Wow, how can one ever begin to parse a true experience with LSD.
Setting: An outdoor Goa/psy music festival located in a small, remote valley in British Columbia. Snow covered rocky peaks towered on all four sides. A turquoise coloured, glacial fed mountain river rushed through the site. Sound stages were set up in the forest next to the river.
Set: The plan was to take MDMA. For a first acid experience, my gut feeling was to not take it in such a public place with pounding music. However, as it began to get dark I was encouraged by psychedelic community present that I would never have a better opportunity than to explore the world of Goa trance surrounded by supporting people who loved and cared for me. Plus, I was reassured by the fact that someone who had taken a drop of acid had come back for another one an hour and a half later claiming that the one drop had only made things a little 'shifty'. This tipped the balance in favour of me dropping acid.
Prior psychedelic experience: Perhaps ten mushroom trips in the 1.5 to 3 gram range. They were all undertaken at home and were in the mild to moderate intensity range with me never completely 'leaving' the present reality.
Dosage: 1 drop of liquid acid on a sugar cube. In retrospect, the strength of this acid was vastly underrated, and the experienced trippers said it was fairly intense. They estimated it was approximately the intensity of 3 hits of regular blotter.
At approximately 10:00 p.m. as the last of the daylight was fading from the northern sky, I put the sugar cube into my mouth and begin aimlessly walking the forest pathways to settle my mind. As the sugar cube was dissolving in my mouth, there was the ever present knowledge that I was committed to whatever was going to happen and that there was no going back. With the knowledge that introverted introspection would only heighten my anxiety, I decided to go dance at the progressive area.
At this time I lost track of the time because I didn't want to be 'waiting' for any effects. Suddenly, there was an alert. Something shifted ever so slightly. Perhaps it could best be described as a positive mood shift accompanied by a heightened awareness. The fluorescent posters in the DJ booth caught my eye and I soon was staring at them as I danced. Without warning, there was a short lived significant wave of nausea followed by what is best described as a rush. I felt my face would split apart from the wide smile that stretched from ear to ear. The uplifting music carried me higher and higher into a wave of bliss and ecstasy.
This cycle of short lived unpleasant nausea followed by another push happened several times until the ecstasy and bliss was followed by that 'strange' headspace that heralds the entrance into the true psychedelic realm. At this point I was no longer nauseous, but I did have that feeling as if my stomach could turn inside out at any time, without warning. I was feeling hot and sweaty, so I stopped dancing and made my way across the stones and rocks to the edge of the river. In the darkness, I couldn't tell what I was walking on; but it sure as hell wasn't stones and sand. It seemed to be some field of snow with large lumps in it.
By this time I wasn't particularly freaked out or scared, but I was already surpassing the mark reached on previous psychedelic journeys with the mushroom. My trip sitters soon came and found me to check up on me. I was entering the realms of the experience at a rapid pace, so we made our way back to our tent and laid down for what my friend described as the 'liquid' phase of the come up to pass.
That is when the first acid visuals began to manifest themselves. When I closed my eyes I was assaulted with such brilliant displays of colours and lights that I felt the need to squint, even with my eyes closed. Unlike the earth tones of mushrooms, these were brilliant, fluorescent colours. Also unlike mushroom visuals, these weren't wavy, 'organic' visuals. They were fractals and rays, spinning orbs and 3 dimensional fields of overlaid designs.
Already well past where I have previously voyaged on a psychedelic journey, I asked one of my trip sitters if this was as strong as it would get. He smiled and said, "Oh no, we're not there yet."
As I looked through the open tent door into the dark night sky, the trees outlined in black against the star lit sky played neat tricks with my mind. There were ghosts, goblins and witches. My mind filled in the blanks and I saw spirits and faces in the shape. When people walked by on the path nearby, they were ghostly spirits that flitted past.
The nausea now largely past, we decided to make our way to the Goa stage. It was perhaps a two minute walk through the dark forest on a twisty path that went up and down. It was lined with votive candles and at some places candles that had been placed in paper bags and put on both sides of the path. Nothing made sense at this point and it was nearly impossible to navigate this path. It was a group effort to get to the Goa stage. We slowly made our way as small dips became valleys and small hills became mountains that had to be conquered.
It was a tremendous relief to finally reach the dancefloor. The music was pounding Goa that was overlaid with layer upon layer of razor sharp acid lines that cut to my very core. As we begin to dance, I began to understand the true nature of trance music and why it is called trance music. The acid was the key that unlocked the door and the trance music was the vehicle that was taking me on a journey.
At this point in time, the experience begans to become too vast and too deep to properly explain, so I can only try. I kept getting higher and higher and it became harder and harder for my spirit to stay on the dancefloor. I would start to leave my body and then fight to stay there and for perhaps the briefest period of a second I would be able to maintain until I would realize my eyes were closed and I was again voyaging towards the centre of the universe. At this point for the first time in my life I experienced synesthesia. The music became not only sound, but it also became colour and sight. I no longer interpreted it as a sound, it became a living entity. When that happened, I was gone.
I was dancing and staring up at the stars and the Milky Way when this happened. What happened next will forever blow my mind. I always thought these wild acid experiences were exaggerated or blown out of proportion. Suddenly my body could no longer contain my spirit and I was gone. I 'saw' the heartbeat of the universe and the inteconnectedness and unity of the universe. I melted into this vision and for who knows how long simply existed as part of the pulsing life force that holds everything together in eternal perfection. As the vision began to fade, I began to perceive that I was trying to lead an existence that was out of sync with the heartbeat of the universe.
When the vision was gone, I was back on the dance floor and looked around in disbelief. Every dancer and participant there was one. There was an overwhelming realization that I had been blessed and privileged to join a global community that had shared this experience and that there was no way to ever go back. Suddenly it all made sense in a way that is more real and tangible than I can ever explain.
I began to run into difficulty at this point. Something so grand had happened that I had 'completed' my trip and wanted it to be over. What had happened to me was so vast and so grand that I needed to find a quiet place to try to process what had happened. Again, it wasn't a feeling of being scared or freaked out, but rather a feeling of something so important and magnificent that I had to stop and digest.
My friends helped me back through the forest to our tent where I lay down with one of my trip sitters. She began to talk to me, but I was so high that I knew she was talking but I couldn't really comprehend anything she said.
As we lay in the tent, I knew that I needed to die. Somehow I felt that my ego needed to be obliterated so that I could reconstruct with this new knowledge I carried. I found out just what it means to have yourself laid completely bare and see yourself for just what you are. And I couldn't let go....I fought and fought to stay alive. My ego could not relinquish its hold over me. I don't know what my trip sitter thought, but I remember groaning, "My self needs to die, but I'm too scared." It was certainly difficult and unpleasant, but not in a freak out sort of way.
And so I laid there and I fought. Suddenly through the haze I heard my trip sitter explaining that these experiences were such a privilege and a blessing to be afforded to be able to see these glimpses of ourselves and the truth of what we are. I was laying there stiff as a board and as this thought penetrated my consciousness, I began to relax. Instead of viewing this as a process to be fought and resisted, I began to accept that I was a privileged soul that had been given an incredible gift.
By this time the peak of the LSD experience was over, and I never did achieve ego death. The tent became a happy, cozy place even if the roof over our heads was shifting and morphing.
My trip sitter and I began discussing life and all the petty problems we encounter. When we compared what we were experiencing to our so called lives, the ridiculousness of it all became the funniest thing in the universe and we begin to howl with laughter. The more we laughed the more ridiculous life became and the harder we laughed.
This was about three hours into the experience, and we decided now was a great time to drop the MDMA. So amid a great deal of laughter and mirth I ate two pills of MDMA. There was no real comeup from the MDMA. What I would call it is a subtle but sure shift in my mindset. Suddenly there was a group of three grownups between the ages of 30 and 40 sitting in a tent staring at two blue glowsticks as if they were the most beautiful thing in the entire universe. We had a hysterical conversation about this moment being a perfect anti-drug television commercial. Of course, this was the funniest thing ever so we had to laugh ourselves silly again.
At this point with the MDMA in full effect, we were candyflipping to high heaven. We no longer cared about anything really. The journey back to the dance stage was just as long and arduous, but now it was just something to be done. It didn't matter if it took a minute or two years.
Back at the dance stage, the Goa music was still working its magic. In addition, there were now fire spinners. In the peak of my candyflip, watching a saronged Indian woman spin a fiery baton burning on both ends to the melodies of the entrancing music was one of the most spiritual and beautiful sights I've ever experienced. It was so primitive and primal....so graceful and emotive. Fiery tracers were left in the darkness of night, and in a perfect marriage of entheogenic and empathogenic unity, every dancer and performer again became one. All around the world we were dancing together and reaching out to the great beyond.
I keep going on about music...but the music....music is life.
After dancing for a long while, I needed a break so my partner and I found our way to the tent where we just relaxed. We noticed that it was starting to get light outside, so I'm guessing it was around 3:45 a.m. I lay there until around 6 a.m. and went back to the dancing area.
They began to play uplifting morning trance. The snow covered peaks were shining in the morning sunlight and the blue morning sky was so deep and vast. The forest was alive around us. My soul took to the wings of the morning with a deep, heartfelt gratitude for the transcedent experience I had been given, and I raised my hands and danced in celebration of life for the next few hours.
Later as I was walking around and sharing my experience with several people, they told me that they were so glad I had been willing to have this experience because that had been their hopes for me. They gave me great advice on how to integrate the psychedelic experience and what not and what to do.
I went to a Goa music festival to pop some E, feel good and listen to some cool tunage. I came away with one of the greatest experiences of my entire life.
Setting: An outdoor Goa/psy music festival located in a small, remote valley in British Columbia. Snow covered rocky peaks towered on all four sides. A turquoise coloured, glacial fed mountain river rushed through the site. Sound stages were set up in the forest next to the river.
Set: The plan was to take MDMA. For a first acid experience, my gut feeling was to not take it in such a public place with pounding music. However, as it began to get dark I was encouraged by psychedelic community present that I would never have a better opportunity than to explore the world of Goa trance surrounded by supporting people who loved and cared for me. Plus, I was reassured by the fact that someone who had taken a drop of acid had come back for another one an hour and a half later claiming that the one drop had only made things a little 'shifty'. This tipped the balance in favour of me dropping acid.
Prior psychedelic experience: Perhaps ten mushroom trips in the 1.5 to 3 gram range. They were all undertaken at home and were in the mild to moderate intensity range with me never completely 'leaving' the present reality.
Dosage: 1 drop of liquid acid on a sugar cube. In retrospect, the strength of this acid was vastly underrated, and the experienced trippers said it was fairly intense. They estimated it was approximately the intensity of 3 hits of regular blotter.
At approximately 10:00 p.m. as the last of the daylight was fading from the northern sky, I put the sugar cube into my mouth and begin aimlessly walking the forest pathways to settle my mind. As the sugar cube was dissolving in my mouth, there was the ever present knowledge that I was committed to whatever was going to happen and that there was no going back. With the knowledge that introverted introspection would only heighten my anxiety, I decided to go dance at the progressive area.
At this time I lost track of the time because I didn't want to be 'waiting' for any effects. Suddenly, there was an alert. Something shifted ever so slightly. Perhaps it could best be described as a positive mood shift accompanied by a heightened awareness. The fluorescent posters in the DJ booth caught my eye and I soon was staring at them as I danced. Without warning, there was a short lived significant wave of nausea followed by what is best described as a rush. I felt my face would split apart from the wide smile that stretched from ear to ear. The uplifting music carried me higher and higher into a wave of bliss and ecstasy.
This cycle of short lived unpleasant nausea followed by another push happened several times until the ecstasy and bliss was followed by that 'strange' headspace that heralds the entrance into the true psychedelic realm. At this point I was no longer nauseous, but I did have that feeling as if my stomach could turn inside out at any time, without warning. I was feeling hot and sweaty, so I stopped dancing and made my way across the stones and rocks to the edge of the river. In the darkness, I couldn't tell what I was walking on; but it sure as hell wasn't stones and sand. It seemed to be some field of snow with large lumps in it.
By this time I wasn't particularly freaked out or scared, but I was already surpassing the mark reached on previous psychedelic journeys with the mushroom. My trip sitters soon came and found me to check up on me. I was entering the realms of the experience at a rapid pace, so we made our way back to our tent and laid down for what my friend described as the 'liquid' phase of the come up to pass.
That is when the first acid visuals began to manifest themselves. When I closed my eyes I was assaulted with such brilliant displays of colours and lights that I felt the need to squint, even with my eyes closed. Unlike the earth tones of mushrooms, these were brilliant, fluorescent colours. Also unlike mushroom visuals, these weren't wavy, 'organic' visuals. They were fractals and rays, spinning orbs and 3 dimensional fields of overlaid designs.
Already well past where I have previously voyaged on a psychedelic journey, I asked one of my trip sitters if this was as strong as it would get. He smiled and said, "Oh no, we're not there yet."
As I looked through the open tent door into the dark night sky, the trees outlined in black against the star lit sky played neat tricks with my mind. There were ghosts, goblins and witches. My mind filled in the blanks and I saw spirits and faces in the shape. When people walked by on the path nearby, they were ghostly spirits that flitted past.
The nausea now largely past, we decided to make our way to the Goa stage. It was perhaps a two minute walk through the dark forest on a twisty path that went up and down. It was lined with votive candles and at some places candles that had been placed in paper bags and put on both sides of the path. Nothing made sense at this point and it was nearly impossible to navigate this path. It was a group effort to get to the Goa stage. We slowly made our way as small dips became valleys and small hills became mountains that had to be conquered.
It was a tremendous relief to finally reach the dancefloor. The music was pounding Goa that was overlaid with layer upon layer of razor sharp acid lines that cut to my very core. As we begin to dance, I began to understand the true nature of trance music and why it is called trance music. The acid was the key that unlocked the door and the trance music was the vehicle that was taking me on a journey.
At this point in time, the experience begans to become too vast and too deep to properly explain, so I can only try. I kept getting higher and higher and it became harder and harder for my spirit to stay on the dancefloor. I would start to leave my body and then fight to stay there and for perhaps the briefest period of a second I would be able to maintain until I would realize my eyes were closed and I was again voyaging towards the centre of the universe. At this point for the first time in my life I experienced synesthesia. The music became not only sound, but it also became colour and sight. I no longer interpreted it as a sound, it became a living entity. When that happened, I was gone.
I was dancing and staring up at the stars and the Milky Way when this happened. What happened next will forever blow my mind. I always thought these wild acid experiences were exaggerated or blown out of proportion. Suddenly my body could no longer contain my spirit and I was gone. I 'saw' the heartbeat of the universe and the inteconnectedness and unity of the universe. I melted into this vision and for who knows how long simply existed as part of the pulsing life force that holds everything together in eternal perfection. As the vision began to fade, I began to perceive that I was trying to lead an existence that was out of sync with the heartbeat of the universe.
When the vision was gone, I was back on the dance floor and looked around in disbelief. Every dancer and participant there was one. There was an overwhelming realization that I had been blessed and privileged to join a global community that had shared this experience and that there was no way to ever go back. Suddenly it all made sense in a way that is more real and tangible than I can ever explain.
I began to run into difficulty at this point. Something so grand had happened that I had 'completed' my trip and wanted it to be over. What had happened to me was so vast and so grand that I needed to find a quiet place to try to process what had happened. Again, it wasn't a feeling of being scared or freaked out, but rather a feeling of something so important and magnificent that I had to stop and digest.
My friends helped me back through the forest to our tent where I lay down with one of my trip sitters. She began to talk to me, but I was so high that I knew she was talking but I couldn't really comprehend anything she said.
As we lay in the tent, I knew that I needed to die. Somehow I felt that my ego needed to be obliterated so that I could reconstruct with this new knowledge I carried. I found out just what it means to have yourself laid completely bare and see yourself for just what you are. And I couldn't let go....I fought and fought to stay alive. My ego could not relinquish its hold over me. I don't know what my trip sitter thought, but I remember groaning, "My self needs to die, but I'm too scared." It was certainly difficult and unpleasant, but not in a freak out sort of way.
And so I laid there and I fought. Suddenly through the haze I heard my trip sitter explaining that these experiences were such a privilege and a blessing to be afforded to be able to see these glimpses of ourselves and the truth of what we are. I was laying there stiff as a board and as this thought penetrated my consciousness, I began to relax. Instead of viewing this as a process to be fought and resisted, I began to accept that I was a privileged soul that had been given an incredible gift.
By this time the peak of the LSD experience was over, and I never did achieve ego death. The tent became a happy, cozy place even if the roof over our heads was shifting and morphing.
My trip sitter and I began discussing life and all the petty problems we encounter. When we compared what we were experiencing to our so called lives, the ridiculousness of it all became the funniest thing in the universe and we begin to howl with laughter. The more we laughed the more ridiculous life became and the harder we laughed.
This was about three hours into the experience, and we decided now was a great time to drop the MDMA. So amid a great deal of laughter and mirth I ate two pills of MDMA. There was no real comeup from the MDMA. What I would call it is a subtle but sure shift in my mindset. Suddenly there was a group of three grownups between the ages of 30 and 40 sitting in a tent staring at two blue glowsticks as if they were the most beautiful thing in the entire universe. We had a hysterical conversation about this moment being a perfect anti-drug television commercial. Of course, this was the funniest thing ever so we had to laugh ourselves silly again.
At this point with the MDMA in full effect, we were candyflipping to high heaven. We no longer cared about anything really. The journey back to the dance stage was just as long and arduous, but now it was just something to be done. It didn't matter if it took a minute or two years.
Back at the dance stage, the Goa music was still working its magic. In addition, there were now fire spinners. In the peak of my candyflip, watching a saronged Indian woman spin a fiery baton burning on both ends to the melodies of the entrancing music was one of the most spiritual and beautiful sights I've ever experienced. It was so primitive and primal....so graceful and emotive. Fiery tracers were left in the darkness of night, and in a perfect marriage of entheogenic and empathogenic unity, every dancer and performer again became one. All around the world we were dancing together and reaching out to the great beyond.
I keep going on about music...but the music....music is life.
After dancing for a long while, I needed a break so my partner and I found our way to the tent where we just relaxed. We noticed that it was starting to get light outside, so I'm guessing it was around 3:45 a.m. I lay there until around 6 a.m. and went back to the dancing area.
They began to play uplifting morning trance. The snow covered peaks were shining in the morning sunlight and the blue morning sky was so deep and vast. The forest was alive around us. My soul took to the wings of the morning with a deep, heartfelt gratitude for the transcedent experience I had been given, and I raised my hands and danced in celebration of life for the next few hours.
Later as I was walking around and sharing my experience with several people, they told me that they were so glad I had been willing to have this experience because that had been their hopes for me. They gave me great advice on how to integrate the psychedelic experience and what not and what to do.
I went to a Goa music festival to pop some E, feel good and listen to some cool tunage. I came away with one of the greatest experiences of my entire life.
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