase him down... and soon I hear the police come down the street ... I wish it didn't end that way.. I tried to keep him away for his own sake... I knew the situation was fucked and just escalated with no known cause... accept....
reactions..
all we are.. are reactions...
this was a bi polar experience.. how in the hell? First night on this drug, was so happy, everyone was happy and everything was crazy but an awesome crazy... everyone was having a good time..
this time? I was depressed.. and the night sucked...
coincidence?
can a single mind effect an entire group? is this possible? I was a topic of some of the fire that fueled the situation.. I am not as liked as i used to be by my group of friends that i used to associate with.. not friends.. just classmates... I'm very different from all of them... i could hear people talking about me all night as i isolated myself.. actually arguing, some taking sides with me or against me..
i know this wasn't psychotic, because i know how to distinguish between whats in my head and what isn't..
nothinginside
Bluelighter
POSTS: 415
JOINED: Sep 2002
30-11-2003 23:32 (#1440379)
not to say that i effected the night.. just that it was a strange coincidence...
however, has anyone witnessed similar effects on mda? I've heard of people almost seeing the wave of things.. before they happen.. i felt this.. I think it might've been why I was in the state of mind i was in. aside from depression from ingesting the pills three days later...
maybe this might be better in trip reports
