Hey, I'm brand new here.
A friend recommended that I post here, and that you guys may have some insight as to what the hell happened to me.
PLEASE feel free to ask questions and I will answer them ASAP. I know there are loads of details I may have forgotten.
As a quick background, I have done acid many times in the past, and I have never felt anything like this before. I took one tab on a whim last night, not expecting it to do anything, as it was from a rather shifty source and had had little to no impact on a friend in the past. As alluded to in the following e-mail, I do have psychiatric issues. I think that may have caused some of what I experienced, but again I have no fucking idea.
The following is an exact copy-paste of the e-mail I sent to my friend about what I experienced.
"to start this off, i have to say that this is just me explaining this within available language.
i am not going to be able to truly convey what i experienced, probably not ever. it was unlike anything i have ever felt or even imagined.
at times it was like being in a big-budget amusement park ride. sometimes it felt like i was trapped in a fractal, or i was part of the fractal. i would even go as far as to say as i experienced death, or death as a mortal mind can process. "death" happened more than once.
this might get long, so sorry in advance.
the more i really think about this, the more i wonder if i had some kind of psychotic break, because i don't know if lsd by itself is capable of invoking some of the things that i felt.
i wrote a few pages of dialogue before i started peaking, none of it makes sense all together. it's just weird paragraphs of what i assume is people talking. i wasn't thinking when i wrote any of it, it was just spirit writing, in a sense.
"all actions are premeditated, moving in a circle. you will find the killer if you keep working in a circular fashion. i hope one day you will recall my advice, it's all i could ever hope for. you do remember what i told you, right? i'm certain of it. i know you remember. you have to! this isn't just fun and games kid. you have to know. your life may be on the fucking line"
that's just one block of text, i wont bore you with the rest.
i can't really describe the majority of this within any reasonable timeline, so i will just type out the notes i took on the train. i'm probably forgetting a lot. keep in mind that this was all VERY real. again i think this may have been influenced by my awful brain chemistry triggered by the dose, or something. i really wasn't expecting it to do anything, and i had even taken vyvanse earlier. i also took my meds before it really hit me. shit was STRONG.
i hope you can see the drawing i attached, it's of the 'ice colosseum' and a little guy who i refer to as "!!!" i will explain both of these in a second.
this song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unuQ8D93RxE) stands out as being really important too. it's kind of shitty in retrospect, but it stands out.
for most of this i was laying on my bed in the dark with my ipod on shuffle. for awhile i was hoping that SOMEONE would wake up, just so i could ask them to confirm that i existed. but then i rationalized that non-existence is what i've always wanted, so i accepted it and it became comfortable.
if you want to know any more about any particular thing just ask me and i might be able to describe it better. i know i'm leaving out a lot, and there is tons that i cannot explain. this was a metal and physical experience. i could feel things entering through my eyes, my skin, etc. i could not look at anything without becoming attached to it by fractals. i say fractals, but that's really just the closest word i can use to explain it. it was bizarre.
surprise! it's "!!!"! i drew a quick sketch of !!!. he came up A LOT. out of nowhere. i would be traveling to the end of the fractal and he would pop out and voices (including his) would say "surprise! it's !!!" the use of !!! is just a representation of the sound that !!! made. !!! represents a sound that i could best show in onomatopoeia as "llaym!" or "nyalym!" i will have to make the sound for you. so anyway, every time i would see this guy, he says "surprise! it's NYALYM!" I think !!! was born out of a poster i have of a pot leaf in my closet. !!! kind of looks like a pot leaf. from my train notes: "nobody really likes !!!. but he pops out with out warning."
the pot leaf was kind of a common theme for part of the trip. things would all turn into a pot leaf, but a totally symmetrical one, if that makes sense. the leaves would all flash off one by one until there was nothing but black. sometimes after they finished the rotation, !!! would pop up and yell. !!! ALWAYS announced his appearance. i felt slightly threatened by him. god this makes me sound so fucking dumb and crazy. but i'm both so who fucking cares.
anyhow.
here's my notes transcribed exactly.
"standing in a fractal. the russians are keeping the universe under wraps. feeling things under and all around my body, felt the black end of life two or three, several times. ice colosseum, going into battle. becoming the room, watching myself speaking and becoming philosophy, image and object, moving as a fractal. speaking image, rather, image flowing from me, into the air. the air becomes "me", "me" does not exist. blackness with light points. floating. moving disrupts the universe into frustration. all is one. surprise! it's !!! ! speaking flowing philosophy. the room moves thru me, i am everything and nothing. in the blackness. ice stadium flows with me until the blackness falls and there is no existence. the music has been written as an instruction to some duty i must carry out. getting up and moving things. moving abruptly, with out notice. going from standing in one place to laying on the bed. lights go on and off."
to explain some: (christ this is getting long and i've barely explained it...)
the ice stadium was a massive, seemingly endless, blue stadium. i was floating in a layer of it. the ice moved all around my body. i could feel it underneath me, flowing toward the centre of the stadium. that's me in a tiny portion of it in the drawing, just so you get an idea. i was going into battle but i was not scared. the ice stadium was eventually taken over by death, i never actually fought anything.
death flowed into several of the 'worlds' i traveled through. death was just blackness, and not at all scary. it would start in the middle of my consciousness and slowly spiral out, crushing everything silently until everything was black. sometimes i would just not exist for a few seconds, but i would slowly encounter a new area. sometimes i would become a part of the universe and just bounce around in the blackness with other beings who i could sense but not see.
sometimes things would get trapped in death's path but they would slowly be crushed out too. it's so vivid in my mind, but i can't describe it right.
i "felt" physically a lot of things. 'philosophy', or the physical embodiment of it, would flow out of me, out of my control. other times i would become a part of the room, and i would have to exist as a picture, or a wall, and the spirit of the object would occupy my physical body. i FELT this shit. i can still feel it, in a sense of remembrance, when i think about it now. it makes me feel kind of uncomfortable.
it takes a lot to scare me, but i feel a little worried that i now know all the inner workings of the entire universe, or at least some of them. i feel like a lot of what i experienced i wasn't ever meant to see or feel. like i tapped into god's inner workings.
i actually experienced being converted into a computer. a wave scanned over the entire room, evaluating it and digitalizing it. it was a wall of green that slowly passed over everything. when it passed over my eyes i saw what looked like the numbers from the matrix flowing. (i hate the matrix, i don't know if there is a name for those green numbers or not) it was like i was being recorded into a computer. ugh... i can FEEL this when i think about it, but i can't accurately describe it.
this is getting long and i'm sorry but i am not going to proof read it, so i hope it makes sense.
one last big thing was that i would be standing up, with the lights on, looking at something, and the next thing i knew i would be laying in bed with the lights off. or the other way around. i didn't remember touching the lights or getting up and down. that kind of bugs me, and i'm glad nothing bad happened to me.
the whole thing was so real. i feel like it was real.
i think my schizo lobe got set off, or something. maybe i was having a stroke or stopped breathing or something. maybe this is all totally normal and i've just been frying wrong all these years. at times it felt close to an intense salvia trip, but not as scary (once i accepted what was going on)
okay stopping now. please feel free to ask me more details or to fill in the gaps or whatever. i am leaving out quite a lot.
this whole email makes me sound like i'm fucking insane. maybe i am.
i hope this shit makes sense to you.
SURPRISE! it's !!! !!!"
What does this sound like to you guys? Any thoughts?
Thanks for reading, it means a lot.
A friend recommended that I post here, and that you guys may have some insight as to what the hell happened to me.
PLEASE feel free to ask questions and I will answer them ASAP. I know there are loads of details I may have forgotten.
As a quick background, I have done acid many times in the past, and I have never felt anything like this before. I took one tab on a whim last night, not expecting it to do anything, as it was from a rather shifty source and had had little to no impact on a friend in the past. As alluded to in the following e-mail, I do have psychiatric issues. I think that may have caused some of what I experienced, but again I have no fucking idea.
The following is an exact copy-paste of the e-mail I sent to my friend about what I experienced.
"to start this off, i have to say that this is just me explaining this within available language.
i am not going to be able to truly convey what i experienced, probably not ever. it was unlike anything i have ever felt or even imagined.
at times it was like being in a big-budget amusement park ride. sometimes it felt like i was trapped in a fractal, or i was part of the fractal. i would even go as far as to say as i experienced death, or death as a mortal mind can process. "death" happened more than once.
this might get long, so sorry in advance.
the more i really think about this, the more i wonder if i had some kind of psychotic break, because i don't know if lsd by itself is capable of invoking some of the things that i felt.
i wrote a few pages of dialogue before i started peaking, none of it makes sense all together. it's just weird paragraphs of what i assume is people talking. i wasn't thinking when i wrote any of it, it was just spirit writing, in a sense.
"all actions are premeditated, moving in a circle. you will find the killer if you keep working in a circular fashion. i hope one day you will recall my advice, it's all i could ever hope for. you do remember what i told you, right? i'm certain of it. i know you remember. you have to! this isn't just fun and games kid. you have to know. your life may be on the fucking line"
that's just one block of text, i wont bore you with the rest.
i can't really describe the majority of this within any reasonable timeline, so i will just type out the notes i took on the train. i'm probably forgetting a lot. keep in mind that this was all VERY real. again i think this may have been influenced by my awful brain chemistry triggered by the dose, or something. i really wasn't expecting it to do anything, and i had even taken vyvanse earlier. i also took my meds before it really hit me. shit was STRONG.
i hope you can see the drawing i attached, it's of the 'ice colosseum' and a little guy who i refer to as "!!!" i will explain both of these in a second.
this song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unuQ8D93RxE) stands out as being really important too. it's kind of shitty in retrospect, but it stands out.
for most of this i was laying on my bed in the dark with my ipod on shuffle. for awhile i was hoping that SOMEONE would wake up, just so i could ask them to confirm that i existed. but then i rationalized that non-existence is what i've always wanted, so i accepted it and it became comfortable.
if you want to know any more about any particular thing just ask me and i might be able to describe it better. i know i'm leaving out a lot, and there is tons that i cannot explain. this was a metal and physical experience. i could feel things entering through my eyes, my skin, etc. i could not look at anything without becoming attached to it by fractals. i say fractals, but that's really just the closest word i can use to explain it. it was bizarre.
surprise! it's "!!!"! i drew a quick sketch of !!!. he came up A LOT. out of nowhere. i would be traveling to the end of the fractal and he would pop out and voices (including his) would say "surprise! it's !!!" the use of !!! is just a representation of the sound that !!! made. !!! represents a sound that i could best show in onomatopoeia as "llaym!" or "nyalym!" i will have to make the sound for you. so anyway, every time i would see this guy, he says "surprise! it's NYALYM!" I think !!! was born out of a poster i have of a pot leaf in my closet. !!! kind of looks like a pot leaf. from my train notes: "nobody really likes !!!. but he pops out with out warning."
the pot leaf was kind of a common theme for part of the trip. things would all turn into a pot leaf, but a totally symmetrical one, if that makes sense. the leaves would all flash off one by one until there was nothing but black. sometimes after they finished the rotation, !!! would pop up and yell. !!! ALWAYS announced his appearance. i felt slightly threatened by him. god this makes me sound so fucking dumb and crazy. but i'm both so who fucking cares.
anyhow.
here's my notes transcribed exactly.
"standing in a fractal. the russians are keeping the universe under wraps. feeling things under and all around my body, felt the black end of life two or three, several times. ice colosseum, going into battle. becoming the room, watching myself speaking and becoming philosophy, image and object, moving as a fractal. speaking image, rather, image flowing from me, into the air. the air becomes "me", "me" does not exist. blackness with light points. floating. moving disrupts the universe into frustration. all is one. surprise! it's !!! ! speaking flowing philosophy. the room moves thru me, i am everything and nothing. in the blackness. ice stadium flows with me until the blackness falls and there is no existence. the music has been written as an instruction to some duty i must carry out. getting up and moving things. moving abruptly, with out notice. going from standing in one place to laying on the bed. lights go on and off."
to explain some: (christ this is getting long and i've barely explained it...)
the ice stadium was a massive, seemingly endless, blue stadium. i was floating in a layer of it. the ice moved all around my body. i could feel it underneath me, flowing toward the centre of the stadium. that's me in a tiny portion of it in the drawing, just so you get an idea. i was going into battle but i was not scared. the ice stadium was eventually taken over by death, i never actually fought anything.
death flowed into several of the 'worlds' i traveled through. death was just blackness, and not at all scary. it would start in the middle of my consciousness and slowly spiral out, crushing everything silently until everything was black. sometimes i would just not exist for a few seconds, but i would slowly encounter a new area. sometimes i would become a part of the universe and just bounce around in the blackness with other beings who i could sense but not see.
sometimes things would get trapped in death's path but they would slowly be crushed out too. it's so vivid in my mind, but i can't describe it right.
i "felt" physically a lot of things. 'philosophy', or the physical embodiment of it, would flow out of me, out of my control. other times i would become a part of the room, and i would have to exist as a picture, or a wall, and the spirit of the object would occupy my physical body. i FELT this shit. i can still feel it, in a sense of remembrance, when i think about it now. it makes me feel kind of uncomfortable.
it takes a lot to scare me, but i feel a little worried that i now know all the inner workings of the entire universe, or at least some of them. i feel like a lot of what i experienced i wasn't ever meant to see or feel. like i tapped into god's inner workings.
i actually experienced being converted into a computer. a wave scanned over the entire room, evaluating it and digitalizing it. it was a wall of green that slowly passed over everything. when it passed over my eyes i saw what looked like the numbers from the matrix flowing. (i hate the matrix, i don't know if there is a name for those green numbers or not) it was like i was being recorded into a computer. ugh... i can FEEL this when i think about it, but i can't accurately describe it.
this is getting long and i'm sorry but i am not going to proof read it, so i hope it makes sense.
one last big thing was that i would be standing up, with the lights on, looking at something, and the next thing i knew i would be laying in bed with the lights off. or the other way around. i didn't remember touching the lights or getting up and down. that kind of bugs me, and i'm glad nothing bad happened to me.
the whole thing was so real. i feel like it was real.
i think my schizo lobe got set off, or something. maybe i was having a stroke or stopped breathing or something. maybe this is all totally normal and i've just been frying wrong all these years. at times it felt close to an intense salvia trip, but not as scary (once i accepted what was going on)
okay stopping now. please feel free to ask me more details or to fill in the gaps or whatever. i am leaving out quite a lot.
this whole email makes me sound like i'm fucking insane. maybe i am.
i hope this shit makes sense to you.
SURPRISE! it's !!! !!!"
What does this sound like to you guys? Any thoughts?
Thanks for reading, it means a lot.
