Maintenance Recovery Help

[MattyScotch]

I was on methadone from 2004 until 2014. Over those years I was able to make a life for myself, get married, have kids, get a good job etc. I really benefited from methadone maintenance and following a program of recovery.

In August I decided that I had been on the medication long enough and that I was ready to start tapering and try life without my medication. I tapered down to 20 mg and made a successful switch to 14mg subutex thinking I'd have an easier withdrawal. I tapered from 14 mg sub to .5mg and made the jump... I can't tell you what it was that made me fail besides maybe that I wasn't willing to tough it out and commit to the discomfort I was going to feel. I still had intense cravings and the anxiety and depression hit me hard.

To shorten this up a bit I relapsed and relapsed hard. Shooting any kind of opiate I could get my hands on and even started injecting subutex I was getting off the street. After months of doing this and ending up maintaining myself with iv subutex everyday for a few months I made a decision to go back to the clinic and get back on the methadone.

I went 1 day without subutex before starting the methadone. It's been 3 days now that I've been on the methadone and I don't know if I haven't had the sub outta my system enough but the methadone isn't really working yet. I started at 35mg and I'm up to 45 today. The mornings are ok but when I get home from work I find myself craving and I am injecting 2 - 4mg of sub. It hasn't put me into precipitated withdrawal yet and it isn't really doing much for me either and I'm only hurting the ability of methadone to work it's magic and help me the next morning. I am sure that now I am addicted to the ritual of working up sub and shooting it. I'm addicted to the ritual and the needle, which I hadn't used for 10 years before my relapse after leaving the clinic. I desperately want to fight through these cravings and let my methadone build up and start doing it's job but I feel powerless to these cravings and the habit of using as soon as I get home...

I need some advice, some support, something.. Please if any of you have any encouraging experience to share or advice at all I would be grateful to hear it. Now I realize I wasn't ready to make the jump off of maintenance and that I may need to be on this medication for the rest of my life. I'm ok with that prospect, anything is better than what I'm doing now. I just want to get back to what I had just a few short months ago. Thanks

 

[Welderman]

You need to let the methadone work. What was your dose at for all them years? I mean like the average dose that worked for you. I started methadone last year and it's like the 4th or 5th time back in the clinic and It took about a month before I gave up heroin for good and another month before I felt like it was really working. For some reason I didn't remember it taking so long. And I kept upping my dose till I felt normal. At first I didn't want to be on more then like 60-80mg but that wasn't holding me and I was miserable and had to keep raising my dose till it was over 150. I have been stable now for about 9-10 months and I feel pretty good.

To sum this up you need to stop using and let the methadone do its thing. It takes time and your only on 45mg which I don't think is a very high dose with someone that has a big habbit. You may need a lot more or maybe not but untill you stop using you are fucking with the methadones ability to work right. If you look in a the North American drug social I think there is a thread on how to get the most out of your methadone by taking cimetidine or something. Maybe do a search of this site for it. That may help untill you get to a therapeutic dose. I don't come here much anymore but if you need more advice pm maya because she knows how to get a hold of me. Feel free to pm me also but tell her too so I don't forget about you.

Good luck and you can do this because you have already done it before you just forgot how long it takes.it happens to the best of us don't beat yourself up over it.

 

[JustADudeYep]

I am currently on butran patches and weening off the narcs....or trying. Anyway, I 100% know what you mean about being addicted to the ritual of it all! I realized that was the case with me about 2 months ago or so. I'd get bored or couldnt sleep....whatever the case may be, and then I would go off to get stuff set up and go through "my process". It gave me something to do and I felt productive, as dumb as that sounds.

I'm not sure I can give much advice right now with those issues. All I can think of is that as much as I hated running out of meds, at least I knew I didnt have anything to go off shoot....which was actually a positive thing overall.

 

[MattyScotch]

Thanks for replying guys. My average dose over those years was 90 mg. It went up and down a few different times but before I started to taper and leave at the end I was on 90mg for several years.

I'm doing a little better today. I didn't use anything yesterday but my done and I'm more than confident that I'll not use today. I have also always had a love in my heart for good bud so I picked up a few grams for when the cravings get unbearable in the evening.

Today I went up to 55mg so I think ive got enough in my system that it's starting attack those cravings and obsessive thoughts. Ill let you know how things go and wil reply in a few days. Thanks for the suport fellas

 

[Welderman]

Thanks for replying guys. My average dose over those years was 90 mg. It went up and down a few different times but before I started to taper and leave at the end I was on 90mg for several years.

I'm doing a little better today. I didn't use anything yesterday but my done and I'm more than confident that I'll not use today. I have also always had a love in my heart for good bud so I picked up a few grams for when the cravings get unbearable in the evening.

Today I went up to 55mg so I think ive got enough in my system that it's starting attack those cravings and obsessive thoughts. Ill let you know how things go and wil reply in a few days. Thanks for the suport fellas

I'm glad your doing better it's amazing how fast we forget about the pain we put ourselves through. Is your wife supportive in this? Or was she like my ex and nagged you to get off the methadone only to watch you relapse the. Nag you about that? I was I. An unhealthy relationship and knew I couldn't stay clean with her. Now I am clean and have no one bitching at me about nothing. I hope she is a positive influence and accepts your methadone program.

 

[somnilicious]

You need to let the methadone work. What was your dose at for all them years? I mean like the average dose that worked for you. I started methadone last year and it's like the 4th or 5th time back in the clinic and It took about a month before I gave up heroin for good and another month before I felt like it was really working. For some reason I didn't remember it taking so long. And I kept upping my dose till I felt normal. At first I didn't want to be on more then like 60-80mg but that wasn't holding me and I was miserable and had to keep raising my dose till it was over 150. I have been stable now for about 9-10 months and I feel pretty good.

To sum this up you need to stop using and let the methadone do its thing. It takes time and your only on 45mg which I don't think is a very high dose with someone that has a big habbit. You may need a lot more or maybe not but untill you stop using you are fucking with the methadones ability to work right. If you look in a the North American drug social I think there is a thread on how to get the most out of your methadone by taking cimetidine or something. Maybe do a search of this site for it. That may help untill you get to a therapeutic dose. I don't come here much anymore but if you need more advice pm maya because she knows how to get a hold of me. Feel free to pm me also but tell her too so I don't forget about you.

Good luck and you can do this because you have already done it before you just forgot how long it takes.it happens to the best of us don't beat yourself up over it.

Heyo... Longtime no see. I've been on the clinic for about a year too. I'm glad I was able to wait it out at 90mgs but same almost exact story as you. It's about the 5th time in 20yrs and it definitely took a lot longer to adjust this time also.