piku_playground
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Aug 29, 2009
- Messages
- 79
It's hard for me to write out this report as my memory of the night is very blurred. If I would have gotten sleep immediately after the trip I think I would have had an easier time recalling the significant parts, but as I didn't sleep for nearly 24 hours after the initial dosing, my mind went into all types of exhausted states.
Mindset:
My state of mind that day was confusing at best. I had worked earlier in the day and only got a couple hours of sleep. I was exhausted by the time I got off work so I took a two hour nap. Most of the day I was extremely pessimistic and depressed about my own personality. I've been considering the possibility that I am incapable of love and don't really deserve it. I spent most of the day in this frame of mind, hypothetically considering negative consequences of my personality. By the time night came (after I had taken a short nap) I was feeling slightly better.
My friend had called around eight o'clock and told me about a party these kids we know were throwing where they were selling good acid. Hearing this I was psyched and immediately went to the party to get some for a future date and chill out. I arrived and met up with five friends, three of which had already dropped one hit. As I got more drunk the idea of tripping sounded very alluring. I'm normally really nervous about tripping on any substance as I am a very anxiety driven person, but for some reason I had been comfortable with the idea of tripping on acid for the first time (even before I was drunk at the party.)
Finally I decided to drop one hit, just like the rest of my friends, and leave the party with them to go to my studio where we could have a safe environment.
Experience:
12:45am - I dropped right before we left the party and walked to my place which was about a 20 min walk. By this time I had drank about four beers, a glass of wine and smoked a few hits of good weed.
1:00 am- I was extremely excited on the walk to my studio. I was giddy with enthusiasm and couldn't wait for the trip to come up. I was being very interactive with all of my friends, jumping up and down and skipping around.
1:30am- We arrive at my place and I put some music on. I feel like my energy and euphoria is skyrocketing. I'm dancing for the next half hour or so and extremely connected to the music. I love dancing in any state of mind, but it felt like everything I put on I could immerse myself in.
2:00am- It doesn't really seem like my friends are wanting to dance, so I decide not to do so by myself. We go outside and smoke some cigarettes and I'm laughing with absurdities and really enjoying myself. I believe we drank some more wine by this time.
2:15am- We come back inside from the cold. I've felt very chilly the whole night, even before dropping. The cold ends up sticking with me the whole night which was a little annoying.
2:30am- I'm feeling sexual, euphoric, analytical, fantastic, confident, charismatic, feminine, absurd...
I begin to devour fragments of thoughts I've been considering in my individual philosophy. Things such as my subjective experience of life. What love is and what it means to be selfless. How to cross the line between subjective and objective, and experience the external world instead of constantly reflecting on it.
I express these things to my friends in charismatic fashion. I'm shooting ideas out in purely comedic fashion; expressing the futility of any given thought, but also the significance of it to social existence. Everyone seems to be eating up what I'm saying, and I enjoy the attention. But at the same time I don't believe I was ever trying to dominate myself unto others, I kept promoting people to express themselves and their own perspectives, which they would do a certain extent.
3am- I want to go further down the rabbit hole. I express this to everyone around me. I keep thinking how much I love acid and feel a huge sense of relief that the drug is effecting me in a positive way (at least how I felt at the time.)
Everyone smokes some weed outside and comes back in and sits on the ground together. I'm feeling very sexual and keep rolling around on the carpet. I feel a strong connection to the two women that were present there. One was my friends girlfriend, and the other was a girl who has had feelings for me before but I could not reciprocate. I decide to not focus on sexuality between either of them and instead focus more on their feminine nature. I've always felt myself to be an androgynous person and I'm deeply intrigued by their nature.
The conversation moves around to different points, but the group is beginning to lose their connection. I'm fascinated by how easily the women are able to perceive different perspectives in the groups and about life in general. I want to explore their mind and drop my preexisting gender schema I live by every day. I consider how lovely it would be to drop acid with a group of women on a giant, fluffy white bed with giant pillows. I would subject myself to their every feminine whim.
3:30am- Everyone is moving in and out of making sense of each other. It feels like the acid is fading for the first three friends who dropped earlier.
4:00am- We make tea with this strange contraption and we discover how hard it is to do so. This seems to occupy a few of us for a while.
4:30am- We realize we have only been tripping for four hours. This scares us a little as we don't seem to be enjoying the trip as much. Things are becoming more edgy and harder to express to others.
5:00am- I'm feeling really confused and getting anxious because everyone is doing their own thing. One is listening to music and drawing, one is lying on the floor, another seems despondent, the other two are staring out the window.
5:30am- These feelings seem to increase. No one knows what to do. No one knows where they are going or what the morning holds. One friend has a meeting at 8:30 to go to and I have to work at noon.
6:00am- The thought of going to work keeps adding stress. I've had only a few hours of sleep in the past 36 hours and i'm not sure if I will be getting any this morning.
My friends decide to leave so we all walk outside and back to where our cars are.
6:15am- I'm still tripping. I feel extremely disconnected from the reality around me and have virtually no ability to speak to those around me. They all seem to not be tripping as hard as I still am. This concerns me as I feel like I should be closer to baseline.
6:30am- We are at our cars and my friends apartment. We all say goodbye to each other and I know everyone feels like we are abandoning each other.
6:45am- I take one of my friends to her house as she has no car. I try talking about practical things with her on the drive home, but I'm afraid that I'm still tripping and don't really want to be alone soon. She seems fine and i'm probably coming off as a bit paranoid at this point.
7am- I drop her off at home and head back to my studio. I feel a slight sense of relief whenever I feel the warmth of my heater or the feeling of the sun. It seems like any physical sensations connect me back to my body and take me out of the trip a little more.
7:15am- I get home and still feel strange. I really want the drug to leave.
7:30am- I try to sleep with no success. I drink three beers to try and calm down. Keeping active with games on my phone and feeling the bubbly alcohol in my mouth seems to help.
8:00- Somehow I fell asleep for a short while. The 20 mins of rest seems to have reduced most of the anxiety and feelings of the acid. I'm more comfortable now and continue to try and sleep.
8-11am- I get zero sleep. It's hard to function. I can hardly put on my clothes or shower. I look in the mirror and see how thin I am and it scares me. I have no fat, just muscle and bones.
12pm- I go to work and take some adderall because there is no way I can function at my job without some stimulant. It's a saturday morning and my work is packed, one of the most busy days I have seen.
12-7pm- I have a lot of fun working and analyzing peoples behavior. I'm probably acting nothing like myself, but no one seems to notice. I enjoy joking with people, something I'm normally to shy to do with strangers.
8pm- After work I go to sleep and don't wake up for 12 hours.
Mindset:
My state of mind that day was confusing at best. I had worked earlier in the day and only got a couple hours of sleep. I was exhausted by the time I got off work so I took a two hour nap. Most of the day I was extremely pessimistic and depressed about my own personality. I've been considering the possibility that I am incapable of love and don't really deserve it. I spent most of the day in this frame of mind, hypothetically considering negative consequences of my personality. By the time night came (after I had taken a short nap) I was feeling slightly better.
My friend had called around eight o'clock and told me about a party these kids we know were throwing where they were selling good acid. Hearing this I was psyched and immediately went to the party to get some for a future date and chill out. I arrived and met up with five friends, three of which had already dropped one hit. As I got more drunk the idea of tripping sounded very alluring. I'm normally really nervous about tripping on any substance as I am a very anxiety driven person, but for some reason I had been comfortable with the idea of tripping on acid for the first time (even before I was drunk at the party.)
Finally I decided to drop one hit, just like the rest of my friends, and leave the party with them to go to my studio where we could have a safe environment.
Experience:
12:45am - I dropped right before we left the party and walked to my place which was about a 20 min walk. By this time I had drank about four beers, a glass of wine and smoked a few hits of good weed.
1:00 am- I was extremely excited on the walk to my studio. I was giddy with enthusiasm and couldn't wait for the trip to come up. I was being very interactive with all of my friends, jumping up and down and skipping around.
1:30am- We arrive at my place and I put some music on. I feel like my energy and euphoria is skyrocketing. I'm dancing for the next half hour or so and extremely connected to the music. I love dancing in any state of mind, but it felt like everything I put on I could immerse myself in.
2:00am- It doesn't really seem like my friends are wanting to dance, so I decide not to do so by myself. We go outside and smoke some cigarettes and I'm laughing with absurdities and really enjoying myself. I believe we drank some more wine by this time.
2:15am- We come back inside from the cold. I've felt very chilly the whole night, even before dropping. The cold ends up sticking with me the whole night which was a little annoying.
2:30am- I'm feeling sexual, euphoric, analytical, fantastic, confident, charismatic, feminine, absurd...
I begin to devour fragments of thoughts I've been considering in my individual philosophy. Things such as my subjective experience of life. What love is and what it means to be selfless. How to cross the line between subjective and objective, and experience the external world instead of constantly reflecting on it.
I express these things to my friends in charismatic fashion. I'm shooting ideas out in purely comedic fashion; expressing the futility of any given thought, but also the significance of it to social existence. Everyone seems to be eating up what I'm saying, and I enjoy the attention. But at the same time I don't believe I was ever trying to dominate myself unto others, I kept promoting people to express themselves and their own perspectives, which they would do a certain extent.
3am- I want to go further down the rabbit hole. I express this to everyone around me. I keep thinking how much I love acid and feel a huge sense of relief that the drug is effecting me in a positive way (at least how I felt at the time.)
Everyone smokes some weed outside and comes back in and sits on the ground together. I'm feeling very sexual and keep rolling around on the carpet. I feel a strong connection to the two women that were present there. One was my friends girlfriend, and the other was a girl who has had feelings for me before but I could not reciprocate. I decide to not focus on sexuality between either of them and instead focus more on their feminine nature. I've always felt myself to be an androgynous person and I'm deeply intrigued by their nature.
The conversation moves around to different points, but the group is beginning to lose their connection. I'm fascinated by how easily the women are able to perceive different perspectives in the groups and about life in general. I want to explore their mind and drop my preexisting gender schema I live by every day. I consider how lovely it would be to drop acid with a group of women on a giant, fluffy white bed with giant pillows. I would subject myself to their every feminine whim.
3:30am- Everyone is moving in and out of making sense of each other. It feels like the acid is fading for the first three friends who dropped earlier.
4:00am- We make tea with this strange contraption and we discover how hard it is to do so. This seems to occupy a few of us for a while.
4:30am- We realize we have only been tripping for four hours. This scares us a little as we don't seem to be enjoying the trip as much. Things are becoming more edgy and harder to express to others.
5:00am- I'm feeling really confused and getting anxious because everyone is doing their own thing. One is listening to music and drawing, one is lying on the floor, another seems despondent, the other two are staring out the window.
5:30am- These feelings seem to increase. No one knows what to do. No one knows where they are going or what the morning holds. One friend has a meeting at 8:30 to go to and I have to work at noon.
6:00am- The thought of going to work keeps adding stress. I've had only a few hours of sleep in the past 36 hours and i'm not sure if I will be getting any this morning.
My friends decide to leave so we all walk outside and back to where our cars are.
6:15am- I'm still tripping. I feel extremely disconnected from the reality around me and have virtually no ability to speak to those around me. They all seem to not be tripping as hard as I still am. This concerns me as I feel like I should be closer to baseline.
6:30am- We are at our cars and my friends apartment. We all say goodbye to each other and I know everyone feels like we are abandoning each other.
6:45am- I take one of my friends to her house as she has no car. I try talking about practical things with her on the drive home, but I'm afraid that I'm still tripping and don't really want to be alone soon. She seems fine and i'm probably coming off as a bit paranoid at this point.
7am- I drop her off at home and head back to my studio. I feel a slight sense of relief whenever I feel the warmth of my heater or the feeling of the sun. It seems like any physical sensations connect me back to my body and take me out of the trip a little more.
7:15am- I get home and still feel strange. I really want the drug to leave.
7:30am- I try to sleep with no success. I drink three beers to try and calm down. Keeping active with games on my phone and feeling the bubbly alcohol in my mouth seems to help.
8:00- Somehow I fell asleep for a short while. The 20 mins of rest seems to have reduced most of the anxiety and feelings of the acid. I'm more comfortable now and continue to try and sleep.
8-11am- I get zero sleep. It's hard to function. I can hardly put on my clothes or shower. I look in the mirror and see how thin I am and it scares me. I have no fat, just muscle and bones.
12pm- I go to work and take some adderall because there is no way I can function at my job without some stimulant. It's a saturday morning and my work is packed, one of the most busy days I have seen.
12-7pm- I have a lot of fun working and analyzing peoples behavior. I'm probably acting nothing like myself, but no one seems to notice. I enjoy joking with people, something I'm normally to shy to do with strangers.
8pm- After work I go to sleep and don't wake up for 12 hours.
, or just drop earlier