Time to formulate a plan and carry it out.
Ive been on methadone for 4 months and and am on 150mg daily. I still use. MY takeaways are more of a pain than a pleasure becuase i know i can control my use. I try to keep justt enough so i woint be sick sick sick and somehow it works out.
I just had a great job, Drving for a company that knew i was on the done and everthing and i still managed to screww it up. it lasted all of a week and a bit. But boy the feeling of working and contributing and having a paycheck to look forward too, being able to make future plans, and so much more made me realise i need to be working.
If im not working, i shgould be in a resedential rehab. There is one that will take me in on my methadone dose and (of course no other drugs excepts avanza anti depressants etc.)
I take a lot of benzoes and come close once a month to kicking the habit that is until my scripts are due and i stuff up again. (this time i lost my job for being to smashed and too late.
Im a really goodf worker, and the boss is pleading for me to get my shit together and come back. I must say i feel gutted because ive lost count of how many jobs ive gotten and lost because i chose to try and have it all. but knowing they think highly of me gives me a sense that its not me, its the drugs and take them away and ill have a chance.
MY other idea was to moved up north with my Sister, we are close as close can be, we are both christians and she has a lovely ready made support group up there, church, friends and hopefully work and accomodation. I want to try and find separate accomodation so as not to put pressure on the relationship any more than i have to. I think its a lot to jsut rock up and say, "im screwed sis, help me" weve talked about it before, i hope she is still keen.
I need to break the cycle of drug use that ive been used to, including 90 oxy 80s a month, 100- 150 xanax 2mg. 100 valium (this is all in a month) and dont forget the 150mg of methadone on top.
If i moved away to my sister, straight away i lose all the benzoes, and the oxycontin. at this stage i could taper off my habit if i had a box of 5mg valium. I think this would change my life dramatically, as i remember being a lot happier and MORE relaxed without the ned for benzoes).
This might be the only chance financially i get to move up there and make a clean break. (after consulting with my methadone doctor for a transfer). My sister is very loving but at the same time wii not take my BS. And at the same time she is inspired by me from where i have come, and where i have got to. (its been a rough few years) Im really running under Gods Grace here.
Any ideas? anything at all? Basically i would get up there and get a job and taper my dose down to nothing and do a rehab. (depending on how things were going i guess) id probably consdier naltrexone tablets dispensed by my sis daily. Drugs are the one thing i cant help but lie about, the rest i really try my best not too.
So,
Any thing? would most appreciate your feedback. My
Ive been on methadone for 4 months and and am on 150mg daily. I still use. MY takeaways are more of a pain than a pleasure becuase i know i can control my use. I try to keep justt enough so i woint be sick sick sick and somehow it works out.
I just had a great job, Drving for a company that knew i was on the done and everthing and i still managed to screww it up. it lasted all of a week and a bit. But boy the feeling of working and contributing and having a paycheck to look forward too, being able to make future plans, and so much more made me realise i need to be working.
If im not working, i shgould be in a resedential rehab. There is one that will take me in on my methadone dose and (of course no other drugs excepts avanza anti depressants etc.)
I take a lot of benzoes and come close once a month to kicking the habit that is until my scripts are due and i stuff up again. (this time i lost my job for being to smashed and too late.
Im a really goodf worker, and the boss is pleading for me to get my shit together and come back. I must say i feel gutted because ive lost count of how many jobs ive gotten and lost because i chose to try and have it all. but knowing they think highly of me gives me a sense that its not me, its the drugs and take them away and ill have a chance.
MY other idea was to moved up north with my Sister, we are close as close can be, we are both christians and she has a lovely ready made support group up there, church, friends and hopefully work and accomodation. I want to try and find separate accomodation so as not to put pressure on the relationship any more than i have to. I think its a lot to jsut rock up and say, "im screwed sis, help me" weve talked about it before, i hope she is still keen.
I need to break the cycle of drug use that ive been used to, including 90 oxy 80s a month, 100- 150 xanax 2mg. 100 valium (this is all in a month) and dont forget the 150mg of methadone on top.
If i moved away to my sister, straight away i lose all the benzoes, and the oxycontin. at this stage i could taper off my habit if i had a box of 5mg valium. I think this would change my life dramatically, as i remember being a lot happier and MORE relaxed without the ned for benzoes).
This might be the only chance financially i get to move up there and make a clean break. (after consulting with my methadone doctor for a transfer). My sister is very loving but at the same time wii not take my BS. And at the same time she is inspired by me from where i have come, and where i have got to. (its been a rough few years) Im really running under Gods Grace here.
Any ideas? anything at all? Basically i would get up there and get a job and taper my dose down to nothing and do a rehab. (depending on how things were going i guess) id probably consdier naltrexone tablets dispensed by my sis daily. Drugs are the one thing i cant help but lie about, the rest i really try my best not too.
So,
Any thing? would most appreciate your feedback. My
