But nobody's going to like it. I decided to get back on adderall, until the summer when I will re-evaluate. This time, some ground rules: 10mg once or twice a day only, no staying up at night or for two days a time, no "cramming" types of studying, no alcohol or any other drugs (excepting a couple psychedelic experiences in the summer, possibly)... and also taking vitamins and eating regular meals and getting regular sleep every day. No exceptions. If I end up abusing it again, I'll have to tell my psychiatrist and get him to take me off prescription (I could still buy from friends, but that would be way too expensive and basically wouldn't work for more than a few days out of a month).
I have an immense amount of pressure coming at me, and there's nothing that I'm able to cut out of my life without serious consequences to my future and well-being. Holing myself up in my house and never seeing friends could give me more time to get work done, sure... but I'm human and I need a lot of human contact. Giving up school could be an option, maybe, but then I would lose the connections and opportunities that I have there. Giving up event coordination work would deprive me of valuable experience to my career. So I'm not going to cut out anything, I'm just going to try and work smarter.
And stop sleeping so god damn much - what human needs 15 hours of sleep a day? There's something wrong with that, it's not natural. Now I'm aiming for eight hours a night, twelve hours once or twice a week. I cut out gluten from my diet too - I'm doing that for a couple weeks to test whether I'm gluten-intolerant. That was suggested to me, and I'm taking the advice because I've heard that gluten-intolerance causes a lot of the symptoms that I'm talking about (large amounts of fatigue, depression, also headaches and dizziness which I get sometimes)... and it can also become more severe after the teen years. I did this test as a teenager but couldn't figure out if anything was different, but I'll try it again this time. I know I do feel a lot better when I eat things like eggs, fish, meat, and vegetables as opposed to pizza and bagels.
If the gluten-free test doesn't come up with any results then I will see a nurse at PSU and ask them about options for figuring out where all the fatigue and such comes from.
I hope my decisions will work out. I am really trying to do what is best for myself, trying to take care of myself while shouldering immense responsibilities - a lot of which have to do with business decisions, my reputation as a businessperson, my personal reputation as a reliable person and a person with good values. Not to mention that I have a whole planet to save, and NO ONE can change my mind on that.
I have an immense amount of pressure coming at me, and there's nothing that I'm able to cut out of my life without serious consequences to my future and well-being. Holing myself up in my house and never seeing friends could give me more time to get work done, sure... but I'm human and I need a lot of human contact. Giving up school could be an option, maybe, but then I would lose the connections and opportunities that I have there. Giving up event coordination work would deprive me of valuable experience to my career. So I'm not going to cut out anything, I'm just going to try and work smarter.
And stop sleeping so god damn much - what human needs 15 hours of sleep a day? There's something wrong with that, it's not natural. Now I'm aiming for eight hours a night, twelve hours once or twice a week. I cut out gluten from my diet too - I'm doing that for a couple weeks to test whether I'm gluten-intolerant. That was suggested to me, and I'm taking the advice because I've heard that gluten-intolerance causes a lot of the symptoms that I'm talking about (large amounts of fatigue, depression, also headaches and dizziness which I get sometimes)... and it can also become more severe after the teen years. I did this test as a teenager but couldn't figure out if anything was different, but I'll try it again this time. I know I do feel a lot better when I eat things like eggs, fish, meat, and vegetables as opposed to pizza and bagels.
If the gluten-free test doesn't come up with any results then I will see a nurse at PSU and ask them about options for figuring out where all the fatigue and such comes from.
I hope my decisions will work out. I am really trying to do what is best for myself, trying to take care of myself while shouldering immense responsibilities - a lot of which have to do with business decisions, my reputation as a businessperson, my personal reputation as a reliable person and a person with good values. Not to mention that I have a whole planet to save, and NO ONE can change my mind on that.