Did not have work today. Just woke up. Feeling rather shitty. Thought the feelings were from reduced Suboxone dose. Already hours without dose by accident. No withdrawal symptoms. Talked to girlfriend briefly this morning, feeling just as bad as me. Sometimes question if I myself suffer from chronic PMS. Ha. That was joke. Laugh.
Having cigarette and then going to doctors appointment. Sick and tired of people telling me to go to NA meetings. Bane to my existence. Take away from time I wish to spend with others and myself.
Just got back from the doctors. Had some acupuncture done. Feel alright now, not great, but not bad either. Not as tired, but still feeling stressed and melancholy, although not as severe. Put about ten needles into me. One on each foot. One on each hand. And three in each ear. Doctor was decent. Talked about the acupuncture in medical terms and then dropped comment about ki to see how I would react. Him and I started talking about meditation, The Fourteen Meridians, Buddhism.
Called girlfriend. She is feeling better. Going down to see her when she gets off work. Try to cheer her up. Makes me happy when she is happy.
Went to her job and managed to cheer her up. Don't know how I do it sometimes considering attitude towards life and the way I feel. Seeing her smile made me smile. Just texted me thanking me up and down for visiting and professing love. Nice how we bring each others mood up when down.
No work tomorrow thank Elysium. Very tired. Been pushing body to breaking point lately with workout regime and steroid cycle. Trying to undue physical damage done by irresponsible heroin use. Great success thus far.
Suboxone dose cut again. Does not matter. At this point not needed.
Saved up and put away enough money to have writing published. Instructions put away as well. Written journal, this journal, Myspace journal, and certain Bluelight posts of other persona to be published if anything ever happens to me. Want world to know story. Perhaps others can learn from mistakes, find hope, or improve life based on experiences of mine and code and morals I live by.
Tomorrow is April Fool's Day. Excited. Enjoy holiday. One day a year my strange behavior and humor considered normal and acceptable by society.
Having cigarette and then going to doctors appointment. Sick and tired of people telling me to go to NA meetings. Bane to my existence. Take away from time I wish to spend with others and myself.
Just got back from the doctors. Had some acupuncture done. Feel alright now, not great, but not bad either. Not as tired, but still feeling stressed and melancholy, although not as severe. Put about ten needles into me. One on each foot. One on each hand. And three in each ear. Doctor was decent. Talked about the acupuncture in medical terms and then dropped comment about ki to see how I would react. Him and I started talking about meditation, The Fourteen Meridians, Buddhism.
Called girlfriend. She is feeling better. Going down to see her when she gets off work. Try to cheer her up. Makes me happy when she is happy.
Went to her job and managed to cheer her up. Don't know how I do it sometimes considering attitude towards life and the way I feel. Seeing her smile made me smile. Just texted me thanking me up and down for visiting and professing love. Nice how we bring each others mood up when down.
No work tomorrow thank Elysium. Very tired. Been pushing body to breaking point lately with workout regime and steroid cycle. Trying to undue physical damage done by irresponsible heroin use. Great success thus far.
Suboxone dose cut again. Does not matter. At this point not needed.
Saved up and put away enough money to have writing published. Instructions put away as well. Written journal, this journal, Myspace journal, and certain Bluelight posts of other persona to be published if anything ever happens to me. Want world to know story. Perhaps others can learn from mistakes, find hope, or improve life based on experiences of mine and code and morals I live by.
Tomorrow is April Fool's Day. Excited. Enjoy holiday. One day a year my strange behavior and humor considered normal and acceptable by society.