Marriage is forever??

[villz]

I think some of you are very naiive.

i think some of you are very cynical

i don't think think marriage is the magical wonderful thing portrayed in popular culture, nor do i think love lasts forever. faith, determination and love do not solve everything. i do believe however, that marriage is a bond between 2 people that exists beyond hormones and sex. its something that doesn't exist in the stereotypical understanding. i view my future married life (if at all) as one of emotional comfort and deep understanding, not as a crazy whirlwind of romance. it's not until our relationships reach this point, where the hormones are gone, and all that is left are our real personalities, that we truly begin to find out if the person that we are with is right for us. in my experience, it normally takes about 6-12 months for that to happen, but it is unique for every person, and for every relationship.
some friends of mine went out for 4 years, lived together for 2 and then decided that they are not right for each other. so while i believe it IS possible for people to date for 2 weeks and then know that they are meant to be together, i think its VERY rare, and happens far too often these days. the brain is a rediculously powerful device, strong enough to construct our entire reality, and we should learn to be far more critical of those little neurotransmitters running around inside of it.

"love" does not last forever. love does.

(i hope all of that made sense somewhat...)

[edit]
werd plazma \/ \/ \/

 

[plazma]

Marriage = Bullshit.

Monogamy is fine. But these days, when De Facto couples have virtually all the rights etc of Married couples, unless you're some kind of religious freak, who's in LOVE with the idea of an expensive divorce, I'd say don't bother.

If you need a piece of paper committing you to live with each other forever (but not really forever because of divorce) to say that you love one another on a higher level, then I am not sure exactly of what to say. I think it could just be the human being's societally conditioned love of ceremony and legality. But essentially. Marriage is an anachronism, sure be monogamous while you have and raise kids, or whatever works for you, so that there is a healthy, stable (NOT NECESSARILY NUCLEAR) family. But you don't need marriage, its just that the Roman Catholic Church, and every other bastard (except for the buddhists, it would seem) want you to. If you're an Atheist, don't bother getting married.

Illegitimate and PROUD!

*NB: Note that my parents ARE currently married. They got married a couple of days after my first birthday.

-plaz out-

 

[Negro-kitty]

^^^
Marriage is definitely NOT for everyone, and living together long-term without being married is an excellent idea for many people. My mother and her partner have been together for 18 years...they do not believe in marriage and it has worked great for them.

I am just VERY traditional when it comes to these types of things....

 

[star_beats]

I think that most people views of marriage is what they learn from their parents (please note the most !)

I have faith in true love, and that if worked on hard enough marriage can withstand most obstacles. I know I think this way because of what I have seen my parents go through. More than 10 years ago my dad was diagnosed with parkinsons disease, which means that over time he will need full time care. In the short term, it has meant that my mum has had to learn to adjust living with someone who cannot make decisions for themself anymore, and more than often is very recluse. My dad is the same person she married, but in some ways he isn't anymore. Even though she never complains, or says anything about it, I know that his illness must put a certain strain on their relationship.

My parents are still in love despite all of this, and are still married after 24 years. This is why I believe in marriage.

 

[El Scorcho]

Can I just say that too many people are taking marriage lightly these days. It absolutely disgusts me, too. I must say that I disagree with you, Cosmic Mist. In my opinion, marriage totally is a symbol of life-time committment, and always will be a symbol of life-time committment. But so many people just don't take it seriously enough these days. I mean, how often do you see a young couple dive head first into a relationship, blinded by lust, mistaking it for love, then getting married, only later to have the blindfold of lust taken off their eyes to reveal the ugly truth. It really is sad and, like I said, I am absolutely disgusted by it.

Yeah - I reckon everyone has the potential to find "the one". However, as unfortunate as it may be, and although "the one" is always going to be out there somewhere, not everyone does end up finding them. All too often, people end up giving up, and then they just hang on to what they've got, even if it is wrong. Perhaps it's the fear of being lonely. Perhaps they just don't know any better - never experienced a REAL relationship, and therefore have nothing to compare their current relationship with. Who knows? But, in my opinion, I don't reckon anyone should enter into marriage until they are absolutely certain, without a hint of doubt, that they have found "the one".

And before anyone brings up the arguement, or an example of people they know who only new one another for a month before they got married, but it worked, and they have been together for 30 years and stuff, I will just add that I reckon these cases are few and far between. Sure, those sort of marriages can, and sometimes do work out - but it's be a rare case.

So - to summarise - I certainly am a believer in marriage being forever.

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

It's very honourable to have that belief, El Scorcho, and I agree with you that marriage should NEVER be taken lightly.

However it is a reality that people change throughout their life journey. Who you were at 16 is not who you are in your mid-twenties. Similarly, who you are now will be completely different from who you are in your forties. Sometimes, even in the best-intentioned cases, when people have fallen in love, taken it slowly, lived together, dated for 4 or more years and then - finally - taken the step, it can STILL go awry to an irreparable level some years down the track.

Your partner may have an affair.... or several. You might. You might give birth to a child with developmental problems, or have financial stresses which bring out sides to you or your partner which you could never have concieved of. Life is just like that. Some of those long marriages you know of probably stayed together through love and commitment, but I'll vouch a lot of them have stayed for convenience or a misguided sense of responsibility, while deep down remaining miserable.

I for one, wish my mother had divorced my stepfather WAY before I was 17. The both of them bickering and arguing made my life hell. To see my mother now, glowing, riding her bike, gardening, enjoying herself... and compare her to the broken woman sobbing in the bathroom because her husband didn't want her "unplanned child" is something I've experienced - and unless you've been in that situation you will probably never understand. I'm 100% certain she went into that marriage thinking he was "the one". Unfortunately, her prince turned into a toad.

I firmly believe that if you are completely unhappy and have exhausted every possible avenue , divorce is a valid option. It does not mean you do not value the insitute of marriage - it means you are being realistic.

 

[dimmo]

Just a quick addition to notes already made, in my opinion people shouldn't be getting married at 16 years old. Or 18. Or 20. Try 24-25, with a two year engagement.

Why rush?

 

[Samadhi]

Why not.......

Being married is great. Wouldnt have it any other way!!:D
Where are all the other married people on this board??
How many of the people who have replied in this thread are actually in a relationship??

 

[Strawberry_lovemuffin]

^^^ I am ( nearly 3 years).

And I completely agree with this:

Just a quick addition to notes already made, in my opinion people shouldn't be getting married at 16 years old. Or 18. Or 20. Try 24-25, with a two year engagement.

Why rush?

In fact I'd go as far as to say wait 4 years and leave it until your early 30's.

 

[dimmo]

^^^
1.5 years here

 

[Samadhi]

I have been married for 4 years now, and we have been together for 8. When we talked about marriage, there was no way I considered it as being possibly a temporary situation. The longer we have been together, *nausea warning* the more we love each other. Sometimes people ask me how I knew my husband was the right person and I usually say "I feel compelled to tell my husband how much I love him at least 5 times a day (minimum), and he does the same". And that surprises them, because they don't do the same with their partner. Sometimes I just sit there smiling wistfully at my husband...I also can't imagine life without him, because he his part of who I am now. I would suggest that if you don't recognise some of these, maybe marriage isn't quite right for you?

Many people get married without thinking of the consequences. While I agree that people can change, and therefore may fall out of love, making divorce appropriate, I also think many divorces are due to people getting married who didn't really love each other in the first place. Or that they didn't realise that marriage can be hard work sometimes, and they throw in the towel when problems occur. You have to be prepared to compromise regularly.

I completely agree with pig tails too...:D making your own family unit rocks

I couldn't have said it better myself babydoc_vic! Having been with my husband as a couple for almost 5 years and having been married for 5 months on Aug 9th, I feel exactly the same way as you do. After all this time, one look from him can make me melt, and i belive he feels the same. Of course we've had our share of hardships (we both agree that with what we've been through in our relationship, it feels like we've been together for 5 lifetimes!) but you have to want to make it work...weather the hard times and cherish the good times. Marriage isn't something to be entered into lightly, and i firmly believe that alot of marriages end in divorce for this reason. For us, making our relationship official has only made our bond stronger, and i'm completely getting off calling S my husband, and for us, it's really given us a sense of family. We seriously can't wait to add to that family either!

Regarding marriage lasting forever, as psychokitten said, people fall out of love, people are betrayed, and you need to have enough self-respect and dignity to remove yourself from a toxic situation, but if you really work on the relationship from the get-go, the aforementioned issues shouldn't arise.

[edit]hehe...i didn't realise my husband had replied already! Goes to show you should always read a thread in its entirety!

 

[BGMarc]

A couple of thoughts:

• People live a lot longer than they used to. For life meant 10-20 years with many more of them given over to child rearing. People live long enough these days to have several of those relationships.
• Marriage means promising that you'll stick in and try and fix things for as long as there's a solution that you can try. It means trying it if you possibly can. It means not seeing other people while things are difficult with your spouse (if your marriage is open).
• Hanging on to the bitter end, just makes everyone bitter. You loved this person, maybe you still do. Try and shift it back to best friends as soon as you can see that nothing is going to save it as a relationship.

Sorry if these points have all been made. I haven't time just now to read all your posts (although I will return to do so) and wanted to share these thoughts with you.

Great topic Cosmic Mist.

Dream beautiful dreams

 

[Negro-kitty]

The problem with getting married early in your thirties, is that puts women past peak childbearing years.

 

[Cosmic Mist]

now here i disagree with you completely negro-kitty. My father has recently just married his second wife (with whom he has been for almost 5 years now) and at the age of 38 she gave birth to my beautiful half brother. The were no complication with the birth, and nothing abnormal about the pregnancy at all. I believe that people shoudn't be haing children at such a young age, as seems to be a comon trend these days. My parent had me when they were each 23, and i believe that this is probably one of the biggest mistakes they could have made. I acknowledge the fact that had they not than i wouldn't be here, but even at that, is my life worth the 20 odd years of suffering they put themselves through as a result.

I am not anti marriage by any means, please don't inferr that from any thing i have written, but i do believe that marriage is something that needs to not be rushed. If you truely love someone, then you shouldn't need a pice of paper or a fancy ceremony to prove it. i wached my aunt and uncle live together for 14 years of unmarried bliss, and then 2 years after they were married they were divorced. It could just be everything that i have witnessed in my time, but i think that a long relationship and a long engagement is healthy. That way you can be more assured of the commitment of either party. I feel that the RIGHT person would wait for me no matter what the circumstance.

That is just what i think however. I personally don't want to be married until i decide to have children...

and SLM, i concur completely. Since my parents' divorce i have never seen my father so happy. Sometimes things just aren't meant to be.

 

[doofqueen]

I'm scared of marrige because i see my parents who have been married 26 years and they hate each others guts and talk to each other like complete garbage (this has been happedning for thr last 10 years) and they are both too scared to get a divorce because they are scared to be alone or coping without the other one for day to day stuff

and they both bitch and moan to me about what the other is doing and i'm sick of it...i don't even like visiting them anymore

I don't want to hear my parents tell me how much the other is a fuckwit...i'm their daughter...it's for them to sort out

sure i would like to help and i have tried but ultimately it's up to them to do something about it *sigh*

I'd be happy if they got a divorce and moved on

 

[auntiedote]

It could just be everything that i have witnessed in my time, but i think that a long relationship and a long engagement is healthy. That way you can be more assured of the commitment of either party. I feel that the RIGHT person would wait for me no matter what the circumstance.

But what purpose does an engagement serve anymore? I can't really understand why people still do it. Our parents and their parents did it as a pre-marriage committment and trial period before they began the living together part of the relationship known as marriage.

Thesedays that all comes under the banner of 'having a relationship' and you are already in the trial period....so why have another trial period called an engagement...it doesnt make sense to me. It don't know what you all think but to me it just seems like an opportunity for the woman in the relationship to get another ring brought for her.

 

[Negro-kitty]

Cosmic mist, what I am stating is merely a biological fact. Peak childbearing age BIOLOGICALLY SPEAKING, is about 19 for women. It starts going downhill after that.

My mom had my half brother at age 43 and he is just fine. But especially after the age of 35, the risk of birth defects and complications is SIGNIFICANTLY increased.

 

[Miss Peks]

^Sad but very true.

I know a few people who have had babies past the age of 30 (between 32-38), and have had rather serious problems with the baby, most of those babies have Down Syndrome. Of course there are people that have children at that age that are fine, but the risk of having a deformed baby is much higher.

I'll get back to the marriage thing another time.

 

[wazza]

^^ that explains a lot. My mother had me at age 38.

Wazza caught the short bus!



And to my feelings of marriage. I really don't believe in the institution of marriage. Basically it can add an undue stress on some people and cause them to badly react to their partner during certain situations and forcing them to leave. But then again, marriage in between 2 people who believe it is a beautiful thing if it's sustained for a lifetime. I have never prepared myself for a life long commitement to any one partner even though I have those life longs feeling for my current partner (3 year anniversery very shortly) but I still feel some times of being 'tied in' for no reason. I guess this is one big flaw in my personality but I deal with it the best I can.

 

[Oceanboy]

Divine Perspective to assist in Salvation via Marriage and true Families.

In the efforts of improving marriages and the human family unit upon this planet, I forward you this data.

Please gently make of this what you will.

1 perspective of very many,

Believe it or not; it's up to you;...I would much rather that you stay happy than get upset,so if you find something that perhaps you don't at that time of reading,agree with, please just peacefully agree to disagree therewith, so that you may stay happy.(i.e. Please don't shoot the messenger!)

You are,as you know, free to think freely.

As this being of Very Sacred documents and Scripture, I do ask you please to treat it with the utmost repect as it is Pure Material.
Sometimes things just need to be told.
A quote from someone who was actually taken up to Celestial Realms By Archangel Metatron and Enoch.(From one of the highest reagrded scriptures on the planet today,an independent source.

4.Enoch showed showed me a family eating manna, the food of Light,glowing within the home.

5.He showed me the family gathered in prayer and praise, in marriage.


6.He showed me all of the basic stages to emphasize that this was the central unit that God(ess) the Father/Mother has chosen and when earth universes violate the model of the Father, The Mother, the Son, the Daughter -- the balances of The Ten Commandments, they cannot sit down at the table of Light but must devour themselves.

7.He pointed out to me many scriptures, one being the Sacred scripyures of the Church of Moroni, or Mormon.

8.He explained that the true scriptures of the Church of Moroni contain the keys for preparing the family structure to serve the Office of Light and to enter the celestial family of God(dess).

9.He also explained that the Church of the Latter Day Saints was the living tribe of Joseph and that just as Joseph had gathered his brothers in Egypt, The Tribe Of Joseph Smith will gather even the scattered of the Christ/Buddha /Krsna Race to be fed and clothed and prepared for the Melchizedeck reign of Light upon the planet.

And so we have

The Family: A Proclamation to the World

The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (link)

We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal destiny of His children.

All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose.

In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters knew and worshiped God as their Eternal Father and accepted His plan by which His children could obtain a physical body and gain earthly experience to progress toward perfection and ultimately realize his or her divine destiny as an heir of eternal life. The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally.

The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. We declare that God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. We further declare that God has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.

We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life and of its importance in God's eternal plan.

Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. "Children are an heritage of the Lord" (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives—mothers and fathers—will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations.

The family is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan. Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity. Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners. Disability, death, or other circumstances may necessitate individual adaptation. Extended families should lend support when needed.

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.

This proclamation was read by President Gordon B. Hinckley as part of his message at the General Relief Society Meeting held September 23, 1995, in Salt Lake City, Utah.


Happy Families However you go;

PLUR & Freedom.

O