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May Recovery Thread

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Much2lose said:
Wow. Sounds like you have had quite the experience and understand what works for you. I am happy to hear you can wake up and go to bed in a half decent mood without anything more than cannabis. You should be extremely proud of what you have been through and how far you have come. Heck, I am proud of you and don’t really know you! Congratulations!!

You hit the nail on the head with my daughter. She is happiest when we are out together. Whether it’s walking the trails near our house, to last fall when I took her on a girls trip to Cuba. Sometimes it’s tough to get her out, get her to shower, make an effort. Some days I let her be. School has been impacted but we can always make that up. She did alienate everyone but me and became quite bitter with any time I spent at work or with others. We have balanced that out to some degree. I am happy to say we are in a better spot now than we have been for months. She is on Sertraline. Just increased the dose a few weeks ago due to self harming and nasty thoughts coming back into the picture. She is in therapy and we are on the 10 month wait list for a child specialist. Even with money, I can’t get the specialized help we think she needs until this specialist has an opening. I won’t go into it in too much more detail, but we take it day by day. She has a great support system and is reminded many times daily how much she is loved. My one and only child so the sun rises and falls with her. Lol.
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Thanks Much2lose!

I know for some people it's opiates and they can use it responsibly but that's the 1%. Most people don't like opiates or can "enjoy it" but don't get hooked but also aren't the depressed type; then there's the rest of us who like it WAY too much. If you ignore the "enjoy it but don't seek it out/aren't depressed" type (majority), then we're the 99% (addicts). I can't in good faith recommend opiates for people for depression but there are people who preach "endorphin depression hypothesis". This is why I recommend physical exercise, activities, exploring the earth. It's really quite good for the human body and mind, even if you're not running (you don't need to run to get endorphins going from exercise/activity).

For other people traditional medication (antidepressants) can work BUT I think SSRI's tend to be way better for OCD, and don't really work for depression in general. Studies are lacking in efficacy here.

I would go down the list. Alprazolam works for depression/anxiety in some people; but again BZD's aren't something you want to employ with anxiety only to find out they like it "Too much", and it's not totally necessary for every patient.

Cannabis helps a lot of people and is very benign.

Some people recommend dissociatives I WOULD NOT USE THESE, but I don't want to get into the debate.

There's futuristic drugs that they're going to create like nAChRa7 partial agonists for ADHD, etc. Wait for the future to come. Some of these things may help as well.
 
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I think with the apathy and despondency part of depression a lot of people will self-medicate with stimulants and this is bad, because then when you come off it (FOR MOST PEOPLE, not so much myself) you get worse, so the best thing you can do is to naturally get adrenaline going with exciting life adventures.

Try something new every day, something non-drug related. There's a lot of affordable fun out there in the real world (general message to all).

Zoloft is *WARNING* VERY PHYSICALLY ADDICTIVE. I found it to be more physically addictive than heroin/buprenorphine. The brain zaps are REAL. That is a real symptom I had when I came off it as per the doctor's advice. Terrible advice. So if/when she ever wants to QUIT zoloft / sertraline PLEASE BE ADVISED you need to taper VERY SLOWLY and PROBABLY switch to Prozac (longer half life) toward the end, and DO NOT ABRUPTLY STOP.

When I was using Zoloft if I missed my dose by 5-7 hours I began feeling awful/the withdrawal. It is a withdrawal, and SSRI's have some downstream activation of certain receptors that make it addictive; I don't want to say "which ones" and be wrong but I know this to be a fact. It's psychologically and physically addictive. The reason why I did not stay on Zoloft long-term is that it made me very asocial, socially avoidant, and I was already like that all the time as-is.

Doctors don't want to tell patients SSRI's are addictive/dependency-forming. They want the script kickbacks.
 
luckily for me given i've just gone back on it, zoloft withdrawal wasn't too bad for me.

venlafaxine withdrawal and an incompetent dr telling me to go from the highest dose you can have as an outpatient to alternating between that and nothing when i wanted to came off it put me off antidepressants for a decade. i couldn't do anything cos i was just crying uncontrollably all the time, actually pretty similar to how i was before i went on sertraline now i think about it.

really hope everyone is doing well. after my blip in april i've managed to be clean so far for may.
 
Thank you for the warning regarding Zoloft CH. It didn’t even cross my mind about her possibly having withdrawals if stopping it. I will keep that top of mind and watch for even more anti social behaviour then she already displays. Ugh. Not what you want for your child, nor anyone else! She has missed a day taking her meds (75mg) but only when sick. This was prescribed by our family doctor while we wait for the child psychiatrist. Unbelievable how hard it is to find someone to see her as she is under 16 and suffering anxiety/depression. We live in a mid sized town and I went as far as an hour drive in every direction with no luck
I have my own struggles with opioids. I should have known this.....appreciate all your knowledge!
 
Chin-up- the crying uncontrollably was a bit past of why my daughter went on the meds. Added with self harm and suicidal thoughts.
Congrats on being clean for May! Great stuff.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Thanks Much2lose!

I know for some people it's opiates and they can use it responsibly but that's the 1%. Most people don't like opiates or can "enjoy it" but don't get hooked but also aren't the depressed type; then there's the rest of us who like it WAY too much. If you ignore the "enjoy it but don't seek it out/aren't depressed" type (majority), then we're the 99% (addicts). I can't in good faith recommend opiates for people for depression but there are people who preach "endorphin depression hypothesis". This is why I recommend physical exercise, activities, exploring the earth. It's really quite good for the human body and mind, even if you're not running (you don't need to run to get endorphins going from exercise/activity).

For other people traditional medication (antidepressants) can work BUT I think SSRI's tend to be way better for OCD, and don't really work for depression in general. Studies are lacking in efficacy here.

I would go down the list. Alprazolam works for depression/anxiety in some people; but again BZD's aren't something you want to employ with anxiety only to find out they like it "Too much", and it's not totally necessary for every patient.

Cannabis helps a lot of people and is very benign.

Some people recommend dissociatives I WOULD NOT USE THESE, but I don't want to get into the debate.

There's futuristic drugs that they're going to create like nAChRa7 partial agonists for ADHD, etc. Wait for the future to come. Some of these things may help as well.
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Why wouldn't you recommend the medicinal ketamine treatments? I have never taken a dissociative so I have no strong opinion on it, but from what I've read the trials for treatment-resistant depression seem to be having a lot of success.

The endorphin-depression hypothesis is interesting but I tend to be sceptical of any depression theory that hinges on depressed people being deficient in any one particular neurotransmitter. I imagine the truth is probably a lot more complex than that, and I suspect that we will discover that what we refer to as depression refers to a collection of distinct illnesses with different biological signatures and different effective treatments. This would explain why typical and atypical depression refers to mood disorders that are practically opposites except for the fact that both cause a lot of distress and unhappiness - in one the patient is agitated and can't sleep, in the other they oversleep and can't get out of bed, in one they lose their appetite and can be prone to anger, in the other they overeat and are totally apathetic and can't be roused to anger.
 
Dissociatives like ketamine tend to be addictive, which is rare for psychedelics in general (i.e. LSD, mushrooms have low abuse/addiction rates). I only get the acute effects as relief from MDMA. Ketamine may alleviate symptoms and have a short afterglow, but it's gone by the next day. I think that's rather lacking for a depression treatment. It would be like being in remission from cancer for just 1 day, and then you back on chemo. That would not be considered a generous remission.

Depression likely has a lot less to do with "only" neurotransmitter imbalances but also where D1,2 type receptors are located, brain structures etc. The fact that people respond so uniquely/differently/stereotypically within the "response type" to drugs would suggest this parallel.

I've been crying a bit today but I'm also trying to feel good. The days are getting rough. It's hard to think about the good times. It's hard to move forward sometimes. I woke up decently but I need to get a lot of things done and it is stressing me out really badly.
 
Just fell off the Oxy wagon. I never believed in the “cultish” environment of NA and the repetition of mantra/dogma , follow this be all and end all of formulas. Back in the work force working nights 3 times a week while they know I am looking for a day job at the same time and they’re cool with it. Also trying to get some freelance contracts which fell through; oh well. Dosage of Oxycontin branded IR 10mg either 10-20 mg/ day insufflated going on. 2 or maybe 3 days now. Justification for usage: I can get more done in my day. I don’t know if I’ll ever get off this expensive shit called Oxycontin!
 
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Got a kitten today, she was scared when she first got here. Still a nervous wreck but she's all ready getting better. Just trying to keep her mind busy with cat toys which seems to be working. She's very happy playing then she gets worn out then needs a nap.

First pet we've had in a while. Great day.
 
Awww pets are so therapeutic. Our kitty, who was a stray up until last year, loves to cuddle our hamster. This is the same cat that brings birds to our back door as gifts to us....thankfully all birds have survived to date.
 
I almost got kicked out of sober living. They let me stay though. i made a rookie mistake while substituting my piss. Didn't get the temp right. I got to do like iop and shit now which blows. But it could be worse
 
Much2lose said:
Awww pets are so therapeutic. Our kitty, who was a stray up until last year, loves to cuddle our hamster. This is the same cat that brings birds to our back door as gifts to us....thankfully all birds have survived to date.
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Probably thinks the birds are his friends and the Mr ham ham is his cuddle buddy.

Kitty slept in my lap for a few hours. Seems to be getting more used to us
 
Right there with you Captain... My life is an absolute shit show. Recently picked up a charge and I'm on probie in another county. I will probably be losing my license here soon but I am calm, resolute and experiencing a remarkable amount of clarity as I clean up this time. This relapse has not been a pretty one. I could be dead though. I will probably be forced into rehab or worse....drug court but it could be worse.
 
somnilicious said:
Right there with you Captain... My life is an absolute shit show. Recently picked up a charge and I'm on probie in another county. I will probably be losing my license here soon but I am calm, resolute and experiencing a remarkable amount of clarity as I clean up this time. This relapse has not been a pretty one. I could be dead though. I will probably be forced into rehab or worse....drug court but it could be worse.
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Best of luck man. We all slip up. It's about picking yourself up before you let it go on too long, etc. Clarity and calmness have a remarkable way of making things work out better.

I'm trying to remain calm. I got the important things done. I'm waiting to see how everything goes. I'm quite nervous, about *everything all the time* and feel like I always will be. I think I am going to rest some more.

The "absolute shit show" aspect is amazing and overwhelming. Humbling but at the same time stupefying.
 
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