oliphill
Bluelighter
First of all i feel i need to tell you a bit about my self, before i talk about the actual experience. I have always had problems with anxiety, i personally believe it was passed on to me genetically from my father, who has always had a problem too. I can also see it both of my brothers, but it doesnt seem like it has fully come to surface or in other words taken control.
At 14 i started smoking hash. I smoked for fun on most days for a couple of years. At 16 i realised i was completely addicted to hash. After about a year, smoking hash didnt really do anything apart from a small buzz and would give me huge paranoia. I realized i didn't actually like the effects of hash and knew that smoking it brought out very bad anxiety in me. The trouble was i was completely addicted to it. At 18 i am still completely addicted.
At 17 I started doing pills. It started off as only on special occasions, then turned into every few weeks, then soon enough every weekend, sometimes twice a weekend. About 1/2 year later i was addicted to pills. Not all the time but every weekend, i would just be down all week looking forward to the next weekend. Then at the start of the easter holidays with my exams coming up, I gave up pills completely. This is where the problems began, I had always had massive comedowns the day after pilling up and then had a bit of depression mid week and increased anxiety for the whole week. When i stopped however, the anxiety and depression just didnt go away. It was like i'd opened up some part of my brain, and i'd have to work my way to feeling normal again. I tried my hardest to just act normal, but just couldnt and went through months after months with the worst anxiety/depression ive ever had. I didnt go out at the weekends, i just sat in on my own, and this made me even more depressed. Sitting at home all the time wouldnt do anything good for my anxiety either, without socialising.
After a while i realised i couldnt cope any more, and went to see a doctor. I was prescribed prozac, and have now been taking it for about 50 days. After about a month I think, i was just suddenly a lot better. My anxiety was still there, but did not have complete control over me, but I was happy! I think the fact that i was happy decreased my anxiety, i liked myself a bit more. My trails of thought are now positive, and i don't seem to think too much about things (which is a good thing, because i am happy).
Anyway thats my life story, now heres my trip report:
~12:00 AM:
Arrive at Brainskan, an all night rave, in a beautiful countryside location.
~12:30 AM:
Find some base, so that i can stay up all night, and drop it wrapped up in a rizla.
~1:00 AM:
Start to come up off the base. I feel a chill down my spine and the back of my neck. I am a lot more talkative suddenly, reminds me of pills, where when i used to do them, my anxiety is 90% gone. I am a lot happier, and start to realise that i have an amzing night to look forward to.
~1:30 AM:
Suddenly I get a headache. It starts off small, I remembered having headaches occasionally when i used to come up off pills, i tell myself it'll all be fine soon.
~1:45 AM:
Ahh, this is the worst headache ive ever had. The pain seemed to come in pulses. Then suddenly the headache would go, and i would then in a few seconds start to feel really sick.
~2:00 AM:
I get stuck in this cycle - Pulsating migrane - feeling sick and puking up on a few occasions. I then start to get very very paranoid that something has reacted with the prozac i am on, and i am heading towards permanent anxiety/depression. I run around asking for people for a paracetamol.
~3:00 AM:
I couldnt find a paracetamol, but by now my head wasnt hurting too much. But i was still not 'comfortable'.
~3:30 AM:
I find some acid! The logo was Sgt. Pepper. One logo took up 4 tabs, and i only bought one so i didnt get a good look. I decide to save it till when it is light. A friend buys some aswell, and we go and have a dance, and then a smoke.
~4:30 AM:
I am not really feeling the base effects anymore. I am still fully awake, but not so happy, talkative. I go and explore the countryside around me looking out for some nice places to go later when it is lighter.
~5:45 AM:
Me and a friend drop a tab of acid each. Straight after i put it in my mouth, I got a sudden feeling of parnoia that it was going to mess me up even more. I go and have a dance.
~6:30 AM:
It is now light. I havent really felt any effects from the acid. And i am convinced that the tab was fake.
~6:45 AM:
I am walking towards my car, i noticed that the door was open. I thought that i must have given my keys to a friend earlier because he wanted something from the car or something. I look for the keys, they are in my pocket, I look back at the car and the door is in fact locked.
~7:30 AM:
I hadnt really felt any amazing effects apart from the car door, and my thought process altered a bit. So i decided to buy another tab. This one had a picture of a teddy bear on it, it was one teddy bear per tab, not 4 this time. My friend was feeling a bit, but not much so he bought another tab aswell. We both drop them straight away.
~9:00 AM:
Oh my god these tabs do work, what the hell is going on. I dont really remember coming up, but more like i had always been like this. This is the strangest and most interesting feeling I have ever had.
~10:00 AM:
Me and a friend start exploring the countryside around us. The best thing was that wherever we went we could still here the amazing music banging away. I am now having lots of visuals. All the leaves on the ground are crawling around and all the bushes and trees are alive. I still dont really understand where I am( i know that im at a rave, but just dont feel like myself, i feel like i'm not actually there. I am a lot happier, about the fact that the visuals are so amazing, and that i finally got to experience LSD's great power.
~10:30 AM: Suddenly we both hear a noise. There is a farmer in a huge tractor on the field next to us. I get a huge rush of fear. I start coming up with stupid ideas that the farmer had seen us and we would be responsible for the whole rave being stopped. We both started to run through the wood, heading back to the car. On the way back, my thought process has gone really bad, i start to think that someone is going to see me and know that it is my fault that the rave was stopped. I start to realise that the rave hasnt been stopped, and the farmer in the tractor probably didnt see us. Acid gives me the biggest sudden mood changes i've ever had.
~10:45 AM: Me and my friend get back to the car and sit down in it and have smoke. Smoking hash while on acid is very nice. I have had a nice warm buzz the whole time, having a smoke just made this much nicer.
~11:00 AM: I am suddenly very paranoid, everyone in the car next to me is staring at me. My friend has this same feeling. We keep looking over stupidly, and i start to get even more paranoid that they are all talking about us. We have to leave the car.
~11:05 AM: When i get out of the car, it is like entering a new world. Suddenly i am not so paranoid and realise that we were both being fools when we were in the car. I am happy again.
~11:30 AM: Walking around everyone is staring at me again. I don't like it here anymore, theres too many people everywhere. Lets go and have another smoke in the car, the same thing happens when we're in the car, we both suddenly get very paranoid. I have the urge to leave the car, i get out, am suddenly better again. I am confident, happy and tripping out. Everything is good again. Then its not, and then it is again. Serious sudden mood changes.
~12:00 PM: It feels like it is over. I am still lightly tripping, i am forming shapes in the distance, and the clouds look very very interesting. My thought process is still really weird. I don't feel like i am actually there. I am gonna wake up in a second and it has all been some weird dream.
~1:00 PM: It is all over. I am not getting such sudden mood changes and urges. The way i am thinking is still really weird, and when talking to people i seemed to try to say one thing and come out with something else (this didnt happen too much, mostly right at the end). My vision is still a bit wavy, but now I believe it is over
~1:15 PM:
Home time. I get in the back of my car and someone who hasnt been taking acid drives us home. The journey home i don't fall asleep, like i usually would after an all night rave. I still don't fully feel like I am actually there.
~3:00 PM:
Arrive home, lie down and think. I am happy because i have finally experienced the power of acid, but i am annoyed that i have to go to work the next day. I dont end up falling asleep till about 8:00. Was expecting to have some amazing dream, but didnt remember anything in the morning.
I'm looking forward to trying acid again. This time not with anything else and not with missing a nights sleep before hand.
Today (the day after):
I dont really have much of a downer, which i expected. I am content, not really happy, but my anxiety doesn't really seem any worse than it was before the rave.
I have been having sudden feelings of being faint, and then i cannot see, i am left with a sort of buzz. Had this before with pills, but never as weird as this: About 2 hours ago i fainted and woke up again saying "align". which was the word above the word i was trying to figure out on brainteaser which i had just been watching. you wont understand if you havent watched brainteaser. that was Very weird!
[added title -Splatt]
At 14 i started smoking hash. I smoked for fun on most days for a couple of years. At 16 i realised i was completely addicted to hash. After about a year, smoking hash didnt really do anything apart from a small buzz and would give me huge paranoia. I realized i didn't actually like the effects of hash and knew that smoking it brought out very bad anxiety in me. The trouble was i was completely addicted to it. At 18 i am still completely addicted.
At 17 I started doing pills. It started off as only on special occasions, then turned into every few weeks, then soon enough every weekend, sometimes twice a weekend. About 1/2 year later i was addicted to pills. Not all the time but every weekend, i would just be down all week looking forward to the next weekend. Then at the start of the easter holidays with my exams coming up, I gave up pills completely. This is where the problems began, I had always had massive comedowns the day after pilling up and then had a bit of depression mid week and increased anxiety for the whole week. When i stopped however, the anxiety and depression just didnt go away. It was like i'd opened up some part of my brain, and i'd have to work my way to feeling normal again. I tried my hardest to just act normal, but just couldnt and went through months after months with the worst anxiety/depression ive ever had. I didnt go out at the weekends, i just sat in on my own, and this made me even more depressed. Sitting at home all the time wouldnt do anything good for my anxiety either, without socialising.
After a while i realised i couldnt cope any more, and went to see a doctor. I was prescribed prozac, and have now been taking it for about 50 days. After about a month I think, i was just suddenly a lot better. My anxiety was still there, but did not have complete control over me, but I was happy! I think the fact that i was happy decreased my anxiety, i liked myself a bit more. My trails of thought are now positive, and i don't seem to think too much about things (which is a good thing, because i am happy).
Anyway thats my life story, now heres my trip report:
~12:00 AM:
Arrive at Brainskan, an all night rave, in a beautiful countryside location.
~12:30 AM:
Find some base, so that i can stay up all night, and drop it wrapped up in a rizla.
~1:00 AM:
Start to come up off the base. I feel a chill down my spine and the back of my neck. I am a lot more talkative suddenly, reminds me of pills, where when i used to do them, my anxiety is 90% gone. I am a lot happier, and start to realise that i have an amzing night to look forward to.
~1:30 AM:
Suddenly I get a headache. It starts off small, I remembered having headaches occasionally when i used to come up off pills, i tell myself it'll all be fine soon.
~1:45 AM:
Ahh, this is the worst headache ive ever had. The pain seemed to come in pulses. Then suddenly the headache would go, and i would then in a few seconds start to feel really sick.
~2:00 AM:
I get stuck in this cycle - Pulsating migrane - feeling sick and puking up on a few occasions. I then start to get very very paranoid that something has reacted with the prozac i am on, and i am heading towards permanent anxiety/depression. I run around asking for people for a paracetamol.
~3:00 AM:
I couldnt find a paracetamol, but by now my head wasnt hurting too much. But i was still not 'comfortable'.
~3:30 AM:
I find some acid! The logo was Sgt. Pepper. One logo took up 4 tabs, and i only bought one so i didnt get a good look. I decide to save it till when it is light. A friend buys some aswell, and we go and have a dance, and then a smoke.
~4:30 AM:
I am not really feeling the base effects anymore. I am still fully awake, but not so happy, talkative. I go and explore the countryside around me looking out for some nice places to go later when it is lighter.
~5:45 AM:
Me and a friend drop a tab of acid each. Straight after i put it in my mouth, I got a sudden feeling of parnoia that it was going to mess me up even more. I go and have a dance.
~6:30 AM:
It is now light. I havent really felt any effects from the acid. And i am convinced that the tab was fake.
~6:45 AM:
I am walking towards my car, i noticed that the door was open. I thought that i must have given my keys to a friend earlier because he wanted something from the car or something. I look for the keys, they are in my pocket, I look back at the car and the door is in fact locked.
~7:30 AM:
I hadnt really felt any amazing effects apart from the car door, and my thought process altered a bit. So i decided to buy another tab. This one had a picture of a teddy bear on it, it was one teddy bear per tab, not 4 this time. My friend was feeling a bit, but not much so he bought another tab aswell. We both drop them straight away.
~9:00 AM:
Oh my god these tabs do work, what the hell is going on. I dont really remember coming up, but more like i had always been like this. This is the strangest and most interesting feeling I have ever had.
~10:00 AM:
Me and a friend start exploring the countryside around us. The best thing was that wherever we went we could still here the amazing music banging away. I am now having lots of visuals. All the leaves on the ground are crawling around and all the bushes and trees are alive. I still dont really understand where I am( i know that im at a rave, but just dont feel like myself, i feel like i'm not actually there. I am a lot happier, about the fact that the visuals are so amazing, and that i finally got to experience LSD's great power.
~10:30 AM: Suddenly we both hear a noise. There is a farmer in a huge tractor on the field next to us. I get a huge rush of fear. I start coming up with stupid ideas that the farmer had seen us and we would be responsible for the whole rave being stopped. We both started to run through the wood, heading back to the car. On the way back, my thought process has gone really bad, i start to think that someone is going to see me and know that it is my fault that the rave was stopped. I start to realise that the rave hasnt been stopped, and the farmer in the tractor probably didnt see us. Acid gives me the biggest sudden mood changes i've ever had.
~10:45 AM: Me and my friend get back to the car and sit down in it and have smoke. Smoking hash while on acid is very nice. I have had a nice warm buzz the whole time, having a smoke just made this much nicer.
~11:00 AM: I am suddenly very paranoid, everyone in the car next to me is staring at me. My friend has this same feeling. We keep looking over stupidly, and i start to get even more paranoid that they are all talking about us. We have to leave the car.
~11:05 AM: When i get out of the car, it is like entering a new world. Suddenly i am not so paranoid and realise that we were both being fools when we were in the car. I am happy again.
~11:30 AM: Walking around everyone is staring at me again. I don't like it here anymore, theres too many people everywhere. Lets go and have another smoke in the car, the same thing happens when we're in the car, we both suddenly get very paranoid. I have the urge to leave the car, i get out, am suddenly better again. I am confident, happy and tripping out. Everything is good again. Then its not, and then it is again. Serious sudden mood changes.
~12:00 PM: It feels like it is over. I am still lightly tripping, i am forming shapes in the distance, and the clouds look very very interesting. My thought process is still really weird. I don't feel like i am actually there. I am gonna wake up in a second and it has all been some weird dream.
~1:00 PM: It is all over. I am not getting such sudden mood changes and urges. The way i am thinking is still really weird, and when talking to people i seemed to try to say one thing and come out with something else (this didnt happen too much, mostly right at the end). My vision is still a bit wavy, but now I believe it is over
~1:15 PM:
Home time. I get in the back of my car and someone who hasnt been taking acid drives us home. The journey home i don't fall asleep, like i usually would after an all night rave. I still don't fully feel like I am actually there.
~3:00 PM:
Arrive home, lie down and think. I am happy because i have finally experienced the power of acid, but i am annoyed that i have to go to work the next day. I dont end up falling asleep till about 8:00. Was expecting to have some amazing dream, but didnt remember anything in the morning.
I'm looking forward to trying acid again. This time not with anything else and not with missing a nights sleep before hand.
Today (the day after):
I dont really have much of a downer, which i expected. I am content, not really happy, but my anxiety doesn't really seem any worse than it was before the rave.
I have been having sudden feelings of being faint, and then i cannot see, i am left with a sort of buzz. Had this before with pills, but never as weird as this: About 2 hours ago i fainted and woke up again saying "align". which was the word above the word i was trying to figure out on brainteaser which i had just been watching. you wont understand if you havent watched brainteaser. that was Very weird!
[added title -Splatt]
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