bikki_muncher69
Bluelighter
I thought a few of you would be interested in this story, as many of the guru's includeing raja ram say that psychosis is one of my most profound revalations to the true nature of reality, this is definatly an account of that. Enjoy reading i hope after this you will treat drugs especially psychedelics as tools rather than just "drugs" pre plan your trips and account for most variables that could cause somthing to go wrong not just the obvious. Thanks and I hope you enjoy the read as its taken me a while to get over it and get it down in text form.
A little bit of background, I’ve been using psychedelics mainly LSD for about a year now and about march this year I had my first real psychotic break, in my family there is a history of schizophrenia which has causes me to have less mental protection than say other people. The first time I had psychosis I went to a big psychedelic day festival where raja ram from 1200 mic's was playing, I dosed about 250 mic's before I met up with my friends which was a very bad idea, when I finally met up with my friends I was spiritually disconnected from them all, even good people I was friends with that I saw there I could not talk to because it was like they or I was on a totally different level, I was not going with the flow at all and my awareness was too much for my human mind to handle just a totally cosmic event, but I know I put myself in that position because "I wanted to know more" I could not interact with the party I could only just watch as an observer.
Because I did not go with friends I discovered that friends are so important to start and end the trip with as they give your grounding I saw the force field around the groups of people that kept them protected it was a yellow colour which leads me to think it was energy associated with the 3rd chakra, the reason I did not have any connection with my friends was because I was blasted up into space, I actually had my angels trying to "wake me up" but I could not understand the situation and I did not know how to control my energies but one thing I got from everyone later that night, when I looked at them, they looked back at me with the utmost respect as if to say, wow your really going through a difficult one. I partied till about 2am went home and was unable to sleep and well into the next day I was still tripping and I could feel as though my root chakra was lost, funny thing was that my cat tried to ground me by sleeping in that area and I could feel the energy coming through him into me reconnecting me but I freaked out I gave into fear. I was also searching for god and god showed me he existed but in order to do that he had to put me in a situation where I was void from light and love whereas we are normally always connected to the light and love. We'll I went to my parents work crying freaking out so they took me to hospital I spent 3 days there and recovered.
About 3 months after that episode I got drunk and stoned and ended up having LSD again but this time I was with a friend and was able to control the fear, I went to a club I used to go to all the time and it was a very cosmic experience and I had some idea what was happening to me so I didn’t freak out, but when I got back to my house with my friend, my friend was talking to me saying stuff like "so how would you like to end up this way forever ect..." and I'm positive this was another entity talking through him as this was the first time my friend had had psychedelics and he had a decent first timer dose, he can also confirm he wasn’t in his body when this conversation occurred but everything went back to normal and I "landed" correctly I could see the protective coating of my mind coming back like a force field and it all came back at the second after 12 hours since id taken the acid I could pinpoint it that close.
The 2nd psychosis I had which was the worse was due to MDMA, I did something similar that I did the first time I went psychotic, which was taking the pill I got before I met up with friends, when I met up with my friend I was on his level for a little while and dancing having a good time but then things started to get weird, I lost connection from my friend and in the club I started to go against the flow again, when I stopped dancing the music would go shitty and everything would be out of tune and the club wouldn’t be having a very good time but when I danced everyone would start cheering the music would go awesome, this was just too much, I thought I need to go home, so I caught a cab home but something about that was very wrong.
When I went to catch the cab there was this kid in the cab with a very fucked up look on his face, and when I went to get into the cab he opened his door to get out as he was going to let me take that cab instead and it was like if I moved back the door would shut and he would get back in it but if I moved fwd it would open again so I thought hey this is only reality ill be fine, so I got in the cab and to get to my house you have to drive over this bridge which is the main suicide bridge in my city when he got onto the highway to get onto the bridge I felt very uneasy there was something very wrong, I told the cab driver to take the long way around and not go over the bridge but it was too late he wouldn’t stop as we were going over the bridge its like I felt myself jump over the edge I experienced my death and I saw the mind in its entirety, total consciousness from rock to pure light and love and it sort of reset itself, yet I was still in the cab when I got home I freaked out because I thought I was dead so I called an ambulance when I got to hospital I had these 3 people by my bed who were very dark, I also saw these 3 entities in the club where I started to freak out, and when I got moved hospital to my mothers one which is out of town I also saw these three entities, I felt them draining energy from my heart stomach and hip, it felt like I had died, I also had no higher self so I had no connection to god.
I came back to normal about a week later after 5 days of no sleep or eating, I nearly died because of that and not I'm still not quite normal, I see those entities sometimes manifest in people and there will always be 3 people that take on the same soul's as those entities, even though they are normal people, I have come to the conclusion that’s why some people with permanent psychosis attack innocent people because they believe them to be those entities, also psychosis as much of it is a "physical" disorder of brain chemicals I think it is just other souls that have attached themselves to that persons mind hence the voices ect... shamans also believe this and feel that DMT can cure this as under the guidance of a shaman they can remove these spirits.
so ill come to what I'm feeling like these days to finish off, I see geometric Picasso painting type patterns on surfaces such at carpets ect... which doesn’t really bother me that much, what dose bother me is that when I'm talking to people its hard for me to look them in the eyes because when I do its like I'm not looking directly at them, I think this is due to my body/mind physical/spiritual self not aligning properly with the rest of people in reality. I know this because I would be left feeling like this after a bad trip and it would correct itself when I had a good trip and everything was crispy clear everything aligned perfectly. I was also left feeling disconnected after my first psychosis with the LSD then when I took LSD the second time I realigned and when I talked to my friends the connection was just perfect, after that 2nd psychosis I've been left feeling the same disconnected way I did after the first. Other than that I can totally function normally I just feel the presence of these entities from time to time and the feeling slightly disconnected is quite annoying and its starting to get on my nerves more and more.
I'm considering getting some theta/serenity vibration healing done and also some reiki as I believe this will help me to align myself and get rid of those negative energies which are stopping me from healing properly. I might consider doing psychedelics again but if I do it will be under a very low dose with a lot of good friends around and some cosmic dudes who are experienced with trips and every situation I have or ever will have to deal with. Most likely if I don’t completely heal in a while then ill probably go and see a shaman rather than taking the chance at another trip.
Anyway that’s my story.
A little bit of background, I’ve been using psychedelics mainly LSD for about a year now and about march this year I had my first real psychotic break, in my family there is a history of schizophrenia which has causes me to have less mental protection than say other people. The first time I had psychosis I went to a big psychedelic day festival where raja ram from 1200 mic's was playing, I dosed about 250 mic's before I met up with my friends which was a very bad idea, when I finally met up with my friends I was spiritually disconnected from them all, even good people I was friends with that I saw there I could not talk to because it was like they or I was on a totally different level, I was not going with the flow at all and my awareness was too much for my human mind to handle just a totally cosmic event, but I know I put myself in that position because "I wanted to know more" I could not interact with the party I could only just watch as an observer.
Because I did not go with friends I discovered that friends are so important to start and end the trip with as they give your grounding I saw the force field around the groups of people that kept them protected it was a yellow colour which leads me to think it was energy associated with the 3rd chakra, the reason I did not have any connection with my friends was because I was blasted up into space, I actually had my angels trying to "wake me up" but I could not understand the situation and I did not know how to control my energies but one thing I got from everyone later that night, when I looked at them, they looked back at me with the utmost respect as if to say, wow your really going through a difficult one. I partied till about 2am went home and was unable to sleep and well into the next day I was still tripping and I could feel as though my root chakra was lost, funny thing was that my cat tried to ground me by sleeping in that area and I could feel the energy coming through him into me reconnecting me but I freaked out I gave into fear. I was also searching for god and god showed me he existed but in order to do that he had to put me in a situation where I was void from light and love whereas we are normally always connected to the light and love. We'll I went to my parents work crying freaking out so they took me to hospital I spent 3 days there and recovered.
About 3 months after that episode I got drunk and stoned and ended up having LSD again but this time I was with a friend and was able to control the fear, I went to a club I used to go to all the time and it was a very cosmic experience and I had some idea what was happening to me so I didn’t freak out, but when I got back to my house with my friend, my friend was talking to me saying stuff like "so how would you like to end up this way forever ect..." and I'm positive this was another entity talking through him as this was the first time my friend had had psychedelics and he had a decent first timer dose, he can also confirm he wasn’t in his body when this conversation occurred but everything went back to normal and I "landed" correctly I could see the protective coating of my mind coming back like a force field and it all came back at the second after 12 hours since id taken the acid I could pinpoint it that close.
The 2nd psychosis I had which was the worse was due to MDMA, I did something similar that I did the first time I went psychotic, which was taking the pill I got before I met up with friends, when I met up with my friend I was on his level for a little while and dancing having a good time but then things started to get weird, I lost connection from my friend and in the club I started to go against the flow again, when I stopped dancing the music would go shitty and everything would be out of tune and the club wouldn’t be having a very good time but when I danced everyone would start cheering the music would go awesome, this was just too much, I thought I need to go home, so I caught a cab home but something about that was very wrong.
When I went to catch the cab there was this kid in the cab with a very fucked up look on his face, and when I went to get into the cab he opened his door to get out as he was going to let me take that cab instead and it was like if I moved back the door would shut and he would get back in it but if I moved fwd it would open again so I thought hey this is only reality ill be fine, so I got in the cab and to get to my house you have to drive over this bridge which is the main suicide bridge in my city when he got onto the highway to get onto the bridge I felt very uneasy there was something very wrong, I told the cab driver to take the long way around and not go over the bridge but it was too late he wouldn’t stop as we were going over the bridge its like I felt myself jump over the edge I experienced my death and I saw the mind in its entirety, total consciousness from rock to pure light and love and it sort of reset itself, yet I was still in the cab when I got home I freaked out because I thought I was dead so I called an ambulance when I got to hospital I had these 3 people by my bed who were very dark, I also saw these 3 entities in the club where I started to freak out, and when I got moved hospital to my mothers one which is out of town I also saw these three entities, I felt them draining energy from my heart stomach and hip, it felt like I had died, I also had no higher self so I had no connection to god.
I came back to normal about a week later after 5 days of no sleep or eating, I nearly died because of that and not I'm still not quite normal, I see those entities sometimes manifest in people and there will always be 3 people that take on the same soul's as those entities, even though they are normal people, I have come to the conclusion that’s why some people with permanent psychosis attack innocent people because they believe them to be those entities, also psychosis as much of it is a "physical" disorder of brain chemicals I think it is just other souls that have attached themselves to that persons mind hence the voices ect... shamans also believe this and feel that DMT can cure this as under the guidance of a shaman they can remove these spirits.
so ill come to what I'm feeling like these days to finish off, I see geometric Picasso painting type patterns on surfaces such at carpets ect... which doesn’t really bother me that much, what dose bother me is that when I'm talking to people its hard for me to look them in the eyes because when I do its like I'm not looking directly at them, I think this is due to my body/mind physical/spiritual self not aligning properly with the rest of people in reality. I know this because I would be left feeling like this after a bad trip and it would correct itself when I had a good trip and everything was crispy clear everything aligned perfectly. I was also left feeling disconnected after my first psychosis with the LSD then when I took LSD the second time I realigned and when I talked to my friends the connection was just perfect, after that 2nd psychosis I've been left feeling the same disconnected way I did after the first. Other than that I can totally function normally I just feel the presence of these entities from time to time and the feeling slightly disconnected is quite annoying and its starting to get on my nerves more and more.
I'm considering getting some theta/serenity vibration healing done and also some reiki as I believe this will help me to align myself and get rid of those negative energies which are stopping me from healing properly. I might consider doing psychedelics again but if I do it will be under a very low dose with a lot of good friends around and some cosmic dudes who are experienced with trips and every situation I have or ever will have to deal with. Most likely if I don’t completely heal in a while then ill probably go and see a shaman rather than taking the chance at another trip.
Anyway that’s my story.
