Acid - Third Time - Death of a Salesman
8:30pm: I take one 'echo' tab of supposedly good LSD. The last few days I've been through a million stages anticipating this, last time was over a month ago and two months before that. My goal was to reduce my reliance on my ego but i had absolutely no idea how i was going to do it.
9:00pm: Slight disorientation, minor headache. A drunken friend tries to ‘trip me out’ but talking nonsense about apes taking over the world. My friend (who’s had the same as me) and I laugh at him just because he’s so stupid. In fact he’s so stupid he’s genuinely hilarious!
9:30pm: The entire party we are at is a circus, just nobody knows it except us. We both notice the characters that everyone is playing, and where we’d normally sneer at them, now we laugh good naturedly. We agree that the whole world is insane except us…I mean just watch them...oh my god! I’m part of the circus too!! HAHAHAHA. I realise I’ve been following all these silly rules that all these people are still following and all I can do is laugh at them. For about an hour
10:30pm: An adventure to the late nite Woolworths (Grocery Store) is in order….oh what fun….look at the capsicums they’re soooo red!! Haha!! Oh my everything is just so beautiful hahahaha how could I not notice this all the time!!! We see two policeman….I freak out and I know they see me freak out. This fear turns to absolute mortification when my friend tells me he’s got 5 more tabs in his pocket. My heart starts to scream in my chest, my bladder only just holding on to its contents! My friend just laughs and laughs beaming “it’ll be ok man don’t worry. Let’s have another one” So we do. I'm smoking like a banshee, and also giving them away like one...meaning i run out of a full deck in about 3 hours! Who CAres!?! Not Me!
12:00am: HAHAHAHAHAHA SO THAT’S THE MEANING OF LIFE!!! Its so simple! it was right in front of me all along….I laugh sooooo hard at how silly I’ve been, trying to rationalise, believing this silly ego thing was the real me. I’ve never laughed this hard in my life….I mean…seriously…imagine trying to think about a feeling….it’s a feeling its not a thought hahahaha oh I’m such an IDIOT!! of course you can’t use logic….logic has no end!!!! All these people all over the world trying so hard to think up the meaning and they’re never gonna find it as long as they’re thinking!! HAHAHAHAHA Oh my god this is the funniest thing in the world. I’m completely one with the universe simply because its all one thing!! Haha how silly I was to believe that I was this fragment of the universe! I AM THE UNIVERSE!! I AM GOD!!! I AM EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!! HAHAHAH All this time was wasted but all I want to do is laugh at how simple it is…it’s the funniest joke ever because it’s the only ending to the movie that no one can be disappointed with!! Too Perfect. Ahhhhhhhhh
This is the definition of Zen!
2:00am: The girlfriend of a friend of mine comes to me and asks me for help, she’s known for being incredibly spiritually powerful, especially when it comes to emotions and symbols. I’m still laughing so hard it hurts, and I try to explain to her not to worry about anything because it’ll be alright. She says “I don’t think you can help me, but I think I can help you” I’m like “yes! That’d be Grrrreat!” She tells me to look into the fire and listen to the guitar and the singing of the people around it. She asks me what I’m fighting. “Me? I’m fighting nothing!! Haha” “No, theres something there. You’re alone, and you’re afraid….there’s a battle going on in you’re head.” I stop dead. I realise she’s absolutely right, what I’m fighting, what I’ve always been fighting is my emotions. I explain that in trying to understand this world I’ve become a mad scientist, bottling any emotions because they’re too ‘iffy.’ “No, theres something more than that…that’s just your excuse…you’re afraid to feel because then you can be hurt, you’ve been hurt before.” At this point I’m close to tears…its all true to the letter. My flesh has been cold and dead for a long time, my heart in a jar. Brandishing an imaginary knife she says “You have to die to feel again. With this knife I’m going to kill you.” With that she plunged it deep into my heart. The pain was unbearable. I stood up and walked into a room by myself and slumped to the ground bleeding emotion. Years and years of unfelt emotion. I walked the streets for hours, trying to stay alive…trying to plug the hole with thoughts. Eventually I collapsed in a heap, accepting my fate. The person I knew was dead. The seed of something new grew within me, I felt my heart beat warmth through my body for the first time since I was a child. That’s what I was, a newborn baby…and I experienced all the vulnerability and fear that a baby experiences. I returned to the party and sat away from everyone until I was stronger.
4:30am: I thank her, by now I’m enjoying all these new emotions…real emotions, unmediated by thoughts. I feel the wholeness that I have always lacked. We sit by the fire and talk about everything and anything, communicating more through our hearts than our mouths. She explains to me the three elements of a person. The dog (subconscious) the Snake (the emotional centre, eternal spirit) and the cat (the ego) and how each one is necessary for the other, like a equilateral triangle. Of course! All I can do is smile and feel love for everything. Theres so much more to this part but I wont go into it for the sake of length.
7:00am-4:00pm: More talk…which eventually gives way to a trip to the park where we all lay on a hill and stare at the clouds, feeling the dirt slide off our eyes. The things I learnt on this journey will be with me forever. I was once a salesman, desperately needing other peoples approval before I could approve of myself. Now awakened, the veil has been lifted from my eyes and every day is simply beautiful, everything is beautiful. Its all about how you choose to label you're world. I used to call it hell, so it was hell. I call it heaven, nirvana, paradise, whatever now...and thats what it is
Peace.
8:30pm: I take one 'echo' tab of supposedly good LSD. The last few days I've been through a million stages anticipating this, last time was over a month ago and two months before that. My goal was to reduce my reliance on my ego but i had absolutely no idea how i was going to do it.
9:00pm: Slight disorientation, minor headache. A drunken friend tries to ‘trip me out’ but talking nonsense about apes taking over the world. My friend (who’s had the same as me) and I laugh at him just because he’s so stupid. In fact he’s so stupid he’s genuinely hilarious!
9:30pm: The entire party we are at is a circus, just nobody knows it except us. We both notice the characters that everyone is playing, and where we’d normally sneer at them, now we laugh good naturedly. We agree that the whole world is insane except us…I mean just watch them...oh my god! I’m part of the circus too!! HAHAHAHA. I realise I’ve been following all these silly rules that all these people are still following and all I can do is laugh at them. For about an hour
10:30pm: An adventure to the late nite Woolworths (Grocery Store) is in order….oh what fun….look at the capsicums they’re soooo red!! Haha!! Oh my everything is just so beautiful hahahaha how could I not notice this all the time!!! We see two policeman….I freak out and I know they see me freak out. This fear turns to absolute mortification when my friend tells me he’s got 5 more tabs in his pocket. My heart starts to scream in my chest, my bladder only just holding on to its contents! My friend just laughs and laughs beaming “it’ll be ok man don’t worry. Let’s have another one” So we do. I'm smoking like a banshee, and also giving them away like one...meaning i run out of a full deck in about 3 hours! Who CAres!?! Not Me!
12:00am: HAHAHAHAHAHA SO THAT’S THE MEANING OF LIFE!!! Its so simple! it was right in front of me all along….I laugh sooooo hard at how silly I’ve been, trying to rationalise, believing this silly ego thing was the real me. I’ve never laughed this hard in my life….I mean…seriously…imagine trying to think about a feeling….it’s a feeling its not a thought hahahaha oh I’m such an IDIOT!! of course you can’t use logic….logic has no end!!!! All these people all over the world trying so hard to think up the meaning and they’re never gonna find it as long as they’re thinking!! HAHAHAHAHA Oh my god this is the funniest thing in the world. I’m completely one with the universe simply because its all one thing!! Haha how silly I was to believe that I was this fragment of the universe! I AM THE UNIVERSE!! I AM GOD!!! I AM EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING!! HAHAHAH All this time was wasted but all I want to do is laugh at how simple it is…it’s the funniest joke ever because it’s the only ending to the movie that no one can be disappointed with!! Too Perfect. Ahhhhhhhhh
2:00am: The girlfriend of a friend of mine comes to me and asks me for help, she’s known for being incredibly spiritually powerful, especially when it comes to emotions and symbols. I’m still laughing so hard it hurts, and I try to explain to her not to worry about anything because it’ll be alright. She says “I don’t think you can help me, but I think I can help you” I’m like “yes! That’d be Grrrreat!” She tells me to look into the fire and listen to the guitar and the singing of the people around it. She asks me what I’m fighting. “Me? I’m fighting nothing!! Haha” “No, theres something there. You’re alone, and you’re afraid….there’s a battle going on in you’re head.” I stop dead. I realise she’s absolutely right, what I’m fighting, what I’ve always been fighting is my emotions. I explain that in trying to understand this world I’ve become a mad scientist, bottling any emotions because they’re too ‘iffy.’ “No, theres something more than that…that’s just your excuse…you’re afraid to feel because then you can be hurt, you’ve been hurt before.” At this point I’m close to tears…its all true to the letter. My flesh has been cold and dead for a long time, my heart in a jar. Brandishing an imaginary knife she says “You have to die to feel again. With this knife I’m going to kill you.” With that she plunged it deep into my heart. The pain was unbearable. I stood up and walked into a room by myself and slumped to the ground bleeding emotion. Years and years of unfelt emotion. I walked the streets for hours, trying to stay alive…trying to plug the hole with thoughts. Eventually I collapsed in a heap, accepting my fate. The person I knew was dead. The seed of something new grew within me, I felt my heart beat warmth through my body for the first time since I was a child. That’s what I was, a newborn baby…and I experienced all the vulnerability and fear that a baby experiences. I returned to the party and sat away from everyone until I was stronger.
4:30am: I thank her, by now I’m enjoying all these new emotions…real emotions, unmediated by thoughts. I feel the wholeness that I have always lacked. We sit by the fire and talk about everything and anything, communicating more through our hearts than our mouths. She explains to me the three elements of a person. The dog (subconscious) the Snake (the emotional centre, eternal spirit) and the cat (the ego) and how each one is necessary for the other, like a equilateral triangle. Of course! All I can do is smile and feel love for everything. Theres so much more to this part but I wont go into it for the sake of length.
7:00am-4:00pm: More talk…which eventually gives way to a trip to the park where we all lay on a hill and stare at the clouds, feeling the dirt slide off our eyes. The things I learnt on this journey will be with me forever. I was once a salesman, desperately needing other peoples approval before I could approve of myself. Now awakened, the veil has been lifted from my eyes and every day is simply beautiful, everything is beautiful. Its all about how you choose to label you're world. I used to call it hell, so it was hell. I call it heaven, nirvana, paradise, whatever now...and thats what it is
