needshelpnow
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 8, 2009
- Messages
- 55
Hello Bluelight Members,
I've been an avid reader on this board for the past couple months or so, and I wanted to come here for some non-biased information as it relates to these particular drugs and the human brain as well as SWIM's own current situation.
Anyways, let me describe to you SWIM's current predicament and past history. I realize some of this will require a bit more than just a simple down to earth response, one that people may advise SWIM to see a psychiatrist/psychologist.. Well SWIM has, and unfortunately they are very bad at getting to the core problem & suspected particular brain deficiencies.. In SWIM's experience they just want to throw SSRI's etc. at the problem which normally effects a single neuro-transmitter and can take mass amounts of time with little success..
---
Over the past 2 years SWIM had been self medicating with the following regiment:
Marijuana (1 gram per day, split between 3 small vaporizer bowls taken at morning, mid-day, and night)
Poppy Pod Tea: 1 TBSP batch of Dried Powder per day, which would yield 3 cups then split between 1 cup at morning, lunchtime, and dinner) This is an extremely small amount, i know!
This leveled SWIM out VERY well, with some minor issues during use of 'up & down bipolarity' as SWIM would describe it... But now SWIM has been clean for roughly 50 days, and boy oh boy, are his mental problems exasperated x1000.. Admittedly, the first couple weeks were a lot worse, but now in SWIM's state of 'normality', he doesn't like what he's seeing/feeling in himself. SWIM realizes this dosage/drug regiment of marijuana/poppy tea were VERY low in comparison to most, so SWIM thinks he is well past the PAWS and now has several mental problems of some severity to face..
All of SWIM's life, he has used drugs as motivation. Something as simple as a single hit of Marijuana or a single beer before working, doing athletic activity, etc would always give him the extra kick of motivation he needed instead of often times feeling 'braindead' and demotivated. SWIM has always had the ability to visualize what he wanted to do, but not having the drive to do it. The pod tea/marijuana regiment leveled this out significantly and turned SWIM into a happy, high functioning person with a very high level of 'though clarity' and the new-found ability to enjoy 'the little things in life'.
Swim has always had a very hyper-active brain, which he had always had trouble with sleeping until going onto the pod tea regiment.. During the time of pod tea, SWIM was able to achieve 8 hours of deep sleep per night, wake up feeling completely refreshed, and go about the day.
SWIM has also been experiencing extreme compulsiveness & motivation/scattered/indecisiveness/ & brain fog issues since abstaining from these substances.. Along with what the doctors believe is excessive compulsive skin/acne picking and cognitive/memory problems along with for some reason an impulse to masturbate rather frequently. (please don't laugh!
)... Not to mention SWIM hasn't really "slept" in the 50 days since quitting.
During the 2 year regiment on these substances life only got better for SWIM career wise..
To give a small family background, SWIM's fathers side of the family drink a lot of coffee and suffer from alcoholism & sleeping issues. SWIM's father also dabbled in cocaine, & use of pro-hormones for weightlifting throughout his life. They seem to have memory problems and 'trouble seeing things through' as well..
Nowadays SWIM doesn't really have the drive to do much of anything, other than get back on the regiment of these substances to return to regularity so his positive functioning/non-depressed mindset and daily work can resume themselves. Nowadays when SWIM lies down in bed to go to sleep, SWIM will try to concentrate on one thing like white noise for instance, but within 30 seconds his mind will be bouncing around to 20 different things.. It's becoming a big issue as like I said, SWIM hasn't had good sleep for more than just a couple hours in about 50 days.. And when SWIM does 'sleep', it seems to be a half asleep half awake dream like state until SWIM wakes up at early hours of the morning and then lies there with racing thoughts..
I think the bulk load of SWIM's issues might be mostly related to a dopamine disorder along with potentially several other things. Do any of you have some insight to these problems? Substances like Adderall or coffee seem to help a small amount, but not without making SWIM an even more emotionless person.. SWIM has also read about 'racing brain syndrome' and an inability to sleep because of it which can be directly related to an improperly working dopamine system..
SWIM has been taking 5 fish oil pills a day, eating as healthy as humanly possible, exercising, taking multi-vitamins, B-Complex, Vitamin E, etc, and still feels fairly bad.. SWIM intends to give it about another 20-30 days or so before hopping back onto his self-remedy cocktail which seemed to produce little side effects throughout use, only when going off!
Anyone have any idea's and/or recommendations on ways to help with these issues? I apologize in advance as this may seem a bit vague in comparison to what I was going for.. However, SWIM needs any help he can get.. SWIM can't help but feel like he was a much smarter, higher-functioning, & articulate person on these substances..
I've been an avid reader on this board for the past couple months or so, and I wanted to come here for some non-biased information as it relates to these particular drugs and the human brain as well as SWIM's own current situation.
Anyways, let me describe to you SWIM's current predicament and past history. I realize some of this will require a bit more than just a simple down to earth response, one that people may advise SWIM to see a psychiatrist/psychologist.. Well SWIM has, and unfortunately they are very bad at getting to the core problem & suspected particular brain deficiencies.. In SWIM's experience they just want to throw SSRI's etc. at the problem which normally effects a single neuro-transmitter and can take mass amounts of time with little success..
---
Over the past 2 years SWIM had been self medicating with the following regiment:
Marijuana (1 gram per day, split between 3 small vaporizer bowls taken at morning, mid-day, and night)
Poppy Pod Tea: 1 TBSP batch of Dried Powder per day, which would yield 3 cups then split between 1 cup at morning, lunchtime, and dinner) This is an extremely small amount, i know!
This leveled SWIM out VERY well, with some minor issues during use of 'up & down bipolarity' as SWIM would describe it... But now SWIM has been clean for roughly 50 days, and boy oh boy, are his mental problems exasperated x1000.. Admittedly, the first couple weeks were a lot worse, but now in SWIM's state of 'normality', he doesn't like what he's seeing/feeling in himself. SWIM realizes this dosage/drug regiment of marijuana/poppy tea were VERY low in comparison to most, so SWIM thinks he is well past the PAWS and now has several mental problems of some severity to face..
All of SWIM's life, he has used drugs as motivation. Something as simple as a single hit of Marijuana or a single beer before working, doing athletic activity, etc would always give him the extra kick of motivation he needed instead of often times feeling 'braindead' and demotivated. SWIM has always had the ability to visualize what he wanted to do, but not having the drive to do it. The pod tea/marijuana regiment leveled this out significantly and turned SWIM into a happy, high functioning person with a very high level of 'though clarity' and the new-found ability to enjoy 'the little things in life'.
Swim has always had a very hyper-active brain, which he had always had trouble with sleeping until going onto the pod tea regiment.. During the time of pod tea, SWIM was able to achieve 8 hours of deep sleep per night, wake up feeling completely refreshed, and go about the day.
SWIM has also been experiencing extreme compulsiveness & motivation/scattered/indecisiveness/ & brain fog issues since abstaining from these substances.. Along with what the doctors believe is excessive compulsive skin/acne picking and cognitive/memory problems along with for some reason an impulse to masturbate rather frequently. (please don't laugh!
During the 2 year regiment on these substances life only got better for SWIM career wise..
To give a small family background, SWIM's fathers side of the family drink a lot of coffee and suffer from alcoholism & sleeping issues. SWIM's father also dabbled in cocaine, & use of pro-hormones for weightlifting throughout his life. They seem to have memory problems and 'trouble seeing things through' as well..
Nowadays SWIM doesn't really have the drive to do much of anything, other than get back on the regiment of these substances to return to regularity so his positive functioning/non-depressed mindset and daily work can resume themselves. Nowadays when SWIM lies down in bed to go to sleep, SWIM will try to concentrate on one thing like white noise for instance, but within 30 seconds his mind will be bouncing around to 20 different things.. It's becoming a big issue as like I said, SWIM hasn't had good sleep for more than just a couple hours in about 50 days.. And when SWIM does 'sleep', it seems to be a half asleep half awake dream like state until SWIM wakes up at early hours of the morning and then lies there with racing thoughts..
I think the bulk load of SWIM's issues might be mostly related to a dopamine disorder along with potentially several other things. Do any of you have some insight to these problems? Substances like Adderall or coffee seem to help a small amount, but not without making SWIM an even more emotionless person.. SWIM has also read about 'racing brain syndrome' and an inability to sleep because of it which can be directly related to an improperly working dopamine system..
SWIM has been taking 5 fish oil pills a day, eating as healthy as humanly possible, exercising, taking multi-vitamins, B-Complex, Vitamin E, etc, and still feels fairly bad.. SWIM intends to give it about another 20-30 days or so before hopping back onto his self-remedy cocktail which seemed to produce little side effects throughout use, only when going off!
Anyone have any idea's and/or recommendations on ways to help with these issues? I apologize in advance as this may seem a bit vague in comparison to what I was going for.. However, SWIM needs any help he can get.. SWIM can't help but feel like he was a much smarter, higher-functioning, & articulate person on these substances..
