Crystal Clouds
Greenlighter
So i’ve been using methamphetamine for 5 years now and the “good old days” are long gone. it all came crashing down when i began to inject the drug directly into my bloodstream roughly two years ago. I always made sure to never inject more than 0.1 and was good about it for a while , but the meth’ed out me makes irrational decisions and in trying to impress other users by how much i could do , i started slamming more and more. in slamming more , my tolerance grew and a 0.1 now wouldn’t even give me a rush unfortunately. my doses are sitting around 0.4-0.5 every single time and i’m almost scared to shoot it because the rush is just getting plain uncomfortable for lack of a better word.
i hang out downtown in the homeless camps (despite having a home of my own and a job) because i have no friends anymore and i thought we’d all be injecting the same amount because “we’re all vets here” but it turns out most of them just smoke it and the ones who do slam , don’t do nearly as much as me which is frankly embarrassing for me.
anywho , i began to cough up phlegm every couple hours a little while back about the size of a US quarter or bigger. ignoring the disgusting taste of a phlegm ball going up your throat , it kind of scared me. however , i ignored it for more meth. now my lungs are just kind of always in pain unless it’s the first hour after a shot. i went to hit a cigarette for my morning rush and it blew me out of the park. i was gasping for air and shaking trying to regain control of my airways because i could barely breathe which in turn sent me into a major panic attack … and since i swore to never take benzodiazepines i had to just ride that one out — but that’s not very relevant to the lung damage.
everywhere i’ve asked i get the same answer … “stop shooting meth , duh.” but it doesn’t appear to be that simple unfortunately. i’ve thought about quitting every minute of every day but once i start falling asleep and my body begins to ache and creak , my head starts pounding , my bones lock up and it’s only noon , i cave and have another shot to get rid of my physical problems. and i’ve thought “going into the next day and just not using that day at the very least should be easy , right ?” wrong. when i wake up i cannot get out of bed until i do my morning shot (which prepping a shot while laying down is a hassle). i have to keep using atleast until i have a day off work , otherwise i will get fired for my terrible performance or atleast questioned as to why i’m doing so bad.
so the bag is almost out and i plan on just not buying another if it can work out that way. i’m trying to time it just right so it aligns with my next day off work — is there any way i can negate the damage i’m doing to myself until then ? my diet is spectacular , i take all my depleted vitamins and minerals throughout the day and before bed , my piss is always clear , and i sleep anywhere from 10-12 hours a night but none of it is enough. the meth is killing me inside and out faster than i can repair
so what do i do ?
i hang out downtown in the homeless camps (despite having a home of my own and a job) because i have no friends anymore and i thought we’d all be injecting the same amount because “we’re all vets here” but it turns out most of them just smoke it and the ones who do slam , don’t do nearly as much as me which is frankly embarrassing for me.
anywho , i began to cough up phlegm every couple hours a little while back about the size of a US quarter or bigger. ignoring the disgusting taste of a phlegm ball going up your throat , it kind of scared me. however , i ignored it for more meth. now my lungs are just kind of always in pain unless it’s the first hour after a shot. i went to hit a cigarette for my morning rush and it blew me out of the park. i was gasping for air and shaking trying to regain control of my airways because i could barely breathe which in turn sent me into a major panic attack … and since i swore to never take benzodiazepines i had to just ride that one out — but that’s not very relevant to the lung damage.
everywhere i’ve asked i get the same answer … “stop shooting meth , duh.” but it doesn’t appear to be that simple unfortunately. i’ve thought about quitting every minute of every day but once i start falling asleep and my body begins to ache and creak , my head starts pounding , my bones lock up and it’s only noon , i cave and have another shot to get rid of my physical problems. and i’ve thought “going into the next day and just not using that day at the very least should be easy , right ?” wrong. when i wake up i cannot get out of bed until i do my morning shot (which prepping a shot while laying down is a hassle). i have to keep using atleast until i have a day off work , otherwise i will get fired for my terrible performance or atleast questioned as to why i’m doing so bad.
so the bag is almost out and i plan on just not buying another if it can work out that way. i’m trying to time it just right so it aligns with my next day off work — is there any way i can negate the damage i’m doing to myself until then ? my diet is spectacular , i take all my depleted vitamins and minerals throughout the day and before bed , my piss is always clear , and i sleep anywhere from 10-12 hours a night but none of it is enough. the meth is killing me inside and out faster than i can repair
so what do i do ?
