Fucking stressful day. Passed out when I got home from work. Woke up feeling disillusioned. E-Mail from roommate who had thrown me out of flat days ago. Made me feel bad. He is good person, I not so much. Girlfriend did not call despite her having day off. Perhaps I should of called? Her Myspace blog entries leave me with bad feeling. One titled "Frustrated" and private. Other had no subject but able to be seen by me:
I AM NOT HAPPY BY ALL MEANS RIGHT NOW. and all I have to say is this better be pms because I have not yet gotten my period and I was due 2 days ago..and usually Im early. never late. But Im really uncomfortable, irritable, thirsty, I feel like fuckin crying, and I feel fucking stuck.. I just want my liscense already, it sucks having a car and not being able to drive it. and why do I always have off on the shittiest days and the day after is fuckin wonderful weather? FUCK THE WIND. I couldve drove somewhere instead of being stuck at home and wasting the day away. Usually I end up walking in the shitty weather but I was not for that today. I might as well have went all out and smoked some weed, take fuckin advantage of nothing. I USUALLY DONT RANT LIKE THIS BUT I DONT FUCKIN CARE RIGHT NOW. god I hate being a woman, you know at least lesbians dont have to worry about being pregnant. now I feel like I never want to have sex again. FUCK EVERYTHINGGGGG IM GOING TO FUCKING BED
Obviously PMS with worrying and overwhelming emotions. Know for fact not pregnant. Used condom last time. Not worried about that to much, feel bad over rest of stuff. Wish I was in better financial situation, had own place and had car fixed, wish I could be that knight in shining armor for her. Wish I was not sick like I am mentally, emotionally, and physically. Would be able to be there more for her and show her world. Going to stop by her job tomorrow and try to cheer her up. Love her so much.
Strange though. Everytime she is sad or upset so am I. She feels like crying. I feel like crying right now.
Try to keep emotions like that hidden from her and my family. Always try to make people smile. Makes me happy. Sometimes wonder if they know that something is going on inside me. That I have come to conclusion there is no more time left for me to borrow. No use hoping for a miracle. Lately been asking who will be left standing when I’m gone. Have concluded there’ll be nothing left but a beautiful vision that echoes with my fleeting moments of joy that have become an eternity. Finally will have achieved that happiness that goes on forever.
But there is always something in the way... Got to knock on Elysium's gate, need to knock on heaven's door a little harder and break on through.
I AM NOT HAPPY BY ALL MEANS RIGHT NOW. and all I have to say is this better be pms because I have not yet gotten my period and I was due 2 days ago..and usually Im early. never late. But Im really uncomfortable, irritable, thirsty, I feel like fuckin crying, and I feel fucking stuck.. I just want my liscense already, it sucks having a car and not being able to drive it. and why do I always have off on the shittiest days and the day after is fuckin wonderful weather? FUCK THE WIND. I couldve drove somewhere instead of being stuck at home and wasting the day away. Usually I end up walking in the shitty weather but I was not for that today. I might as well have went all out and smoked some weed, take fuckin advantage of nothing. I USUALLY DONT RANT LIKE THIS BUT I DONT FUCKIN CARE RIGHT NOW. god I hate being a woman, you know at least lesbians dont have to worry about being pregnant. now I feel like I never want to have sex again. FUCK EVERYTHINGGGGG IM GOING TO FUCKING BED
Obviously PMS with worrying and overwhelming emotions. Know for fact not pregnant. Used condom last time. Not worried about that to much, feel bad over rest of stuff. Wish I was in better financial situation, had own place and had car fixed, wish I could be that knight in shining armor for her. Wish I was not sick like I am mentally, emotionally, and physically. Would be able to be there more for her and show her world. Going to stop by her job tomorrow and try to cheer her up. Love her so much.
Strange though. Everytime she is sad or upset so am I. She feels like crying. I feel like crying right now.
Try to keep emotions like that hidden from her and my family. Always try to make people smile. Makes me happy. Sometimes wonder if they know that something is going on inside me. That I have come to conclusion there is no more time left for me to borrow. No use hoping for a miracle. Lately been asking who will be left standing when I’m gone. Have concluded there’ll be nothing left but a beautiful vision that echoes with my fleeting moments of joy that have become an eternity. Finally will have achieved that happiness that goes on forever.
But there is always something in the way... Got to knock on Elysium's gate, need to knock on heaven's door a little harder and break on through.
