Making Friends With Ayahuasca

[RhythmSpring]

The one time I did Ayahuasca, it was in a legit ceremonial setting. There were a lot of beautiful moments of the trip, very "wow" and very "holy shit!" I certainly got some perspective, but I wouldn't say that it was therapeutic.

In fact, the trip was FAR from smooth. There wasn't one really cohesive, fluid totally comprehensible experience. I experienced a LOT of anxiety and existential paranoia. I do not know where I went, but near the end of the experience, I was frightened stiff and caught in various metaphysical thought-loops about 2012, the singularity, universal consciousness, "waking up" stuff like that. And no, I don't think I actually experienced universal consciousness nor did I "wake up" in any way. Near the end of the ceremony, as everyone was coming down, I was still clearly panicking and "not there" and they took me to a shower and put cold water on me. In a fit of fear and the desire to purge SOMETHING (I hadn't thrown up at all during the ceremony) I shrieked, disturbing everyone. The comedown was the best part--lots of relief and afterglow. However, I was left devastated and actually woke up drenched in sweat every night for the following two weeks.

Since then, my smoked DMT experiences have been similar--existential panic-inducing and temporarily psychologically scarring. Before Ayahuasca, my DMT experiences (though few and far between) were not that way; they were productive and therapeutic.

I get twinges of this metaphysical paranoia occasionally when I take other psychedelics, but it's not as bad as the one time on Ayahuasca or subsequent times of DMT.

I currently have an opportunity to go to another Ayahuasca ceremony. I'd like to go--I know that Ayahuasca has the potential to be very therapeutic, smooth and enlightening me for me. But there is a huge amount of fear and dread associated with Ayahuasca and DMT. I'm not sure how to proceed. My first instinct is to stay away. But I would like to understand and perhaps transcend my fear of DMT.

It makes me panicky just thinking about this...

 

[TheAppleCore]

I'm in a bit of a similar situation right now.

Almost all of my last experiences with ayahuasca and changa have been negative, if not downright terrifying and panic-ridden. It all started after one frightening trip, and ever since, there's a sense of dread associated with the concoction, which of course simply reinforces itself by causing me to visit the same hellish place every time I trip.

Right now I'm busy sorting out things in the physical, 3-dimensional, material world (as opposed to hyperspace ), and hence I haven't taken DMT in quite some time. But once I get the chance, I'll be attempting to tame this beast once and for all.

I'll be approaching it with low doses initially, and gradually working my way up, to build my confidence and trust in my ability to handle it well. This is actually a technique recommended on another forum dedicated specifically to ayahuasca. Another was to take doses in a wave-like pattern, drinking a small amount one night, then a bit more the next, then backed down the next, etc.

Anyway, this is exactly what I did with LSD when I was around fifteen. The first few trips were painful, but eventually, I learned how to make it work, and ever since, the substance fits me like a key in a lock. I presume the same will happen with ayahuasca. I'll update you on my progress!


P.S.: you may want to try simply drinking it by yourself, at home. This will A) give you more control over the dosage, B) give you a change of scenery, which might relieve some negative associations, and C) perhaps give you more freedom to move and vocalize as you wish.