This happened to me 8 days ago- I've smoked bongs pretty heavily in the past 10 years, and all day every day for the past 6 or 7, even longer. As soon as I started smoking I loved it and wanted to do it as much as I could because what there was before it was pretty shit (depression) - recently, I had my heart broken and after crying about it for several hours my lung collapsed in the early hours of the morning. I didn't go to the hospital until later that night, where on the way there I was abused and ran into the ground for needing to go to the emergency room. At about 1am I found out what was wrong and it seriously bummed me out- I cried a little because I felt so unloved and there I was with this strange, unknown condition I'd only ever heard about and imagined in my mind. I thought it was something that happened to people who were buried alive.
They tried re-inflating it or whatever they do, and that didn't hurt, but I loved the numbing as I spent the rest of the time trying to click my fingers to gain control through the numbing (I get bored easily) - anyway, about 4am or so, after another x-ray, they told me it had failed, and they wanted me to stay in. I had been there all night, by myself, un-showered since the day before, forgot to brush my teeth before we left (would you remember if your parents were screaming at you for being an inconvenience?) - though of course I had another bong or three before I left - anyway, I also had work to do so asked if they would let me go and come back later that same day to be admitted then. They said it was at my own risk.
I stupidly came home and before long had my first bong- then another- I tried to stop, honestly, and then I ran out of pot, and all I had was tobacco. I was spewing, I didn't want to smoke cigarettes, I had smoked many the night before and I feel it contributed to the lung collapse along with stress and too many bongs- plus, if I'm being forced to not smoke I'd rather know there's some there as it's harder to go witout when you don't have any. I usually don't mix the two and had done socially. So there I was, straight out of hospital, puffing away until I went back to the hospital later that evening. There was lots of people there, and whilst they let me through within 10minutes to get an x-ray, I had to go back to the waiting room for 2 hours. The doctor said it was starting to heal (?!) and that I should go back 5 days later for another x-ray and then to the emergency room to see the doctor. So the days went on and I was suffering from a heart break as well as the collapsed lung, and of course I bought more pot, didn't I? Because I'm a loser who can't stop. The person who broke my heart had found out only days before that I am a heavy smoker and I was really hoping he would stick by me while I tried to quit, but not once has he. He's also the only person who knows the severity of my addiction.
So here I am, 8 days later, with a tingling pain in my chest because I can't help myself and stop. What do I do? I'm so lost and broken inside that I know the stress wouldn't be helping my body at all. I'm far too depressed at what happened with someone who I thought was special to even care, but I don't want to die, not like this. I have barely any desire to eat, drink, do anything normal. I just want my lung to be better and that's not going to happen because the part of me I'm listening to is the part of me that wants another bong.
I doubt anyone will read this and since it's so personal may have left by now, but I just really don't know how to get myself out of this hole I'm in of smoking constantly.
The way I feel at the moment; I don't want to die, but I'm also done surviving. Thank you for reading.